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Inviting a distant cousin

FromMtoHFromMtoH member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
I have a big family, like my big fat greek wedding big. We are planning a big wedding, on a small budget. Our venue holds 300 and we have invited 330. I have a distant 2nd cousin from Florida who recently moved to my area (Illinois) 6 months ago. I have tried to get to know her while she has been here, and I don't really care for her. She is very immature and I can tell she only moved here to mooch off of my aunt and party 24/7, especially since her parents refused to support her. She met a guy and now she lives with him. My Aunt is insisting that I send her an invite. My Mom is leaving it up to me, but says I have every right to not send her one. My Mom feels that just because she lives here now does not mean I have to invite her to my wedding. I am kind of shocked my Aunt even feels like she has a place to put opinions in on the guest list. Because of my cousins immaturity I could see her inviting herself and her boyfriend and just showing up anyways. So should I just invite her anyways or just skip sending her an invitation. I struggle with this because I have other 2nd cousins who I would much rather send an invite than her. Other people who I do feel bad that they aren't getting an invite. She has recently befriended all of us on Facebook and she posts her life on there. So there is a good chance that if I send her an invite that other people would know. I also had a friend who suggested I tell her and some others to just come later on for dancing and a drinks. Is that in bad taste?   

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Re: Inviting a distant cousin

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ditto PP. 

    If you don't like her anyway, don't invite her. You don't owe anyone an invitation to your wedding. 
    ________________________________


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  • FromMtoHFromMtoH member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I have stressed over those 30 people. Unfortunately, I had 3 aunts die recently and we have already gotten some no's from out of towners. So a more recent head count would be 286. I say the 330 to stress that we have already made every attempt to invite as many people as we possibly could.
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  • FromMtoHFromMtoH member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    And thanks for the advice on the dinner and dancing thing. I thought it leaned on the rude side, but she seemed to act like it was no big deal.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You can invite her or not.  But if you invite her, you have to be ready to host her properly just like any other invited guest.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Your mom is right - it is up to you, and you have every right not to invite her. Unless your aunt is paying, she has no say in the guest list.

    Your decision will have to be based on whether you want to put up with your aunt's bitching or not, because you can't control her behavior. If you do invite her, it has to be for the whole thing like everyone else.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I would not invite this cousin.  You said yourself that you would rather invite other 2nd cousins over this person. 

    Also, if you do end up inviting this cousin, her SO must be invited, by name.  Any person in a relationship, no matter how long, at the time invitations go out, should be invited by name on the invitation.  Are there other family members, whose SO you are excluding?  If so, you need to figure out how to invite them all.  You do not get to dictate someone else's relationship, the people within the relationship define them.  So if another cousin who is currently single, but ends up with someone they refer to as their BF/GF, then they must both be invited to your wedding.

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    Your excuse is "We're already over capacity, I don't think it'd be wise to invite more"...  But ultimately, you have the deciding vote, only you know your family dynamics and where your lines for the rest of the guest list are.  It's not like you're asking her to be a BM in your wedding, you'll probably have contact with her twice in the course of the day.  It's still your call though..  In big families there's always "that one" LOL

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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    adk19 said:
    You can invite her or not.  But if you invite her, you have to be ready to host her properly just like any other invited guest.
    Which includes inviting her boyfriend. All SOs should be invited.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yeah, your aunt has no say in your guest list. I wouldn't invite her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It's up to you, not your aunt, whether or not your cousin gets an invitation - if you can find space for her, given that you're over capacity. 

    But if you do, you have to invite her BF and host them like any other guests.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'd stay on the side of no.  "Unfortunately we're at the limits to our venue but I hope to see her after the wedding."


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