Post wedding celebration-tacky or acceptable?

Paper_Kitten

I am getting married in October at my parents house. Because of this, space is limited and I had to very picky about who to invite. I'm really sad I can't celebrate with a lot of my friends. I would have picked another venue, but due to budgeting, this wasn't possible. 

I would really like to have a celebration possibly sometime in the spring inviting those I wasn't able to invite initially. I wouldn't be asking/expecting/hoping or even wanting gifts. I just want to celebrate with them. 

Does this fall under the "don't throw a party for yourself" rule?

I wanted something laid back. Either a pot luck or bbq (but there again lies the budgeting issue with the bbq) 

Thanks for the advice! 

LondonLisa

Knottie1459130283 said:

I am getting married in October at my parents house. Because of this, space is limited and I had to very picky about who to invite. I'm really sad I can't celebrate with a lot of my friends. I would have picked another venue, but due to budgeting, this wasn't possible. 

I would really like to have a celebration possibly sometime in the spring inviting those I wasn't able to invite initially. I wouldn't be asking/expecting/hoping or even wanting gifts. I just want to celebrate with them. 

Does this fall under the "don't throw a party for yourself" rule?

I wanted something laid back. Either a pot luck or bbq (but there again lies the budgeting issue with the bbq) 

Thanks for the advice! 

You can throw a party any time. However,  you shouldn't throw a party celebrating a wedding these people aren't invited to. Frustrating? Yes. But actions have consequences, and you chose a small wedding. Own it.

Just to add- pot lucks are never ok for a party. They're for book clubs and family reunions. 

CMGragain

You can throw a party for your friends at any time - except on your wedding day.  The party will not be a part of your wedding.  It is an entirely separate event.  Perfectly OK to show your wedding photos.

No pot luck.  You pay for all the refreshments.

londinium215

I'm sort of doing this - I'm getting married in the country where I live, then flying back to the US a few weeks later and celebrating with my friends and family (some of whom were invited to the wedding but couldn't make it, some of whom weren't invited). 

However, at the party at home, it's just a party my parents are throwing in honour of the newlyweds, but other than the fact that it's happening a few weeks after my wedding, there's nothing wedding related happening... I'm certainly not wearing a wedding dress, there will be no ceremonial first dance, cake cutting, grand entrance, etc. 

I think it's fine to have a party post-wedding with your friends, it's always fine to throw a party, but keep in mind that it's post-wedding, not a delayed wedding reception or anything - it's just a regular party. 

Paper_Kitten

I wasn't planning on wearing white or having a "second wedding" 
it would be a chance for everyone to meet my  husband  as well as for me to meet the rest of my husbands friends and extended family. 

What would I call this party on the invites then if it's not a wedding cebration ?

kvruns

Just call it a BBQ/Cookout/something like that or simply "we're having a party"

ahoywedding

I'm doing a similar thing. We are having the wedding in the state we currently live in, and will have a casual get-together in my home state when when we go back in the summer. We are fully hosting the party, but otherwise it will be devoid of wedding things (except of course, saying "meet my new husband!"). But I am trying to be clear in all of my communication that this isn't a "wedding repeat," it's just a party we're hosting.

SP29

@Knottie1459130283

Are you throwing this party at your home? I would simply invite your guests as "Come celebrate at the Jones'!".

You don't need to call it anything special, in any other way than if you were inviting your friends over for a BBQ. I assume these people you are inviting will know you have gotten married. Those who haven't seen you since will likely ask about your wedding. Fine to show wedding photos. You can always introduce FH as your new husband to anyone who hasn't met him.

This party should still be hosted by yourselves (food and drink). Nothing wrong with hotdogs and hamburgers with a few salads. As with your wedding, you invite and host based on your budget.

Nothing wrong with having a small wedding. No one is entitled to an invite to your wedding and everyone knows weddings can be expensive. You don't need a reason to throw a party, ever, but own the decision to have a small wedding and don't feel like you need to give those you couldn't invite a consolation prize.

ETA: We got married in our hometown, which was a several hour plane flight from where we lived at the time. A month or so after we got married we had a dinner party and invited all of our friends over (many of whom could not attend the wedding). It was a "first dinner party as the Smiths" (not actually our last name). It was really no different though than any other party we or our friends would host.

ahoywedding

@SP29 I know your response wasn't for me, but thank you for helping with the wording! I don't know why I was having such a severe metal block figuring out how to invite people to a celebration at my parents' home. "Come celebrate at xx's" sounds fine, and everyone knows we will have been married by that point.

