Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Showers, Bachelorette Party & a 2nd time bride

Hi All! 
I am getting married 8 months from today (YAY!!!) for the 2nd time. My friends keep mentioning bridal showers & bachelorette weekends & frankly I am not feeling it. Been there, done that. I have zero interest in having another bridal shower, opening presents while people ooooooh and aaaaaah, etc, etc. I told my sister today that I want to have a champagne brunch with a waffle bar (YUM) at her house (she volunteered to host my bridal shower) and only invite my closest friends, 2 cousins, my Mom, my Aunt, and that's it. (Like 15 people altogether) I would like to go to a spa for massages, manis/pedis afterwards & that's it. My sister says my wish is her command but how do I avoid hurt feelings and all that with people I don't care to include? Should I be honest or blame my sister & say it was all a surprise? LOLOLOLOL!!! 

Also, I decided on this invitation & as a favor I would like to give away champagne bottles that would have a tag with a cutesy message (possibly matching the invite) for each guest, a small box of chocolates & a personalized champagne glass. What do you think? Am I taking the fun out of things by taking over & not letting my friends plan for me? :neutral: 



I already hinted to my coworkers that I'd like to do Painting with a Twist with them, that way they won't feel bad about not being invited to champagne day. I really want to keep things simple & the general popular vote is that I should stop being ridiculous & just go all out. 


Re: Bridal Showers, Bachelorette Party & a 2nd time bride

  • AddieCake said:
    Don't worry about the feelings of people you don't want to include. Not everyone wins a trophy, not everyone gets a prize, and not everyone gets invited to every party.

    I'm confused about your coworkers. Did they ask if you want to do something? It's fine if you want to do a paint night with them just for fun, but I hope you weren't hinting for a wedding-related party out of it. 

    You shouldnt be planning your shower, picking out invitations for it, etc. That's for the hostess to do. 
    My coworkers are great and want to take me to Epcot for the food & wine festival, I'm the party pooper suggesting more relaxed and less fuss type of events. 

    I'm not really planning my own shower. I wanted to have a brunch & spa day with MY nearest & dearest INSTEAD of the usual bridal shower. I want to pay for everything, I don't care for a big fuss but people are making me feel bad for not letting them go all out. (I know, what a problem to have.) :blush: 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    It's just very odd that you want to do this as part of pre-wedding festivities but want to plan and pay for it yourself. That's throwing your own party. If you were just doing it randomly and not associating it with your wedding, it would be different. Also, it sounds pretty pricey to cover the cost of manis and pedis and brunch for 15 people on your own. 

    I don't understand this at all. You want to make a fuss (any kind of party is, to some degree, "making a fuss") and yet you don't want THEM to make a fuss by planning something.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • Personally, I would remove yourself from all parties. You can accept or decline anything that is offered, but that is it. If you do accept a party that is offered, just enjoy showing up and then complete the thank yous after.
    OurWildKingdom
  • MobKaz said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    Hi All! 
    I am getting married 8 months from today (YAY!!!) for the 2nd time. My friends keep mentioning bridal showers & bachelorette weekends & frankly I am not feeling it. Been there, done that. I have zero interest in having another bridal shower, opening presents while people ooooooh and aaaaaah, etc, etc. I told my sister today that I want to have a champagne brunch with a waffle bar (YUM) at her house (she volunteered to host my bridal shower) and only invite my closest friends, 2 cousins, my Mom, my Aunt, and that's it. (Like 15 people altogether) I would like to go to a spa for massages, manis/pedis afterwards & that's it. My sister says my wish is her command but how do I avoid hurt feelings and all that with people I don't care to include? Should I be honest or blame my sister & say it was all a surprise? LOLOLOLOL!!! 

    Also, I decided on this invitation & as a favor I would like to give away champagne bottles that would have a tag with a cutesy message (possibly matching the invite) for each guest, a small box of chocolates & a personalized champagne glass. What do you think? Am I taking the fun out of things by taking over & not letting my friends plan for me? :neutral: 



    I already hinted to my coworkers that I'd like to do Painting with a Twist with them, that way they won't feel bad about not being invited to champagne day. I really want to keep things simple & the general popular vote is that I should stop being ridiculous & just go all out. 


    I see by your post history that you are planning a small and intimate wedding.  Are these co-workers,  friends, and "all the people you don't care to include" all invited to the wedding?

