Wedding Woes

Just another manic Monday...

HeffalumpHeffalump member
Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
edited April 2016 in Wedding Woes
Happy Monday, WW.  What's cookin'?

This weekend was all the feels at my house.  And ridiculously productive.  Got a ton of spring cleaning done, did a bunch of yard stuff, made a ton of food for the week, etc.  Last night DH and I agreed that neither one of us stood still for more than a couple of minutes all weekend.  We were -almost- too tired for BCBC Sat./Sun.

Wooz had her first sleepover and loved it.  It was so weird dropping her off, and then just having the three of us in the car.  DS fell asleep on the drive to dinner, and the car was so quiet.  But it was a huge success by all accounts, and she already got me to promise that she could host the next one.  :open_mouth:

My mom came for Wooz's swim grad, and at the end of class they made a big to-do--usually, each kid gets their certificate at the end of class, and the kids who are moving up get their picture taken with their patch in front of the big flag. But since Wooz was graduating from the highest level, her teacher gave a short speech in front of everyone (in which she mentioned Wooz's butterfly perseverance), and everyone applauded.  Wooz was half embarrassed and half pleased.  :) 

While she was changing afterward, DH took DS outside because he was restless, and my mom told me that my grandmother went to the doctor and was (tentatively) diagnosed with hydrocephalus.  She has been having some symptoms, so she went to the doctor, who said it looks like textbook NPH but they can't confirm w/o an MRI.  However, my grandma can't handle an MRI, and if it confirmed her diagnosis, then the next step would be a shunt.  And at her age, brain surgery is very risky, and apparently they often require follow-up surgeries, so the risk multiplies.  So my mom and my aunt talked, and they're going to let it take its course and not put her through tests and surgery.  My mom said that my grandmother is pretty much ready to go at this point:  she's not depressed, but she's also accepted that at 99, she doesn't have a lot more time, regardless.  And TBH, my aunt said that she [my grandma] is pretty much tired of living at this point:  she doesn't go out much, can't do a lot of the things she used to do, and basically feels that she's had a good life and she's ready to let go.

I totally get it on an intellectual level, but on an emotional level, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it.  Her doctor said that, assuming this unconfirmed diagnosis is correct, she has "several months to maybe a year."  Which, TBH, is sad but not shocking--once she's 99, you sort of don't take it for granted that your grandma will be around in 5 or 10 years, you know?  And on a practical level, it throws her 100th birthday party this fall into limbo.  Even assuming she's still around, she may not be able to travel or anything.  We'll just have to wait and see.

My mom also said they decided not to tell my grandma, which I was kind of having a hard time with.  I understand why--she's anxious under the best of circumstances, and used to lose sleep over things like a leaky faucet when she lived on her own.  So they feel that she'll have a better quality of life if they don't tell her.  And even though I totally understood the logic, it felt wrong to me.  Then I was driving in this morning listening to yesterday's This American Life podcast, and Act 1 was so similar, except that the grandma was Chinese, and had been diagnosed with lung cancer.  And it basically ran though my entire thought process, it was such a weird, out of body feeling.   

ETA:  this quote, from the podcast, summed it up exactly:

"It's not just that Little Nainai didn't want to upset her sister with the news of her death. She actually believed that not telling her was a way to prolong her life. Knowing Nainai's personality, Little Nainai worried that her sister would get overwhelmed with fear and depression. She'd stop eating. She'd stop sleeping. She'd lose interest in life. The Chinese believe that mental and emotional health are completely linked to physical health."

Re: Just another manic Monday...

  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Heffa, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother.  That's never news you want to hear.

    I have two words for how my weekend went:  Kinky.  Boots.

    NYC was awesome, but the weekend was also full of feels for me.  I learned that my BFF has social anxiety, and she had a meltdown almost the moment we got to NYC, and I felt like it was all my fault.  I felt like I had let her down because, as her BFF, I felt like I should have known about her social anxiety and that being away from her kids for the first time wouldn't help at all.  And I didn't know what to do.  I couldn't do anything, and that made me feel even worse.

    My uncle also took a turn for the worse this weekend, and neither my mom nor his doctors think he's going to get better.  My mom thinks it's a mental thing: he just doesn't want to get better, even though the doctors think that his body will eventually recover.  He went into the ER yesterday for some unidentified bleeding, and he's been moved to a third facility, back into ICU.  My mom didn't want me to know, since it's the week before the wedding, and the news definitely puts a cloud over everything, but I'm glad I know.  I'm planning to take some time on Wednesday to go see him (even though I know it'll just make me an even bigger emotional wreck).

    BIL had to put his dog to sleep over the weekend, and even though I hated that animal with a passion, I still started bawling in the middle of the airport when I heard the news.

