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DIY Weddings

just finished making the menu, wine labels and midnight snack cards :)

edited March 2016 in DIY Weddings
i'm kinda really proud:) we finally found a caterer in our budget so i've started making the invites, wine labels and menus. since we only have room at the venue for 70 people with tables and chairs, we're inviting some of the guests for the reception only afterwards. we're doing dessert and a midnight snack(bf and i think the diclaimer is particularly funny..lol)...it's constellation themed as you can probably figure out. i also started designing planespheres for our star gazing nook which i'm going to be super excited to share when done. whatcha think? i should probably preface this by saying we're kooky strange people and in turn are surrounded by such:)



invite for the people not coming to dinner or the ceremony 

wine label



our menu. we got a great deal with a place called pastamore near our venue. they make their pastas and sauces fresh daily and they make their own cured meats and sausage.
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Re: just finished making the menu, wine labels and midnight snack cards :)

  • looks great and i love the theme. but i do want to chime in- etiquette wise, it is very rude to only invite people to only the reception. even more so to invite people only to a "midnight snack". you might want to reconsider this. just saying.

    ernursej
  • Tiered weddings are very rude - how would you feel if you were told you weren't good enough to be invited to see the actual wedding and only good enough for a "midnight snack"?  I really hope you'll reconsider this. People might say to your face "oh it's okay, the party is the fun part anyway!" but inside they'll be feeling slighted.  Plus, if you only have room for 70 people in your venue, where are these extra lower-tier people going to sit when they arrive for the midnight snack? Are they expected to stand the entire time? 

    Find a venue that allows you to fit and properly host all of your guests (for the whole event, start to finish) that's within your budget. A chair for every butt without rudely ranking your friends & family. 
    --

    OurWildKingdom
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    While your DIY's are lovely, tiering your guests isn't. I'd be incredibly offended if I received this, especially because it seems like you paid for this but couldn't afford to host me for more than snacks. 
    image
    OurWildKingdomwink0erindrid
  • Love the look of your DIY, but agree with PP that tiered receptions are rude. Please reconsider and properly host all your guests the same for the entire reception.
    OurWildKingdomwink0erindrid
  • i'm confused..lol...(and somehow picturing all of you as stephanie tanner:P) i didn't realize this was rude..as a matter of fact we thought we were being nice.

     we don't have the budget to host everyone we want..or even send out paper invites..our invites are digital. i made them and built my own wedding site so i litterally spent 20$:) they allow up to 100 invites sent. the venue has a max capacity of 70 seated banquet style but 100 cocktail. we have chairs for all bums:)
     we only planned to have 70 people..the people we are inviting afterwards are people we love but seldomly see and want to share the occasion with but had no choice to cut due to budget..no one in this group is over 40(we are 33).
     we don't expect gifts from them, we're feeding them awesome homemade desserts and a cool snack and providing free booze.. it's pretty common here with small weddings. we've been invited to reception only twice and our reaction was relief! hehe. 

    should we really cut them out when i put it this way? we thought we were being nice...since you know...people that were originally cut, get to come to a super chill party :)
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Your reception is the thank you to the people who came to witness your ceremony, so from that aspect that is whom you invite to the reception.

    Nothing says, thanks for being in the bottom 30% of our friends than walking into a room for a wedding reception and seeing 70 people seated and eating. Meanwhile, they're all huddled at the entrance like the staff members from Grease watching all of the members be spoiled. That's why it is deemed rude, in the confines of the same event, you've created a top and bottom tier of whom you're hosting. Host everyone you can within your space and budget, but do so evenly, across all guests. 