    You said you weren't planning your own shower, and that you want to have a brunch and spa day, which you will fund.  Your invitations say otherwise.  Which is it?  Your own words say that "you are taking over the event".  If your sister offered to host something, you really should not be dictating what she serves or where she hosts the event.  It is not up to you how invitations are designed, nor what favors, if any, are gifted.  You should also not be dictating an "after event". 

    If your co-workers are invited to the wedding, and offer to host something for you, your options are to gratefully accept or decline their offer.  It is definitely NOT appropriate for you to tell, hint, or dictate alternative options.
    My coworkers are invited to the wedding, and so are all the people I don't care to include. For example, I have older ladies that are related to me or my FH that are invited to the wedding but don't fit into a gathering of friends and much younger people. Nothing personal. I should've been more clear. I'm not planning my own shower, I don't want a shower. My sister asked me what I wanted to do and I said brunch & spa. That is not my shower invitation. I want to use that designated word it to invite my friends and family to brunch and spa. It's not me celebrating myself, it's me saying instead of having a shower let's do this instead. I'm not dictating anything, I was asked what I wanted and I specified. As for my coworkers, they want to do a weekend getaway but i feel bad cause these are people who are married and have kids and it just feels complicated to me. I merely said wouldn't it be fun to do painting with a twist? I'm not going around making demands just to be clear. 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Sammy1112 said:
    MobKaz said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    Hi All! 
    I am getting married 8 months from today (YAY!!!) for the 2nd time. My friends keep mentioning bridal showers & bachelorette weekends & frankly I am not feeling it. Been there, done that. I have zero interest in having another bridal shower, opening presents while people ooooooh and aaaaaah, etc, etc. I told my sister today that I want to have a champagne brunch with a waffle bar (YUM) at her house (she volunteered to host my bridal shower) and only invite my closest friends, 2 cousins, my Mom, my Aunt, and that's it. (Like 15 people altogether) I would like to go to a spa for massages, manis/pedis afterwards & that's it. My sister says my wish is her command but how do I avoid hurt feelings and all that with people I don't care to include? Should I be honest or blame my sister & say it was all a surprise? LOLOLOLOL!!! 

    Also, I decided on this invitation & as a favor I would like to give away champagne bottles that would have a tag with a cutesy message (possibly matching the invite) for each guest, a small box of chocolates & a personalized champagne glass. What do you think? Am I taking the fun out of things by taking over & not letting my friends plan for me? :neutral: 



    I already hinted to my coworkers that I'd like to do Painting with a Twist with them, that way they won't feel bad about not being invited to champagne day. I really want to keep things simple & the general popular vote is that I should stop being ridiculous & just go all out. 


    I see by your post history that you are planning a small and intimate wedding.  Are these co-workers,  friends, and "all the people you don't care to include" all invited to the wedding?

    You said you weren't planning your own shower, and that you want to have a brunch and spa day, which you will fund.  Your invitations say otherwise.  Which is it?  Your own words say that "you are taking over the event".  If your sister offered to host something, you really should not be dictating what she serves or where she hosts the event.  It is not up to you how invitations are designed, nor what favors, if any, are gifted.  You should also not be dictating an "after event". 

    If your co-workers are invited to the wedding, and offer to host something for you, your options are to gratefully accept or decline their offer.  It is definitely NOT appropriate for you to tell, hint, or dictate alternative options.
    My coworkers are invited to the wedding, and so are all the people I don't care to include. For example, I have older ladies that are related to me or my FH that are invited to the wedding but don't fit into a gathering of friends and much younger people. Nothing personal. I should've been more clear. I'm not planning my own shower, I don't want a shower. My sister asked me what I wanted to do and I said brunch & spa. That is not my shower invitation. I want to use that designated word it to invite my friends and family to brunch and spa. It's not me celebrating myself, it's me saying instead of having a shower let's do this instead. I'm not dictating anything, I was asked what I wanted and I specified. As for my coworkers, they want to do a weekend getaway but i feel bad cause these are people who are married and have kids and it just feels complicated to me. I merely said wouldn't it be fun to do painting with a twist? I'm not going around making demands just to be clear. 
    You keep saying you're not planning your own shower. Fine. You're planning your own spa party, which is basically the same thing. That's part of what my bachelorette party was, spa time.

      It is you celebrating yourself b/c you're throwing it TO celebrate you getting married. If you weren't, this event would be happening prior to getting engaged or after the wedding or some other random time not associate with you getting married and not involve a guest list of people affiliated with the wedding. 

    People have offered parties for you, and you are declining them and turning around and hosting something yourself instead. Essentially, you're throwing yourself a shower with the spa and brunch day. There's no other way to look at it. 