    FH got his suit back from JAB yesterday, and I'm pretty freaking angry.  The sleeves on the jacket are so short, he could star in an '80's music video.  We're leaving for the wedding TOMORROW.

    Face.  Palm.

    I definitely wish it was Sunday...


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • I had not one but two funerals on Saturday to attend for close family friends.  Got home from that exhausted (did the 24hour trip with 8 of those in the car), H was a PITA yesterday - Really, would it have hurt to let me sleep instead of startling me awake each time I drifted back to sleep..  Today I'm dragging and just want to go back to bed, and the little guy doesn't like Mom's idea of "let's go to the bedroom and I'll put on (TV show) and you can snuggle/play on the bed"..
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2016
    I'm sorry Heffa.  :(  That's hard no matter what. 

    Weekend was all right.  Saturday, I went running around while DH got the doors on my office finished.  

    Sunday, DH got up and went to mountain biking.  I cleaned house.  He came home and we got in a little spat, which led to angry cleaning.  Fighting sucks, but at least we got all our clothes switched out and the tubs that had been hanging out in room for a few weeks, among other cleaning.  

    We made up this morning and watched GoT together. 
  • Wow, really sorry @Heffalump, @AtomicBlonde, and @MesmrEwe for all the hard stuff going on now. Sending all the good thoughts your ways.

    We had a good, but quiet weekend. We had beautiful weather so we took the dog swimming in the river, spent the afternoon reading in the park, went for ice cream.

    Then, I come into work this morning and a co-worker had her wallet stolen from inside her office, there are police in and out of the department, and people are on edge. Not a great way to start the last week of class.
    MesmrEwe
  • I wish was Sunday

    That's my fun day...Loved that song.

    So, sorry for your losses, Mes. Heffa and Atomic also sorry to hear about your loved ones too.

    I was feeling the feels this weekend too. I had to stop watching Purple Rain after the third time. It sorta felt like mourning my adolescence in a way. A great time that has passed. However, it made may want the second half to be even better.

    Feeling appreciative for health and God's love and grace in my life today.

    image
    MesmrEwe
  • MesmrEwe said:
    I had not one but two funerals on Saturday to attend for close family friends.  Got home from that exhausted (did the 24hour trip with 8 of those in the car), H was a PITA yesterday - Really, would it have hurt to let me sleep instead of startling me awake each time I drifted back to sleep..  Today I'm dragging and just want to go back to bed, and the little guy doesn't like Mom's idea of "let's go to the bedroom and I'll put on (TV show) and you can snuggle/play on the bed"..

    Wait - did he startle you awake on purpose instead of letting you sleep?
  • Traffic sucks - took me almost 2 hours to get to work again. Need to talk to my boss and see if he'd be cool with me wfh a couple of days each week to help minimize the commute until they get the flooding under control. 

    It's Sif's first birthday! We weighed her over the weekend, and she's up to 91lbs. Her mom was in the 140s, so we were thinking she'll max out there, but I guess we'll see in another year. (Bullmastiffs usually fill out until ~2yo.) 
    charlotte989875kimmiinthemitten
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Sorry for all of you that are dealing with illnesses and deaths. That's never easy.

    Friday I took my car for an oil change and ended up spending $600 for additional repairs. I hate that... our savings is getting drained by car repairs lately.

    The weekend wasn't too bad otherwise.  On Saturday we cleaned the house and went to see Allegiant at the theater.  We had free movie passes that have been sitting in my purse for over a year.  When we really want to see a movie, which isn't often, we usually see it shortly after it opens and/or at IMAX and the passes weren't applicable for those, so they have remained unused. We also has coupons for free soda & popcorn, so the movie and snacks were free!

    Sunday, we didn't leave the house all day, except to take dogs out.  Lots of reading and relaxing.

    This weekend I also remembered that I need to update my passport.  We are going to Mexico in July for vacation and my passport still has my maiden name (I got married in June 2014). So, I've got to jump on that one soon.

    DH sent me a message this morning with the details on new medical insurance his work is now providing.  He signed up for a plan at the beginning of the year, which cost us around $100 out of pocket/month.  But, their new office manager was a crook and pocketed all the insurance fees instead of sending them into the insurance company and everyone's policy got cancelled.  And they can't get the same insurance at that price anymore.  Their new policy has a lower deductible but will cost us over $200/month.  The lower deductible is nice, but kind of a waste of money for someone who refuses to go to a doctor for anything. And we really haven't had a chance to look into the new policy to see if it works with his doctors or what the coverages are like, but he needed to sign up today.  And we don't have much choice anyway because open enrollment period is over, and it took them 2 month to discover that all the employee policies were cancelled, so they were past the 60-day special enrollment period.  Frustrating.

    image 

  • Well Monday got significantly better now that Tom Brady's suspension was upheld by the appeals court!

