I'm sorry

Bkess14

N

OurWildKingdom

I'm not a lawyer, but unless you didn't get your deposit back, you probably don't have grounds for a lawsuit. Even if that is the case, is it worth all the hassle?

At the end of the day, you still got married. It's time to focus on your marriage and not your wedding. 

drunkenwitch

So the fact that you got married meant nothing?

CMGragain

Bkess14 said:

Hi everyone,
I've been struggling with this topic since my husband and I were married in September of 2014. So to start off, we found the PERFECT, and I mean PERFECT location for our wedding in April of 2014. We were ecstatic! It was the exact style, location and price. And tables, chairs, linens, all place settings and a ton of decorations were included. It was a rustic old barn, with a wonderful elegant twist. We signed a contract and paid a deposit and went on with the rest of our wedding planning. In June I got a call that we couldn't have our wedding there because of some building codes not being up to date. I was shocked and so utterly hurt. I didn't even know what to do. We tried to work with her about dates and everything. Offered to pay more. And she refused. I was so lost since now I had to figure out where to get married on a very short time frame. Fast forward, we ended up getting married on a local farm, in the horse arena which was a sand floor. And yes I mean SAND. It was ok. Not what I imagined. Not what I wanted. Not what I paid for. The people who we rented it from were wonderful but it could never be what I initially imagined. On top of the venue, we had to pay for all of the chairs, tables, a dance floor, place setting, table cloths, napkins, etc...

Later that month we found out that the owner of the original venue did have another wedding there just a week after when mine was scheduled. I was pissed. And so sad that I had to lose out on my dream wedding because of something that wasn't my issue to begin with.

Im saying all of this mainly to get it off of my chest. It's been almost 2 years and I cannot drive down that road without bursting into tears everytime. We threatened to sue but haven't been able to go forward with it and honestly probably won't due to the hassle. But if I ever see her in public I think i would honestly punch her in the face I'm still so angry about it. I see people posting photos of their weddings there all the time and it kills me.

I cannot believe how focused you are on this!

If they cancelled because of building code violations, they had no choice in the matter.  If they had let you hold you wedding while in violation of local building codes, they would have paid huge fines!  They would have also be liable for a lawsuit if anything bad had happened at your wedding.  They did the right thing.  It is also quite possible that the fire department would have shown up at your wedding and thrown everybody out because of the violations.  How would that have been?

It is quite possible that they were able to have the problem fixed and reinspected in order to resume business as usual the following week.
Why are you taking this so personally?  It wasn't personal, it was business.

There is no such thing as a perfect wedding.  Get over yourself!

glasgowtolondon

crowsgirl15

Bkess14 said:

Hi everyone,
I've been struggling with this topic since my husband and I were married in September of 2014. So to start off, we found the PERFECT, and I mean PERFECT location for our wedding in April of 2014. We were ecstatic! It was the exact style, location and price. And tables, chairs, linens, all place settings and a ton of decorations were included. It was a rustic old barn, with a wonderful elegant twist. We signed a contract and paid a deposit and went on with the rest of our wedding planning. In June I got a call that we couldn't have our wedding there because of some building codes not being up to date. I was shocked and so utterly hurt. I didn't even know what to do. We tried to work with her about dates and everything. Offered to pay more. And she refused. I was so lost since now I had to figure out where to get married on a very short time frame. Fast forward, we ended up getting married on a local farm, in the horse arena which was a sand floor. And yes I mean SAND. It was ok. Not what I imagined. Not what I wanted. Not what I paid for. The people who we rented it from were wonderful but it could never be what I initially imagined. On top of the venue, we had to pay for all of the chairs, tables, a dance floor, place setting, table cloths, napkins, etc...

Later that month we found out that the owner of the original venue did have another wedding there just a week after when mine was scheduled. I was pissed. And so sad that I had to lose out on my dream wedding because of something that wasn't my issue to begin with.

Im saying all of this mainly to get it off of my chest. It's been almost 2 years and I cannot drive down that road without bursting into tears everytime. We threatened to sue but haven't been able to go forward with it and honestly probably won't due to the hassle. But if I ever see her in public I think i would honestly punch her in the face I'm still so angry about it. I see people posting photos of their weddings there all the time and it kills me.

