Pre-wedding Parties

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Re: ?????

  • edited March 2016
    No no one is throwing me a party I know for a fact. My friends have all told me they either don't have the time to devote or the financial resources for it. But my question is i'm having a destination wedding and a lot of people I invited can't come due to the financial hardship. The reasons why I wanted the bridal shower was to include the family that wanted to come but we're not able to attend 
  • edited March 2016
    I'm thinking of having my own bridal shower and I know i'm hitting on all kinds of wrong in the wedding etiquette department but I really don't have a lot of friends. The 3 close friends I have can't come to my destination wedding since they booked other vacations beforehand so I can't include them in my bridal party. I have one friend who wants to try and come but she is throwing a bachelorette party for me already and I wouldnt want to burden her anymore. im paying for my mother and siblings to attend my destination wedding so they are not in a financial situation to throw me a bridal shower. I also have some coworkers and family who can't make the wedding but really want to take part of the wedding process. I also know wedding etiquette rule is not to invite people to the bridal shower who aren't going to the wedding. But a lot of people I did invite to come but can't attend the wedding due to it being a destination wedding and can't come due to financial reasons. I was going to throw a small bridal shower for the people who aren't financially able to come to the wedding so they can feel a part of my special day.  Please no mean comments I know this isn't the traditional or the norm but I feel like I want to take part in all parts of the bridal process. I understand people are busy, have kids, or don't have the financial resources to throw me a bridal shower. 



    so OP I assume you edited your original post after @ernursej commented? Not cool. 

    The first bolded, that's correct and it doesn't matter what comes after the "but". It's rude to throw your own shower. You're inviting people to go to a party to give you presents, this is not at all appropriate. 

    The second bolded, this isn't exactly right. You shouldn't invite people to pre-wedding events if they are not invited to the wedding. If they can't make it to the wedding that's a different situation, but anyone invited to a pre-wedding party must be invited to the wedding. 

    You're choosing to have a destination wedding, sometimes that means people can't afford to attend and sometimes those are the people closest to you or that you would like to be in your wedding party. It also means that some people may not offer to throw parties for you. That's sad and unfortunate, but that's the choice you made by having a destination wedding.

    Also, no one is entitled to a party, and it's rude of you to ask someone to do it and/or throw it yourself. 
    ernursejInLoveInQueensOliveOilsMomSP29
  • Change it to a local wedding instead of destination.  Problem solved!
    ernursejInLoveInQueensmadamerwin
  • Thank you all for your opinions! But i'm going to delete this post and continue on with my wedding plans. I appreciate the feed back. Have a blessed day 
  • "I'm thinking of having my own bridal shower and I know i'm hitting on all kinds of wrong in the wedding etiquette department but I really don't have a lot of friends. The 3 close friends I have can't come to my destination wedding since they booked other vacations beforehand so I can't include them in my bridal party. I have one friend who wants to try and come but she is throwing a bachelorette party for me already and I wouldnt want to burden her anymore. im paying for my mother and siblings to attend my destination wedding so they are not in a financial situation to throw me a bridal shower. I also have some coworkers and family who can't make the wedding but really want to take part of the wedding process. I also know wedding etiquette rule is not to invite people to the bridal shower who aren't going to the wedding. But a lot of people I did invite to come but can't attend the wedding due to it being a destination wedding and can't come due to financial reasons. I was going to throw a small bridal shower for the people who aren't financially able to come to the wedding so they can feel a part of my special day.  Please no mean comments I know this isn't the traditional or the norm but I feel like I want to take part in all parts of the bridal process. I understand people are busy, have kids, or don't have the financial resources to throw me a bridal shower." 

    "No no one is throwing me a party I know for a fact. My friends have all told me they either don't have the time to devote or the financial resources for it. But my question is i'm having a destination wedding and a lot of people I invited can't come due to the financial hardship. The reasons why I wanted the bridal shower was to include the family that wanted to come but we're not able to attend "

    ***Still having issues with the quote button working ... copy and pasted again.

    OP - Incredibly rude to change the original post ... especially when you were quoted (or copied and pasted in my situation since the quote button wasn't working).