Sometimes the easiest answer is right in front of your face, I guess.

JediElizabeth

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1459130283 said:

I am getting married in October at my parents house. Because of this, space is limited and I had to very picky about who to invite. I'm really sad I can't celebrate with a lot of my friends. I would have picked another venue, but due to budgeting, this wasn't possible. 

I would really like to have a celebration possibly sometime in the spring inviting those I wasn't able to invite initially. I wouldn't be asking/expecting/hoping or even wanting gifts. I just want to celebrate with them. 

Does this fall under the "don't throw a party for yourself" rule?

I wanted something laid back. Either a pot luck or bbq (but there again lies the budgeting issue with the bbq) 

Thanks for the advice! 

You can throw a party any time. However,  you shouldn't throw a party celebrating a wedding these people aren't invited to. Frustrating? Yes. But actions have consequences, and you chose a small wedding. Own it.

Just to add- pot lucks are never ok for a party. They're for book clubs and family reunions. 

I know this is a contested opinion, but: I don't think the boded is true at all - at the very least, it's a circles thing. My circle always asks "what can I bring" - or sometimes don't even ask because they have a recipe that they just can't wait to share. We generally love potlucks (people bring things for BBQs, or sides to Friendsgivings, or drinks to a gaming party). As long as you're aware of food safety and have enough room in your fridge until cold things are served, and oven/grill to hear everything properly, it's fine. I've been to plenty of "we haven't partied in a while, and no one can afford to host a whole event by themselves" kinda potlucks - it keeps our friend group stronger than we would be if we never made that effort, or no one but the few people who can host (in terms of space and money) ever paid for things. 

However, I agree that if you're hosting a party in someone's honor (or a housewarming, or celebration of someone's marriage, or anything like that) AND asking for people to contribute like that, it's rude. Fully host this one, and have a pot luck the next time when it's just a party for the sake of partying, if that's something your friends tend to do. 

LondonLisa

JediElizabeth said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1459130283 said:

I am getting married in October at my parents house. Because of this, space is limited and I had to very picky about who to invite. I'm really sad I can't celebrate with a lot of my friends. I would have picked another venue, but due to budgeting, this wasn't possible. 

I would really like to have a celebration possibly sometime in the spring inviting those I wasn't able to invite initially. I wouldn't be asking/expecting/hoping or even wanting gifts. I just want to celebrate with them. 

Does this fall under the "don't throw a party for yourself" rule?

I wanted something laid back. Either a pot luck or bbq (but there again lies the budgeting issue with the bbq) 

Thanks for the advice! 

You can throw a party any time. However,  you shouldn't throw a party celebrating a wedding these people aren't invited to. Frustrating? Yes. But actions have consequences, and you chose a small wedding. Own it.

Just to add- pot lucks are never ok for a party. They're for book clubs and family reunions. 

I know this is a contested opinion, but: I don't think the boded is true at all - at the very least, it's a circles thing. My circle always asks "what can I bring" - or sometimes don't even ask because they have a recipe that they just can't wait to share. We generally love potlucks (people bring things for BBQs, or sides to Friendsgivings, or drinks to a gaming party). As long as you're aware of food safety and have enough room in your fridge until cold things are served, and oven/grill to hear everything properly, it's fine. I've been to plenty of "we haven't partied in a while, and no one can afford to host a whole event by themselves" kinda potlucks - it keeps our friend group stronger than we would be if we never made that effort, or no one but the few people who can host (in terms of space and money) ever paid for things. 

However, I agree that if you're hosting a party in someone's honor (or a housewarming, or celebration of someone's marriage, or anything like that) AND asking for people to contribute like that, it's rude. Fully host this one, and have a pot luck the next time when it's just a party for the sake of partying, if that's something your friends tend to do. 

They work for no-host get togethers. So like you said, a casual, small group of friends who it's their regular routine to have it is one thing. But by definition one can't "host" a potluck. The party OP described is definitely a hosting-required situation. 

[Deleted User]

LondonLisa said:

JediElizabeth said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1459130283 said:

I am getting married in October at my parents house. Because of this, space is limited and I had to very picky about who to invite. I'm really sad I can't celebrate with a lot of my friends. I would have picked another venue, but due to budgeting, this wasn't possible. 

