Moms and Maids

Mother of the Groom is acting...indifferent.

charlieray-2charlieray-2 member
First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
edited April 2016 in Moms and Maids
Let me start out by saying that I love my fiance's family almost as much as my own.

But his mom hasn't shown any real enthusiasm for our engagement, at least not to me...

When I called her to tell her that I had said yes (because the entire world knew and managed to keep it a secret) I got a quick "congratulations" and then she immediately started talking about the centerpieces for her daughter's upcoming wedding, which yes I understand that it's soon but really, that's it?

Even his sister (the one getting married) was jumping up and down and ecstatic for us.

This past weekend when we went to visit (for said sister's bridal shower) everyone else (including his dad) wanted to see the ring and gave me a huge hug and officially welcomed me to the family..everyone except his mom.

The only time she actually brought up the wedding on her own was when she was telling me how happy she is that he's not a girl and she doesn't have to go through that part of wedding planning again.

We are in no way trying to outshine his sister and her fiance, we've decided to wait until after their wedding in June to do any sort of serious planning.
We were never the ones to bring up our engagement; the most we did was tell everyone that we had settled on a date (because apparently you're supposed to know that 5 minutes after you get engaged).

((side note: I have also been trying to help her with the other wedding since long before our engagement and I barely get a response to any ideas or even the offer to purchase something I've found that they need))

She and I have always had a good relationship and I was planning on taking her and my mom when I go dress shopping, but I'm not sure I want to if this is the enthusiastic response I'm going to be met with.

My fiance hasn't said anything since the phone call incident but I'm pretty sure he's feeling the love as much as I am.

Did I (we?) do something wrong? Or am I just being oversensitive?

Thanks in advance.
(honestly I thought writing it all down was going to help, but now I kind of just want to cry)
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Re: Mother of the Groom is acting...indifferent.

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    I agree with PPs, give it some time. FMIL may just be burned out. 

    Also, as @charlotte989875 notes, she may just not be the sort of person to get super hyped up about wedding planning in general, and that is okay. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you. There have been a few brides-to-be who have posted on here upset because their own mothers have not showed much enthusiasm. And usually, the answer is NOT because you or they or anybody has done anything wrong -- it's just their personality. 

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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2016
    Many brides would think that you are lucky.  We see many letters from brides bemoaning the MOG's interference and demands about the wedding.  My own wedding was planned to try and please my FMIL, which was impossible because she disapproved of her son's choice.  I won.  We have been happily married for almost 40 years.
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    I understand why you're disappointed, but I highly doubt her indifference has anything to do with you. I have a feeling it has more to do with being overwhelmed with her daughter's wedding and not wanting to think about yours at the same time. Some people don't love weddings, and she may be one of them.

    But I'll give you the same advice I give anyone who comes here with a similar issue: if you and your FI are excited about getting married and planning your wedding, that's what matters most. Don't waste time or emotion thinking about whether other people are enthusiastic about it. Forget about FMIL's lack of enthusiasm about the wedding and focus on the rest of your relationship with her, because that will last longer than any wedding ever will.

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    Why did she hear about the engagement from you and not her son?
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    He had told her that he was going to propose so we decided that I would tell her I that I had said yes, then pass the phone to him after I talked to her for a bit.
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    Is it possible that she's just burned out?

    Some people are just not into weddings and it's possible that the planning of the current one may make her on overload.   It doesn't mean that she dislikes you - she just may dislike the anxiety of party planning.

    FWIW, I think that planning a large scale event like a wedding can be really stressful.   There's a lot to consider, many logistical issues and a slew of emotions.   No wonder we drink! 
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    It really sounds that FMIL is just not a wedding person.  It seems like she doesn't even want to help plan her own daughter's wedding. 

    She could also be feeling some remorse that two of her children (out of how many - 2?) are getting married.  She may be realizing how empty her nest will be in short succession.

    As it stands now, I would not be talking about the wedding to FMIL, unless she specifically asks.

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    I am going through the same thing with my FMIL.  FSIL got engaged 3 months after FI and I and is getting married 4 months after us.  While FMIL was initially super excited, as soon as FSIL got engaged, I have heard non-stop about FSIL wedding. 

    I don't think it personally has anything to do with me and FI, but it still does sting, so I understand your feelings, because you are excited to share this with your family and you want them to be included in the planning.  Mom's are usually more invested in their DD's weddings than DS's.  I agree with PP and give it a while, she'll probably come around.  Include her in your appointments and planning and let her know how happy it makes you that she is there.  Good Luck and Congrats!
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    First, congratulations!

    Second, please don't take this personally. My own mother was just about as enthusiastic as your FMIL, until we confirmed a date and location. Now, we're off to the races. I think she felt it was all talk until deposits were made, ha ha ha. 

    Third, there's a lot to be said for being burnt out on weddings. About three months after we got engaged, FSIL's daughter got engaged and now wedding talk has been the primary family discussion whenever we're together. If I'm tired of it--and I'm one of the parties getting married--I can't imagine what their other relatives feel! 
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