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Wedding Party

Suits. (Vent)

sdani73675sdani73675 member
Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
edited April 2016 in Wedding Party
Background: FI and I are getting married in August, wedding is in our church, reception is on the beach. Bridesmaids are in navy dresses. FI is currently OOT on business travel. For him & GM, we had previously discussed either a light gray or light khaki color suit, but no specifics. 
On Saturday, I got a JosABank mailer about a huge suit sale, and found a summer weight cotton/wool suit in a light greyish khaki for $150. I sent FI a link & picture and he liked the cut and color, I asked if it was the suit and he said yes, so I ordered it. I asked him to send the info to his GMs (his 2 brothers), and he said he would. He finally sent them the info on Monday, but the price had gone up to $399 w/ BOGO free. He did say that he told them they should/could wait for the next sale since there's still plenty of time. Today, he told me that one of his GMs "has other ideas for a suit" and sent him a link for a different suit from JCrew, in a medium heather grey 100% wool with skinny leg pants that costs $620. We also know his other brother really isn't in a position to pay that much. Who suggests a different color, more expensive suit for someone else's wedding?! 
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Re: Suits. (Vent)

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I wouldn't make them get a specific suit.  I would just say "heather grey suit," and let them choose which suit they would like to buy/rent.  Grey is a much more useful color than khaki.  Perhaps the other brother already owns a grey suit and so the freedom of choice will let him save a ton of money.  


    image
    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMomernursejMesmrEwe
  • Let me clarify - FI and i wanted either light khaki or really light grey, its a summer daytime wedding in California. Medium/heather/charcoal grey were not what we wanted and would look really heavy for the atmosphere. Having the groom in khaki and the 2 groomsmen in random shades of grey will look even more ridiculous, especially since the BMs are all in the same color. Its not that he's trying to save money, he just wants to wear a slicker-looking suit. 
    I know grey is a more versatile color, but everyone lives in SoCal, khaki suits/jackets are pretty common and socially acceptable for just about anything besides funerals. The cut of the grey suit is also really trendy, with super-skinny lapels and pant legs, so it's definitely not a "forever" piece. 
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Let me clarify - FI and i wanted either light khaki or really light grey, its a summer daytime wedding in California. Medium/heather/charcoal grey were not what we wanted and would look really heavy for the atmosphere. Having the groom in khaki and the 2 groomsmen in random shades of grey will look even more ridiculous, especially since the BMs are all in the same color. Its not that he's trying to save money, he just wants to wear a slicker-looking suit. 
    I know grey is a more versatile color, but everyone lives in SoCal, khaki suits/jackets are pretty common and socially acceptable for just about anything besides funerals. The cut of the grey suit is also really trendy, with super-skinny lapels and pant legs, so it's definitely not a "forever" piece. 
    I also live in SoCal, and I can't even remember the last time I saw a khaki suit or jacket.  Nor do I agree that a medium/heather/charcoal grey suit would look "heavy" for a church/beach wedding in SoCal.

    The bottom line is that you and your FI should have checked with the groomsmen on what their budget and desire before you decided the suit color, let alone before you picked out a specific suit.  Not everyone can pull off or feel comfortable in a light-colored suit.  That suit has also now significantly gone up in price.  I think you need to go back to the drawing board, and start by having FI meet with his groomsmen, individually and privately, to discuss what they're comfortable wearing and spending.