I would really like to have a celebration possibly sometime in the spring inviting those I wasn't able to invite initially. I wouldn't be asking/expecting/hoping or even wanting gifts. I just want to celebrate with them. 

Does this fall under the "don't throw a party for yourself" rule?

I wanted something laid back. Either a pot luck or bbq (but there again lies the budgeting issue with the bbq) 

Thanks for the advice! 

You can throw a party any time. However,  you shouldn't throw a party celebrating a wedding these people aren't invited to. Frustrating? Yes. But actions have consequences, and you chose a small wedding. Own it.

Just to add- pot lucks are never ok for a party. They're for book clubs and family reunions. 

I know this is a contested opinion, but: I don't think the boded is true at all - at the very least, it's a circles thing. My circle always asks "what can I bring" - or sometimes don't even ask because they have a recipe that they just can't wait to share. We generally love potlucks (people bring things for BBQs, or sides to Friendsgivings, or drinks to a gaming party). As long as you're aware of food safety and have enough room in your fridge until cold things are served, and oven/grill to hear everything properly, it's fine. I've been to plenty of "we haven't partied in a while, and no one can afford to host a whole event by themselves" kinda potlucks - it keeps our friend group stronger than we would be if we never made that effort, or no one but the few people who can host (in terms of space and money) ever paid for things. 

However, I agree that if you're hosting a party in someone's honor (or a housewarming, or celebration of someone's marriage, or anything like that) AND asking for people to contribute like that, it's rude. Fully host this one, and have a pot luck the next time when it's just a party for the sake of partying, if that's something your friends tend to do. 

They work for no-host get togethers. So like you said, a casual, small group of friends who it's their regular routine to have it is one thing. But by definition one can't "host" a potluck. The party OP described is definitely a hosting-required situation. 

So, I always thought all you ladies who get your panties in a wad when someone brings food to your house after you've invited them over were being drama queens.  But on Saturday my panties got all knotted up and I finally understood.  We invited a family over for dinner and board game on Saturday, dad, mom and two older elementary age children.  Dad was FH's college roommate.  FH was making fajitas when everyone showed up, I had made salsa and guac that was already on the table.  We had plenty of food for all of us.  But this kind family brought a shitton of cheese and sausages and crackers as an app.  The kids filled up on cheese and sausage and barely tasted the fajitas that we had kept mild for their delicate taste buds.  I was peeved.  Did they not trust that we'd have enough food of a good enough quality to keep everyone happy?  Inviting people over in order to serve them food is not the same as a potluck.  Don't bring food when it's not a potluck.

PrettyGirlLost

adk19 said:

LondonLisa said:

JediElizabeth said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1459130283 said:

I am getting married in October at my parents house. Because of this, space is limited and I had to very picky about who to invite. I'm really sad I can't celebrate with a lot of my friends. I would have picked another venue, but due to budgeting, this wasn't possible. 

I would really like to have a celebration possibly sometime in the spring inviting those I wasn't able to invite initially. I wouldn't be asking/expecting/hoping or even wanting gifts. I just want to celebrate with them. 

Does this fall under the "don't throw a party for yourself" rule?

I wanted something laid back. Either a pot luck or bbq (but there again lies the budgeting issue with the bbq) 

Thanks for the advice! 

You can throw a party any time. However,  you shouldn't throw a party celebrating a wedding these people aren't invited to. Frustrating? Yes. But actions have consequences, and you chose a small wedding. Own it.

Just to add- pot lucks are never ok for a party. They're for book clubs and family reunions. 

I know this is a contested opinion, but: I don't think the boded is true at all - at the very least, it's a circles thing. My circle always asks "what can I bring" - or sometimes don't even ask because they have a recipe that they just can't wait to share. We generally love potlucks (people bring things for BBQs, or sides to Friendsgivings, or drinks to a gaming party). As long as you're aware of food safety and have enough room in your fridge until cold things are served, and oven/grill to hear everything properly, it's fine. I've been to plenty of "we haven't partied in a while, and no one can afford to host a whole event by themselves" kinda potlucks - it keeps our friend group stronger than we would be if we never made that effort, or no one but the few people who can host (in terms of space and money) ever paid for things. 

However, I agree that if you're hosting a party in someone's honor (or a housewarming, or celebration of someone's marriage, or anything like that) AND asking for people to contribute like that, it's rude. Fully host this one, and have a pot luck the next time when it's just a party for the sake of partying, if that's something your friends tend to do. 

