Snarky Brides

Just a Rant...I HATE, and I mean HATE my MOH's boyfriend

So I have never really liked the guy, and I have remained civil out of respect for my MOH but seriously the guy is garbage and I'm trying my best to not lose my ish on him prior to the wedding because I don't want anyone to be awkward. She complains about him constantly, he's had 4 jobs in the past year, he is the most dependent cry baby I have ever met in my life (seriously I know 7 year old children who are more independent than this guy), and he is virtually incapable of taking instruction.

Last month I received a Facebook message from him asking for assistance keeping her occupied on a specific day because he was throwing her a surprise birthday party. I went out of the way creating a fake wedding event for her to attend to get her out of the house, detailed for him (WORD FOR WORD) the discussion he needed to have with her in order for everything to go off without a hitch. over a week later, he did not ever have any discussion with her so she planned her own freaking party on that same day! I AGAIN outlined EXACTLY what he needed to say to her to get things back on track. He has a discussion with her, she cancels her event then proceeds to tell me that she can't come to my event because the BF told her she can't make ANY plans as he has planned the whole weekend. Keep in mind, as this was a fake event to begin with I don't really care if I cancel it, however the constant cleaning up his messes for a party he is supposed to be planning is absurd. He has done ZERO actual planning. I came up with the theme and games, another friend is hosting the event and they are doing potluck, so he doesn't even have to be responsible for food.

This man can literally do NOTHING right and I am really dreading as we get closer to the wedding. I am getting married in a different state so we have to travel for it. I am very concerned his lack of being able to do anything is going to put some hiccups in the plan, and I really DO NOT want to spend any significant amount of time with him. I just hoping he won't be able to come due to yet another job change...My MOH has mentioned on multiple occasions that she needs a break from him, so I'm quite certain she would have a much better time without him as well.

GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Just a Rant...I HATE, and I mean HATE my MOH's boyfriend

  • LOL!!! Yes, I have dated my share of them in the past as well. I thought for sure they were done when he showed up AT HER WORK last month to have an inappropriate argument with her, but alas she didn't kick him to the curb then.

    ShesSoCold
  • Count me in the club of having had a loser ex. Maybe even two, but honestly the sevond one just smoked too much weed. He was a PITA, but not intentionally. The first one was a huge douche, and from what I hear, still is. It's made me a better person, I take a lot less shit now. It's the unpaid internship of relationships.

    Hopefully she gets past him but honestly, I wouldn't have listened to anyone else's opinion when I was in the midst of a relationship like that. When friends said anything I was all 'you just don't understand us!'. I just knew I would change him! You just need to be there for her in the wings if/when she needs you. And drink a lot of whisky when you're out with him to get you through it.
    Neither would I in my few crappy relationships...but I learned and kicked them to the curb within a few months....this douche has been around for almost 2 years...UGH!!!! Sad part is that she sees what a horrible person HE is but thinks she is being too hard on him...NO, he is REALLY that bad!

    SP29
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Count me in the club of having had a loser ex. Maybe even two, but honestly the sevond one just smoked too much weed. He was a PITA, but not intentionally. The first one was a huge douche, and from what I hear, still is. It's made me a better person, I take a lot less shit now. It's the unpaid internship of relationships.

    Hopefully she gets past him but honestly, I wouldn't have listened to anyone else's opinion when I was in the midst of a relationship like that. When friends said anything I was all 'you just don't understand us!'. I just knew I would change him! You just need to be there for her in the wings if/when she needs you. And drink a lot of whisky when you're out with him to get you through it.
    Neither would I in my few crappy relationships...but I learned and kicked them to the curb within a few months....this douche has been around for almost 2 years...UGH!!!! Sad part is that she sees what a horrible person HE is but thinks she is being too hard on him...NO, he is REALLY that bad!
    I kept one of those around for more than 3 years, and almost married two others! I had to switch teams just to get away from loser exes. ;) J/K

    I hear you. My college roommate and I have known each other for 20 years, and she's been with so many jerks during that time. One hit her, one cheated, one stole money from her father (also his boss). All I can do is be there to listen and support her and show her by example that things can be better for her. That's all you can do. ((((((Hugs)))))))) to you.
  • 2yrs of shit can only mean one thing. Huge Wang. It's the only explaination. 
    LMAO!!! She hasn't mentioned that....and we DO girl talk like that. But now I'm not going to be able to look at him without laughing, thanks :)

    OurWildKingdom
  • I dated 1 guy like this in college, but I was with him for 4 YEARS! I look back now and think I must have been extremely drunk the whole time. There were 3 of us in the relationship: Him, his mother, and then me. If we had problems, she would call me about them. He called her when he woke up, before we went to do something, and before he went to bed. EVERY FUCKING DAY. It took me forever to realize that this wasn't healthy. But when I did and I broke up with him, it was the most liberating day I've ever had. Our mutual friends have told me that he still can't keep a job and got some exchange student from Germany pregnant. Only thing I miss from that relationship was the dog.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker Wedding Countdown Ticker
    SP29
  • Yup count me in for the loser ex club. 

