Self invited guest

Knottie1451087843

I have a stressful situation that has sort of fallen into my lap. I'm newly engaged, planning for a May 2017 wedding. I'm friends with a co-worker and she has not only invited herself to my wedding but also dress shopping. She is not related to myself or my fiancé, she is not a close friend, she is not in the wedding party and I didn't even plan on inviting her to the wedding! (I'm having a very small wedding) now this girl, she's been engaged a few times and never made it down the alter. I hope she's not looking to live vicariously through my experiences. My question is, has anyone else dealt with this? I'm sort of crowd sourcing advice. She's not the type you can let down easy and I still have to work with the girl when all is said and done. There are actually a few people who I'm worried would want to come to my wedding and make a fool of themselves so I'm having to look for secured venues and destination wedding ideas. Such a hassle!

LondonLisa

Knottie1451087843 said:

I have a stressful situation that has sort of fallen into my lap. I'm newly engaged, planning for a May 2017 wedding. I'm friends with a co-worker and she has not only invited herself to my wedding but also dress shopping. She is not related to myself or my fiancé, she is not a close friend, she is not in the wedding party and I didn't even plan on inviting her to the wedding! (I'm having a very small wedding) now this girl, she's been engaged a few times and never made it down the alter. I hope she's not looking to live vicariously through my experiences. My question is, has anyone else dealt with this? I'm sort of crowd sourcing advice. She's not the type you can let down easy and I still have to work with the girl when all is said and done. There are actually a few people who I'm worried would want to come to my wedding and make a fool of themselves so I'm having to look for secured venues and destination wedding ideas. Such a hassle!

No is not a naughty word. 

No one can invite themselves. They can ask to come, and you say "no". 9 times out of 10 people who invite themselves just ask to come but the bride/groom are too ineffectual and waffle around, which just makes the situation 10 times worse. 

Her: "I'm excited to go dress shopping with you"
you: "that is so sweet, but I'm actually just going to go by myself. Have you tried that new Korean restaurant across the street? It looks really good. " or "I do appreciate your opinion as you are so fashionable, but this going to be a special mother and daughter bonding day. Tell me about the dress you are wearing to that party you were talking about on Saturday. "

Her: "I can't wait to come to your wedding"
You "Actually, we are having a small family only wedding. What did you think of the announcement of the new expenses system- it sounds really complicated!"

Stop talking about your wedding with her. Don't bring it up and if she asks, answer factually and change the subject. 

lnixon8

Stop talking about your wedding at work.

climbingsingle

lnixon8 said:

Stop talking about your wedding at work.

And next time she mentions attending your wedding, tell her that unfortunately you're not able to invite everyone you'd like and are keeping the guest list very small. 

short+sassy

I agree with the other PPs.  Don't let this stress you out.  She can want to come all she wants, there is nothing wrong with using some of the phrases above to nicely let her know she isn't being invited.  It sounds like she might be persistent about it.  That's okay too, just keep repeating back to her "unfortunately, we're not able to invite everyone we'd like", "keeping the guest list small", etc.

And the same goes for anyone else who asks/assumes they are being invited to your wedding.