    It's fine to do paint night with your coworkers if they want to do something for you and paint night is what you prefer. It's the spa and brunch day hosted by you that is the problem.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    redoryxInLoveInQueensOliveOilsMom
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Do not worry about not inviting everyone to everything.

    No one is entitled to an invitation to any party. You do not have to explain yourself or think you need to provide a "consolation prize" because they didn't make the cut for something.

    If your co-workers offered to host a weekend getaway for you, you are free to decline this event. You may also say, "I would really prefer something more low key and local, such as a paint and wine night". But beyond that, your input stops. Your co-workers may plan the paint and wine night, or they may choose to plan something else local and low key. Of course you can decline this too if it is something you are unwilling to do, but you can't plan the party for them.

    Same with your friends. It's fine to let whoever offered to host your shower know that you would rather focus on an event that not a gift giving event (such as a tea or luncheon) but again, it is not for you to plan or fund this party, nor tell your sister exactly what to do. You ask her how many people she is comfortable hosting, and when she tells you, you may provide her with a guest list. Beyond that, happily accept whatever she has offered to plan (even if it doesn't include a mani-pedi for everyone), or decline the event all together.
    [Deleted User]lc07

  • AddieCake said:
    It's just very odd that you want to do this as part of pre-wedding festivities but want to plan and pay for it yourself. That's throwing your own party. If you were just doing it randomly and not associating it with your wedding, it would be different. Also, it sounds pretty pricey to cover the cost of manis and pedis and brunch for 15 people on your own. 

    I don't understand this at all. You want to make a fuss (any kind of party is, to some degree, "making a fuss") and yet you don't want THEM to make a fuss by planning something.
    AddieCake said:
    It's just very odd that you want to do this as part of pre-wedding festivities but want to plan and pay for it yourself. That's throwing your own party. If you were just doing it randomly and not associating it with your wedding, it would be different. Also, it sounds pretty pricey to cover the cost of manis and pedis and brunch for 15 people on your own. 

    I don't understand this at all. You want to make a fuss (any kind of party is, to some degree, "making a fuss") and yet you don't want THEM to make a fuss by planning something.
    My sister asked me what I wanted to do since she knows I don't want a traditional shower. I said lets do brunch. She said brunch is too tame and everyone will leave by 3pm. I said lets go to a spa. I'm willing to pay for it cause it was my idea, not everyone may have the money to spend and I can afford to pay for everyone so no big deal. I don't see what's so odd about it. 
  • From your original post, you mentioned the invitations and favors that YOU decided on - you should not be involved in either of these pieces at all, which I think is the point that other folks here are trying to reiterate.

    Your sister asked you for ideas of what you wanted to do, and you mentioned brunch or spa, that's great - now leave the details up to her to actually decide what this entails, and to communicate details to the invitees about the costs, timing, etc., and they can choose whether or not they are able to attend.

    If you want to take a bunch of friends out to a spa day sometime, that's great, but it should not be part of this pre-wedding event honoring you. That's the difference.
    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMomCMGragain
  • Sammy1112 said:
    MobKaz said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    Hi All! 
    I am getting married 8 months from today (YAY!!!) for the 2nd time. My friends keep mentioning bridal showers & bachelorette weekends & frankly I am not feeling it. Been there, done that. I have zero interest in having another bridal shower, opening presents while people ooooooh and aaaaaah, etc, etc. I told my sister today that I want to have a champagne brunch with a waffle bar (YUM) at her house (she volunteered to host my bridal shower) and only invite my closest friends, 2 cousins, my Mom, my Aunt, and that's it. (Like 15 people altogether) I would like to go to a spa for massages, manis/pedis afterwards & that's it. My sister says my wish is her command but how do I avoid hurt feelings and all that with people I don't care to include? Should I be honest or blame my sister & say it was all a surprise? LOLOLOLOL!!! 

    Also, I decided on this invitation & as a favor I would like to give away champagne bottles that would have a tag with a cutesy message (possibly matching the invite) for each guest, a small box of chocolates & a personalized champagne glass. What do you think? Am I taking the fun out of things by taking over & not letting my friends plan for me? :neutral: 



    I already hinted to my coworkers that I'd like to do Painting with a Twist with them, that way they won't feel bad about not being invited to champagne day. I really want to keep things simple & the general popular vote is that I should stop being ridiculous & just go all out. 


    I see by your post history that you are planning a small and intimate wedding.  Are these co-workers,  friends, and "all the people you don't care to include" all invited to the wedding?

