Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Re: n/a

  • So, here's the deal. My fiance and I are both completely non-religious. We asked our best friend, Jonas, to officiate for us, and he was completely honored and wants to do it. However, what has now come up as an issue is that I guess he started looking into the process of getting officiated (word?) and apparently it's done through a church and I guess there's some religious fallout once you become an officiant and then decide...not to be a priest? Not sure of any terminology or details but my fiance spent the day with him and I guess this is the summary:
    Basically, Jonas would totally do it but he was raised religiously and in all seriousness does not like the "fallout" detail, aspect; etc... of being an officiant.

    My question to the community is, I posed the thought to my fiance that perhaps we do the whole courthouse marriage deal maybe a month or two before the wedding, so that we are already married, and Jonas can "perform" the ceremony without being an officiant, since we'd already be married...I really want our friend to be the one to stand up with us, but I don't really like anything religious being involved. Honestly, I detest the fact that you cannot perform a marriage ceremony unless you go through this whole religious ordeal. 

    Has anyone ever heard of or maybe experienced this kind of thing? Any suggestions would be welcome!
    You get one wedding with one ceremony, not two.  I don't know what Jonas is talking about though - the Universal Life Church is the most common one used for online ordination and there is no fallout through them.  Is the issue that his own church would frown on him being ordained in another church?

    [Deleted User]SP29
  • I would ask another friend to do it or hire an officiant and then have Jonas do a reading. That way he's part of your ceremony, still has an honorary role, and you can continue your plans to get married with your friends and family present. 
  • No. You only get one wedding ceremony. You don't go to the courthouse and then do a fake re-do in front of your guests. Hire a JOP to marry you, or ask another friend. 
  • I would ask someone else to officiate and sign the papers. If you're going to ask a clergyperson to officiate, then I think it's unfair and disrespectful of them to expect them to omit references to their own religious beliefs.

    I think the word you're looking for is "ordained" ?
  • Does anyone know how to delete your post? I really feel stupid now and just don't want any more comments.
  • Does anyone know how to delete your post? I really feel stupid now and just don't want any more comments.

    There's no way to remove your post, and since your question has been quoted, your delete was unnecessary. Your question was a good one for other lurkers to learn from.
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • Does anyone know how to delete your post? I really feel stupid now and just don't want any more comments.
    There is no reason to feel stupid. You asked an honest question and got some good answers. I hope you have figured out how to handle the situation.
    kimmiinthemitten[Deleted User]OliveOilsMomlc07
  • I would suggest that you restore your text and title.  Removing the title with "n/a" is going to draw attention to this post.
    [Deleted User]
  • Don't feel stupid. It was an honest question and you were asking from a good place (of caring for your friend). 

    Restore your post. We get questions liked this a lot but typically from people much less receptive to the answers and they could learn from this conversation.  
    Heffalump[Deleted User]OliveOilsMomSP29
  • Don't feel stupid, OP. I love that you didn't flip out on anyone for their responses. You should change your username and stick around. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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