Advice re: How to plan for guests who won't RSVP?

MJKlover

My wedding is getting very close (yay!) and I'm dealing with what seems to be fairly common--guests who will not RSVP.  I'll admit, the first few times someone responded with a text or just face-to-face rather than using the pre-stamped, addressed RSVP cards I included in their invitations, I was a bit annoyed.  Now I'd gladly accept a carrier pigeon if it meant I would know how many people to count.

 My RSVP deadline has just passed and my FI, mother, and I have spent the past day contacting guests who we never heard from to find out if they are coming or not.  We have managed to make contact with nearly all of these guests--most of which said they'd lost it or they've been meaning to send it back in.  No one told us they mailed it in and it must have been lost (which is what I was expecting had happened).  

Out of exactly 100 invitations we mailed out, we only received approximately 40 RSVP cards back before the deadline.  So we have had A LOT of people we've had to contact which has been super frustrating.  Now we only have 7 invitations (which comes to 15 people) we have not gotten any sort of response from.  My question is, do we pay to have 2 extra tables and enough chairs to accommodate these MIA guests or just give up on them and if they show up they're SOL?  I'm leaning towards the former, but my FI is adamant that they have missed the boat on this one.  

Our venue does not have their own tables and chairs and they actually have to rent these (as well as table linens) from some other company that I have no contact with.  So, whatever number we tell them as our final guest count--that's how many tables/chairs will be there and there will be no way to get a hold of more at the last minute.  Our contract also says that that this number cannot be changed (either more or less) once they have placed their order with this outside rental company.  What do I do?  Each table will have 8 guest place settings, so that equals two additional tables and 16 chairs that we have to pay for, but may not get used.  (That doesn't even include the expense of the possibly extra meals we will have to pay for).

JediElizabeth

MJKlover said:

My wedding is getting very close (yay!) and I'm dealing with what seems to be fairly common--guests who will not RSVP.  I'll admit, the first few times someone responded with a text or just face-to-face rather than using the pre-stamped, addressed RSVP cards I included in their invitations, I was a bit annoyed.  Now I'd gladly accept a carrier pigeon if it meant I would know how many people to count.

 My RSVP deadline has just passed and my FI, mother, and I have spent the past day contacting guests who we never heard from to find out if they are coming or not.  We have managed to make contact with nearly all of these guests--most of which said they'd lost it or they've been meaning to send it back in.  No one told us they mailed it in and it must have been lost (which is what I was expecting had happened).  

Out of exactly 100 invitations we mailed out, we only received approximately 40 RSVP cards back before the deadline.  So we have had A LOT of people we've had to contact which has been super frustrating.  Now we only have 7 invitations (which comes to 15 people) we have not gotten any sort of response from.  My question is, do we pay to have 2 extra tables and enough chairs to accommodate these MIA guests or just give up on them and if they show up they're SOL?  I'm leaning towards the former, but my FI is adamant that they have missed the boat on this one.  

Our venue does not have their own tables and chairs and they actually have to rent these (as well as table linens) from some other company that I have no contact with.  So, whatever number we tell them as our final guest count--that's how many tables/chairs will be there and there will be no way to get a hold of more at the last minute.  Our contract also says that that this number cannot be changed (either more or less) once they have placed their order with this outside rental company.  What do I do?  Each table will have 8 guest place settings, so that equals two additional tables and 16 chairs that we have to pay for, but may not get used.  (That doesn't even include the expense of the possibly extra meals we will have to pay for).

When is the final number due to the venue? If you have a few more days, keep trying to get in touch. If not, I'm not sure either, but I'd like to hear the answer, too. 

MJKlover

They actually wanted the final number on the 8th, but I managed to talk them into giving us until the 15th which is Tuesday.  

AddieCake

They missed the boat. Put them down as no. You don't have time to be waiting on them any longer. Exactly when is your your wedding?

MJKlover

AddieCake said:

They missed the boat. Put them down as no. You don't have time to be waiting on them any longer. Exactly when is your your wedding?

April 1st.  He'll be glad someone agrees with him.  I'm still not sure.  I'd feel so bad if they walked in and had no where to sit.  Thanks for your advice!

lovesclimbing

MJKlover said:

AddieCake said:

They missed the boat. Put them down as no. You don't have time to be waiting on them any longer. Exactly when is your your wedding?

April 1st.  He'll be glad someone agrees with him.  I'm still not sure.  I'd feel so bad if they walked in and had no where to sit.  Thanks for your advice!

I would reach out one more time. Leave a message that says, "if I don't hear from you by noon on Tuesday, I will mark you as a no and will not reserve a seat or meal."

mollybarker11

I agree with your FI, it's a no-brainer to me!

If they don't RSVP by the due date, call.
If they don't pick up the phone, provide another due date.
If they don't call back by that due date, mark them as a "no".

If they show up expecting a seat, the host (or security or venue coordinator or DOC) will let them know they can't be accommodated and they'll hopefully learn a lesson in common courtesy.

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with @lovesclimbing. Make sure you are clear if you have to leave a message, that if you don't hear from them by Tuesday you can't accommodate them. 

Jen4948

I agree with the PPs who suggest setting a deadline for when these people need to respond to you and treating them as "nos" if you haven't heard from them by then.

SP29

Also agree with contacting them, leaving a voicemail with a "if we do not hear back from you by X date, we will assume your answer is no".

If anyone shows up without RSVPing yes, you are not required to accommodate them. The onus is on the guest to respond to an invitation. Too late, too bad.

ernursej

Agree with PPs. Hope you get some calls in the next two days so you don't have to call anyone back with the ultimatum message. Good luck!

MJKlover

ernursej said:

Agree with PPs. Hope you get some calls in the next two days so you don't have to call anyone back with the ultimatum message. Good luck!

Thanks!  Me too.

pinupbride6189

Agreed with PP. Leave the message, and if they don't get back to you, mark them as declined, and they can deal with the embarrassment of showing up to an event where they have no seat or meal. 

levioosa

Ditto PPs.  Leave a message, and if they don't respond by that date, well, tough luck.  Being a guest bears some (minimal) responsibility.  Literally one of the only things you have to do is RSVP.  

MesmrEwe

This is why to have RSVP date early enough that if you have to call the slackers that you've got time without stressing with your venue/caterer... 

1) Call them up and ask...  If you have FB/email/text - message there too..

2) If they do not pick up - Tell them you've got until (day before you need the absolute "just in case" they call the following AM) such and such a date or they'll be marked as not attending and you'll be unable to accommodate them.

3) Depending on your family, I know it's a PITA, I'd reserve 3-4 extra spots "just because" (I think we had 10 extra and used every last one of them from people who we knew were going to be last-second in their ability to attend/not)... 

MJKlover

Just an update: I heard from the very last guest this morning (my youngest uncle) so I was able to give the venue what I hope is a fairly accurate guest count. We need 107 chairs to accommodate 100 guests, 5 vendors, and FI and me. Because that comes out to 14 tables we decided to fill the last table with the full 8 chairs to make 112 chairs. I figured it's better to have too many than too few. FI is okay with this plan so all is right with the world again. Thanks everyone for your advice!