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Wedding Etiquette Forum
heyyou1203
member
When to tell bride I'm pregnant
Hey all! So I just found out that I'm 4 weeks pregnant (yay!) and I'm a bridesmaid in 2 weddings this summer 2 weeks apart. I'll only be about 4 months along by then, so I'm not worried about the dresses fitting. However, I was wondering when the best time to tell the brides would be. I feel like it's news best shared in person, but the only times I might see them is at their showers and bachelorette parties because of long distance, so I don't know if I should tell them on those days and steal their thunder or throw them for a loop on a special day for them. Both BP's are right before my 12 week mark, too. It'll be impossible for me to lie about drinking, but I'm ok telling them even though it'll still be the end of my 1st trimester. They'd both be very happy and supportive knowing I'm pregnant, I'm just not sure when and how would be the most appropriate time to tell. Call them up a week before the BP's? Call them right away? Tell them in person? Call their mothers and ask their advice? Other? Thanks so much!!!
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Re: When to tell bride I'm pregnant
I agree with Addie. It is totally appropriate to just call them since you won't be seeing them for a while.
First, congrats!
Second, please don't call their moms. That is just weird and not needed.
tell them whenever you feel comfortable announcing your pregnancy. I really don't think you need to tell the brides in person. A phone call would be plenty. However, if you do feel the need to tell them in person, please don't do it at their shower or bach party. While, I understand brides get one day, it would still come off as very AW to announce your news at a party in someone else's honor.
I will say that unless you've been pregnant before and you know how your body changes, I wouldn't be so confident that at 4.5 months you won't have to worry about dresses fitting. At 12 weeks pregnant I could no longer button my pants and I was transitioning into maternity clothing. At approximately 4 mo, I was clearly pregnant and the only clothing I could still wear were baggier items or things like jersey dresses. If your attire is supposed to be fitted at the waist, I think you may need to find a new dress or a fantastic seamstress.
DH and I told my SIL - I was supposed to be in her wedding but couldn't because it was my due date - once I was through my first trimester. We called, since we knew we wouldn't see her in person in a reasonable time frame. If you are comfortable sharing your news at that point, I think it's fine to call them directly. If you want to wait longer, that's your call too.
Personally, I'd rather know ahead of time, instead of in person at another event, so that I can do my part to make ensure you've got what you need, whether that's as simple as double checking on caffeine free beverages or helping you plot the quickest route to the rest room.
In regards to Trixie's comment I'm just laughing. As a barely-A cup person I say, oh darn, all boobs for over half your pregnancy? Poor you!! LOL.
Congrats! I would tell them after you've told your parents. Pick up the phone!!! I had a SIL/BM pregnant at our wedding and my brother/SIL were over the top uptight and "grouchy" the whole time - I honestly wish they'd have just told us because we'd been a heck of a lot more empathetic to the situation and they wouldn't have had to "hide" anything!
As for dresses fitting if you've already ordered them - don't get ahead of yourself! By the 4mo mark I was already in yoga/PG pants with my second. With my first, I was already up a size or two but not really maternity sizing yet. My SIL OTOH, barely looked pregnant when she was sent to the hospital for her inductions. Also chest size can change hourly during pregnancy, so be aware you won't know until you're really close to the weddings what your sizing is going to be as pregnancy affects different women different ways.
I'd call them when you're ready to share the news. No need to call their mothers.
I personally would wait if there isn't a concern about the dress not working and needing to find a different option.
I take the weddings out of it and look at when I would tell these good friends in general. Would you tell them at 6 week or 8 or wait for 12? We are waiting until first ultrasound to say anything just to be sure that comes out ok.
As far as informing them is concerned, take away the bridal equation. How/when would you notify them if a wedding was not involved?
PP's have it covered, just trust your judgement.
Whichever is first.