Pre-wedding Parties

H can't make wedding but what about RD?

I'm the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks and unfortunately, H will be unable to attend the wedding due to work that cannot be changed or rescheduled. The other day the bride and I were talking about the RD and she said my H is not invited since he won't be at the wedding.

What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

Re: H can't make wedding but what about RD?

  • Thanks for the quick reply @thisismynickname ;

    Until this everything seemed fine, she talked to me privately about budget and asked for advice & opinions since she doesn't have many friends who are married yet. The only time we clashed was when I didn't want to wear matching pyjamas 

    I don't mind confrontation if I feel something's been done unfairly or isn't right, I just want to know if I'm okay to bring it up with her 
  • You didn't want to wear matching pj's? Shocked, I tell you. 

    I think @thisismynickname is probably right about the temporary bridezilla, but I would be pretty upset too. I probably wouldn't make a big issue out of it as I don't think I would see it as a hill to die on unless it was just one more thing in a long list of unreasonable behaviour. I would definitely remember it though. Put it in the burn book!
                 
    OurWildKingdom
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    I'm the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks and unfortunately, H will be unable to attend the wedding due to work that cannot be changed or rescheduled. The other day the bride and I were talking about the RD and she said my H is not invited since he won't be at the wedding.

    What should I do? Is there anything I can do?
    Those are two completely different events and should be treated as such.  Your husband should ABSOLUTELY be invited to the rehearsal dinner.  This bride is absolutely wrong to not include your husband. 
    OurWildKingdomSP29lc07
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    edited March 2016
    Yeah, like Jedi points out, now it does sound more like ignorance. 
    We have a good line around here how you should honor your loved ones' relationships when you host a wedding. You are more or less "required" to show up to this rehearsal, and if she was planning on hosting him at the dinner to begin with, she needs to realize that dis-inviting him on a silly technicality is disrespectful to you. 
    ________________________________


    SP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Wow, that's rude of her not to invite him to the rehearsal dinner.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    Your friend is being an asshole.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    Not only is she not inviting your H to the RD, she's making you wear matching pajamas?!!? Guuuurl. I feel for you. Seriously. 

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
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    Oh man.  This seems like one of those weddings with a lot of pressure to "perform BM duties."  BM duties aren't a thing, btw, OP.  


    image
    SP29
  • When were you supposed to wear the matching pajamas????
  • Not only is it rude to invite you and not your H to an event like this, but I'd be pissed I'd have to give up the only night of the weekend (assuming Saturday wedding) that my H has off. We both work crazy hours and use our weekends to connect. I'd be super pissed if a bride told me that because he had to work Saturday night I also couldn't spend Friday night with him. 
    OurWildKingdomadk19SP29
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    edited March 2016
    CMGragain said:
    I'm the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks and unfortunately, H will be unable to attend the wedding due to work that cannot be changed or rescheduled. The other day the bride and I were talking about the RD and she said my H is not invited since he won't be at the wedding.

    What should I do? Is there anything I can do?
    Buy her a metal chicken as a wedding gift.
    Or a brass cricket. (My late aunt and uncle did this for my brother and SIL's wedding.)
    thefanciestbeckler
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    I'm the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks and unfortunately, H will be unable to attend the wedding due to work that cannot be changed or rescheduled. The other day the bride and I were talking about the RD and she said my H is not invited since he won't be at the wedding.

    What should I do? Is there anything I can do?
    Yeah, that isn't how it works.  Your friend shouldn't just not invite your H to the RD because he can't make the wedding.  I am hoping she doesn't realize how ridiculous she sounds and is having a momentary lapse of judgment.  If not, then she is basically being a bitch and punishing you because your H couldn't get off of work for her wedding.

    OurWildKingdom
  • @glasgowtolondon Unfortunately, if I hadn't been lurking since before I got engaged I would've thought I had to do it. The other BMs who were with us when the bride brought it up were trying to tell me I had to since the bride wanted it, etc... it still won't happen though. I will be there in whatever I'm comfortable wearing in front of the rest of the people who will be at the hotel getting ready. 
  • @climbingwife No, I'm not wearing matching pj's. She's dropped the subject since I first refused to wear them and hopefully that subject will remain dropped because it just won't happen, maybe the other 3 BMs will wear them anyway and I'll just look like the odd one out... not that my purple hair doesn't already do that.



    climbingwife
  • @levioosa I haven't been doing any other BM 'duties', I know those aren't a thing and made it clear when I got married that I just need them to show up on time the day of, in their dress, and sober, so I think she gets that her FI needs to help and not her BMs.
    OurWildKingdomSP29levioosa
  • @AddieCake@Jen4948, @MobKaz ;& @Maggie0829 ; I'm hoping it's just her having a lapse in judgement, I'm seeing her for lunch today and I'll talk to her then. 

    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    @AddieCake@Jen4948, @MobKaz ;& @Maggie0829 ; I'm hoping it's just her having a lapse in judgement, I'm seeing her for lunch today and I'll talk to her then. 

    Looking forward to hearing the outcome of that conversation.  I am hoping she had a moment of clarity and apologized for her momentary lapse in judgment and manners!


    OurWildKingdom
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    Glad to hear it's worked out!
    P.S. @OurWildKingdom ;
    I want a picture of this brass cricket. 
    ________________________________


    OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    edited March 2016
    Glad to hear it's worked out!
    P.S. @OurWildKingdom ;
    I want a picture of this brass cricket. 
    I'll ask my brother to text me a picture.  :) Our aunt and uncle were wonderful people but had rather odd taste in gift giving. They once gave my parents a double-sided jigsaw puzzle; one side had the picture turned 90 degrees from the other side. Weird.
  • adk19adk19
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    Glad to hear it's worked out!
    P.S. @OurWildKingdom ;
    I want a picture of this brass cricket. 
    I'll ask my brother to text me a picture.  :) Our aunt and uncle were wonderful people but had rather odd taste in gift giving. They once gave my parents a double-sided jigsaw puzzle; one side had the picture turned 90 degrees from the other side. Weird.
    I LOVE those puzzles!!!  They're also cut in one direction from the top, and in the other direction from the bottom so you can't even tell which side of each piece is "right side up".
  • When parents are involved in the payment of anything in the wedding, their opinions are always going to be there and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.  But, regardless of who is attending the actual wedding or not, the spouses of attendants are always invited to the RD.  Also, let's just say your spouse intended on going to the wedding but last minute could not.  He still would have been at the RD, right?  Glad it was solved quickly!
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