    Mine would constantly text me when I was at work, didn't follow through on anything, put me down, was a huge jack ass. And if anyone tried to tell me that when we were together I would have gotten defensive and told them to mind their own damn business. And we were together for four years. 
    ShesSoCold
  • Yup count me in for the loser ex club. 

    Mine would constantly text me when I was at work, didn't follow through on anything, put me down, was a huge jack ass. And if anyone tried to tell me that when we were together I would have gotten defensive and told them to mind their own damn business. And we were together for four years. 
    OMG my friend can not do ANYTHING without him constantly bugging her with text messages "what are you doing? when are you coming home?" It's nuts! Sometimes I want to grab her phone and text back "NEVER" lmao!!!

    Sherbie25
  •  marissaskisses said:
    Count me in the club of having had a loser ex. Maybe even two, but honestly the sevond one just smoked too much weed. He was a PITA, but not intentionally. The first one was a huge douche, and from what I hear, still is. It's made me a better person, I take a lot less shit now. It's the unpaid internship of relationships.

    Hopefully she gets past him but honestly, I wouldn't have listened to anyone else's opinion when I was in the midst of a relationship like that. When friends said anything I was all 'you just don't understand us!'. I just knew I would change him! You just need to be there for her in the wings if/when she needs you. And drink a lot of whisky when you're out with him to get you through it.
    Neither would I in my few crappy relationships...but I learned and kicked them to the curb within a few months....this douche has been around for almost 2 years...UGH!!!! Sad part is that she sees what a horrible person HE is but thinks she is being too hard on him...NO, he is REALLY that bad!
    Someone (Dan Savage???) said something along the lines of "You owe it to people to be decent to them, but you don't owe anyone a relationship." Like, YEARS ago, when I was in high school, I read that and thought I understood. 

    Then I dated a few losers I felt I couldn't break up with because they'd be too sad/dejected/whatever if I dumped them. Or the guy who would never be able to pay his studio apt rent without me, and I felt so bad dumping him because he'd have to go live with his parents again.....

    Yeah, it took me a while to realize that sometimes "too hard on him" really means "showing any consideration or respect at all for me."
    marissaskissesOurWildKingdomHeffalumpSP29
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
     marissaskisses said:
    Count me in the club of having had a loser ex. Maybe even two, but honestly the sevond one just smoked too much weed. He was a PITA, but not intentionally. The first one was a huge douche, and from what I hear, still is. It's made me a better person, I take a lot less shit now. It's the unpaid internship of relationships.

    Hopefully she gets past him but honestly, I wouldn't have listened to anyone else's opinion when I was in the midst of a relationship like that. When friends said anything I was all 'you just don't understand us!'. I just knew I would change him! You just need to be there for her in the wings if/when she needs you. And drink a lot of whisky when you're out with him to get you through it.
    Neither would I in my few crappy relationships...but I learned and kicked them to the curb within a few months....this douche has been around for almost 2 years...UGH!!!! Sad part is that she sees what a horrible person HE is but thinks she is being too hard on him...NO, he is REALLY that bad!
    Someone (Dan Savage???) said something along the lines of "You owe it to people to be decent to them, but you don't owe anyone a relationship." Like, YEARS ago, when I was in high school, I read that and thought I understood. 

    Then I dated a few losers I felt I couldn't break up with because they'd be too sad/dejected/whatever if I dumped them. Or the guy who would never be able to pay his studio apt rent without me, and I felt so bad dumping him because he'd have to go live with his parents again.....

    Yeah, it took me a while to realize that sometimes "too hard on him" really means "showing any consideration or respect at all for me."
    @JediElizabeth, I hear you! When I broke up with the guy I dated for three years, I got blamed when he started drinking and smoking dope again. But if I'd stayed with him, my own recovery would have been in jeopardy.
    JediElizabeth
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2016
    I understand your frustration.  I'll bet your Mom has been frustrated with some of your boyfriend choices, too.

    Here is a reality check:

    1.  He is not married to someone else.
    2.  He has not molested you or a member of your family.
    3.  He is not wanted by the police.
    4.  He has not physically attacked you or a member of your family.
    5.  He has not threatened you with physical harm.
    6.  He is not addicted to illegal drugs.
    7.  He is not an alcoholic.

    I am presuming some of the above because you haven't mentioned it.
    I get it - you don't like him.  You don't have to.  That is not required.  What is required is that you treat him with politeness for as long as he is in a relationship with your mother.  It is HER decision to make, not yours, so butt out.

