Flip-flopper on bachlorette weekend UPDATED

lnixon8

Over a month ago I sent out an email to 14 women about my friends bachlorette party to Chicago (some friends already live out there, myself, the bride and some other are a plane ride away.) I was SUPER specific about renting an air bnb/homeaway and if you say you are coming that is your commitment to the group to pay your portion, even if something comes up. Asked everyone to respond by a certain date but gave everyone a month. One of the brides cousins (I've never met if it matters) never responds. I email her if she's joining and she says "I want to but I can't promise anything."

What do I say/ how do I say it? Its already difficult to find a place in the city big enough for 9 women. I don't want her to have to sleep on the floor/couch but i also don't want to drive up the cost for everyone else and I NEED to book something quickly (competing with lollapalooza). I do understand its a lot of money, I just wish people knew how to say "no".

ETA: I did mention estimated prices in my original email for both flights and lodging (If 4 of us come I will find something that is less than $150, if 7 people comes I will find something that is less than $xxx, if all 14 come...)

Jen4948

Tell her to respond by a deadline if she plans to come, and if she doesn't give you an answer by then, you will assume she's not coming and plan accordingly.

thisismynickname2

I agree with PP. Commit by deadline or don't come. 

The only plus side is that you could find a place that sleeps 8 and charge each person accordingly. If she all of a sudden says she is coming, you say the place is booked for 8 and she's stuck with a couch (or even floor). If she decides to sleep on the couch, then everyone's share goes down a bit. Better a share go down in the end than up. 

On the other hand... an AirBB place might be really strict on bodies and once you're locked in for 8, that's it, no more. And that's her problem missing out, not yours. 

Katiebride08

It is hard to plan a destination event for a big group, some of whom you don't know. 
I agree with others, you were clear and gave times/prices I would tell her the date to say yes/no. Maybe mention that if she is still on the fence she can have the couch at a slightly less rate and call lower the cost for everyone else....IF this is a close cousin with a real reason for being on the fence (work, health ect)

lnixon8

 This party is the same weekend as lollapalooza (last weekend in July) so slim pickins on air bnb, I booked a few hotel rooms downtown. If she comes, fine. If not, she won't have her sister won't have to share a bed with her. She kept emailing me how much money we would be spending, how much it would cost to fly and stay there...

I told her we're not doing any "activities" that cost anything, told her how much I paid for my flight, the cost of the hotel- with screen shots so she sees where $242 is coming from, so shes paying for her food and drinks (no pay me $10 for your personalized t shirt and beach towel) but hotel has free hot breakfast so basically just lunch, dinner, bar drinks.

response: What restaurants are we going to? Do you have links to the menu and prices? By the way, I am in and can I have the name of the hotel again because if I come I will be coming in early and staying an extra night to explore the city on my own. 

This chick is driving me crazy!!!!

levioosa

lnixon8 said:

 This party is the same weekend as lollapalooza (last weekend in July) so slim pickins on air bnb, I booked a few hotel rooms downtown. If she comes, fine. If not, she won't have her sister won't have to share a bed with her. She kept emailing me how much money we would be spending, how much it would cost to fly and stay there...

I told her we're not doing any "activities" that cost anything, told her how much I paid for my flight, the cost of the hotel- with screen shots so she sees where $242 is coming from, so shes paying for her food and drinks (no pay me $10 for your personalized t shirt and beach towel) but hotel has free hot breakfast so basically just lunch, dinner, bar drinks.

response: What restaurants are we going to? Do you have links to the menu and prices? By the way, I am in and can I have the name of the hotel again because if I come I will be coming in early and staying an extra night to explore the city on my own. 

This chick is driving me crazy!!!!

That is seriously too much.  And if she is so poor, why is she considering coming in a day early and exploring?  I would just tell her, "I'm sorry, we don't know which restaurants yet.  But I do need to know if you are coming by X date so I can plan appropriately.  If you can't commit by that date, we will miss you."  

I was really poor for one of my BFF's bachelorette parties.  But you know what? I sucked it up.  I was also in charge of planning it, and by some miraculous planning, I was able to get the price down to $200 pp (the lowest budget from one of the girls--honestly a ridiculously low budget for Vegas) while still doing the events the bride wanted.  I was on a serious budget too, but I didn't complain.  What I did do was plan on preparing a cooler filled with sandwich materials/snacks that I could eat before we went out, and bringing my own drinks to pre-game in the room instead of spending $20 a drink at the bar.  The whole thing fell through, but I did my part.