They work for no-host get togethers. So like you said, a casual, small group of friends who it's their regular routine to have it is one thing. But by definition one can't "host" a potluck. The party OP described is definitely a hosting-required situation. 

So, I always thought all you ladies who get your panties in a wad when someone brings food to your house after you've invited them over were being drama queens.  But on Saturday my panties got all knotted up and I finally understood.  We invited a family over for dinner and board game on Saturday, dad, mom and two older elementary age children.  Dad was FH's college roommate.  FH was making fajitas when everyone showed up, I had made salsa and guac that was already on the table.  We had plenty of food for all of us.  But this kind family brought a shitton of cheese and sausages and crackers as an app.  The kids filled up on cheese and sausage and barely tasted the fajitas that we had kept mild for their delicate taste buds.  I was peeved.  Did they not trust that we'd have enough food of a good enough quality to keep everyone happy?  Inviting people over in order to serve them food is not the same as a potluck.  Don't bring food when it's not a potluck.

Did the family know ahead of time that you were making fajitas for dinner?  If so, perhaps their kids don't like fajitas, hence why they brought the antipasto platter and filled up on it?

If not, oh well.  Annoying since you then had leftovers? Perhaps.  Next time don't put the entire antipasto platter out ;-)

[Deleted User]

PrettyGirlLost said:

adk19 said:

LondonLisa said:

JediElizabeth said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1459130283 said:

I am getting married in October at my parents house. Because of this, space is limited and I had to very picky about who to invite. I'm really sad I can't celebrate with a lot of my friends. I would have picked another venue, but due to budgeting, this wasn't possible. 

I would really like to have a celebration possibly sometime in the spring inviting those I wasn't able to invite initially. I wouldn't be asking/expecting/hoping or even wanting gifts. I just want to celebrate with them. 

Does this fall under the "don't throw a party for yourself" rule?

I wanted something laid back. Either a pot luck or bbq (but there again lies the budgeting issue with the bbq) 

Thanks for the advice! 

You can throw a party any time. However,  you shouldn't throw a party celebrating a wedding these people aren't invited to. Frustrating? Yes. But actions have consequences, and you chose a small wedding. Own it.

Just to add- pot lucks are never ok for a party. They're for book clubs and family reunions. 

I know this is a contested opinion, but: I don't think the boded is true at all - at the very least, it's a circles thing. My circle always asks "what can I bring" - or sometimes don't even ask because they have a recipe that they just can't wait to share. We generally love potlucks (people bring things for BBQs, or sides to Friendsgivings, or drinks to a gaming party). As long as you're aware of food safety and have enough room in your fridge until cold things are served, and oven/grill to hear everything properly, it's fine. I've been to plenty of "we haven't partied in a while, and no one can afford to host a whole event by themselves" kinda potlucks - it keeps our friend group stronger than we would be if we never made that effort, or no one but the few people who can host (in terms of space and money) ever paid for things. 

However, I agree that if you're hosting a party in someone's honor (or a housewarming, or celebration of someone's marriage, or anything like that) AND asking for people to contribute like that, it's rude. Fully host this one, and have a pot luck the next time when it's just a party for the sake of partying, if that's something your friends tend to do. 

They work for no-host get togethers. So like you said, a casual, small group of friends who it's their regular routine to have it is one thing. But by definition one can't "host" a potluck. The party OP described is definitely a hosting-required situation. 

So, I always thought all you ladies who get your panties in a wad when someone brings food to your house after you've invited them over were being drama queens.  But on Saturday my panties got all knotted up and I finally understood.  We invited a family over for dinner and board game on Saturday, dad, mom and two older elementary age children.  Dad was FH's college roommate.  FH was making fajitas when everyone showed up, I had made salsa and guac that was already on the table.  We had plenty of food for all of us.  But this kind family brought a shitton of cheese and sausages and crackers as an app.  The kids filled up on cheese and sausage and barely tasted the fajitas that we had kept mild for their delicate taste buds.  I was peeved.  Did they not trust that we'd have enough food of a good enough quality to keep everyone happy?  Inviting people over in order to serve them food is not the same as a potluck.  Don't bring food when it's not a potluck.

