Open bar alternatives

bcmfall

I'm getting married in another country, where it is pretty much unheard of to have an open bar. Venues do not offer open bar packages, and while we could potentially cover our guests on a consumption basis, the reception is also very long (I'm talking almost 12 hours from cocktail hour until the DJ stops! So different!) and venues offer standard bar-like drink prices so that honestly would not be affordable for us for 12 hours at like $7/drink. My fiance's guests, who are mainly from the area and who make up the vast majority of our expected guests, will not be expecting anything other than a cash bar. However, my guests, all of whom will be traveling overseas at great expense, also will be surprised by having to lay out further money to drink at the wedding. I'm looking for creative ideas to help balance my concern at not requiring my guests to spend much more than they already are to attend the wedding while also not breaking the bank when most of our guests wouldn't expect an open bar anyway. Things that have crossed my mind:
1 - hosting an expanded rehearsal dinner where we cover all drinks that would include all guests traveling from abroad along with both of our close family members and bridal party. This would also include some of his family who live here in the US, but would probably exclude a number of his family members who are local and most of his friends. This seems like an option that wouldn't insult anyway since his local guests would probably not choose to come to the hotel the night before the wedding so wouldn't be present while the rehearsal was going on.
2 - drink tickets or something like that for all guests. It wouldn't be an open bar, but it would be something. The standard reception package includes a drink per person during cocktail hour and a half bottle of wine per person during dinner. This would provide a few more drinks for everyone, an added bonus for those who won't be expecting it and something to offer those who are used to an open bar
3- I dont really think this can work, but is there some way to cover the American guests' costs (including my fiance's who come from here!) and not everyones??

Would also love suggestions as to the best way to communicate to guests that it will be at the very least a partial cash bar.  Any and all ideas are appreciated!

artbyallie

bcmfall said:

I'm getting married in another country, where it is pretty much unheard of to have an open bar. Venues do not offer open bar packages, and while we could potentially cover our guests on a consumption basis, the reception is also very long (I'm talking almost 12 hours from cocktail hour until the DJ stops! So different!) and venues offer standard bar-like drink prices so that honestly would not be affordable for us for 12 hours at like $7/drink. My fiance's guests, who are mainly from the area and who make up the vast majority of our expected guests, will not be expecting anything other than a cash bar. However, my guests, all of whom will be traveling overseas at great expense, also will be surprised by having to lay out further money to drink at the wedding. I'm looking for creative ideas to help balance my concern at not requiring my guests to spend much more than they already are to attend the wedding while also not breaking the bank when most of our guests wouldn't expect an open bar anyway. Things that have crossed my mind:
1 - hosting an expanded rehearsal dinner where we cover all drinks that would include all guests traveling from abroad along with both of our close family members and bridal party. This would also include some of his family who live here in the US, but would probably exclude a number of his family members who are local and most of his friends. This seems like an option that wouldn't insult anyway since his local guests would probably not choose to come to the hotel the night before the wedding so wouldn't be present while the rehearsal was going on.
2 - drink tickets or something like that for all guests. It wouldn't be an open bar, but it would be something. The standard reception package includes a drink per person during cocktail hour and a half bottle of wine per person during dinner. This would provide a few more drinks for everyone, an added bonus for those who won't be expecting it and something to offer those who are used to an open bar
3- I dont really think this can work, but is there some way to cover the American guests' costs (including my fiance's who come from here!) and not everyones??

Would also love suggestions as to the best way to communicate to guests that it will be at the very least a partial cash bar.  Any and all ideas are appreciated!

Any solution that involves any level of cash bar is rude. Full stop.

Better options:

1. Cut your guest list.

2. Limit the bar to beer/wine and don't serve liquor at all. Host all the beer and wine.

3. Dry wedding.

4. Try to find a venue that will let you bring in booze or buy from them at wholesale/discounted prices? 

ETA 5. Have a shorter reception because holy fuck?! Who wants to be at any event for 12 hours?!

bcmfall

It isn't rude in the country where I'm getting married. It's entirely the norm. My concern is about the American guests who don't share that norm. 

glasgowtolondon

There are plenty of things you can do that do not include having a cash bar at your wedding. Have you discussed limiting the bar to be beer/wine only? Nowhere does it say you have to comp a top shelf open bar for your guests. You could also have a dry wedding, but it doesn't sound like you want that. Have you asked your venue if you can bring in your own booze? Lots of venues allow this with a corkage fee, which is often still cheaper than the inhouse bar.