    You said you weren't planning your own shower, and that you want to have a brunch and spa day, which you will fund.  Your invitations say otherwise.  Which is it?  Your own words say that "you are taking over the event".  If your sister offered to host something, you really should not be dictating what she serves or where she hosts the event.  It is not up to you how invitations are designed, nor what favors, if any, are gifted.  You should also not be dictating an "after event". 

    If your co-workers are invited to the wedding, and offer to host something for you, your options are to gratefully accept or decline their offer.  It is definitely NOT appropriate for you to tell, hint, or dictate alternative options.
    My coworkers are invited to the wedding, and so are all the people I don't care to include. For example, I have older ladies that are related to me or my FH that are invited to the wedding but don't fit into a gathering of friends and much younger people. Nothing personal. I should've been more clear. I'm not planning my own shower, I don't want a shower. My sister asked me what I wanted to do and I said brunch & spa. That is not my shower invitation. I want to use that designated word it to invite my friends and family to brunch and spa. It's not me celebrating myself, it's me saying instead of having a shower let's do this instead. I'm not dictating anything, I was asked what I wanted and I specified. As for my coworkers, they want to do a weekend getaway but i feel bad cause these are people who are married and have kids and it just feels complicated to me. I merely said wouldn't it be fun to do painting with a twist? I'm not going around making demands just to be clear. 
    But it IS you celebrating yourself. You're going to send out an invitation that says "Please join us for a celebration brunch honoring Sammy1112" 

    That = celebrating yourself.

    You can't throw a party that honors yourself. That's beyond tacky. 

    Stay out of the planning. Your sister asked what you wanted to do, you said brunch and spa, and now you need to let her take it from there. That's where your involvement should end. You should have NO say in the invitations. If she starts planning a party/shower/whatever that you're not interested in, you can politely decline. 
    Umm, you're assuming. A lot. I'm going to send out an invitation for brunch and spa time, at no point in time did I mention the wording I would use so I don't know how you came to your tacky conclusion. In fact it was more along the lines of celebrating my relationships with X amount of special people, not myself. If I was into celebrating myself then I would be having 3 showers, 2 bachelorette parties, a stripper and a weekend getaway. I'm not being ungrateful, demanding or tacky, I'm just trying to reign in some of the crazy planning that I know is bound to happen if I don't step in. These are the same girls I was friends with during my first go around as a bride to be, they are intense. I'm 35 years old and past that stage really. 
  • Sammy1112 said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    MobKaz said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    Hi All! 
    I am getting married 8 months from today (YAY!!!) for the 2nd time. My friends keep mentioning bridal showers & bachelorette weekends & frankly I am not feeling it. Been there, done that. I have zero interest in having another bridal shower, opening presents while people ooooooh and aaaaaah, etc, etc. I told my sister today that I want to have a champagne brunch with a waffle bar (YUM) at her house (she volunteered to host my bridal shower) and only invite my closest friends, 2 cousins, my Mom, my Aunt, and that's it. (Like 15 people altogether) I would like to go to a spa for massages, manis/pedis afterwards & that's it. My sister says my wish is her command but how do I avoid hurt feelings and all that with people I don't care to include? Should I be honest or blame my sister & say it was all a surprise? LOLOLOLOL!!! 

    Also, I decided on this invitation & as a favor I would like to give away champagne bottles that would have a tag with a cutesy message (possibly matching the invite) for each guest, a small box of chocolates & a personalized champagne glass. What do you think? Am I taking the fun out of things by taking over & not letting my friends plan for me? :neutral: 



    I already hinted to my coworkers that I'd like to do Painting with a Twist with them, that way they won't feel bad about not being invited to champagne day. I really want to keep things simple & the general popular vote is that I should stop being ridiculous & just go all out. 


    I see by your post history that you are planning a small and intimate wedding.  Are these co-workers,  friends, and "all the people you don't care to include" all invited to the wedding?

    You said you weren't planning your own shower, and that you want to have a brunch and spa day, which you will fund.  Your invitations say otherwise.  Which is it?  Your own words say that "you are taking over the event".  If your sister offered to host something, you really should not be dictating what she serves or where she hosts the event.  It is not up to you how invitations are designed, nor what favors, if any, are gifted.  You should also not be dictating an "after event". 