I really do understand that this was an emotional experience for you, and you were disappointed with the logistics of your wedding...but the bolded are huge red flags for me. It has been 2 years and it's still that traumatic for you?

Have you considered talking to a professional? I don't mean that in a snarky way, but if you are that distraught just driving down the street and holding on to that much anger toward a woman who had absolutely no control over the circumstances that cancelled your wedding...there must be something going on that's not centered on that one day.

It's important to remember that all that happened was a party didn't go exactly the way you wanted it to. You don't need a dream wedding to have a great marriage. If this happened last week, I would understand the intensity of emotion...but it's been two years. It's time to move on or take steps to make sure you can. 

LondonLisa

Bkess14 said:

Hi everyone,
I've been struggling with this topic since my husband and I were married in September of 2014. So to start off, we found the PERFECT, and I mean PERFECT location for our wedding in April of 2014. We were ecstatic! It was the exact style, location and price. And tables, chairs, linens, all place settings and a ton of decorations were included. It was a rustic old barn, with a wonderful elegant twist. We signed a contract and paid a deposit and went on with the rest of our wedding planning. In June I got a call that we couldn't have our wedding there because of some building codes not being up to date. I was shocked and so utterly hurt. I didn't even know what to do. We tried to work with her about dates and everything. Offered to pay more. And she refused. I was so lost since now I had to figure out where to get married on a very short time frame. Fast forward, we ended up getting married on a local farm, in the horse arena which was a sand floor. And yes I mean SAND. It was ok. Not what I imagined. Not what I wanted. Not what I paid for. The people who we rented it from were wonderful but it could never be what I initially imagined. On top of the venue, we had to pay for all of the chairs, tables, a dance floor, place setting, table cloths, napkins, etc...

Later that month we found out that the owner of the original venue did have another wedding there just a week after when mine was scheduled. I was pissed. And so sad that I had to lose out on my dream wedding because of something that wasn't my issue to begin with.

Im saying all of this mainly to get it off of my chest. It's been almost 2 years and I cannot drive down that road without bursting into tears everytime. We threatened to sue but haven't been able to go forward with it and honestly probably won't due to the hassle. But if I ever see her in public I think i would honestly punch her in the face I'm still so angry about it. I see people posting photos of their weddings there all the time and it kills me.

Seriously? Grow up. It's 2 years later. Yes, it was disappointing but it is ridiculous to carry this baggage around over a party. A grown woman bursting in to tears over a venue two years later is not normal behaviour. 

I cant believe you are still hanging on to this! 

AddieCake

You burst into tears when you go by there 2 years later?  You need counseling. 

charlotte989875

You need some perspective OP, not everyone has their perfect wedding, things go wrong. And yes a huge thing went wrong at your wedding and that sucks. However this was years ago. Any recourse you may have had is gone now. You need to focus on the fact that you're married to someone you love and who loves you back; it doesn't matter where you got married, be happy that you did. 

monkeysip

I get it.  I mean, I don't understand breaking down into tears, but I do understand still resenting the situation.  Every time I hear our first dance song I still get a little peeved about our DJ screwing up the first dance.  I understand still being upset about the venue, but like others said, you need to focus on your marriage.  No one has a  perfect wedding, and some people have A LOT worse problems on their wedding days.  Sickness, natural disasters, huge family conflicts, etc.  You didn't get your dream venue, but I'm sure you still have some great memories, and you now have a great husband.  

Forget a lawsuit, forget the anger... just let it go!

