So my Grandmother is a wonderful woman and i'm very close to her. She decided she wants to throw a separate bridal shower in addition to the one that my MOH is planning. He reason for this is that the one she throws would be in my hometown which is closer for a lot of my family. My MOH's shower is in my current town and would basically then be mostly just friends of mine plus a couple family members.
I'm not opposed to this idea as it makes sense to me too (although i'd prefer one shower...however, there are two problems with it. 1) She wants it to be in June and my wedding isn't until September, and 2) she is really wanting to invite some family members that we aren't inviting to the wedding (we are paying for it ourselves and our venue is small...we are already maxed out with the guest list and counting on some people not being able to come.)
I tried explaining to her that all the rules of etiquette say you just cannot invite anyone to the shower and not the wedding and even told her it's like saying "come celebrate me and buy me gifts but you can't come to my wedding". She thinks that since they are family they will understand. She has said that it's my wedding and therefore i hold the final say...but i just feel like i'll be really hurting her feelings if i tell her she can't invite those people...and I"m afraid she's already talked to some of them about it anyway.
I guess i'm just wanting some help with how to tell her in the nicest way possible that we just can't have all those people. Or...is it possible to have a shower with all of them and still not offend people? maybe explicitly request no gifts?
thanks for any help! sorry it's so long!
TL;DR- Grandma wants to throw a family bridal shower and invite guests that I'm not inviting to the wedding (because of financial and logistical reasons)