    If your co-workers are invited to the wedding, and offer to host something for you, your options are to gratefully accept or decline their offer.  It is definitely NOT appropriate for you to tell, hint, or dictate alternative options.
    My coworkers are invited to the wedding, and so are all the people I don't care to include. For example, I have older ladies that are related to me or my FH that are invited to the wedding but don't fit into a gathering of friends and much younger people. Nothing personal. I should've been more clear. I'm not planning my own shower, I don't want a shower. My sister asked me what I wanted to do and I said brunch & spa. That is not my shower invitation. I want to use that designated word it to invite my friends and family to brunch and spa. It's not me celebrating myself, it's me saying instead of having a shower let's do this instead. I'm not dictating anything, I was asked what I wanted and I specified. As for my coworkers, they want to do a weekend getaway but i feel bad cause these are people who are married and have kids and it just feels complicated to me. I merely said wouldn't it be fun to do painting with a twist? I'm not going around making demands just to be clear. 
    But it IS you celebrating yourself. You're going to send out an invitation that says "Please join us for a celebration brunch honoring Sammy1112" 

    That = celebrating yourself.

    You can't throw a party that honors yourself. That's beyond tacky. 

    Stay out of the planning. Your sister asked what you wanted to do, you said brunch and spa, and now you need to let her take it from there. That's where your involvement should end. You should have NO say in the invitations. If she starts planning a party/shower/whatever that you're not interested in, you can politely decline. 
    Umm, you're assuming. A lot. I'm going to send out an invitation for brunch and spa time, at no point in time did I mention the wording I would use so I don't know how you came to your tacky conclusion. In fact it was more along the lines of celebrating my relationships with X amount of special people, not myself. If I was into celebrating myself then I would be having 3 showers, 2 bachelorette parties, a stripper and a weekend getaway. I'm not being ungrateful, demanding or tacky, I'm just trying to reign in some of the crazy planning that I know is bound to happen if I don't step in. These are the same girls I was friends with during my first go around as a bride to be, they are intense. I'm 35 years old and past that stage really. 
    In your original post you literally sent a picture of the wording, "honouring".
    I also find it very strange that your sister is concerned about a shower being too tame and that everyone will leave by 3. Our showers (both bridal and baby) always have alcohol but they're not for people to rage all night.


    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMomInLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah, you're still throwing your own party. 

    I just got married for the second time. I had no interest in a shower. I turned down every offer. When my MOH brought up a bach party, I told her what I would like to do (low key, close by, nothing over the top). I gave her a list of people I wanted included. And she planned it from there. 

    It's nice you want to pay for everything, but you are still throwing yourself your own party. It's not cool. 

    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2016
    Without getting into the rest of the argument at hand, may I just suggest, OP, that you remove the photo of your invitation you attached if that is actually it? It contains Susie or Patty's address and phone number (presumably not yours) and the whole internet can see it now. 
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    ernursej
  • Without getting into the rest of the argument at hand, may I just suggest, OP, that you remove the photo of your invitation you attached if that is actually it? It contains Susie or Patty's address and phone number (presumably not yours) and the whole internet can see it now. 
    No worries, all made up. Susie & Patty are safe. :wink: 
    tigerlily6
  • lnixon8 said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    MobKaz said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    Hi All! 
    I am getting married 8 months from today (YAY!!!) for the 2nd time. My friends keep mentioning bridal showers & bachelorette weekends & frankly I am not feeling it. Been there, done that. I have zero interest in having another bridal shower, opening presents while people ooooooh and aaaaaah, etc, etc. I told my sister today that I want to have a champagne brunch with a waffle bar (YUM) at her house (she volunteered to host my bridal shower) and only invite my closest friends, 2 cousins, my Mom, my Aunt, and that's it. (Like 15 people altogether) I would like to go to a spa for massages, manis/pedis afterwards & that's it. My sister says my wish is her command but how do I avoid hurt feelings and all that with people I don't care to include? Should I be honest or blame my sister & say it was all a surprise? LOLOLOLOL!!! 

    Also, I decided on this invitation & as a favor I would like to give away champagne bottles that would have a tag with a cutesy message (possibly matching the invite) for each guest, a small box of chocolates & a personalized champagne glass. What do you think? Am I taking the fun out of things by taking over & not letting my friends plan for me? :neutral: 



    I already hinted to my coworkers that I'd like to do Painting with a Twist with them, that way they won't feel bad about not being invited to champagne day. I really want to keep things simple & the general popular vote is that I should stop being ridiculous & just go all out. 


    I see by your post history that you are planning a small and intimate wedding.  Are these co-workers,  friends, and "all the people you don't care to include" all invited to the wedding?

