FMIL/Bridal Shower Question

horriblegb

Hi Everyone,

So my FMIL is a very nice woman, I like her a lot.  Our wedding is not until November.  She keeps asking FI, and once me, who is throwing the bridal shower and that we need to start making the bridesmaids do it.   I keep trying to brush it off, because obviously they do not have to do anything.  Nor would I ask them too.  But she keeps asking and I don't really know how to respond.

I guess my lack of knowledge etiquette is showing, what exactly should I say to her? I don't want to be rude because clearly she is interested and wants to participate, but I am not going to make one happen.  Am I being lazy?

This is a stupid little point I am sure that as an adult I should be able to handle on my own, I am just trying to be tactful.  Thanks! 

ILoveBeachMusic

You should just tell her that no one has offered to host a shower for you and that you don't "make" bridesmaids do anything. You could also say you aren't sure there will be a shower.

horriblegb

@ILoveBeachMusic yes that is pretty simple I guess I was just over thinking it thanks!

MobKaz

horriblegb said:

Hi Everyone,

So my FMIL is a very nice woman, I like her a lot.  Our wedding is not until November.  She keeps asking FI, and once me, who is throwing the bridal shower and that we need to start making the bridesmaids do it.   I keep trying to brush it off, because obviously they do not have to do anything.  Nor would I ask them too.  But she keeps asking and I don't really know how to respond.

I guess my lack of knowledge etiquette is showing, what exactly should I say to her? I don't want to be rude because clearly she is interested and wants to participate, but I am not going to make one happen.  Am I being lazy?

This is a stupid little point I am sure that as an adult I should be able to handle on my own, I am just trying to be tactful.  Thanks! 

"It is presumptuous to assume a shower will be given, and it would be rude and inappropriate for me to inquire or demand that one be given.  A shower is a gift, not a given.  You can understand why it would be wrong of me to question this issue."

Your FI also needs to make it clear to his mom that the shower discussion is closed.

Jen4948

I would tell her, "FMIL,  I haven't heard that anyone is hosting a shower for me. If I do, I'll let you know. But whether anyone does or not is entirely up to them, and not me. That includes my bridesmaids."

tigerlily6

MobKaz said:

horriblegb said:

Hi Everyone,

So my FMIL is a very nice woman, I like her a lot.  Our wedding is not until November.  She keeps asking FI, and once me, who is throwing the bridal shower and that we need to start making the bridesmaids do it.   I keep trying to brush it off, because obviously they do not have to do anything.  Nor would I ask them too.  But she keeps asking and I don't really know how to respond.

I guess my lack of knowledge etiquette is showing, what exactly should I say to her? I don't want to be rude because clearly she is interested and wants to participate, but I am not going to make one happen.  Am I being lazy?

This is a stupid little point I am sure that as an adult I should be able to handle on my own, I am just trying to be tactful.  Thanks! 

"It is presumptuous to assume a shower will be given, and it would be rude and inappropriate for me to inquire or demand that one be given.  A shower is a gift, not a given.  You can understand why it would be wrong of me to question this issue."

Your FI also needs to make it clear to his mom that the shower discussion is closed.

Ditto to @MobKaz. If she brings it up again, you should be briefly but politely explain that, actually, according wedding etiquette, showers are gifts and the bride should not be involved in arranging them and to request one is rude. Furthermore, it is not a responsibility of the bridesmaids to host a shower, they (or anybody) can do so if they wish, but it's not required, and you will be happy just to have them there honoring you on your big day by standing at your side. 

If FMIL presses it further, that's on your FI to tell her no, not you.

horriblegb

Thanks ladies!  Actually before I read these today I brought it up to FI last night and told him that if his mom asks again to say that he doesn't think anyone is planning it and that I am not going to ask anyone to do it for me.  He seemed to like that idea so we will see how it goes!