MyNameIsNot

crowsgirl15 said:

Bkess14 said:

Hi everyone,
I've been struggling with this topic since my husband and I were married in September of 2014. So to start off, we found the PERFECT, and I mean PERFECT location for our wedding in April of 2014. We were ecstatic! It was the exact style, location and price. And tables, chairs, linens, all place settings and a ton of decorations were included. It was a rustic old barn, with a wonderful elegant twist. We signed a contract and paid a deposit and went on with the rest of our wedding planning. In June I got a call that we couldn't have our wedding there because of some building codes not being up to date. I was shocked and so utterly hurt. I didn't even know what to do. We tried to work with her about dates and everything. Offered to pay more. And she refused. I was so lost since now I had to figure out where to get married on a very short time frame. Fast forward, we ended up getting married on a local farm, in the horse arena which was a sand floor. And yes I mean SAND. It was ok. Not what I imagined. Not what I wanted. Not what I paid for. The people who we rented it from were wonderful but it could never be what I initially imagined. On top of the venue, we had to pay for all of the chairs, tables, a dance floor, place setting, table cloths, napkins, etc...

Later that month we found out that the owner of the original venue did have another wedding there just a week after when mine was scheduled. I was pissed. And so sad that I had to lose out on my dream wedding because of something that wasn't my issue to begin with.

Im saying all of this mainly to get it off of my chest. It's been almost 2 years and I cannot drive down that road without bursting into tears everytime. We threatened to sue but haven't been able to go forward with it and honestly probably won't due to the hassle. But if I ever see her in public I think i would honestly punch her in the face I'm still so angry about it. I see people posting photos of their weddings there all the time and it kills me.

I really do understand that this was an emotional experience for you, and you were disappointed with the logistics of your wedding...but the bolded are huge red flags for me. It has been 2 years and it's still that traumatic for you?

Have you considered talking to a professional? I don't mean that in a snarky way, but if you are that distraught just driving down the street and holding on to that much anger toward a woman who had absolutely no control over the circumstances that cancelled your wedding...there must be something going on that's not centered on that one day.

It's important to remember that all that happened was a party didn't go exactly the way you wanted it to. You don't need a dream wedding to have a great marriage. If this happened last week, I would understand the intensity of emotion...but it's been two years. It's time to move on or take steps to make sure you can. 

This. Holding on to this much anger and resentment 2 years later is not normal. If you haven't been able to figure out a way to cope with disappointment on your own, it's time to seek help from a professional. 

How have you dealt with other disappointments in life? 

Bkess14

drunkenwitch said:

So the fact that you got married meant nothing?

Never said that. I said I married my best friend and I did. Everyone here is so fucking nice. God you people are amazing!

LondonLisa said:

Bkess14 said:

Hi everyone,
I've been struggling with this topic since my husband and I were married in September of 2014. So to start off, we found the PERFECT, and I mean PERFECT location for our wedding in April of 2014. We were ecstatic! It was the exact style, location and price. And tables, chairs, linens, all place settings and a ton of decorations were included. It was a rustic old barn, with a wonderful elegant twist. We signed a contract and paid a deposit and went on with the rest of our wedding planning. In June I got a call that we couldn't have our wedding there because of some building codes not being up to date. I was shocked and so utterly hurt. I didn't even know what to do. We tried to work with her about dates and everything. Offered to pay more. And she refused. I was so lost since now I had to figure out where to get married on a very short time frame. Fast forward, we ended up getting married on a local farm, in the horse arena which was a sand floor. And yes I mean SAND. It was ok. Not what I imagined. Not what I wanted. Not what I paid for. The people who we rented it from were wonderful but it could never be what I initially imagined. On top of the venue, we had to pay for all of the chairs, tables, a dance floor, place setting, table cloths, napkins, etc...

Later that month we found out that the owner of the original venue did have another wedding there just a week after when mine was scheduled. I was pissed. And so sad that I had to lose out on my dream wedding because of something that wasn't my issue to begin with.

Im saying all of this mainly to get it off of my chest. It's been almost 2 years and I cannot drive down that road without bursting into tears everytime. We threatened to sue but haven't been able to go forward with it and honestly probably won't due to the hassle. But if I ever see her in public I think i would honestly punch her in the face I'm still so angry about it. I see people posting photos of their weddings there all the time and it kills me.

Seriously? Grow up. It's 2 years later. Yes, it was disappointing but it is ridiculous to carry this baggage around over a party. A grown woman bursting in to tears over a venue two years later is not normal behaviour. 

I cant believe you are still hanging on to this! 