    PrettyGirlLostYogaSandyInLoveInQueenslc07
  • My H wore a light gray suit he already had for our wedding. The GM wore any dark-colored suit. They looked perfectly fine. Let go of the idea that they have to be identical. Pick a color and let them wear whatever suit in that color. They may even already have one! All of our GM did, except for one who was 18 and his mother bought him his first suit, which he wore for our wedding.
    image
    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMom
  • Background: FI and I are getting married in August, wedding is in our church, reception is on the beach. Bridesmaids are in navy dresses. FI is currently OOT on business travel. For him & GM, we had previously discussed either a light gray or light khaki color suit, but no specifics. 
    On Saturday, I got a JosABank mailer about a huge suit sale, and found a summer weight cotton/wool suit in a light greyish khaki for $150. I sent FI a link & picture and he liked the cut and color, I asked if it was the suit and he said yes, so I ordered it. I asked him to send the info to his GMs (his 2 brothers), and he said he would. He finally sent them the info on Monday, but the price had gone up to $399 w/ BOGO free. He did say that he told them they should/could wait for the next sale since there's still plenty of time. Today, he told me that one of his GMs "has other ideas for a suit" and sent him a link for a different suit from JCrew, in a medium heather grey 100% wool with skinny leg pants that costs $620. We also know his other brother really isn't in a position to pay that much. Who suggests a different color, more expensive suit for someone else's wedding?! 
    Honest question, based on personal experience:  Did you really expect that, even if the GM were sent the information on the suit on Saturday, they would have been able to purchase the suit in the correct size before the price went up?  I'm sure the mailer told you the exact dates of this sale.  

    We bought the suits and ties for our GM, and it took 3 months for them to get us their measurements.  I doubt even if your FI had sent the GM the suit information, they would have dropped everything to go out and buy it that weekend.

    Everyone is allowed to have opinions and preferences for clothing choice.  If a trendy suit is the one this GM wants to wear, who are you to judge?

    Also, not sure why you would buy a suit without seeing it on your FI first.  Some cuts and colors can just look weeeeiiirddd.
    So much of this.

    As the wife of a BM in a wedding, I have warned him that the manufacturer that the groom chose for suits make them notoriously slim cut.   It may look fine on the groom but I don't think it's the best style for DH.   And it's just not a smart investment to buy a suit that makes you look anything less than fantastic.

    As for the tan suits, I have to agree that tan is just not a great color for a suit vs. gray.

    And as the wife of someone who isn't a fan of being told "Buy that suit" (it's really freaking expensive) why can't you just pick a color?  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • The khaki suit isn't $400 now. It's $199.50 each if the 2 GMs buy them together since it's buy one at 400, get one free. Not a huge price increase. JAB also has continuous sales/specials, so if they wait a few days-weeks, the price will likely drop down to somewhere between $150 and $200 for the single suit. I thought $150-200 is pretty generally acceptable to be asked to pay for a suit/suit rental - it doesn't get much cheaper than that unless you're wearing something you already own. 

    I'm aware that FI tends to procrastinate. "Oh, I was supposed to pay that bill when you originally asked me, not after we got a past-due notice 2 weeks later?" It's something I can't change about him, and so I need to work on communicating things that are urgent better.

    I told FI that I can return his suit and the GM can decide what they're wearing. 

    If they look ridiculous because only the 2 of them buy the suit, and/or because they're not-exactly-skinny men in skinny-cut suits, we can laugh at the pictures for the next 50 years. 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your BMs are in navy and you're worried about grey suits being too dark?!

    Can your FI return the suit? If so go back to the drawing board for something they all are comfortable in. If not then have him wear that and have the GMs choose the same color as each other. 
    This.

    You are being ridiculous, OP.

    If these guys have to buy a suit, let them buy a suit in a classic color that they can wear to pretty much any event for the rest of their lives- grey or black suit.  A khaki suit just looks silly and overly trendy, and they aren't going to get much wear out of it.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    InLoveInQueens
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    The khaki suit isn't $400 now. It's $199.50 each if the 2 GMs buy them together since it's buy one at 400, get one free. Not a huge price increase. JAB also has continuous sales/specials, so if they wait a few days-weeks, the price will likely drop down to somewhere between $150 and $200 for the single suit. I thought $150-200 is pretty generally acceptable to be asked to pay for a suit/suit rental - it doesn't get much cheaper than that unless you're wearing something you already own. 

