Little Vent

Knottie1430965129 · March 2016

Our wedding is in 2 months, my MOH and FMIL just threw me the BEST shower I could imagine. I was really surprised!
Here's my little rant: my mom and sister, who is a bridesmaid, treated my MOH and FMIL like crap. I only found out after the shower was over and heard a few friends who stuck around to help clean up and are always game for an "after party" talking about how rude my mom and sister were before I got there. I asked what they were talking about, and they filled me in on how my sister pretty much verbally ripped apart everything my MOH set up and planned for the day, and how my mom just sat with the rest of my side of the family and talked about how "sister's shower wasn't like this..." WTF.
I called my mom the next day to talk about what the problem was that they seemed to have, and she immediately started on about how the shower was at FMIL's house, not at a hall or restaurant, how MOH had a few "iffy" games that HAD to be vetoed, how sister would have done THIS, and when SHE had her shower planned it was pretty much everything sister told her MOH she expected.(I wasn't even in her wedding)
Ummm, NO, mom. My shower WAS exactly what I wanted, it fit my personality and our theme for the wedding to a T. I am not a person who enjoys being the center of attention and get very anxious in large crowds, so MOH planned the event at a familiar place where she knew I'd feel most comfortable. The games we played were super cute (Purse Raid, Forbidden Words, and Guess Who-answers provided by FI)...I did hear about one of the games that got the kabosh, and I thought it would have been hilarious, had I known about it before the shower ended, we would have definitely played!
I feel horrible for the way my mom and sister acted, and MOH is such an amazing person. She isn't worried, even with the bachelorette coming up! (yes, I know when this is happening, but I don't know what we're doing!!) I have devised a plan to keep nay-sayers quiet...the reason MOH has this position is because she truly DOES know me best, and I think it irks my sister to know we just aren't that close. I know I can't make everyone get along, I just was hoping that adults could "adult" for a little while and not be whiny brats about things that aren't even about them. *Sigh* too much to ask....

LondonLisa · March 2016

Knottie1430965129 said:

Our wedding is in 2 months, my MOH and FMIL just threw me the BEST shower I could imagine. I was really surprised!
Here's my little rant: my mom and sister, who is a bridesmaid, treated my MOH and FMIL like crap. I only found out after the shower was over and heard a few friends who stuck around to help clean up and are always game for an "after party" talking about how rude my mom and sister were before I got there. I asked what they were talking about, and they filled me in on how my sister pretty much verbally ripped apart everything my MOH set up and planned for the day, and how my mom just sat with the rest of my side of the family and talked about how "sister's shower wasn't like this..." WTF.
I called my mom the next day to talk about what the problem was that they seemed to have, and she immediately started on about how the shower was at FMIL's house, not at a hall or restaurant, how MOH had a few "iffy" games that HAD to be vetoed, how sister would have done THIS, and when SHE had her shower planned it was pretty much everything sister told her MOH she expected.(I wasn't even in her wedding)
Ummm, NO, mom. My shower WAS exactly what I wanted, it fit my personality and our theme for the wedding to a T. I am not a person who enjoys being the center of attention and get very anxious in large crowds, so MOH planned the event at a familiar place where she knew I'd feel most comfortable. The games we played were super cute (Purse Raid, Forbidden Words, and Guess Who-answers provided by FI)...I did hear about one of the games that got the kabosh, and I thought it would have been hilarious, had I known about it before the shower ended, we would have definitely played!
I feel horrible for the way my mom and sister acted, and MOH is such an amazing person. She isn't worried, even with the bachelorette coming up! (yes, I know when this is happening, but I don't know what we're doing!!) I have devised a plan to keep nay-sayers quiet...the reason MOH has this position is because she truly DOES know me best, and I think it irks my sister to know we just aren't that close. I know I can't make everyone get along, I just was hoping that adults could "adult" for a little while and not be whiny brats about things that aren't even about them. *Sigh* too much to ask....

Anyone who can't act like an adult at a party deserves to be excluded from further parties. I'd call up sis and say "I'm beyond disappointed at your behaviour at my shower. If you can't act like an adult and be polite for a few hours when something isn't to your taste, don't bother coming to my bachelorette. I'm so hurt you would do this to me just because it wasn't your style. You owe MoH an apology".

Chances are she'll get defensive and say rubbish excuses like "I'm just being honest".

She is entitled to her opinion. She is not entitled to be rude without consequences.

charlotte989875 · March 2016

That sucks, I'm sorry this happened.

I agree with everything @LondonLisa said and would add when you send a thank you to MOH and FMIL I would just make sure they know how much you enjoyed the shower and you appreciated that they planned something that fit you. Don't mention your family's bad behavior but thank them for what they did.

Deal with your family privately and let them know this is not acceptable at future wedding related events.

AddieCake · March 2016

Definitely tell them their behavior was neither appreciated nor acceptable.

Knottie1430965129 · April 2016

I have sent out my thank yous and made sure to let FMIL and MOH know the party was perfect and that I loved everything about it.
I have since spoken with my sister again, and she was complaining about the bachelorette coming up, to which I simply replied "then don't come." I have no idea what's been planned, I just know what day and what time I need to be ready, and that there is a Dunkin Donut's within walking distance of where we're staying so my night-shift butt can get up with day-time normal people.
I am so excited...and nervous.....and a little scared..... there's still so much to do!

kimmiinthemitten · April 2016

Good for you for standing up to your sister. It's sad they couldn't be gracious about a party that was thrown in your honor. Like @LondonLisasaid, behavior has consequences and if you choose to limit your time with spent with them, that's more than fair.

We we have a similar problem with FMIL and since FI called her out for her poor behavior they haven't spoken. It's been a beautiful, peaceful 3 weeks!

What did sister say about not attending the bachelorette?

Jen4948 · April 2016

I'm sorry your mom and sister behaved this way, and kudos to you for telling your sister to shape up or ship out with regards to your bachelorette party.

Did you also tell your mother that her behavior was unacceptable?

Knottie1430965129 · April 2016

@kimmiinthemitten & @Jen4948: Sorry for the delay in responding, I have been SUPER busy with picking up extra days at work, plus our new house, and still all that's left for the wedding!
I had my bachelorette over the weekend and it was AMAZING! My sister did come, and tried (I say tried bc no one let her) to be a spoil sport. First order of business was getting a few laps in at the go-kart track (I LOVE racing, one of my hobbies with FI is working on/drag racing our Charger). We spent the entire night within walking distance of karaoke bars and the beach, it was an awesome time with drinks, food, dancing, yes a little *terrible* singing, and wonderful people. We capped it off the next morning with recovery massages.
My mother and sister have both been informed that their comments and opinions need to be kept to themselves/between the two of them, that I refuse to tolerate negativity going forward, and they both owe MOH and FMIL an apology for acting like they have. I reminded my sister that she has already had "her day" and this is OUR time, not just mine, because FI and I are doing everything together.
At this point, my way to make them feel completely idiotic is throwing a wedding that will be talked about for years and looking damn hot in my gown. I had my first fitting and all the hard work at the gym has paid off, I've lost 15lbs and FI has lost 50lbs. We are counting down!!!