    Also, Barbie, your dog is adorable! She looks so happy in that first picture. Love it.
    *Barbie*OurWildKingdom
  • loufus said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    I had not one but two funerals on Saturday to attend for close family friends.  Got home from that exhausted (did the 24hour trip with 8 of those in the car), H was a PITA yesterday - Really, would it have hurt to let me sleep instead of startling me awake each time I drifted back to sleep..  Today I'm dragging and just want to go back to bed, and the little guy doesn't like Mom's idea of "let's go to the bedroom and I'll put on (TV show) and you can snuggle/play on the bed"..

    Wait - did he startle you awake on purpose instead of letting you sleep?

    Yep - that's my H...  He's the very definition of "Morning Person" and I'm the very definition of "Night owl"...  DS did eventually agree to Mommy's idea of "Let's go watch TV in Mommy's Bedroom" and he played/snuggled in there until about 10:45 so YAY!  I got some sleep! (and DH didn't come in until about 11:15 to say "Do you realize it's after 11?"...
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  • Happy birthday puppy! I love her face!

    @MesmrEwe that's my FH too. He can not be awake without waking me up too. Luckily he is never cuter than when he does it.

    My weekend was good. Got some yard work accomplished. I installed our new magnetic screen door and @VarunaTT was right, I love it. The cat learned to use it faster than the dog.
    VarunaTT
  • MesmrEwe said:
    loufus said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    I had not one but two funerals on Saturday to attend for close family friends.  Got home from that exhausted (did the 24hour trip with 8 of those in the car), H was a PITA yesterday - Really, would it have hurt to let me sleep instead of startling me awake each time I drifted back to sleep..  Today I'm dragging and just want to go back to bed, and the little guy doesn't like Mom's idea of "let's go to the bedroom and I'll put on (TV show) and you can snuggle/play on the bed"..

    Wait - did he startle you awake on purpose instead of letting you sleep?

    Yep - that's my H...  He's the very definition of "Morning Person" and I'm the very definition of "Night owl"...  DS did eventually agree to Mommy's idea of "Let's go watch TV in Mommy's Bedroom" and he played/snuggled in there until about 10:45 so YAY!  I got some sleep! (and DH didn't come in until about 11:15 to say "Do you realize it's after 11?"...
    What?  Why?

    Just because he's up and at 'em doesn't mean you need to be.  DH and I are pretty respectful of the other person's sleep in general, and especially on the weekends.  We take turns getting up with DefConn (that kid is an early riser and the beast needs to be fed upon awakening). 
    charlotte989875MesmrEweloufusVarunaTT
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited April 2016
    (((((((Hugs)))))))) to you, @Heffalump, @AtomicBlonde, and @MesmrEwe.

    Happy birthday to Sif! She's such a cutie pie!
    MesmrEwe
  • MesmrEwe said:
    loufus said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    I had not one but two funerals on Saturday to attend for close family friends.  Got home from that exhausted (did the 24hour trip with 8 of those in the car), H was a PITA yesterday - Really, would it have hurt to let me sleep instead of startling me awake each time I drifted back to sleep..  Today I'm dragging and just want to go back to bed, and the little guy doesn't like Mom's idea of "let's go to the bedroom and I'll put on (TV show) and you can snuggle/play on the bed"..

    Wait - did he startle you awake on purpose instead of letting you sleep?

    Yep - that's my H...  He's the very definition of "Morning Person" and I'm the very definition of "Night owl"...  DS did eventually agree to Mommy's idea of "Let's go watch TV in Mommy's Bedroom" and he played/snuggled in there until about 10:45 so YAY!  I got some sleep! (and DH didn't come in until about 11:15 to say "Do you realize it's after 11?"...
    What?  Why?

    Just because he's up and at 'em doesn't mean you need to be.  DH and I are pretty respectful of the other person's sleep in general, and especially on the weekends.  We take turns getting up with DefConn (that kid is an early riser and the beast needs to be fed upon awakening). 

    Oh AMEN AMEN on the "Just because he's up and at 'em doesn't mean you need to be" part!!!  In general the longer we've been married the more I understand he doesn't "get" that part of things!!! (add hypothyroid into the mix and him not understanding the body's physical need for the extra sleep makes it even harder to drive home the point that I can't just "will myself over it") - all I know is when he's silently uptight about something (that he won't open up to me about) it exponentially gets worse.. 

