Pre-wedding Parties

Shower Invites for Post-Destination Wedding Party Guests

My fiance and I both live in Ohio and are marrying near my hometown in New Jersey. We are not able to invite many of our friends and members of his extended family to our ceremony and reception in New Jersey because the guest list would be astronomical. His family wants us to have a party/reception back in Ohio after we get back from our honeymoon for everyone that couldn't travel, etc. 

My question is whether or not to invite ladies that may only be invited to the post-wedding party to the shower. My shower will be in Ohio and I worry that people will feel excluded if they are not invited to the shower, as it will be mostly his family at the shower. I also worry that it would be rude to invite them to the shower. 

Help? 

Re: Shower Invites for Post-Destination Wedding Party Guests

  • @tigerlily6 Thank you! That was my initial feeling as well. I was second guessing myself though, because his mom and gma seem to want to invite everyone to the shower, even some of his gma's friends who are not invited to the wedding (and I've never met). 
    tigerlily6SP29
  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2016
    @tigerlily6 Thank you! That was my initial feeling as well. I was second guessing myself though, because his mom and gma seem to want to invite everyone to the shower, even some of his gma's friends who are not invited to the wedding (and I've never met). 
    Yup, your gut is right! Do your best to explain politely that you want to follow good wedding etiquette, and that this would mean you really don't want to invite guests to a shower who aren't invited to the wedding, at risk of coming across rude (showers are a gift-giving event, and some people may feel insulted if they are asked to get gifts for somebody whose wedding they aren't invited to). And hold your ground about not being able to invite everybody -- that is perfectly fine. Host what you can afford, it is the polite and prudent thing to do.
     If there is still push-back because grandma-in-law wants all her friends to meet you, suggest that you'd be happy to do some non-wedding related event to get to know them all. Maybe a tea party or a brunch or something like that. Once again, having a party where you get to introduce yourself and socialize with other people is fine. But once you call it any kind of pre-wedding party, anybody on the guest list should be invited to the wedding, also. 
                        


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    ernursejInLoveInQueens[Deleted User]SP29
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your gut feeling was right! 

    I second @tigerlily6 's suggestion of having a non-wedding related event like a tea party or brunch.  


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    ernursej
  • OP - Gut is good! I can relate as some of the ladies in my life are wanting to do things that don't totally jive with etiquette. This site is great for testing the waters and determining what is actually a good idea and what is something that is often done but really shouldn't be. Look forward to hearing more about your wedding plans.

  • My fiance and I both live in Ohio and are marrying near my hometown in New Jersey. We are not able to invite many of our friends and members of his extended family to our ceremony and reception in New Jersey because the guest list would be astronomical. His family wants us to have a party/reception back in Ohio after we get back from our honeymoon for everyone that couldn't travel, etc. 

    My question is whether or not to invite ladies that may only be invited to the post-wedding party to the shower. My shower will be in Ohio and I worry that people will feel excluded if they are not invited to the shower, as it will be mostly his family at the shower. I also worry that it would be rude to invite them to the shower. 

    Help? 
    What they said.  Nobody can be invited to a pre-wedding party who isn't invited to the wedding.  A regular party though, go for it.  I also believe that people over estimate how many people are DYING to "celebrate with us".
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would tell your family, "I don't feel comfortable inviting people to the shower who were not invited to the wedding. But if these are friends you'd like me to meet, I'd be happy to get together for tea/brunch/lunch at another time".
    CMGragainJen4948
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