Telling friend that others are bridesmaids?

Knottie1436471587

I have two bridesmaids. A third friend, "Lisa", will be the only other person from our college friend group attending. I never explicitly told Lisa who my BMs were, and apparently she has emailed the two asking about hanging out during the day before the wedding, making them think she doesn't know. They will be helping me with set-up and getting ready themselves during that time and now my BMs want me to tell Lisa that they are bridesmaids because they feel awkward about her not knowing. Should I do this? We're close enough to the wedding that Lisa obviously knows she's not a BM, and I've asked her do a reading, which she seems happy about. I really don't want her to feel blindsided or hurt by who my BMs are, but at the same time, it feels awkward to bring it up out of the blue. I'm not sure of the best way to handle this.

thisismynickname2

Personally, I don't think you need to do anything. Lisa asked the other two to hang out during the day. They should simply respond to her that they'll be unavailable after x time due to being bridesmaids and helping you set up and getting ready. Done and done. 
The bridal party shouldn't be a secret, but also, telling people they aren't in a bridal party is considered hella awkward, and of course rude. Lisa will figure it out and she'll also get over it (or won't care at all). 

ernursej

I'm a firm believe that you should never tell someone that they are not something. Your BMs can just let her know that they are not able to hang out.

Knottie1436471587

I definitely don't plan to tell her that she's not a BM, but I do feel like it's implied if I tell her that the other two ARE, which is what they want me to do. It's my opinion that it would be a lot simpler for them to handle this themselves, but they seem to think she will be hurt it she doesn't find out from me.

ernursej

Knottie1436471587 said:

I definitely don't plan to tell her that she's not a BM, but I do feel like it's implied if I tell her that the other two ARE, which is what they want me to do. It's my opinion that it would be a lot simpler for them to handle this themselves, but they seem to think she will be hurt it she doesn't find out from me.

Stuck in a box!

Don't get involved. Sounds like school yard antics. She didn't approach you so you shouldn't even know that she wants to hang with the other two. The other two can just let her know that they can't hang. Let adults handle their own issues.

AddieCake

This should not fall to you. They could have easily told her they were busy with bridesmaid stuff on their own. 

[Deleted User]

If you want to get involved at all, let Lisa know that she's welcome to join you in the morning.  You're meeting at X time at X salon to get your hair done.  She can get her hair done for $X or she can just hang out and drink mimosas with you all.  Or she can meet you at the church at X time for the ceremony.

JediElizabeth

adk19 said:

If you want to get involved at all, let Lisa know that she's welcome to join you in the morning.  You're meeting at X time at X salon to get your hair done.  She can get her hair done for $X or she can just hang out and drink mimosas with you all.  Or she can meet you at the church at X time for the ceremony.

This! 

If you're really worried that she'll be blindsided, you can add "[Other college friends] will be there, too, since they're in the wedding party." 

As PP's said, it's not a secret, and it shouldn't be awkward to talk about who's in the WP unless you (or a particularly sensitive friend) make it awkward. Most people I know put that info on their wedding websites, so people generally know once they get the invitations anyway, if they care to look.

climbingsingle

Don't get involved. Your friends should be grown up enough to handle this on their own. 

holyguacamole79

Knottie1436471587 said:

I have two bridesmaids. A third friend, "Lisa", will be the only other person from our college friend group attending. I never explicitly told Lisa who my BMs were, and apparently she has emailed the two asking about hanging out during the day before the wedding, making them think she doesn't know. They will be helping me with set-up and getting ready themselves during that time and now my BMs want me to tell Lisa that they are bridesmaids because they feel awkward about her not knowing. Should I do this? We're close enough to the wedding that Lisa obviously knows she's not a BM, and I've asked her do a reading, which she seems happy about. I really don't want her to feel blindsided or hurt by who my BMs are, but at the same time, it feels awkward to bring it up out of the blue. I'm not sure of the best way to handle this.

Knottie1436471587 said:

I definitely don't plan to tell her that she's not a BM, but I do feel like it's implied if I tell her that the other two ARE, which is what they want me to do. It's my opinion that it would be a lot simpler for them to handle this themselves, but they seem to think she will be hurt it she doesn't find out from me.

Def stay out of it.  I think Lisa knows that they are in the bridal party.  And if she doesn't, she'll figure it out fast.

If Lisa is close to you, why don't you invite her to join you while you're getting ready?  

Jen4948

Actually, the other two bridesmaids need to take it upon themselves to tell Lisa that they're unavailable.  They don't need to tell Lisa why, which is none of her business.  But they should not ask you to convey the information.

Stay out of it.

SP29

Agreed- stay out of it.

Your other friends need to woman up and simply tell Lisa- sorry, we're busy.

flantastic

Were the bridesmaids voluntold to help you set up, or did they volunteer? If they didn't offer help and you told them it was part of the bridesmaid role - good news for Lisa - they have that time available. They don't have to help you. Beyond that, they should be adult enough to say "we're busy that morning, sorry!" Details and explanation aren't necessary.