    You said you weren't planning your own shower, and that you want to have a brunch and spa day, which you will fund.  Your invitations say otherwise.  Which is it?  Your own words say that "you are taking over the event".  If your sister offered to host something, you really should not be dictating what she serves or where she hosts the event.  It is not up to you how invitations are designed, nor what favors, if any, are gifted.  You should also not be dictating an "after event". 

    If your co-workers are invited to the wedding, and offer to host something for you, your options are to gratefully accept or decline their offer.  It is definitely NOT appropriate for you to tell, hint, or dictate alternative options.
    My coworkers are invited to the wedding, and so are all the people I don't care to include. For example, I have older ladies that are related to me or my FH that are invited to the wedding but don't fit into a gathering of friends and much younger people. Nothing personal. I should've been more clear. I'm not planning my own shower, I don't want a shower. My sister asked me what I wanted to do and I said brunch & spa. That is not my shower invitation. I want to use that designated word it to invite my friends and family to brunch and spa. It's not me celebrating myself, it's me saying instead of having a shower let's do this instead. I'm not dictating anything, I was asked what I wanted and I specified. As for my coworkers, they want to do a weekend getaway but i feel bad cause these are people who are married and have kids and it just feels complicated to me. I merely said wouldn't it be fun to do painting with a twist? I'm not going around making demands just to be clear. 
    But it IS you celebrating yourself. You're going to send out an invitation that says "Please join us for a celebration brunch honoring Sammy1112" 

    That = celebrating yourself.

    You can't throw a party that honors yourself. That's beyond tacky. 

    Stay out of the planning. Your sister asked what you wanted to do, you said brunch and spa, and now you need to let her take it from there. That's where your involvement should end. You should have NO say in the invitations. If she starts planning a party/shower/whatever that you're not interested in, you can politely decline. 
    Umm, you're assuming. A lot. I'm going to send out an invitation for brunch and spa time, at no point in time did I mention the wording I would use so I don't know how you came to your tacky conclusion. In fact it was more along the lines of celebrating my relationships with X amount of special people, not myself. If I was into celebrating myself then I would be having 3 showers, 2 bachelorette parties, a stripper and a weekend getaway. I'm not being ungrateful, demanding or tacky, I'm just trying to reign in some of the crazy planning that I know is bound to happen if I don't step in. These are the same girls I was friends with during my first go around as a bride to be, they are intense. I'm 35 years old and past that stage really. 
    In your original post you literally sent a picture of the wording, "honouring".
    I also find it very strange that your sister is concerned about a shower being too tame and that everyone will leave by 3. Our showers (both bridal and baby) always have alcohol but they're not for people to rage all night.
    LOL @ rage all night. The invitation I posted was cause I like the colors and design, no honoring necessary. And the bottom line is if I left it up to my friends and sister, they'd go with crazy and obnoxious and all the stuff that was fine 10 years ago at my first wedding but that I could do without now. THAT is why I'm breaking etiquette laws and getting involved and getting my ideas poopoo'd on in the process. LOL

  • scribe95 said:
    Seriously - you chose the idea for the day, the invitations, the favors and you are paying. And you are honestly trying to act like you aren't throwing your own party? Get real.
    Well, I was asked what I wanted so I was very specific. My sister is very indecisive yet adventurous, if I don't give VERY specific requests she'll have us jumping out of a plane or getting tattoos. I was just trying to avoid all the crazy but maybe I went a tad overboard. 

  • Sammy1112 said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    MobKaz said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    Hi All! 
    I am getting married 8 months from today (YAY!!!) for the 2nd time. My friends keep mentioning bridal showers & bachelorette weekends & frankly I am not feeling it. Been there, done that. I have zero interest in having another bridal shower, opening presents while people ooooooh and aaaaaah, etc, etc. I told my sister today that I want to have a champagne brunch with a waffle bar (YUM) at her house (she volunteered to host my bridal shower) and only invite my closest friends, 2 cousins, my Mom, my Aunt, and that's it. (Like 15 people altogether) I would like to go to a spa for massages, manis/pedis afterwards & that's it. My sister says my wish is her command but how do I avoid hurt feelings and all that with people I don't care to include? Should I be honest or blame my sister & say it was all a surprise? LOLOLOLOL!!! 

    Also, I decided on this invitation & as a favor I would like to give away champagne bottles that would have a tag with a cutesy message (possibly matching the invite) for each guest, a small box of chocolates & a personalized champagne glass. What do you think? Am I taking the fun out of things by taking over & not letting my friends plan for me? :neutral: 



    I already hinted to my coworkers that I'd like to do Painting with a Twist with them, that way they won't feel bad about not being invited to champagne day. I really want to keep things simple & the general popular vote is that I should stop being ridiculous & just go all out. 