Did the family know ahead of time that you were making fajitas for dinner?  If so, perhaps their kids don't like fajitas, hence why they brought the antipasto platter and filled up on it?

If not, oh well.  Annoying since you then had leftovers? Perhaps.  Next time don't put the entire antipasto platter out ;-)

FH's email to the parents said, "I'll make chicken fajitas since the kids liked it last time I made it."  And we didn't put the antipasto platter out, dad and one of the kids did, then refilled it when it started running low.  I'm not really complaining because the fajita leftovers were amazing last night.  But I finally understand when all you who host events often get bent outta shape when people try to "help" you host.

banana468

adk19 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

adk19 said:

LondonLisa said:

JediElizabeth said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1459130283 said:

I am getting married in October at my parents house. Because of this, space is limited and I had to very picky about who to invite. I'm really sad I can't celebrate with a lot of my friends. I would have picked another venue, but due to budgeting, this wasn't possible. 

I would really like to have a celebration possibly sometime in the spring inviting those I wasn't able to invite initially. I wouldn't be asking/expecting/hoping or even wanting gifts. I just want to celebrate with them. 

Does this fall under the "don't throw a party for yourself" rule?

I wanted something laid back. Either a pot luck or bbq (but there again lies the budgeting issue with the bbq) 

Thanks for the advice! 

You can throw a party any time. However,  you shouldn't throw a party celebrating a wedding these people aren't invited to. Frustrating? Yes. But actions have consequences, and you chose a small wedding. Own it.

Just to add- pot lucks are never ok for a party. They're for book clubs and family reunions. 

I know this is a contested opinion, but: I don't think the boded is true at all - at the very least, it's a circles thing. My circle always asks "what can I bring" - or sometimes don't even ask because they have a recipe that they just can't wait to share. We generally love potlucks (people bring things for BBQs, or sides to Friendsgivings, or drinks to a gaming party). As long as you're aware of food safety and have enough room in your fridge until cold things are served, and oven/grill to hear everything properly, it's fine. I've been to plenty of "we haven't partied in a while, and no one can afford to host a whole event by themselves" kinda potlucks - it keeps our friend group stronger than we would be if we never made that effort, or no one but the few people who can host (in terms of space and money) ever paid for things. 

However, I agree that if you're hosting a party in someone's honor (or a housewarming, or celebration of someone's marriage, or anything like that) AND asking for people to contribute like that, it's rude. Fully host this one, and have a pot luck the next time when it's just a party for the sake of partying, if that's something your friends tend to do. 

They work for no-host get togethers. So like you said, a casual, small group of friends who it's their regular routine to have it is one thing. But by definition one can't "host" a potluck. The party OP described is definitely a hosting-required situation. 

So, I always thought all you ladies who get your panties in a wad when someone brings food to your house after you've invited them over were being drama queens.  But on Saturday my panties got all knotted up and I finally understood.  We invited a family over for dinner and board game on Saturday, dad, mom and two older elementary age children.  Dad was FH's college roommate.  FH was making fajitas when everyone showed up, I had made salsa and guac that was already on the table.  We had plenty of food for all of us.  But this kind family brought a shitton of cheese and sausages and crackers as an app.  The kids filled up on cheese and sausage and barely tasted the fajitas that we had kept mild for their delicate taste buds.  I was peeved.  Did they not trust that we'd have enough food of a good enough quality to keep everyone happy?  Inviting people over in order to serve them food is not the same as a potluck.  Don't bring food when it's not a potluck.

Did the family know ahead of time that you were making fajitas for dinner?  If so, perhaps their kids don't like fajitas, hence why they brought the antipasto platter and filled up on it?

If not, oh well.  Annoying since you then had leftovers? Perhaps.  Next time don't put the entire antipasto platter out ;-)

FH's email to the parents said, "I'll make chicken fajitas since the kids liked it last time I made it."  And we didn't put the antipasto platter out, dad and one of the kids did, then refilled it when it started running low.  I'm not really complaining because the fajita leftovers were amazing last night.  But I finally understand when all you who host events often get bent outta shape when people try to "help" you host.

My aunt tells the story of when her former MIL walked into Sunday dinner carrying a roasted chicken.   They were having a pork roast.   Her former FIL sat down and said, "I'll have my chicken."   She said, "It's in the fridge.   We're having pork roast."