Well thank you! You're clearly an educated psychologist. So kind of you to let me know.

AddieCake said:

You burst into tears when you go by there 2 years later?  You need counseling. 

Thanks! 




Just just have to say thank you to all of you super awesome people who replied to my post. I was really hoping someone would tear me down on the Internet. I'm really glad I'm not suicidal or these replies might have upset me enough to actually do something awful. Please think about the shit you say to others on the Internet, you don't know what someone is going through. People should be allowed to vent and express their minds without being inferred that they are less of a person for doing so. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

charlotte989875

Bkess14 said:

drunkenwitch said:

So the fact that you got married meant nothing?

Never said that. I said I married my best friend and I did. Everyone here is so fucking nice. God you people are amazing!

LondonLisa said:

Bkess14 said:

Hi everyone,
I've been struggling with this topic since my husband and I were married in September of 2014. So to start off, we found the PERFECT, and I mean PERFECT location for our wedding in April of 2014. We were ecstatic! It was the exact style, location and price. And tables, chairs, linens, all place settings and a ton of decorations were included. It was a rustic old barn, with a wonderful elegant twist. We signed a contract and paid a deposit and went on with the rest of our wedding planning. In June I got a call that we couldn't have our wedding there because of some building codes not being up to date. I was shocked and so utterly hurt. I didn't even know what to do. We tried to work with her about dates and everything. Offered to pay more. And she refused. I was so lost since now I had to figure out where to get married on a very short time frame. Fast forward, we ended up getting married on a local farm, in the horse arena which was a sand floor. And yes I mean SAND. It was ok. Not what I imagined. Not what I wanted. Not what I paid for. The people who we rented it from were wonderful but it could never be what I initially imagined. On top of the venue, we had to pay for all of the chairs, tables, a dance floor, place setting, table cloths, napkins, etc...

Later that month we found out that the owner of the original venue did have another wedding there just a week after when mine was scheduled. I was pissed. And so sad that I had to lose out on my dream wedding because of something that wasn't my issue to begin with.

Im saying all of this mainly to get it off of my chest. It's been almost 2 years and I cannot drive down that road without bursting into tears everytime. We threatened to sue but haven't been able to go forward with it and honestly probably won't due to the hassle. But if I ever see her in public I think i would honestly punch her in the face I'm still so angry about it. I see people posting photos of their weddings there all the time and it kills me.

Seriously? Grow up. It's 2 years later. Yes, it was disappointing but it is ridiculous to carry this baggage around over a party. A grown woman bursting in to tears over a venue two years later is not normal behaviour. 

I cant believe you are still hanging on to this! 

Well thank you! You're clearly an educated psychologist. So kind of you to let me know.

AddieCake said:

You burst into tears when you go by there 2 years later?  You need counseling. 

Thanks! 




Just just have to say thank you to all of you super awesome people who replied to my post. I was really hoping someone would tear me down on the Internet. I'm really glad I'm not suicidal or these replies might have upset me enough to actually do something awful. Please think about the shit you say to others on the Internet, you don't know what someone is going through. People should be allowed to vent and express their minds without being inferred that they are less of a person for doing so. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

You're not serious right? Suicide and mental health are not things we take lightly here. Many posters said you should talk to a professional if you're still this upset about a venue canceling. 

Honestly what kind of responses were you expecting? Most everyone sympathized with you and said that really sucked what happened, but it's been years now and you can't let this go. No one here is going to say that is a normal reaction or way to behave. 

themosthappy91

Bkess14 said:

drunkenwitch said:

So the fact that you got married meant nothing?

Never said that. I said I married my best friend and I did. Everyone here is so fucking nice. God you people are amazing!

LondonLisa said:

Seriously? Grow up. It's 2 years later. Yes, it was disappointing but it is ridiculous to carry this baggage around over a party. A grown woman bursting in to tears over a venue two years later is not normal behaviour. 

I cant believe you are still hanging on to this! 

Well thank you! You're clearly an educated psychologist. So kind of you to let me know.

AddieCake said:

You burst into tears when you go by there 2 years later?  You need counseling. 