Whatever you decide, please don't tier your guests with tickets or 'you get free drinks, but you don't', and don't ask your guests to subsidise your wedding. You say your guests won't expect an open bar, and you may be right, but don't you want to treat your guests surprisingly well? 

glasgowtolondon

bcmfall said:

It isn't rude in the country where I'm getting married. It's entirely the norm. My concern is about the American guests who don't share that norm. 

What country is it?

OurWildKingdom

bcmfall said:

It isn't rude in the country where I'm getting married. It's entirely the norm. My concern is about the American guests who don't share that norm. 

Hospitality is universal. Even if it's not the norm, I doubt any guest would complain about an open bar.

ernursej

I think you have a few options:

1) Have a dry wedding.

2) Offer and fully host beer and wine only.

3) Rejig the budget to accommodate the additional expense of a fully hosted bar.

4) If you haven't sent STDs, start cutting the guest list so you can properly host everyone who comes.

5) Work with the venue to bring in alcohol so that the cost is lower for you to fully host.

6) Consider shortening the time of the reception.

7) Without knowing your timeline, could you offer non-alcoholic options until a time when cocktails would normally be served (i.e. 5pm) and then open up the options to include alcohol? *****I'm NOT a huge fan of this option (but it certainly better than fully hosting for a few hours ... with drink tickets for example and then shutting it down/having guests pay for their continued consumption or not hosting properly at all).

MobKaz

OurWildKingdom said:

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bcmfall said:

It isn't rude in the country where I'm getting married. It's entirely the norm. My concern is about the American guests who don't share that norm. 

Hospitality is universal. Even if it's not the norm, I doubt any guest would complain about an open bar.

artbyallie

MobKaz said:

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OurWildKingdom said:

bcmfall said:

It isn't rude in the country where I'm getting married. It's entirely the norm. My concern is about the American guests who don't share that norm. 

Hospitality is universal. Even if it's not the norm, I doubt any guest would complain about an open bar.

While I agree that cash bars are rude regardless of local practices, IMO the 'norms' of the country you're marrying in become moot when you invite American guests, as it is certainly unequivocally rude to have a cash bar in the States. (Despite what some may claim about it being normal/typical for their area)

Thus, please don't have a cash bar. You realize some of your guests would be offended; don't offend them. You have been offered alternatives.

Jen4948

bcmfall said:

I'm getting married in another country, where it is pretty much unheard of to have an open bar. Venues do not offer open bar packages, and while we could potentially cover our guests on a consumption basis, the reception is also very long (I'm talking almost 12 hours from cocktail hour until the DJ stops! So different!) and venues offer standard bar-like drink prices so that honestly would not be affordable for us for 12 hours at like $7/drink. My fiance's guests, who are mainly from the area and who make up the vast majority of our expected guests, will not be expecting anything other than a cash bar. However, my guests, all of whom will be traveling overseas at great expense, also will be surprised by having to lay out further money to drink at the wedding. I'm looking for creative ideas to help balance my concern at not requiring my guests to spend much more than they already are to attend the wedding while also not breaking the bank when most of our guests wouldn't expect an open bar anyway. Things that have crossed my mind:
1 - hosting an expanded rehearsal dinner where we cover all drinks that would include all guests traveling from abroad along with both of our close family members and bridal party. This would also include some of his family who live here in the US, but would probably exclude a number of his family members who are local and most of his friends. This seems like an option that wouldn't insult anyway since his local guests would probably not choose to come to the hotel the night before the wedding so wouldn't be present while the rehearsal was going on.
2 - drink tickets or something like that for all guests. It wouldn't be an open bar, but it would be something. The standard reception package includes a drink per person during cocktail hour and a half bottle of wine per person during dinner. This would provide a few more drinks for everyone, an added bonus for those who won't be expecting it and something to offer those who are used to an open bar
3- I dont really think this can work, but is there some way to cover the American guests' costs (including my fiance's who come from here!) and not everyones??

Would also love suggestions as to the best way to communicate to guests that it will be at the very least a partial cash bar.  Any and all ideas are appreciated!

Sorry, but none of these options are polite.

The only polite way to not pay for drinks for guests is to not offer alcohol at all.

The one thing you can expect is that charging any guest for drinks, regardless of what is the "norm" in the country you are marrying in, is that someone is going to be offended by having to pay for drinks.