    And thank you for coming back and asking for clarification on that!
    image
  • thanks for the imput.:) maybe it's a cultural thing? it's definitely something to consider. if we do, i'll just remove the 'join us' at the top since the midnight snack is a DIY. I more just wanted to show what i made, cause i thought they were cool and i'm excited.:)

    started making fan templates as programs that we're going to fold and tie with ribbon. they are turing out way cooler than i thought they would be. on one side there's a little fact/info about the party on each fold and on the other side, there's a graphic that ties in with the theme.
     one of the biggest complaints at our friend's wedding this summer was how hot everyone was during the ceremony outside. 
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    thanks for the imput.:) maybe it's a cultural thing? it's definitely something to consider. if we do, i'll just remove the 'join us' at the top since the midnight snack is a DIY. I more just wanted to show what i made, cause i thought they were cool and i'm excited.:)

    started making fan templates as programs that we're going to fold and tie with ribbon. they are turing out way cooler than i thought they would be. on one side there's a little fact/info about the party on each fold and on the other side, there's a graphic that ties in with the theme.
     one of the biggest complaints at our friend's wedding this summer was how hot everyone was during the ceremony outside. 
    I don't think it's a cultural thing- unless you're in a unique culture that none of us have seen before.

    I would be incredibly hurt to be invited to a party- but only for the latter part because I wasn't valued enough to be invited to the entire party. If I thought I was being invited to a wedding, I'd bring (or send) a gift regardless so that thought process doesn't apply.

    I'd also ask- are these people who are being invited to pre-wedding festivities? I'd be equally unhappy to go to a bridal shower only to realize that I'm not being invited to the actual wedding.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    floridabride44
  • thanks for the imput.:) maybe it's a cultural thing? it's definitely something to consider. if we do, i'll just remove the 'join us' at the top since the midnight snack is a DIY. I more just wanted to show what i made, cause i thought they were cool and i'm excited.:)

    started making fan templates as programs that we're going to fold and tie with ribbon. they are turing out way cooler than i thought they would be. on one side there's a little fact/info about the party on each fold and on the other side, there's a graphic that ties in with the theme.
     one of the biggest complaints at our friend's wedding this summer was how hot everyone was during the ceremony outside. 
    Yes, please strongly consider hosting your guests properly and equally throughout the entire event. It's great that you want to show off your DIY's, and they're very impressive, but when we notice an etiquette faux-pas, we're going to point it out.

    People often try to use "oh it's a regional/cultural/common thing here" to sidestep good etiquette, but in the end good etiquette is good etiquette regardless of culture. Tiered weddings are rude. Your second-class guests will feel like crap when they arrive and see people finishing up the meal they weren't good enough to be allowed to eat. 

    I was a BM in a wedding recently where it wasn't tiered per se, but the folks at the head table (MOH, Best Man, their SOs and parents) were served champagne for the toasts, but no one else. The "important" people were allowed to have champagne, but no one else. That made me feel like crap... and I was IN the wedding party! Even a simple thing like that can turn off guests... so imagine how people will feel when they receive an invitation that basically says they're not good enough to be fed dinner
    --

    [Deleted User]
  • wandajune6 said:
    I'd also ask- are these people who are being invited to pre-wedding festivities? I'd be equally unhappy to go to a bridal shower only to realize that I'm not being invited to the actual wedding.

    we're not having any pre-wedding activities cause we can't afford it:) so...no?:) 



  • it's your wedding, if your venue only seats 70 but you still want to include over 70 people as part of your celebration, DO WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED. It's your money, your day. Don't let these folks make you feel bad.
    [Deleted User]
  • it's your wedding, if your venue only seats 70 but you still want to include over 70 people as part of your celebration, DO WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED. It's your money, your day. Don't let these folks make you feel bad.
    Ah, but that's not how things work. "It's your day do what you want" only applies if you're eloping - as soon as you invite guests you must consider their comfort and feelings. A wedding reception isn't about YOU, it's a thank-you to your guests for coming to see you get married.

    "It's your day do what you want" is an extremely selfish attitude.
    --

    OurWildKingdomwink0erinpinupbride6189
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    it's your wedding, if your venue only seats 70 but you still want to include over 70 people as part of your celebration, DO WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED. It's your money, your day. Don't let these folks make you feel bad.
    Don't let these folks make you feel bad, just make 30% off your guest list feel bad.