Thanks! 

Just just have to say thank you to all of you super awesome people who replied to my post. I was really hoping someone would tear me down on the Internet. I'm really glad I'm not suicidal or these replies might have upset me enough to actually do something awful. Please think about the shit you say to others on the Internet, you don't know what someone is going through. People should be allowed to vent and express their minds without being inferred that they are less of a person for doing so. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

Look OP- when you post something on the internet you need to be prepared for whatever responses you're going to get. The burden is on you to decide if you're going to share you problems in a forum like this, not on others to moderate how they post to only tell you what you want to hear.

Some of the posters here responded much more harshly than I would have, but others gave you some good advice. The picture you paint of yourself is one of someone who does need counseling to get over what happened to you- you are describing someone emotionally volatile who is at risk of bursting into tears when reminded of your wedding or resorting to physical violence if you ever ran into the person you blame for what happened to you. 

The truth is, you do need to get over it because it's truly not normal to feel the way you do- not saying that as a judgment, I'm saying that as a fact. If what you need to make that happen is professional help, please seek that out.

Finally, it is super immature to bring suicide into this- that's by far the most horrible thing someone has said on this thread. You sound like a bratty teenager who screams at her parents that she's going to kill herself if they don't let her go to a party- "and then you'll be really sorry!" It's inappropriate and immature.

Good luck, and I'm truly sorry your wedding was not what you wanted it to be.

jacques27

So did "getting that off your chest" in your original post make everything all better for you?  Are you now able to drive past the road without bursting into tears?

If the answer to those questions are no, then yes, you should seek professional guidance. 

Bursting into tears two years later is not a healthy response to what basically amounts to life circumstances not allowing your party to be held in a particular place (particularly when your party still got to happen).  If you're not able to engage in healthy behaviors or are experiencing unhealthy responses to things, then yes, you go to the doctor, just like any other ailment.  In this case, that doctor would be a mental health professional who can give you guidance and coping techniques.

crowsgirl15

Bkess14 said:

drunkenwitch said:

So the fact that you got married meant nothing?

Never said that. I said I married my best friend and I did. Everyone here is so fucking nice. God you people are amazing!

LondonLisa said:

Bkess14 said:

Hi everyone,
I've been struggling with this topic since my husband and I were married in September of 2014. So to start off, we found the PERFECT, and I mean PERFECT location for our wedding in April of 2014. We were ecstatic! It was the exact style, location and price. And tables, chairs, linens, all place settings and a ton of decorations were included. It was a rustic old barn, with a wonderful elegant twist. We signed a contract and paid a deposit and went on with the rest of our wedding planning. In June I got a call that we couldn't have our wedding there because of some building codes not being up to date. I was shocked and so utterly hurt. I didn't even know what to do. We tried to work with her about dates and everything. Offered to pay more. And she refused. I was so lost since now I had to figure out where to get married on a very short time frame. Fast forward, we ended up getting married on a local farm, in the horse arena which was a sand floor. And yes I mean SAND. It was ok. Not what I imagined. Not what I wanted. Not what I paid for. The people who we rented it from were wonderful but it could never be what I initially imagined. On top of the venue, we had to pay for all of the chairs, tables, a dance floor, place setting, table cloths, napkins, etc...

Later that month we found out that the owner of the original venue did have another wedding there just a week after when mine was scheduled. I was pissed. And so sad that I had to lose out on my dream wedding because of something that wasn't my issue to begin with.

Im saying all of this mainly to get it off of my chest. It's been almost 2 years and I cannot drive down that road without bursting into tears everytime. We threatened to sue but haven't been able to go forward with it and honestly probably won't due to the hassle. But if I ever see her in public I think i would honestly punch her in the face I'm still so angry about it. I see people posting photos of their weddings there all the time and it kills me.

Seriously? Grow up. It's 2 years later. Yes, it was disappointing but it is ridiculous to carry this baggage around over a party. A grown woman bursting in to tears over a venue two years later is not normal behaviour. 

I cant believe you are still hanging on to this! 

Well thank you! You're clearly an educated psychologist. So kind of you to let me know.