    I see by your post history that you are planning a small and intimate wedding.  Are these co-workers,  friends, and "all the people you don't care to include" all invited to the wedding?

    You said you weren't planning your own shower, and that you want to have a brunch and spa day, which you will fund.  Your invitations say otherwise.  Which is it?  Your own words say that "you are taking over the event".  If your sister offered to host something, you really should not be dictating what she serves or where she hosts the event.  It is not up to you how invitations are designed, nor what favors, if any, are gifted.  You should also not be dictating an "after event". 

    If your co-workers are invited to the wedding, and offer to host something for you, your options are to gratefully accept or decline their offer.  It is definitely NOT appropriate for you to tell, hint, or dictate alternative options.
    My coworkers are invited to the wedding, and so are all the people I don't care to include. For example, I have older ladies that are related to me or my FH that are invited to the wedding but don't fit into a gathering of friends and much younger people. Nothing personal. I should've been more clear. I'm not planning my own shower, I don't want a shower. My sister asked me what I wanted to do and I said brunch & spa. That is not my shower invitation. I want to use that designated word it to invite my friends and family to brunch and spa. It's not me celebrating myself, it's me saying instead of having a shower let's do this instead. I'm not dictating anything, I was asked what I wanted and I specified. As for my coworkers, they want to do a weekend getaway but i feel bad cause these are people who are married and have kids and it just feels complicated to me. I merely said wouldn't it be fun to do painting with a twist? I'm not going around making demands just to be clear. 
    But it IS you celebrating yourself. You're going to send out an invitation that says "Please join us for a celebration brunch honoring Sammy1112" 

    That = celebrating yourself.

    You can't throw a party that honors yourself. That's beyond tacky. 

    Stay out of the planning. Your sister asked what you wanted to do, you said brunch and spa, and now you need to let her take it from there. That's where your involvement should end. You should have NO say in the invitations. If she starts planning a party/shower/whatever that you're not interested in, you can politely decline. 
    Umm, you're assuming. A lot. I'm going to send out an invitation for brunch and spa time, at no point in time did I mention the wording I would use so I don't know how you came to your tacky conclusion. In fact it was more along the lines of celebrating my relationships with X amount of special people, not myself. If I was into celebrating myself then I would be having 3 showers, 2 bachelorette parties, a stripper and a weekend getaway. I'm not being ungrateful, demanding or tacky, I'm just trying to reign in some of the crazy planning that I know is bound to happen if I don't step in. These are the same girls I was friends with during my first go around as a bride to be, they are intense. I'm 35 years old and past that stage really. 
    You LITERALLY just wrote the bolded. The point we are making is that for any type of pre wedding event whether it is called a shower or a brunch and spa day or a luncheon or a wild bachelorette rager, the bride (as in YOU) should have NOTHING to do with sending invitations, deciding the final event. Whomever offers to host the event - so, your sister- can ask for your thoughts- but it is up to her to decide what she can afford and wants to do- and let you know, then you can accept or decline- NOT say, no I want this instead so I am going to change it and take over and send out invitations and pay for it. 
    Calm down, FFS. you have good intentions but you're going about it the wrong way. 
    FFS, I am calm. You guys are the ones getting all riled up and acting like officers of the etiquette police. i obviously wouldn't normally throw myself any kind of shower, in fact and maybe I wasn't clear enough, my original idea was to do the whole spa thing sometime in the summer (way before the wedding) with the people I would invite IF I were having a real shower. My brunch idea was apparently too tame for my sister so I threw in the spa suggestion so she'd plan something like that and not book us a trip to Vegas or some other crazy adventure that I'm not into. In any case, simmer down ya'll, I'm gonna tell them to come over for Netflix and wine and that's it. Proble, solved. Haha 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Sammy1112 said:

    Sammy1112 said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    MobKaz said:
    Sammy1112 said:
    Hi All! 
    I am getting married 8 months from today (YAY!!!) for the 2nd time. My friends keep mentioning bridal showers & bachelorette weekends & frankly I am not feeling it. Been there, done that. I have zero interest in having another bridal shower, opening presents while people ooooooh and aaaaaah, etc, etc. I told my sister today that I want to have a champagne brunch with a waffle bar (YUM) at her house (she volunteered to host my bridal shower) and only invite my closest friends, 2 cousins, my Mom, my Aunt, and that's it. (Like 15 people altogether) I would like to go to a spa for massages, manis/pedis afterwards & that's it. My sister says my wish is her command but how do I avoid hurt feelings and all that with people I don't care to include? Should I be honest or blame my sister & say it was all a surprise? LOLOLOLOL!!! 