    I'm aware that FI tends to procrastinate. "Oh, I was supposed to pay that bill when you originally asked me, not after we got a past-due notice 2 weeks later?" It's something I can't change about him, and so I need to work on communicating things that are urgent better.

    I told FI that I can return his suit and the GM can decide what they're wearing. 

    If they look ridiculous because only the 2 of them buy the suit, and/or because they're not-exactly-skinny men in skinny-cut suits, we can laugh at the pictures for the next 50 years. 
    OP, for some people, $50 is a huge price increase.  And it sounds like the onus is on your GM (not YOU and your FI) to find the best deal they can for this suit.  If you're this hellbent on everyone wearing the SAME suit in the SAME color, YOU and your FI are the ones who should be responsible for getting the suits for them.  That's the only way this will happen, if YOU buy all the suits.  It should not be the responsibility of your wedding party to hunt down sales and deals for a suit for your wedding.

    I don't understand why there is a sense of urgency here.  The sale ended in two days, and your FI was OOT.  That's putting a lot of pressure on him and his GM to get a suit at a "generally acceptable" price.

    As to the last bolded... IMO, that's a pretty judgmental and cruel statement for someone who ordered a suit for her FI without seeing how it looked on him first.  Especially considering all three of your GM could look ridiculous in the suit you bought on what sounds like a whim.  These are your nearest and dearest friends, and I'd be pretty pissed if my FI laughed at my BMs because he thought they looked "ridiculous" in the dresses they picked out.  

    I have been scouring the internet for a gif on how I feel about khaki as a suit color.  Can't find the one I'm looking for, so in the words of Jane Bingum from Drop Dead Diva, "...which my client disparaged as, I quote, 'Blech.'"


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    The khaki suit isn't $400 now. It's $199.50 each if the 2 GMs buy them together since it's buy one at 400, get one free. Not a huge price increase. JAB also has continuous sales/specials, so if they wait a few days-weeks, the price will likely drop down to somewhere between $150 and $200 for the single suit. I thought $150-200 is pretty generally acceptable to be asked to pay for a suit/suit rental - it doesn't get much cheaper than that unless you're wearing something you already own. 

    I'm aware that FI tends to procrastinate. "Oh, I was supposed to pay that bill when you originally asked me, not after we got a past-due notice 2 weeks later?" It's something I can't change about him, and so I need to work on communicating things that are urgent better.

    I told FI that I can return his suit and the GM can decide what they're wearing.   Good, do that! 

    If they look ridiculous because only the 2 of them buy the suit, and/or because they're not-exactly-skinny men in skinny-cut suits, we can laugh at the pictures for the next 50 years. 
    I'm confused?  I thought you said you were going to return your FI's suit and let the GM's choose whatever suit they want to wear?

    Where are these slim fit suits coming from now?

    The whole point of getting fitted for a suit is having it tailored so that it looks like it was made specifically for you.



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    InLoveInQueens
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
     

    I have been scouring the internet for a gif on how I feel about khaki as a suit color.  Can't find the one I'm looking for, so in the words of Jane Bingum from Drop Dead Diva, "...which my client disparaged as, I quote, 'Blech.'"
    httpwwwdanthatscoolcomwp-contentuploads201303r11jpg



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    bleve0821InLoveInQueenslc07
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I live in SoCal. I never see khaki suits.  People don't wear them in in Newport, in San Diego, LA, in Rancho...because they're not a great suit to own.  They are overly trendy, and honestly kind of ugly; they're not remotely versatile.  "The grey is too heavy for the atmosphere."  What the hell even is that statement?  It's a suit!  It has zero impact on the "atmosphere."  