My MIL is great for doing things like bringing her own plastic pitcher of water and lemons for water because she wants to make sure FIL is hydrated and not intoxicated.   The last time she did that I took her pitcher off the table and put my own out.   We haven't hosted anything since but if she does it again I'm going to do the same thing.

I do bring food at times for my kids but I have a really picky 18 mo so he gets his yogurt and sippy cups in my cooler bag.   No way would I show up and just assume that it's cool to sit at someone's table with my contribution. 

photokitty

There's a huge difference between a potluck and someone inquiring what they can bring to a hosted event. It's an offer that can be turned down out accepted, vs a demand to provide part of the meal.

I always offer, but would never bring food if my offer was refused. Except for small children who don't eat regular food - i.e. formula or stained peas, not a cheese and cracker assortment.

SP29

photokitty said:

There's a huge difference between a potluck and someone inquiring what they can bring to a hosted event. It's an offer that can be turned down out accepted, vs a demand to provide part of the meal.

I always offer, but would never bring food if my offer was refused. Except for small children who don't eat regular food - i.e. formula or stained peas, not a cheese and cracker assortment.

Agree with this. I always ask, "Is there anything I can bring?" If they say yes, I'll bring something like an appetizer, salad or dessert. If they say no, I wouldn't show up with anything. My friends are much the same.

If guests ask if they can bring something, it is usually something small, while the host is still providing the majority of the meal/beverages.

Paper_Kitten

Thank you so much for everyone's honest opinion! We will probably have to put it off longer to save as I was hoping to be able to do a pot luck. 
By then, everyone will probably have had a chance to meet him and me anyway  

[Deleted User]

Knottie1459130283 said:

Thank you so much for everyone's honest opinion! We will probably have to put it off longer to save as I was hoping to be able to do a pot luck. 
By then, everyone will probably have had a chance to meet him and me anyway  

You can throw a party for any reason.  Personally, while I'm quite the attention-whore and therefore don't mind a huge event, I also like actually being able to have conversations with my friends.  So, I'd probably plan several smaller gatherings over one big to-do.  Invite 20 people over for brats and sausages on the grill, buy salads and sodas and desserts (besides the sausages and rolls and condiments.)  Hang out with your friends.  A couple months later, maybe after your garden comes in, plan another gathering with a different group of 20 friends.  I love the idea of a cold-food-only kind of party on a hot day.  Hang out with your friends.  You don't have to have one big thing, just do little parties.  In the winter host and indoor game night for your friends.

Paper_Kitten

If we did this celebration, it would only be about 20 people. 

My  initial wedding guest list was 50 people. This included his family and my friends. (I tend to be friends only with those I can actually talk to on a regular basis and who put equal effort into the relationship. That's not many people ) 

i have always wanted to do a game night! We kept wanting to have a house warming party, but we don't have enough seats or space for more than 6 people.

Paper_Kitten

We wanted the post celebration to be at his grandmothers, by the way. Not our apartment. 

photokitty

Why don't you just plan a night out, not related to the wedding? Meet at a bar or a dinner out. We go to dinner once a quarter with our large group of friends and everyone pays for their own meal. Dinner or happy hour just bc, doesn't require you to pick up the tab.

Paper_Kitten

scribe95 said:

Again with the in-laws example, they had an open house from 1 to 4. They provided some snacks/appetizers and beverages. It wasn't very expensive. 

So I could do this instead of a bbq thing? Cause that sounds affordable would probably work better for guests traveling a bit too since they could be home for dinner. (Most of my friends will be coming from an hour away) 

kvruns

@knottie #s the open house with light snacks would be a great option. You don't have to serve a full meal for a gathering like this

Paper_Kitten

photokitty said:

Why don't you just plan a night out, not related to the wedding? Meet at a bar or a dinner out. We go to dinner once a quarter with our large group of friends and everyone pays for their own meal. Dinner or happy hour just bc, doesn't require you to pick up the tab.

I don't like the idea of having to shout across the table to talk to a friend seated at the other end. We would do this a lot in college, but the people you talk to are really the ones sitting next and across from you. 
Thanks for the idea though! Maybe I'll do this with my extended family since I don't like them as much ha. 

charlotte989875

I love parties; parties don't need a reason, and I think everyone should have more fun parties. 

But i guess I don't understand having to save up for a wedding related celebration after you're married. Why not just save up for a wedding you can invite your friends and family to? Your plans a certainly fine etiquette wise, I guess I'm just curious as to why you want/need to save up to celebrate with people after the wedding they didn't get invited to when you could just have the wedding later and save up so you can invite the people you want to in the first place. 