So either offer a limited bar that you can afford or no alcohol at all - but do not plan on making guests, even foreign ones, pay for drinks.

LondonLisa

Your options are:

1) find a venue where you can negotiate a package, even just beer and wine

2) find a venue where you can BYO, again even just beer and wine.

3.) shorten your reception to a length you can afford and spread the word about a no host after party at a pub. 

I would be livid of friends asked me to fly internationally for a cash bar. And I'm not American or Canadian.

I'm also curious what country this is. 

JaxInBlue

ernursej said:

7) Without knowing your timeline, could you offer non-alcoholic options until a time when cocktails would normally be served (i.e. 5pm) and then open up the options to include alcohol? *****I'm NOT a huge fan of this option (but it certainly better than fully hosting for a few hours ... with drink tickets for example and then shutting it down/having guests pay for their continued consumption or not hosting properly at all).

I get what you're saying with this and also wonder if this might work.  For example, if OP's event is noon-midnight, or essentially lunch to dinner, I might price out what the cost would be to do a hosted bar from 4-midnight.  I wonder if the trick to making this work would be making sure food options also move more gradually from light apps/snacks to the full dinner.

I know its not a great option, and I also like Lisa's suggestion of a shorter reception and a "hey we'll be at X bar after" after-party, but I can see this maybe working for the OP.

AddieCake

I think I would opt for a dry wedding. And I would definitely shorten the reception. Granted, the majority of your guests will be expecting a longer one, and they may be a little surprised at a shortening, but 12 hours? Are you even going to have the energy to last or enjoy that? I would end up being so cranky with people by the end of that. 

madamerwin

JaxInBlue said:

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ernursej said:

7) Without knowing your timeline, could you offer non-alcoholic options until a time when cocktails would normally be served (i.e. 5pm) and then open up the options to include alcohol? *****I'm NOT a huge fan of this option (but it certainly better than fully hosting for a few hours ... with drink tickets for example and then shutting it down/having guests pay for their continued consumption or not hosting properly at all).

I get what you're saying with this and also wonder if this might work.  For example, if OP's event is noon-midnight, or essentially lunch to dinner, I might price out what the cost would be to do a hosted bar from 4-midnight.  I wonder if the trick to making this work would be making sure food options also move more gradually from light apps/snacks to the full dinner.

I know its not a great option, and I also like Lisa's suggestion of a shorter reception and a "hey we'll be at X bar after" after-party, but I can see this maybe working for the OP.

Honestly, I think this may be the best idea... Granted, a 12 hour reception is kind of ridiculous, but depending on your (or FI's culture), maybe it's expected. However, if I attended a 12-hour reception that had alcohol from the start, I would probably be done drinking/tired/ready to leave after a few hours.

It may not be usual, but I think starting with no alcohol and moving to a fully hosted bar in the late afternoon would be your best option for reducing costs while still being a gracious host. Light apps/non-alcoholic beverages for the first few hours, and then open the bar in late afternoon when you are moving into dinner. And by "open the bar" I mean an OPEN bar, even if that means you are paying on a consumption basis. At least that way, you're only paying for 4-6 hours of alcohol vs. 12.

Otherwise, I echo PPs that you should have a dry wedding. I would be pretty pissed if I spent a shitload of money to travel internationally to your wedding, only to have to pull my wallet out at the reception.

londinium215

@LondonLisa I actually wonder if it's the UK? I'm from the US and moved to the UK and, since wedding planning began, have been told that it's considered acceptable to have a couple of bottles of wine on each table and a cash bar for anything else, and have an incredibly long reception (I went to one where the ceremony was at 2pm, drinking started at 2:45pm and dinner didn't end/dancing didn't begin until 11pm... and it went on for quite a few hours after that).

I'm not ok with a cash bar so decided instead to do a limited bar - our guests can have whatever they want from what we're offering, but we're not offering a full bar. My venue gave me a deal where it's an unlimited wine/beer/soda package for a certain price per person per hour, then the cocktails are based on consumption; we're offering two signature cocktails. 

SP29

JaxInBlue said:

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ernursej said:

7) Without knowing your timeline, could you offer non-alcoholic options until a time when cocktails would normally be served (i.e. 5pm) and then open up the options to include alcohol? *****I'm NOT a huge fan of this option (but it certainly better than fully hosting for a few hours ... with drink tickets for example and then shutting it down/having guests pay for their continued consumption or not hosting properly at all).