    Why are you even involved in the suit situation?  Your FI should be talking to the GM about this, and he should ask them each their budget, privately,and if they have any preferences.  You are making this very complicated.  Think of it this way--if you were in a wedding, and there was a beautiful dress available that you could wear in every day life, but the bride was making you buy it in a pattern with puke green and McDonald's yellow, even though it came in cream or navy, you wouldn't be very happy.  You would want the dress you could wear every day.  Same situation.  Let the guys get a suit they'll actually be able to use after your wedding (WHICH IS ONE FREAKING DAY).  Your WP is spending a lot on the wedding between the outfits, traveling, time, gifts, and any parties.  The freaking least you can do is let them pick a suit color they'll actually be able to use for work and other events. 


    image
    PrettyGirlLostOurWildKingdomOliveOilsMomInLoveInQueens
  • Also be aware JAB (and most retailers) won't allow two people to do the buy one get one (we checked when we were married). The same person has to use the "free" suit; essentially they won't sell you two suits in different sizes for two different people.

     sdani73675 said:
    The khaki suit isn't $400 now. It's $199.50 each if the 2 GMs buy them together since it's buy one at 400, get one free. Not a huge price increase. JAB also has continuous sales/specials, so if they wait a few days-weeks, the price will likely drop down to somewhere between $150 and $200 for the single suit. I thought $150-200 is pretty generally acceptable to be asked to pay for a suit/suit rental - it doesn't get much cheaper than that unless you're wearing something you already own. 

    I'm aware that FI tends to procrastinate. "Oh, I was supposed to pay that bill when you originally asked me, not after we got a past-due notice 2 weeks later?" It's something I can't change about him, and so I need to work on communicating things that are urgent better.

    I told FI that I can return his suit and the GM can decide what they're wearing. 

    If they look ridiculous because only the 2 of them buy the suit, and/or because they're not-exactly-skinny men in skinny-cut suits, we can laugh at the pictures for the next 50 years. 

    ernursejInLoveInQueensei34
  • Also be aware JAB (and most retailers) won't allow two people to do the buy one get one (we checked when we were married). The same person has to use the "free" suit; essentially they won't sell you two suits in different sizes for two different people.

     sdani73675 said:
    The khaki suit isn't $400 now. It's $199.50 each if the 2 GMs buy them together since it's buy one at 400, get one free. Not a huge price increase. JAB also has continuous sales/specials, so if they wait a few days-weeks, the price will likely drop down to somewhere between $150 and $200 for the single suit. I thought $150-200 is pretty generally acceptable to be asked to pay for a suit/suit rental - it doesn't get much cheaper than that unless you're wearing something you already own. 

    I'm aware that FI tends to procrastinate. "Oh, I was supposed to pay that bill when you originally asked me, not after we got a past-due notice 2 weeks later?" It's something I can't change about him, and so I need to work on communicating things that are urgent better.

    I told FI that I can return his suit and the GM can decide what they're wearing. 

    If they look ridiculous because only the 2 of them buy the suit, and/or because they're not-exactly-skinny men in skinny-cut suits, we can laugh at the pictures for the next 50 years. 

    Truth. FI just tried to do that deal at JAB with his brother last fall when they both needed suits and were told both suits have to be for the same person. So unless your GM are all the same size, this won't work.
    InLoveInQueens
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ok, whoa, I think we can be a little bit kinder to the khaki suits of the world ;). DH has a khaki linen suit, and he looks damn good in it! (Though he also has a black, navy, and grey suit. The khaki suit is definitely a summer or warm climate suit).

    BUT- I do agree that grey, or likewise navy, is a MUCH more versatile colour. I do also agree that I would have your FH pick a colour and let each person pick their own suit from there. Suit rentals are expensive, so I think buying a suit is a good investment, but it does have to be something that the wearer is happy with.

    I will agree with you OP that the suit your GM brought back is not the best pick for EVERYBODY (maybe for himself though), but asking them to order a suit online in a short time period is also not the way to go. Give them a colour and let them find their own deal or a suit in a price point they are happy with.