[Deleted User]

Knottie1459130283 said:

If we did this celebration, it would only be about 20 people. 

My  initial wedding guest list was 50 people. This included his family and my friends. (I tend to be friends only with those I can actually talk to on a regular basis and who put equal effort into the relationship. That's not many people ) 

i have always wanted to do a game night! We kept wanting to have a house warming party, but we don't have enough seats or space for more than 6 people.

Then host several game nights.  You two and three other couples, making 8 people.  I think it's kinda okay to sit on the floor for game night.  Have chips and dips and order a pizza.  You can get together with all your friends over a couple months, host events at your home, and your friends can meet your husband and his friends can meet you.

short+sassy

On the subject of "can I bring anything", my previous boss and his wife used to have casual get-togethers at their house fairly often.  They invited me and my H to a 4th of July BBQ.  Although I knew they were fully hosting the party, I sent an e-mail to the wife and asked if I could bring anything.  Which gave her the opportunity to either say "thanks, but we got it covered" or "thanks, that would be great".

What I was not expecting was for her to send me two recipes and ask if I would prepare those items.  And neither one of them were anything quick and easy.  They were fresh squeezed lemonade and potato salad.  I was a bit flabbergasted.  But sent a polite reply/"apology" back that I couldn't make the lemonade because I didn't have a juicer and was not comfortable making the potato salad, because I had never made a potato salad before.  Which was true, but I actually just didn't want to spend over an hour peeling and dicing up potatoes.  So I told her I would be bringing pasta salad instead.  She at least pleasantly replied back and thanked me.

[Deleted User]

short+sassy said:

On the subject of "can I bring anything", my previous boss and his wife used to have casual get-togethers at their house fairly often.  They invited me and my H to a 4th of July BBQ.  Although I knew they were fully hosting the party, I sent an e-mail to the wife and asked if I could bring anything.  Which gave her the opportunity to either say "thanks, but we got it covered" or "thanks, that would be great".

What I was not expecting was for her to send me two recipes and ask if I would prepare those items.  And neither one of them were anything quick and easy.  They were fresh squeezed lemonade and potato salad.  I was a bit flabbergasted.  But sent a polite reply/"apology" back that I couldn't make the lemonade because I didn't have a juicer and was not comfortable making the potato salad, because I had never made a potato salad before.  Which was true, but I actually just didn't want to spend over an hour peeling and dicing up potatoes.  So I told her I would be bringing pasta salad instead.  She at least pleasantly replied back and thanked me.

That's just weird.  I wonder if I'd do the same as you, or go the lazy route and pick up powdered lemonade and a pound of potato salad from the deli.  Probably the second because I'm bitchy like that.

Paper_Kitten

charlotte989875 said:

I love parties; parties don't need a reason, and I think everyone should have more fun parties. 

But i guess I don't understand having to save up for a wedding related celebration after you're married. Why not just save up for a wedding you can invite your friends and family to? Your plans a certainly fine etiquette wise, I guess I'm just curious as to why you want/need to save up to celebrate with people after the wedding they didn't get invited to when you could just have the wedding later and save up so you can invite the people you want to in the first place. 

I honestly didn't want to wait any longer to get married. I also wanted a sit down dinner which wouldn't fit at my moms. Also, any venue I liked was over 3 hours away. I couldn't find a venue that fit my idea, but surprisingly, my moms house has the feel I wanted. 

The  reason for the post wedding is that I still want my friends to meet my husband and I'd like to meet his cousins. 

I just feel like most people wouldn't make the drive just for a party lol. 

Paper_Kitten

adk19 said:

Knottie1459130283 said:

If we did this celebration, it would only be about 20 people. 

My  initial wedding guest list was 50 people. This included his family and my friends. (I tend to be friends only with those I can actually talk to on a regular basis and who put equal effort into the relationship. That's not many people ) 

i have always wanted to do a game night! We kept wanting to have a house warming party, but we don't have enough seats or space for more than 6 people.

Then host several game nights.  You two and three other couples, making 8 people.  I think it's kinda okay to sit on the floor for game night.  Have chips and dips and order a pizza.  You can get together with all your friends over a couple months, host events at your home, and your friends can meet your husband and his friends can meet you.

I don't know why I didn't think of that lol