AddieCake said:

You burst into tears when you go by there 2 years later?  You need counseling. 

Thanks! 




Just just have to say thank you to all of you super awesome people who replied to my post. I was really hoping someone would tear me down on the Internet. I'm really glad I'm not suicidal or these replies might have upset me enough to actually do something awful. Please think about the shit you say to others on the Internet, you don't know what someone is going through. People should be allowed to vent and express their minds without being inferred that they are less of a person for doing so. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

This is extremely telling for me. Plenty of people gave you kind, compassionate advice. Some people gave you snarky, but still honest advice. Telling someone they need counseling is far from something to be ashamed of. You clearly DO need counseling if this is still affecting you the way it is.

But more importantly - as someone who has dealt with mental health issues, YOU should be ashamed of yourself. People who are depressed and suicidal don't commit suicide because comments "upset them enough to actually do something awful". They do something awful because they are sick, and it is no one's fault. The fact that you don't know the difference and instead used a very serious mental health issue to guilt and berate people shows a lot.

The fact that it's taken you 2 years to get over a party not going well and are not open to the fact that it's time to get over it shows even more.

LondonLisa

Bkess14 said:

drunkenwitch said:

So the fact that you got married meant nothing?

Never said that. I said I married my best friend and I did. Everyone here is so fucking nice. God you people are amazing!

LondonLisa said:

Bkess14 said:

Hi everyone,
I've been struggling with this topic since my husband and I were married in September of 2014. So to start off, we found the PERFECT, and I mean PERFECT location for our wedding in April of 2014. We were ecstatic! It was the exact style, location and price. And tables, chairs, linens, all place settings and a ton of decorations were included. It was a rustic old barn, with a wonderful elegant twist. We signed a contract and paid a deposit and went on with the rest of our wedding planning. In June I got a call that we couldn't have our wedding there because of some building codes not being up to date. I was shocked and so utterly hurt. I didn't even know what to do. We tried to work with her about dates and everything. Offered to pay more. And she refused. I was so lost since now I had to figure out where to get married on a very short time frame. Fast forward, we ended up getting married on a local farm, in the horse arena which was a sand floor. And yes I mean SAND. It was ok. Not what I imagined. Not what I wanted. Not what I paid for. The people who we rented it from were wonderful but it could never be what I initially imagined. On top of the venue, we had to pay for all of the chairs, tables, a dance floor, place setting, table cloths, napkins, etc...

Later that month we found out that the owner of the original venue did have another wedding there just a week after when mine was scheduled. I was pissed. And so sad that I had to lose out on my dream wedding because of something that wasn't my issue to begin with.

Im saying all of this mainly to get it off of my chest. It's been almost 2 years and I cannot drive down that road without bursting into tears everytime. We threatened to sue but haven't been able to go forward with it and honestly probably won't due to the hassle. But if I ever see her in public I think i would honestly punch her in the face I'm still so angry about it. I see people posting photos of their weddings there all the time and it kills me.

Seriously? Grow up. It's 2 years later. Yes, it was disappointing but it is ridiculous to carry this baggage around over a party. A grown woman bursting in to tears over a venue two years later is not normal behaviour. 

I cant believe you are still hanging on to this! 

Well thank you! You're clearly an educated psychologist. So kind of you to let me know.

AddieCake said:

You burst into tears when you go by there 2 years later?  You need counseling. 

Thanks! 




Just just have to say thank you to all of you super awesome people who replied to my post. I was really hoping someone would tear me down on the Internet. I'm really glad I'm not suicidal or these replies might have upset me enough to actually do something awful. Please think about the shit you say to others on the Internet, you don't know what someone is going through. People should be allowed to vent and express their minds without being inferred that they are less of a person for doing so. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

You should be ashamed your throwing around serious issues of mental health and suicide so flippantly. And shame on you for threatening physical violence against a person over a party. That it sick.

If you are bursting into tears 2 years later over a party, you need help. That is really unhealthy behaviour. 

It sounds like you have rage/ anger issues that are preventing you from moving on- if you are threatening violence to the owner and having these visceral anger tears at the sight of a building, that is beyond unwell. 