    DH also bought a suit for the wedding, as did the GMs. He found them from an online made to measure company (Canadian)- EPH apparel. He chose navy for the colour, but the nice part for the GM was they were able to pick from various styles and add details that they liked (number of buttons, lapel width, pleats or not, etc). This also allowed them some freedom with their budget (DH initially asked what they would be comfortable spending and found EPH to be in that budget).
    OliveOilsMom
  • FI has a khaki suit (for work use) and while he looks smokin' in it ... the damn thing always has stains or lint on it. If I had my way, he would wear it for a few minutes so I could admire him in it and then it would go back into the closet where it wouldn't get stains/lint on it. I personally like a darker suit for all the reasons above and the fact that it is just more versatile. Let the groomsmen wear a grey suit of their choice. Buy matching ties to pull the look together.
    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • I'm not giving up on my love for the khaki suit, but it's up to FI and his groomsmen to decide what they want. We're definitely not going to buy the GMs suits for them when the BMs bought their own dresses already. I still don't think medium or dark grey would look as nice in the pictures and i really really hate the idea of mix n match greys, but i'm washing my hands and marrying the man no matter what suit he and his brothers show up wearing. Unless it's camo. That miiight be a dealbreaker :)

    @PrettyGirlLost - The suit that the GM picked out was a very slim fit medium/dark grey suit, with tapered pants that are almost snug-looking through the ankles, and very narrow lapels. FI is not super-skinny or athletic, so that cut of suit would be really unflattering on him, and probably on his other GM too. 
    I was more frustrated by the GM's push to switch to a way more expensive super-trendy cut suit than the different/darker color in and of itself, because a) FI probably wouldn't look good in it and b) it's not a good investment if it'll look dated in 2-3 years. 

    @AtomicBlonde - We've had really good experiences w/ JAB suits/jackets/pants before (in store & online), FI absolutely loves the stuff he already has from there and he gets the same fits and sizes every time, just in new colors/fabrics. They also have a good return/exchange policy (90 days), and have stores close to us and the GMs, so I didn't think it was unreasonable to ask them to order at that price before it changed. I probably should've immediately/explicitly told FI after we found out about the price change that i'd be happy to monitor it for them and let them know when it drops below $200, but that ship has sailed.

    @levioosa -  My understanding of wedding party etiquette is that you don't accept unless you're willing to show up sober and wearing whatever the bride and groom asked you to buy/rent. When I was a BM for my friend's wedding, I wasn't a huge fan of the dress color, but it was what she wanted so I smiled, told her i loved it, and then stuck it in the back of my closet after the reception. It wasn't wasted money if it made her feel happy and supported for the day. I've never expected to be able to wear a BM dress a second time or that the bride/groom would change their color or style preference based on what i liked best or what was easiest/cheapest for me. 

    Why is there a double standard that the BMs just go along with it (barring major logistical issues like dress not available in their size, the girls falling out of a strapless neckline, etc) but everyone seems to think that groomsmen should be able to wear things they already own or buy wardrobe staples? 

  • I've been a bridesmaid three times.  The first time I wore a pepto bismal colored monstrosity picked by the bride who also insisted every one match exactly (hair, make up, shoes, jewelry).  I didn't know better at the time.  The other two times I was told to wear any black or navy dress I desired.  I wore things I already owned and have worn numerous times since ( they are very classic cut, work appropriate dresses that can be jazzed up a little for an evening out).  I am still very good friends with those two brides.  I barely speak to the first bride...not because she made me buy an expensive dress that I finally just threw out, but because it was just the beginning of a long line of superficial behavior where I finally learned after several years that I as a person didn't matter so much as what I could do for her.