    Also, I decided on this invitation & as a favor I would like to give away champagne bottles that would have a tag with a cutesy message (possibly matching the invite) for each guest, a small box of chocolates & a personalized champagne glass. What do you think? Am I taking the fun out of things by taking over & not letting my friends plan for me? :neutral: 



    I already hinted to my coworkers that I'd like to do Painting with a Twist with them, that way they won't feel bad about not being invited to champagne day. I really want to keep things simple & the general popular vote is that I should stop being ridiculous & just go all out. 


    I see by your post history that you are planning a small and intimate wedding.  Are these co-workers,  friends, and "all the people you don't care to include" all invited to the wedding?

    You said you weren't planning your own shower, and that you want to have a brunch and spa day, which you will fund.  Your invitations say otherwise.  Which is it?  Your own words say that "you are taking over the event".  If your sister offered to host something, you really should not be dictating what she serves or where she hosts the event.  It is not up to you how invitations are designed, nor what favors, if any, are gifted.  You should also not be dictating an "after event". 

    If your co-workers are invited to the wedding, and offer to host something for you, your options are to gratefully accept or decline their offer.  It is definitely NOT appropriate for you to tell, hint, or dictate alternative options.
    My coworkers are invited to the wedding, and so are all the people I don't care to include. For example, I have older ladies that are related to me or my FH that are invited to the wedding but don't fit into a gathering of friends and much younger people. Nothing personal. I should've been more clear. I'm not planning my own shower, I don't want a shower. My sister asked me what I wanted to do and I said brunch & spa. That is not my shower invitation. I want to use that designated word it to invite my friends and family to brunch and spa. It's not me celebrating myself, it's me saying instead of having a shower let's do this instead. I'm not dictating anything, I was asked what I wanted and I specified. As for my coworkers, they want to do a weekend getaway but i feel bad cause these are people who are married and have kids and it just feels complicated to me. I merely said wouldn't it be fun to do painting with a twist? I'm not going around making demands just to be clear. 
    But it IS you celebrating yourself. You're going to send out an invitation that says "Please join us for a celebration brunch honoring Sammy1112" 

    That = celebrating yourself.

    You can't throw a party that honors yourself. That's beyond tacky. 

    Stay out of the planning. Your sister asked what you wanted to do, you said brunch and spa, and now you need to let her take it from there. That's where your involvement should end. You should have NO say in the invitations. If she starts planning a party/shower/whatever that you're not interested in, you can politely decline. 
    Umm, you're assuming. A lot. I'm going to send out an invitation for brunch and spa time, at no point in time did I mention the wording I would use so I don't know how you came to your tacky conclusion. In fact it was more along the lines of celebrating my relationships with X amount of special people, not myself. If I was into celebrating myself then I would be having 3 showers, 2 bachelorette parties, a stripper and a weekend getaway. I'm not being ungrateful, demanding or tacky, I'm just trying to reign in some of the crazy planning that I know is bound to happen if I don't step in. These are the same girls I was friends with during my first go around as a bride to be, they are intense. I'm 35 years old and past that stage really. 
    You LITERALLY just wrote the bolded. The point we are making is that for any type of pre wedding event whether it is called a shower or a brunch and spa day or a luncheon or a wild bachelorette rager, the bride (as in YOU) should have NOTHING to do with sending invitations, deciding the final event. Whomever offers to host the event - so, your sister- can ask for your thoughts- but it is up to her to decide what she can afford and wants to do- and let you know, then you can accept or decline- NOT say, no I want this instead so I am going to change it and take over and send out invitations and pay for it. 
    Calm down, FFS. you have good intentions but you're going about it the wrong way. 
    FFS, I am calm. You guys are the ones getting all riled up and acting like officers of the etiquette police. i obviously wouldn't normally throw myself any kind of shower, in fact and maybe I wasn't clear enough, my original idea was to do the whole spa thing sometime in the summer (way before the wedding) with the people I would invite IF I were having a real shower. My brunch idea was apparently too tame for my sister so I threw in the spa suggestion so she'd plan something like that and not book us a trip to Vegas or some other crazy adventure that I'm not into. In any case, simmer down ya'll, I'm gonna tell them to come over for Netflix and wine and that's it. Proble, solved. Haha 
    How is that obvious? 
    [Deleted User]AddieCakecharlotte989875Heffalump
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