I get what you're saying with this and also wonder if this might work.  For example, if OP's event is noon-midnight, or essentially lunch to dinner, I might price out what the cost would be to do a hosted bar from 4-midnight.  I wonder if the trick to making this work would be making sure food options also move more gradually from light apps/snacks to the full dinner.

I know its not a great option, and I also like Lisa's suggestion of a shorter reception and a "hey we'll be at X bar after" after-party, but I can see this maybe working for the OP.

Besides an open bar for the entire reception, I think this is the best option. I think it would run the smoothest as well- a natural progression from lunch to dinner to evening party. Not that you can't have alcohol during the day (hello mimosas and sangria!) but it would be less common and likely less consumed.

Also more so that I think it very awkward (and rude) to start with a bar then cut it off part way into the night. I know it`s not exactly the same situation, but I will equate it similarly to dessert. Once the host offers dessert, it must be available for all guests and they should not have to pay for it. But the host doesn`t bring out dessert right at the start of the event.

LondonLisa

Knottie1453305971 said:

@LondonLisa I actually wonder if it's the UK? I'm from the US and moved to the UK and, since wedding planning began, have been told that it's considered acceptable to have a couple of bottles of wine on each table and a cash bar for anything else, and have an incredibly long reception (I went to one where the ceremony was at 2pm, drinking started at 2:45pm and dinner didn't end/dancing didn't begin until 11pm... and it went on for quite a few hours after that).

I'm not ok with a cash bar so decided instead to do a limited bar - our guests can have whatever they want from what we're offering, but we're not offering a full bar. My venue gave me a deal where it's an unlimited wine/beer/soda package for a certain price per person per hour, then the cocktails are based on consumption; we're offering two signature cocktails. 

I doubt it. Not sure where you heard cash bars are OK here....I've only been to a handful of cash bar weddings and there was serious shade being thrown. The vast majority are open bar. Yes, wedding/wedding breakfast/dancing can be long but I've never heard of a 2:30 wedding having dancing starting at 11! Usually it would be around 6 after the breakfast. Plus one wouldn't have a hard time finding venues with bar packages in the UK...

Please dont think one chav wedding is representative of the whole UK! 

londinium215

LondonLisa said:

show previous quotes

Knottie1453305971 said:

@LondonLisa I actually wonder if it's the UK? I'm from the US and moved to the UK and, since wedding planning began, have been told that it's considered acceptable to have a couple of bottles of wine on each table and a cash bar for anything else, and have an incredibly long reception (I went to one where the ceremony was at 2pm, drinking started at 2:45pm and dinner didn't end/dancing didn't begin until 11pm... and it went on for quite a few hours after that).

I'm not ok with a cash bar so decided instead to do a limited bar - our guests can have whatever they want from what we're offering, but we're not offering a full bar. My venue gave me a deal where it's an unlimited wine/beer/soda package for a certain price per person per hour, then the cocktails are based on consumption; we're offering two signature cocktails. 

I doubt it. Not sure where you heard cash bars are OK here....I've only been to a handful of cash bar weddings and there was serious shade being thrown. The vast majority are open bar. Yes, wedding/wedding breakfast/dancing can be long but I've never heard of a 2:30 wedding having dancing starting at 11! Usually it would be around 6 after the breakfast. Plus one wouldn't have a hard time finding venues with bar packages in the UK...

Please dont think one chav wedding is representative of the whole UK! 

Entirely possible it's indicative of where my fiance is from (he's a Northerner, though we're living in London) - I was pretty shocked when he told me the reason he assumed we'd have a cash bar was because he's never been to a wedding that was open bar. Then again, a few of his friends that I've asked (some of which are from London/SE) said the same. 

Either way, I'm glad to hear it's not as common as I'd thought!

MairePoppy

Please, please tell us what country is this? @bcmfall      

How much will that expanded rehearsal dinner cost you? You could skip the rehearsal and RD and put that money toward hosting the bar. You and fi could meet with your officiant and get all the details worked out. If you have  a wedding party, you can give instructions to them prior to the wedding.

Limit your bar to beer, wine, soft drinks. Print up beverage menus and place them on every table or place setting. 

Shorten that reception. After 4 or 5 hours, thank your guests for coming to your wedding. You may, if you want, let them know you'll be hanging out at X bar that evening and everyone is welcome to join you. 

Treat all guests equally.There's no nice way to cover drinks for American guests, only.