    Great advice, not!
    image
    floridabride44marsupalamiglasgowtolondonscrunchythief
  • lol. you guys kinda make me want to go to my safe place. :#
  • lol. you guys kinda make me want to go to my safe place. :#
    No safe place needed. Not attacking, I promise - just trying to help. There are a lot of bad wedding ideas out there, that people think are good ideas but really are things that treat guests poorly. I know you mean well by wanting to celebrate with and invite extra people to your reception, and on the surface it might sound like a good idea, but when you really think about it it's hurtful to the people who aren't invited to the ceremony and dinner.  
    --

    [Deleted User]OurWildKingdomCMGragainwink0erin
  • i'd probably feel more affronted if your sig memes weren't so deliciously funny:P
    kimmiinthemittenCMGragain
  • it's your wedding, if your venue only seats 70 but you still want to include over 70 people as part of your celebration, DO WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED. It's your money, your day. Don't let these folks make you feel bad.
    literally, this is the worst advice ever. Yes, you can do what you want but just know how rude it comes off. Now most people won't say it to your face but they will be hurt. no one means to attack you @Lomochic82, we are trying to help you. no one intends to make you feel bad. we were just pointing out how its not okay to basically make the last half of your guests feel like they aren't good enough to see your ceremony or enjoy the delicious food and booze you have. i understand that it has been done to you and you said you were relieved, however not a lot of people feel that way. for example, if you invited me to the "midnight snack" I'd think i was invited to everything and show up with a gift only to find out that I am in fact not and others are finishing up a meal while i get dessert and booze. I just spent money on a nice gift for you because i care about you and your SO, and now i feel like you don't care about me as much. Do you see how it comes off? Please do take into consideration what we are saying, again there is no attack or malicious intent.

  • I didn't take it as the midnight snack as being for "guests not good enough" to come to the wedding. The venue only has room for 70 people. Are you all expecting her to change her venue? Or not celebrate at all with her other friends that she cares about? If the people that she is inviting to her midnight snack are her friends I would think they would understand her restrictions and wouldn't be as "deeply hurt" as you all keep trying to convince her of.
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    wandajune6 said:
    I'd also ask- are these people who are being invited to pre-wedding festivities? I'd be equally unhappy to go to a bridal shower only to realize that I'm not being invited to the actual wedding.

    we're not having any pre-wedding activities cause we can't afford it:) so...no?:) 



    Bridal showers are intended to be events thrown in your honor, not by you so it shouldn't be an issue of budget. Instead, it should be an question of if someone offered to throw them for you. Ditto on the bachelorette.

    I ask because I would be pissed to be invited to events where I was expected to bring gifts but not invited to the actual wedding.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    [Deleted User]
  • I understand that that was your wedding and that's how you chose to do it. She booked her venue so let's not talk about what she should have done. This is an advice forum, not a bitching forum, so what advice do you have for her? I find it funny yall have an opinion on something she didn't even ask advice on!
  • so..not quite sure why i feel the need to tell you this, @PamBeesly524  but geez, meow :D emphasis on ow:P

    @vturnipseed1 ; has the gist of it and although i really truly do appreciate the sentiment of insuring our guests are not insulted, i think you are also overestimating the importance of the ceremony and dinner to the guests we're inviting afterwards. we know exactly who would be insulted if they weren't invited to the entire thing, and we made sure they came. we had an original headcount at dinner of 50 and added the extra 20 because of this and stretched out our food budget to the very max.:)

     we didn't pick the venue because it's perfect. i know you don't know me...but this comment ruffled me a little, because this is far from the case..... we picked the venue because it was in our budget and acceptable and it was a pleasant surprise that we could invite more people than our tight budget allowed or that we had originally thought we would be capable of.

     maybe to an outsider it is rude, and i could definitely understand certain people being offended or hurt... but i'm pretty sure our people understand this. I say pretty sure now because although before i was certain of this, i am now doubting myself.

     as a bit of a back story to help you understand, we've been engaged for the past 2 years and have been scrimping and saving to afford this. the people who we're inviting to the reception only already know this and understood we couldn't invite them...now we are. see? happy surprise.

    being canadian though, i'm super chill. i'm not offended, maybe irrationally hurt a little at the last comment...but i think i got the gist of it and am capable of making an informed decision and have some things to reflect on. thank you again for your imput. really do appreciate it



  • Bridal showers are intended to be events thrown in your honor, not by you so it shouldn't be an issue of budget. Instead, it should be an question of if someone offered to throw them for you. Ditto on the bachelorette.

