Just Engaged and Proposals
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Re: removed

  • This sounds like a conversation you need to have with your fiance. If it's important to you that he be involved, then you should tell him you'd like him to be at any appointment he can feasibly attend, and have a real conversation about why he thinks he "has done his part in the planning" of his own wedding.


  • To clarify: I have had this conversation with him, and he is more than willing to go to these appointments with me all I have to do is ask...but is it necessary for him for him to come? Does the fiancé typically attended all these appointments or is this more so things I do with my maid of honor, mother, future mother in law, etc.
  • To clarify: I have had this conversation with him, and he is more than willing to go to these appointments with me all I have to do is ask...but is it necessary for him for him to come? Does the fiancé typically attended all these appointments or is this more so things I do with my maid of honor, mother, future mother in law, etc.
    It will be both of your wedding day, so why does he feel you have to ask him to be involved? Obviously its not necessary for him to be there, but its also not the job of your MOH / mother / fmil to help you organise this wedding either so it would be rude to expect them to do so. If you don't want him to help and he is okay with that then I guess you can do it yourself, but its beyond me why you wouldn't want him involved in his own wedding day.
                 
    crowsgirl15
  • First thing first, I never once said I didn't want him involved in planning our wedding nor did I say he feels as if I need to ask him to be involved...like I said previously he is more than willing to come to any of the appointments...he wants our wedding to be everything I have dreamed of, he is going above and beyond to make sure all my wishes and dreams come true, he took my dream proposal and made it my reality, the question here isn't about why he doesn't want to be involved or why I don't want him to be involved because those aren't the case. He has his opinions but ultimately he is leaving the final decision up to me because he wants to make sure our wedding day lives up to how I always pictured our BIG day...because lets be honest what guy dreams about his wedding since they were a little kid or better yet what guy cares about the color of the napkins or flowers or if we should crystals or pearls, etc. The question was about what appointments do the man typically attend, the answer should be simple... all, none, or some.... and the answer shouldn't question mine or my fiancés intentions, because how can one make a judgment call when not even knowing a person.  

  • First thing first, I never once said I didn't want him involved in planning our wedding nor did I say he feels as if I need to ask him to be involved...like I said previously he is more than willing to come to any of the appointments...he wants our wedding to be everything I have dreamed of, he is going above and beyond to make sure all my wishes and dreams come true, he took my dream proposal and made it my reality, the question here isn't about why he doesn't want to be involved or why I don't want him to be involved because those aren't the case. He has his opinions but ultimately he is leaving the final decision up to me because he wants to make sure our wedding day lives up to how I always pictured our BIG day...because lets be honest what guy dreams about his wedding since they were a little kid or better yet what guy cares about the color of the napkins or flowers or if we should crystals or pearls, etc. The question was about what appointments do the man typically attend, the answer should be simple... all, none, or some.... and the answer shouldn't question mine or my fiancés intentions, because how can one make a judgment call when not even knowing a person.  

    The issue is, there isn't a one size fits all answer to that. I've helped plan several weddings. Some of them, both members of the couple came to every single appointment. Some, only half the time. Sometimes it was just the bride. But in all of those situations, there was an understanding between the bride and groom (or both grooms in one case) as to what they wanted from their partner.

    If you feel like you have that, then great! Ask him to join you at the appointments YOU want him there for. There's no answer to the question "what appointments does the man typically attend". It can be all or none, depending on the couple.


  • and not to mention my MOH, mother and especially my future mother in law are beyond willing to help with the planning actually they can not wait to get involved from the day I got engaged they have gone above and beyond with support and help, so its beyond me why you would find that rude but than again I don't know what kind of friends or family you have.