Aren't you tired of carrying this baggage? Speak to a professional because you need some coping skills. 

People on here were married during hurricanes, Had hospital weddings because of death/illness. And you're complaining about a backup venue you chose. 

no one forced you to get married on sand, you could have postponed your wedding a few weeks until it was fixed, or found a venue you were happy with. Instead you CHOSE to suck lemons. You CHOSE to get married where you did. Just like how you are CHOOSING to hold on to this ridiculous situation.

It's a party- let.it.go! You need help.

jacques27

Oh, crikey, I missed the part about wanting to punch the original venue person every time she sees her.

Yeah, that's just beyond the normal range of limits of a healthy response.  This is way past the point of "venting on the internet will make this all better." 

tigerlily6

DD! That's usually a good indication right off the bat:




Okay, OP, I'm just not sure I understand your reasoning here. Let me break this down for you:

1) You're really upset over the lack of the original wedding venue 2 YEARS AGO.
2) You threaten lawsuit, but don't actually want to do go through any hassle of it
3) So, clearly, the best remedy is . . . to  post about it on a wedding forum?

What were you thinking would be the result, here? A bunch of internet strangers would pat you on the back, say "there, there, poor thing" and you would magically feel better and those two years of resentment would vanish?

If you need to talk to somebody about this and work through it, find a counselor or at the very least a real life good friend. They might actually be able to help you move past this. Although I seriously have some doubts considering your immature response to PPs. 

spockforprez

TFQ, CMGr and others! I got nervous when the first few responses didn't quote the OP. 

I'm sure you're long gone OP, but just in case... we had our wedding in the hospital. There isn't a single decent picture of our first kiss because I had to bend over to kiss my husband, who was seated due to his leg being amputated in a traumatic accident - and all you can see in the photos is my fat ass, my fat arm, and the top of his head. Instead of leaving our ceremony in a triumphant recessional, his nurse aide rolled his chair out of the chapel while I followed behind. During our short reception he had to be rolled back to his room and put back in bed to use the bathroom.

I don't regret our hospital wedding for a single second. I sometimes grieve for the loss of the wedding we spent 15 months planning. I wish we had a better picture of our first kiss. I wish we could have had a first dance. I wish H could have been standing next to me wearing his proper wedding clothes. But I don't regret getting married. It meant far more to us to be husband and wife while we traverse the long road to recovery than it did to hold out and wait for a more normal wedding with better photos. It just feels right to be married. It's the way it should be!

That feeling of the simple "rightness" of being married to the person you love is what you should focus on, too. It's okay to be disappointed that it didn't turn out like you thought. It's all right to feel like your venue stiffed you out of the experience you planned. But IMO it's not all right to hold onto this level of resentment and grief to the extent that you still cry while driving past the building two years later. That needs some attention and processing, hopefully with a professional. Close the window on TK and go find your H and give him a big hug and kiss and know that you married him and no matter where or how, it was right and that's all that matters!

(Here is the ugly first kiss picture, if any were wondering!)

ernursej

OP - when you delete your original post after you've been quoted, it is really childish and will only increase the traffic to this post.

I'm really sorry that your wedding day didn't meet your expectations. You are allowed to feel anyway you would like, but usually those emotions will decrease over time. If you are still feeling the same feelings with the same intensity, professional help could be warranted. There is nothing wrong with seeking help to move forward and past these feelings. I have spoken to a psychologist over the years for a few things and while hard to accept that you need someone, it is freeing to work together to improve your outlook. Please consider talking with someone.

I'm sorry that you didn't get the responses you were hoping for. I will say that some posters were harsher than others, but no one said something that wasn't applicable to your original post. Most Knotties have posted something that didn't get the responses they were hoping for. Unfortunately, that is the internet and sometimes it can be very eye opening and harsh. All posters have given you sound advice. Please consider taking the advice.

MairePoppy

@spockforprez  seriously, no one likes their upper arms, but I think that is one of the most beautiful wedding pictures I've ever seen. 