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  • MesmrEwe said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    loufus said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    I had not one but two funerals on Saturday to attend for close family friends.  Got home from that exhausted (did the 24hour trip with 8 of those in the car), H was a PITA yesterday - Really, would it have hurt to let me sleep instead of startling me awake each time I drifted back to sleep..  Today I'm dragging and just want to go back to bed, and the little guy doesn't like Mom's idea of "let's go to the bedroom and I'll put on (TV show) and you can snuggle/play on the bed"..

    Wait - did he startle you awake on purpose instead of letting you sleep?

    Yep - that's my H...  He's the very definition of "Morning Person" and I'm the very definition of "Night owl"...  DS did eventually agree to Mommy's idea of "Let's go watch TV in Mommy's Bedroom" and he played/snuggled in there until about 10:45 so YAY!  I got some sleep! (and DH didn't come in until about 11:15 to say "Do you realize it's after 11?"...
    What?  Why?

    Just because he's up and at 'em doesn't mean you need to be.  DH and I are pretty respectful of the other person's sleep in general, and especially on the weekends.  We take turns getting up with DefConn (that kid is an early riser and the beast needs to be fed upon awakening). 

    Oh AMEN AMEN on the "Just because he's up and at 'em doesn't mean you need to be" part!!!  In general the longer we've been married the more I understand he doesn't "get" that part of things!!! (add hypothyroid into the mix and him not understanding the body's physical need for the extra sleep makes it even harder to drive home the point that I can't just "will myself over it") - all I know is when he's silently uptight about something (that he won't open up to me about) it exponentially gets worse.. 

    So he's an unsympathetic jackwagon who doesn't respect medical conditions (or sleep) and gives you the silent treatment when you disagree with him? 

    Um OK. 
    loufus*Barbie*
  • MesmrEwe said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    loufus said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    I had not one but two funerals on Saturday to attend for close family friends.  Got home from that exhausted (did the 24hour trip with 8 of those in the car), H was a PITA yesterday - Really, would it have hurt to let me sleep instead of startling me awake each time I drifted back to sleep..  Today I'm dragging and just want to go back to bed, and the little guy doesn't like Mom's idea of "let's go to the bedroom and I'll put on (TV show) and you can snuggle/play on the bed"..

    Wait - did he startle you awake on purpose instead of letting you sleep?

    Yep - that's my H...  He's the very definition of "Morning Person" and I'm the very definition of "Night owl"...  DS did eventually agree to Mommy's idea of "Let's go watch TV in Mommy's Bedroom" and he played/snuggled in there until about 10:45 so YAY!  I got some sleep! (and DH didn't come in until about 11:15 to say "Do you realize it's after 11?"...
    What?  Why?

    Just because he's up and at 'em doesn't mean you need to be.  DH and I are pretty respectful of the other person's sleep in general, and especially on the weekends.  We take turns getting up with DefConn (that kid is an early riser and the beast needs to be fed upon awakening). 

    Oh AMEN AMEN on the "Just because he's up and at 'em doesn't mean you need to be" part!!!  In general the longer we've been married the more I understand he doesn't "get" that part of things!!! (add hypothyroid into the mix and him not understanding the body's physical need for the extra sleep makes it even harder to drive home the point that I can't just "will myself over it") - all I know is when he's silently uptight about something (that he won't open up to me about) it exponentially gets worse.. 

    So he's an unsympathetic jackwagon who doesn't respect medical conditions (or sleep) and gives you the silent treatment when you disagree with him? 

    Um OK. 

    I'm starting to see why she refers to him as "H" and not "DH".
    *Barbie*
  • MesmrEwe said:
    loufus said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    I had not one but two funerals on Saturday to attend for close family friends.  Got home from that exhausted (did the 24hour trip with 8 of those in the car), H was a PITA yesterday - Really, would it have hurt to let me sleep instead of startling me awake each time I drifted back to sleep..  Today I'm dragging and just want to go back to bed, and the little guy doesn't like Mom's idea of "let's go to the bedroom and I'll put on (TV show) and you can snuggle/play on the bed"..

    Wait - did he startle you awake on purpose instead of letting you sleep?

    Yep - that's my H...  He's the very definition of "Morning Person" and I'm the very definition of "Night owl"...  DS did eventually agree to Mommy's idea of "Let's go watch TV in Mommy's Bedroom" and he played/snuggled in there until about 10:45 so YAY!  I got some sleep! (and DH didn't come in until about 11:15 to say "Do you realize it's after 11?"...


    *******SITB********

    My FH wakes me up as soon as he gets up most of the time too. But he is like a little kid and never cuter than when he jumps on the bed. He even has a "wake up" song he made up and sings to me. He is so bad, it makes me laugh and then I am awake. Once, I grumbled and asked why he needed me up and he said He was bored so I told him to go do the dishes. Then I slept for another 45 min. I would not think it was cute if he was an asshole about it.
    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
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