  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2016

    First thing first, I never once said I didn't want him involved in planning our wedding nor did I say he feels as if I need to ask him to be involved...like I said previously he is more than willing to come to any of the appointments...he wants our wedding to be everything I have dreamed of, he is going above and beyond to make sure all my wishes and dreams come true, he took my dream proposal and made it my reality, the question here isn't about why he doesn't want to be involved or why I don't want him to be involved because those aren't the case. He has his opinions but ultimately he is leaving the final decision up to me because he wants to make sure our wedding day lives up to how I always pictured our BIG day...because lets be honest what guy dreams about his wedding since they were a little kid or better yet what guy cares about the color of the napkins or flowers or if we should crystals or pearls, etc. The question was about what appointments do the man typically attend, the answer should be simple... all, none, or some.... and the answer shouldn't question mine or my fiancés intentions, because how can one make a judgment call when not even knowing a person.  

    But there is not one answer for every situation... Some people's FIs will want to come to every appointment, others not so much. It completely depends on a) Whether you want your FI to attend all appointments and b) Whether your FI cares about certain aspects/vendors.

    For example, my FI (now H) cared about the venue, caterer, and photographer, so he was very involved in booking those vendors. He didn't give a damn about flowers or invitations, so I took the lead on those. He really cared about the music, so he took the lead on booking the DJ. For anything that I cared about and he did not, he was only involved to the extent that I checked with him to make sure he did not hate the direction I chose.

    But I have also known couples where the man was very involved in every aspect and appointment, down to the choice of tablecloths. Others where one partner (either the bride or the groom) ended up taking charge of everything, with the other partner just having an advisory role.

    Basically, if you want your FI to attend appointments with you (and it sounds like he already agreed to do so), then have him attend. If you don't care whether he attends all of them, then go by yourself. If there are certain aspects of planning that he cares more about than you do, then have him take the lead. There is no right or wrong way to go about dividing up wedding-related tasks between you and your FI, as long as you both agree on your roles.

    ETF rogue emoji
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Wedding planning is still a new and different experience for me, being engaged for 4 months now and I still do not know what I am doing or even if there is a right or wrong way to plan a wedding! When finding and booking our venue my Fiancé attended all the meetings with me but now that the venue has been booked he feels as if he has done his part in the planning and this is where my question comes into play. When it comes to appointments regarding the band, the church, the photographer and videographer which ones should I ask my fiancé to attend to? I am not expecting him to come to the appointments I have with the design and decorators or florists but I feel as if he should be present for all others. So the question stands… to attend or not to attend!! Help!

    Knottie#'s, if your FI is beyond willing to help and is happy to go to appointments with you then I guess I don't understand your question. If you want him there, ask him. If you don't, don't. There are no assigned roles for this. And great to hear that your friends and family all want to help you plan. I assume they have generously offered. I never said they can't help you, I said it would be rude to expect them to do so. There is a difference. Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like you want him involved and are disappointed he isn't more interested. Otherwise why even ask this question? It's okay to ask for this from your FI, you're a team.
                 
    SP29
  • Lala9414Lala9414 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2016

    and not to mention my MOH, mother and especially my future mother in law are beyond willing to help with the planning actually they can not wait to get involved from the day I got engaged they have gone above and beyond with support and help, so its beyond me why you would find that rude but than again I don't know what kind of friends or family you have.

    she didn't say it was rude of them to help, she said its rude *if* you expect them to help. it's a completely different situation if they offer and you decide to accept the help. we do get brides on here who expect/demand that their wedding party/mother/FMIL help with the wedding and get irrationally upset when they don't help. the point is they aren't required to help plan your wedding. the only people required is you and your FI, but what your saying is they want to help and that is completely okay as long as they offer to help.

    Now to answer your question, what ever appointments you want him to attend then he should attend. If you feel that FI has no interest in the flowers then he does not have to come. But if you know FI loves cake, then have him go to the cake tasting ect. It is up to you and him what he comes to and as long as your both okay with how little or how much he attends then whatever you choose is fine. I also don't think its fair to say that men don't care/dream of the big day. Yes my FI didn't dream of what his wedding would look like, however now that we are engaged he has a vision as well of how he wants it to be. So i guess what I'm saying is yes, guys do care about their wedding as well, because its BOTH of your guys big day not just one persons.