    I ask because I would be pissed to be invited to events where I was expected to bring gifts but not invited to the actual wedding.
    i totally get this and i would be pissed too. our family is in the same kind of position we are and a lot of our friends are artists so we decided not to do any pre wedding activities since we figured, if we can't afford them, the majority of our guests probably can't either. don't really think it'll be something we'll miss.:) 

  • I thought your idea sounded fun and still accommodating. Some people would rather go to the fun parts instead of sitting through another cookie cutter wedding anyway lol. If you are chill and your friends are chill AND understand your situation then you are good in my book. If a friend came to me with this situation I would totally understand and be fine with it because in planning a wedding, I know how expensive weddings are. At the end of the day it's about the union between you and your fiancé so congrats and enjoy this time. Don't let the money and the other knotties stress you out.
    [Deleted User]Sarabeth1031
  • Just wanted to point out, as one PP did, how awkward it will be when those 30 second-tier guests show up only to find that they are part of a minority who were not important enough to eat dinner. I would be pretty offended to find out that you were fully hosting most of your guests, but that I did not make the cut. I would also think you were being gift-grabby, and that I was only invited because you wanted more gifts. Yes, you can say to us that you don't expect gifts, but some people will bring them regardless.

    Please, please listen to the advice you are receiving here (with the exception of one PP)... Only invite as many people as you can fully host.

    You should have set your guest list before picking a venue, and you only should have looked at venues that could fit all of your guests, but that ship has sailed. You need to cut out the second-tier guests. Or find another venue to accommodate everyone if you can get your deposit back.

    And before you say that you personally have not been offended in the past by being B-listed, look at how many people on here are telling you it's rude. Your family and friends will never say it to your face, because they love you, but I promise you some of your B-List (and hell, even your A-List), will be offended and think less of you.

    I would rather not be invited at all then show up at the end of the night only to find out I was not important enough for you to invite to the entire reception.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Why is everyone assuming these people will just be finding out that they weren't invited to the ceremony once they arrived to the midnight snack? She has already mentioned that she has discussed with these people her situation and they understood what she was doing.
  • @Lomochic82 sorry to "put the emphasis on the ow" but I don't mince words on here - this isn't a place for people to post and try not to hurt anyone's feelings, it's a place for advice and truth. Please don't use having to save for two years as an excuse for what you're doing - a lot of knotties, myself included, also saved for and paid for their own weddings, and they managed to invite and properly host who they wanted to for the whole way through. 

    To address both your and @vturnipseed1 points that you've already let these people know and they've been understanding - haven't you ever told a white lie to a loved one when you don't want to hurt their feelings? It's possible that some of these people truly don't mind this set up and are fine with being second tier, but you can bet your ass that there are at least a handful who are smiling and nodding to you and telling you it's a great idea, but are too nice to say what they are truly thinking - "why am I not good enough  to see this couple get married and be invited to the full meal?"


    madamerwin
  • Why is everyone assuming these people will just be finding out that they weren't invited to the ceremony once they arrived to the midnight snack? She has already mentioned that she has discussed with these people her situation and they understood what she was doing.
    I am guessing by your rush to defend OP that you are also having a tiered reception and/or a b-list.

    Doesn't matter really when these people find out. The point is, there is a damn good chance that many people told OP they were fine with her plan, just to avoid hurting her feelings or ruffling feathers. Even if only a handful of people are offended by it, is it worth potentially losing their respect?

    And even if these people all DO know they are second-tier, that won't make it any less awkward when they show up at the end of dinner when people are inevitably still eating.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    PamBeesly524
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