    I'm not saying the OP is necessarily like that, but just pointing out that it doesn't have to be a double standard.  And honestly, whenever I see  "matchy matchy" these days where it's clear that people aren't comfortable or wouldn't have picked the same thing themselves, I assume the people who asked them to do that don't actually care about their friends or care more about superficial things and props than their friends.  I'd like to think that we're in an era now where we've stopped thinking of our friends as dress up dolls and treat them as the wonderful individuals we presumably love since we asked them to be at our side.  Nowhere else in life, save for really bad 1980s family portraits where everyone is  wearing the same ugly Christmas sweater, do you see people match.
    geebee908thisismynickname2PrettyGirlLost
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Just chiming in that I think gray suits would look nice with your location and with the bridesmaids' navy dresses, plus there is the added bonus of just saying "light gray suit" to the groomsmen and letting them pick their own suits. We did that for our wedding and it did not cause one bit of problem at all. In fact most of the groomsmen were super relieved that they didn't have to go out and buy something they didn't want.

    For what it's worth, DH was in a beach wedding once and the bride's vision was her groom and groomsmen in khaki suits. Not one of the guys owned a khaki suit so they all had to go out and buy one. DH said that all of the guys were privately talking about how much they hated the suits and DH even went as far as getting rid of it in a clothes donation we did last year, claiming he would never ever wear it again. Just some food for thought.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    OurWildKingdomPrettyGirlLost
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2016
    FI wore a khaki suit to a beach wedding two years ago.  He paid out the ass for it and only looked okay in it.  Know where it is?  

    Me neither.  It didn't move with us.

    ETA he was a GM in that wedding.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdomPrettyGirlLost
  • edited April 2016
    jacques27 said:

    And honestly, whenever I see  "matchy matchy" these days where it's clear that people aren't comfortable or wouldn't have picked the same thing themselves, I assume the people who asked them to do that don't actually care about their friends or care more about superficial things and props than their friends.  I'd like to think that we're in an era now where we've stopped thinking of our friends as dress up dolls and treat them as the wonderful individuals we presumably love since we asked them to be at our side. 
    Not to take this discussion of the rails here, but ouch. Not every bridesmaid dress experience is part of an emotional power trip by the bride.

    In my situation, I was lucky enough that all of my bridemaids were available to go dress shopping at the same time and actually all fell in love with the same dress (a different one than I had in mind, in fact), so we went with what they loved. (Of note: I had already been an advanced lurker by this point and had no issue with mismatched dresses, I just happened to like a particular one going into the shopping trip.)

    At no point did I force them to choose any particular dress because I'm a SS, and I'm *gasp* cool with whatever shoes they want, because they're my friends and I want them to be comfortable. Also, I really don't give a shit how they do their hair and make-up or if they wear jewelry. 

    ETA: I'm another vote for the gray suit.
    image
    lnixon8OurWildKingdompinupbride6189cupcait927
  • jacques27 said:

    And honestly, whenever I see  "matchy matchy" these days where it's clear that people aren't comfortable or wouldn't have picked the same thing themselves, I assume the people who asked them to do that don't actually care about their friends or care more about superficial things and props than their friends.  I'd like to think that we're in an era now where we've stopped thinking of our friends as dress up dolls and treat them as the wonderful individuals we presumably love since we asked them to be at our side. 
    Not to take this discussion of the rails here, but ouch. Not every bridesmaid dress experience is part of an emotional power trip by the bride.

    In my situation, I was lucky enough that all of my bridemaids were available to go dress shopping at the same time and actually all fell in love with the same dress (a different one than I had in mind, in fact), so we went with what they loved. (Of note: I had already been an advanced lurker by this point and had no issue with mismatched dresses, I just happened to like a particular one going into the shopping trip.)

    At no point did I force them to choose any particular dress because I'm a SS, and I'm *gasp* cool with whatever shoes they want, because they're my friends and I want them to be comfortable. Also, I really don't give a shit how they do their hair and make-up or if they wear jewelry. 

    ETA: I'm another vote for the gray suit.
    Hence why I wrote "where they aren't comfortable or wouldn't have picked the same things themselves."
    madamerwinOurWildKingdomHeffalumpPrettyGirlLost
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