    You have made the choice to have a destination wedding. With choices comes consequences (good and bad). The good might mean you get to be in a place you love and means something to you, the bad might mean you have to deal with people declining to come or financial repercussions of getting VIPs to your location.

    Regardless of where you are having your wedding, you should not plan your own bridal shower. That is not a mean comment, but a very basic piece of etiquette 101. You might want to have all the parts of the 'bridal process' but there are some parts that are not up to you.

    If you really want to have a party, throw a get together that has none of the trappings of a bridal shower. You still get to hang out with some fabulous people (which should really be central to why you want to have a party) but don't have to worry about only inviting those that were invited to the wedding or falling into the etiquette nightmare of planning your own shower.

    Another option, like @db1984 suggested, is to change your wedding idea to something local so that your near and dear are less burdened financially. Then, perhaps, someone will decide to throw you a shower unprompted.

    The Knot is not going to be the place that you find people sympathetic to planning your own shower. If you are only looking for comments about how to do this, you will likely end up upset with the responses you get.

  • Thank you all for your opinions! But i'm going to delete this post and continue on with my wedding plans. I appreciate the feed back. Have a blessed day 
  • "Thank you all for your opinions! But i'm going to delete this post and continue on with my wedding plans. I appreciate the feed back. Have a blessed day"

    Again with the cut and paste, damned quote button!

    @Knottie1458383947 - I'm sorry that you couldn't find the responses that you were looking for. With the deleting/altering, it will only increase traffic to this posting. You can never completely delete the thread.

    InLoveInQueensadk19madamerwinOliveOilsMom
  • CMGragain said:
    No no one is throwing me a party I know for a fact. My friends have all told me they either don't have the time to devote or the financial resources for it. But my question is i'm having a destination wedding and a lot of people I invited can't come due to the financial hardship. The reasons why I wanted the bridal shower was to include the family that wanted to come but we're not able to attend 
    My daughter didn't get a shower because no one offered to host one for her.  Why the hell do you think YOU are entitled to one?

    If you really want to include your family members, cancel your self centered destination wedding and have a local wedding where everyone can attend - and be included.

    I'm betting that nobody wants to host a shower for you because of your self centered and entitled attitude.
    Seriously I think CMGragain is dead on. You don't actually want the shower so family can be involved, you want it because you don't think you're going to gifts another way. If you wanted family involved you'd have your wedding at home...
    Ditto.

    There are so many other types of parties that don't involve giving you gifts. Interesting, OP, that the party you choose to throw yourself to make others feel "more involved" is the one type where the only purpose is to SHOWER you with gifts (hence the name). You could throw a bbq get together, or a luncheon, or a celebration of marriage party after you get back from your destination wedding...but you choose a party where the sole purpose is to give you gifts.. That is beyond rude and tacky.

    If no one offers to throw you one, then you just don't get one - you don't get to throw yourself one under the guise of "letting others feel included."  You just put on your big girl panties and move on accepting the consequences of the type of wedding you decided to have. Showers aren't some fundamental right where you get a pass because you decided destination wedding was more important to you than all of your family and friends being there to witness you getting married.
    adk19OliveOilsMomSP29
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    A shower is not a substitute for a wedding. I would never be all, "oh, I can't go to the wedding, but hip hip hooray I was able to make the shower!" You want a shower because you want a shower. Be honest. 

    Also, I strongly suspect this is MUD.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    InLoveInQueens
  • B...b..but how am I supposed to squeeze gifts out of these people who are too poor to attend my destination wedding? You can't expect me to change my plans to accommodate these people I say I care about (but only if they can do for me) by having a local wedding/including them in my special day. It's cheaper for me to have a destination wedding, screw my guests, they're props! And gift machines.

    I do love me some hyperbole. And I hope this is MUD but knowing some people irl I can absolutely believe there are people this selfish and short-sighted.
  • No wonder she doesn't have friends and the ones she has are running as far away from this thing as possible. She doesn't care about anything but herself. Oh, and gifts. 
    InLoveInQueensILoveBeachMusicMyNameIsNot
  • You mention the financial hardships, financial reasons, financial situations many, many times. Why do you think they can afford your gift?


    adk19OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens


  • Oooo, an opportunity to use this gif!
    SP29
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