@Bkess14 some of us suffer from major depression and suicidal thoughts or we have family members who are afflicted. We don't take that reference lightly. Your reaction to the suggestion that you could benefit from counseling is over the top. If you're suicidal, please get help. If your not, counseling could help with your anger issues.

SP29

@spockforprez I love that picture. You know what I see? Your DH's hand on your back with his wedding band front and center- a symbol for the day he married you!

OP- You may have gotten some harsh responses, but they are true. Why are you still holding onto this 2 years later? Sure, be disappointed, but in the grand scheme, the venue means nothing. You were married. You had guests. They enjoyed food and drink.

I didn't get to wear the wedding dress I had bought for our wedding day- shipped it home as we were OOT and it got lost in the mail. The day before the wedding the head of the regional post office called and said, "Sorry, we won't be able to find your dress before tomorrow"- YES, I cried! But then I straightened myself up and set to the task of finding something else to wear. Fortunately my dad's gf's step daughter lent me her dress and it fit near perfect. Wedding day continued as per usual- great day. And I looked damn good .

holyguacamole79

Came for the DD.

2 years,  OP.  Seriously,  let it go. 

OurWildKingdom

Look, OP, a year ago I couldn't have married the person I love in most states. There are still legislators who would love to drive all of us out of the country or better yet, kill all of us.  One of my employers doesn't have any anti-discrimination measures in place for sexual orientation, so I could be fired if they knew I was marrying a woman. At the other, I have a lot of coworkers who could make my work life hell if they wanted to. 


But by all means, do tell us how your marriage is ruined by having to settle for your second-choice venue.

And you make light of mental illness, too?

ei34

I thought this was a ghost thread of first glance - are we really talking about a 2014 wedding?!  OP, come on.

bleve0821

I wanted to get married in a park. The park could accommodate 75 people. Our guest list was 100+ people, so when it was time to book our venue, the park wasn't an option. We found an alternate venue, which is so much more convenient for our guests and equally as picturesque, but it's not the park. Because we booked that venue, we couldn't get married in October, when I wanted to get married. 

Guess what? 

Only 65 people are coming to our wedding, so we could have gotten married in the park in October after all.

Am I peeved? Maybe a little, if I'm honest. But does it matter? 

Not one bit. And I don't dwell. Next weekend, I am marrying the man who is far more to me than my best friend, and that's what's important. That's what's always been important.

It's who, not what, not where, and not when. Focus on your marriage, today, tomorrow, and every day moving forward, and try to let go of the past. 

flantastic

You tell us that 2 years later, you think about physical violence towards a venue sales agent with no control over the situation, and we're supposed to pretend like that's normal, and give you pats on the back?

I'm sorry you had to work out new wedding plans, and they weren't as great as the original plans - I'm sure that would be very stressful for any of us. But then you have to let that go. If you can't, then everyone's suggestion of counseling was actually the compassionate response to you.

banana468

Dudette, the time has come to accept the things you to accept the things you can't change.   Your wedding date has come and gone and letting this fester is helping absolutely no one.

If you need to go work out and take a kick boxing class, go for it.   But you got married and had a wedding and it's all done now.   You can't place so much weight on a party that you're still flipping out over the venue after it happened.

kimmiinthemitten

I saw this in the middle of the night and couldn't respond it made me so angry. I immediately thought of @ShesSoCold and @spockforprez who moved their weddings up due to medical situations. I thought of the two posters on Wedding Woes who aren't sure if their terminal parents will be able to attend their wedding, let alone still be here for it. I thought of the bride (forgot who) who felt guilty enjoying her wedding day the week after her grandmother died.  I thought of my three girlfriends who have all buried their fathers in the last 4 years before getting married and starting families. 

And then OP has the audacity to come back and question the integrity of the people who responded to her and provide some perspective?  Not going to lie, glad she kicked dirt. 

ETA:  I noticed the hand and wedding band on Mr Spock too!  That and your amazing floral crown. Seriously, that photo is way better than you give it credit for:).

climbingsingle

Please seek some prefesional help. You are clearly dealing with some serious issues. Hanging on to anger like this is not healthy. Good luck to you.