    PS.  Many of the things in the above list did apply to my ex-stepfathers.  Mom had lousy taste in men.  She never liked my husband, either, and he was very tolerant of her.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdombohobrideCAScottishSarah
  • Yes, MOH not MOB. And to my knowledge the list does not apply to him, but to my knowledge he treats her like crap to the point that it could be called mental abuse, which is not OK. I don't know the guy well enough to check anything off of that list, nor do I care to.

    As I already stated I am doing everything in my power to not go off on the guy and have treated him civilly for the entire length of their relationship.

    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • I thank my lucky stars for my shitty boyfriend because it happened when I was pretty young (17-20) but I came out the other side a stronger woman. He was awful. He was a liar, a cheater, lazy, drunk, possessive, jealous, asshole. We were on again off again for almost 3 years before finally I was just done. I learned so much. I learned boundaries and warning signs. Hopefully your friend has an awakening soon.
    OurWildKingdom
  • edited March 2016
    OP, if your username didn't [possibly] indicate your name I'd assume you were my friend. Her MOH has such a loser bf but she's happy and my friend is happy for her so she just complains to me. And I love it. My friend is already fretting about where this loser bf is going to be while they're getting ready for her wedding. She's thinking of crafts he can do to entertain himself. And I don't mean wedding crafts, I mean puzzles and shit because he loves that stuff.
    marissaskisses
  • OP, if your username didn't [possibly] indicate your name I'd assume you were my friend. Her MOH has such a loser bf but she's happy and my friend is happy for her so she just complains to me. And I love it. My friend is already fretting about where this loser bf is going to be while they're getting ready for her wedding. She's thinking of crafts he can do to entertain himself. And I don't mean wedding crafts, I mean puzzles and shit because he loves that stuff.
    ROFLMAO!!!! I was told this guy is a great artist, so I asked him to do our chalkboard directional signs on wedding day to keep him busy and out of my hair if he comes. He's a perfectionist so that could take him all day and it's nothing too important that I have to worry if he makes it look like crap

    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
  • HAH the schmo I dated used to show up at my job because he missed me. Maybe had he gotten a job, he'd have had something to occupy his time. Dude lied to me, stole from me, cheated on me and was just an all around loser. His mother congratulated me when I broke up with him. Sure there were better things I could have done with those two years, but I feel like I'm better off having dealt with that.
    I dated one of those too. His mom asked me why I was dating her son, she thought I was way too good for him. I didn't think telling her that he was really good in bed was a good idea, so I just smiled and nodded. 
    OurWildKingdomSherbie25JediElizabeth
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My ex was unemployed the whole time we dated (just over a year).  I got laid off during that time & got a retail job to help out.  I suggested the same to him, to which he replied "I have a masters degree .... I'm too good for retail."  Yet he wasn't too good to have his parents pay his mortgage and living expenses (he was in his early-mid 30s at the time).
    OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    My ex was unemployed the whole time we dated (just over a year).  I got laid off during that time & got a retail job to help out.  I suggested the same to him, to which he replied "I have a masters degree .... I'm too good for retail."  Yet he wasn't too good to have his parents pay his mortgage and living expenses (he was in his early-mid 30s at the time).
    I see why he's an ex! What a douche!
    Sherbie25
  • 2yrs of shit can only mean one thing. Huge Wang. It's the only explaination. 
    LMAO!!! She hasn't mentioned that....and we DO girl talk like that. But now I'm not going to be able to look at him without laughing, thanks :)
    PFFFT, you need way more than just a big dick to be in good bed. Slept with several guys who thought that was all they need, there is A LOT of bad sex out there, let me tell you.

    marissaskissesOurWildKingdomkimmiinthemitten
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    2yrs of shit can only mean one thing. Huge Wang. It's the only explaination. 
    LMAO!!! She hasn't mentioned that....and we DO girl talk like that. But now I'm not going to be able to look at him without laughing, thanks :)
    PFFFT, you need way more than just a big dick to be in good bed. Slept with several guys who thought that was all they need, there is A LOT of bad sex out there, let me tell you.
    Got to be good with hands and tongue too!
    [Deleted User]
  • 2yrs of shit can only mean one thing. Huge Wang. It's the only explaination. 
    LMAO!!! She hasn't mentioned that....and we DO girl talk like that. But now I'm not going to be able to look at him without laughing, thanks :)
    PFFFT, you need way more than just a big dick to be in good bed. Slept with several guys who thought that was all they need, there is A LOT of bad sex out there, let me tell you.
    Got to be good with hands and tongue too!

    OurWildKingdomsparklepants41kimmiinthemittenThisShamanluvsaMage
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