guest at a DW

RosesAreRed13

Me and my FI were invited to a destination wedding.  The wedding is in June 2017, and in the invitation indicated we were to RSVP by this May.  My first question- is this normal to have to RSVP over a year early for a DW?  We would love to go, but our wedding is shortly after this DW.  We have a lot of finances to take care of for our own wedding, but this is a close friend of his and our entire group of friends are planning on going.  What if we RSVP yes, but something happens before any payments are due and we have to back out?  Will that negatively affect the bride and groom?  I'm just afraid to commit so early!

Second question- I've always heard no gift is required for a DW.  Your presence is the gift.  How valid is this?  Although we would be spending over $1500 a person to attend this wedding, I hate the idea of not giving anything to the Bride and Groom.  But at the same time, we are spending so much to be there.  

Thanks for the help!

thisismynickname2

It is not normal to have to RSVP a year in advance. 
If I were you, I would inform the couple that you would love to attend but a lot will ride on your finances and you will let them know for sure within a few months of the actual wedding. 
Let's think of what may affect the bride and groom. Maybe they're trying to reserve a place in that area that fits 100 guests and need to know if they should realistically book the place that holds 50 guests. I can understand them wanting to get a ballpark number early, but, they cannot hold you to this commitment so early.  Talk to them and find out more logistical details- are they requiring everyone to stay exclusively at a certain all-inclusive? Are they requiring several nights' stay? Can you stay at a more financially-friendly hotel nearby?

Re-gifts. There's not ever a rule about gifting. Give what you can afford, or don't give if you can't afford. 

princessleia22

I agree with PP.  They are probably looking for a ballpark number, but they certainly shouldn't hold you to it this far in advance, because life can happen.  I asked around about a year in advance to get some idea of numbers.  I had invited around 80 people to my DW.  I expected 50 or less to actually attend.  My venue could accommodate all 80, if they all came though.  I was more wondering so I could look into hotel blocks and ordering favors.  I did have several people that a year out told me that they hope to attend, but aren't sure yet, and I was fine with that.  I just counted them as attending until I got final RSVP's back. 

CMGragain

They sent out INVITATIONS more than a year in advance?  Ew.

Gift are never, ever required.  A metal chicken is always appropriate.

[Deleted User]

It's normal to send out Save the Date of a DW very early at least IMO, so to give your guest time to arrange time off & save up for the trip too. However, you don't really need to know if they are coming this early. My guess is, they haven't already booked the venue and are just trying to determine what size venue they need to book or possibly to see if there is enough interest to even have a DW.

ahoywedding

Erikan73 said:

It's normal to send out Save the Date of a DW very early at least IMO, so to give your guest time to arrange time off & save up for the trip too. However, you don't really need to know if they are coming this early. My guess is, they haven't already booked the venue and are just trying to determine what size venue they need to book or possibly to see if there is enough interest to even have a DW.

I think this is information you can spread via word of mouth. My sister is planning a destination wedding next June and has just verbally told everyone she wants there (immediate family and a handful of friends) which week it will be. She has sent out the resort information as well (they had to book  super in advance), but as a guest I don't want to commit and pay for a vacation that's still over a year away. I agree some notice is necessary, but people definitely don't need to be committing over a year in advance!

RosesAreRed13

See that's what I thought the deal was too, but on the invitation/save the date we received, it has the location of her reception, and her recommendation that we stay there, including the prices.  She said they require an accurate head count 10 months prior.  This all just seems weird to me.  I told her if she needs to give a number, to count us in, but I completely warned her that we may decide later down the road we will not be attending as it depends on our financial situation.  She seemed ok with that, but I think a lot of people are telling her that, so this "accurate count" is not very accurate.