    ETF: words

    [Deleted User]SP29
  • Going out on a limb here but are you all the same people who rip Kim Kardashian apart when she posts an offensive picture.

  • Going out on a limb here but are you all the same people who rip Kim Kardashian apart when she posts an offensive picture.

    What does this even mean?
    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • edited March 2016

    Going out on a limb here but are you all the same people who rip Kim Kardashian apart when she posts an offensive picture.

    What does this even mean?
    It means she got answers she didn't like. So we must all talk shit about kim kardashian. Naturally.

    Eta: no matter how i spell kardashian it just looks wrong  :/
                 
    madamerwinOliveOilsMom
  • Going out on a limb here but are you all the same people who rip Kim Kardashian apart when she posts an offensive picture.

    What does this even mean?
    It means she got answers she didn't like. So we must all talk shit about kim kardshian. Naturally.
    LOL. I totally don't get what OP wanted, then. We all gave her perfectly reasonable answers.

    OP: What were you hoping we would say? That you should make your fiance attend 40% of the vendor appointments? That there is one exact right answer? Sorry, but there isn't really a solution to your "problem" (if you can even call it that), because every couple is different. If you are offended by this answer, then you should probably step away.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • Going out on a limb here but are you all the same people who rip Kim Kardashian apart when she posts an offensive picture.

    Who on EARTH ripped you apart? These are some of the nicest responses I've seen on TK...


    [Deleted User]madamerwintigerlily6
  • This has gotta be one of the most baffling DDs I've ever seen.


    [Deleted User]kimmiinthemittenSP29
  • OP, everything you said was quoted. Deleting this accomplishes nothing but attracting more attention. I thought you were perhaps a little immature from your original post, now I just think you're ridiculous.
                 
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What?
    • "The man" NEVER goes to the florist. That is strictly a job for the mother in law only, but she must text the bride at a minimum of three-minute intervals while there to make sure she approves everything.
    • The MOB may see the venue, but the bride and groom MUST be there for all appointments. Tastings are invalid if either party is not present.
    • Your sister is in charge of meeting with photographers with you. She is the one who best knows how someone would capture your vision. "The man" is allowed to be present if the bride permits.
    Is that what we needed to do?
    [Deleted User]madamerwinInLoveInQueensholyguacamole79
  • Isn't the Knot for people getting married and not for people who are already married?
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I feel like this is appropriate here, with all the special dreams of pearls and wondering what a man should do. 

    ________________________________


    glasgowtolondonmadamerwinpinupbride6189
  • Plus, I tried to remove the question in hope to dissolve this discussion, but apparently you guys get some type of enjoyment by keeping this going, don't you have something better to do, like attend some meetings with your husbands or something.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2016
    Plus, I tried to remove the question in hope to dissolve this discussion, but apparently you guys get some type of enjoyment by keeping this going, don't you have something better to do, like attend some meetings with your husbands or something.
    Bingo.

    Yeah, you're not in charge of the discussion, despite posting it.
  • Plus, I tried to remove the question in hope to dissolve this discussion, but apparently you guys get some type of enjoyment by keeping this going, don't you have something better to do, like attend some meetings with your husbands or something.
    LOL! No, silly. Meetings are for the wimin folks.
                 
    thisismynickname2
  • ADK19 _ I heard if you add a little cinnamon you get faster results
    [Deleted User]
  • adk19 said:

    Going out on a limb here but are you all the same people who rip Kim Kardashian apart when she posts an offensive picture.


    I'm still not entirely sure what exactly a Kardashian is, but I keep picturing this every time I hear the name.

    But I don't think that's right.

    Close.

    The Cardassians are enemies of the United Federation of Planets and are mentioned in Deep Space 9 and Star Trek: The Next Generation. They have noticeable ridges along their foreheads and necks and a crest on their foreheads, earning them the nickname, Spoonheads. Their government is a military dictatorship.

    Way to go, Trekkie.
    And if the research I've done on a Kardashian is correct, a Kardashian is about booty, bling and something called a "Kanye".

    [Deleted User]glasgowtolondon
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