Honorary Bridesmaid
I invited a very close cousin to be one of my bridesmaids. To my surprise, she declined with the response that she would be almost 9 months pregnant on my wedding day and would not feel comfortable in the dress, in pictures, etc. She also hinted that she was very stressed with having another baby within a year of her previous baby, and I am sure money would be tight. I was very understanding with her and told her I only wanted her to be happy and comfortable. I did not want this to change our relationship, and told her I would still consider her an honorary bridesmaid. Now we are getting closer to the wedding, and I still have one less bridesmaid than we have groomsmen. (I didn't feel right asking anyone as a "second choice".) I don't want anyone to ask questions or make anything uncomfortable (as people always do) and I was trying to think of a way we could honor her as a bridesmaid without putting the spotlight on her. I know its ridiculous to be worried about an uneven wedding party, but I can't deny that I would be curious if I were a guest. Any advice?
Re: Honorary Bridesmaid
If you are having programs for your ceremony and want to honor her, include her in your list of bridesmaids in your program. It sounds like you made sure she knew that you totally understood why she could not participate, but you should also be prepared for the fact that she may not attend at all - being 9 months pregnant means there is a good chance she can't travel/won't want to travel/will be in labor, etc.
Skip the title of honorary BM and just let her be a guest. Because with her being that far along, who knows if she will even feel up for attending. Obviously she has a special place in your heart, else you wouldn't have asked her to be a BM. If you are getting your nails done the week of your wedding, invite her along. All my friends who have had babies have enjoyed getting their nails done towards the end of their pregnancy, especially their feet. They say it's very relaxing. If you are going to the salon the day of your wedding, or having someone come to you, invite her along. Again, with being that far along, it might be nice for her to have that pampering. Basically invite her along for any of the fun/pampering type of stuff or even breakfast. But if she declines, respect that. Depending on how her pregnancy is going, I've been told each pregnancy is different, she may want to relax & have quiet time to herself as much as possible in the morning so that she can enjoy your ceremony and reception as much as possible. And make sure that you have the photographer get a nice photo of the two of you together so that you do have a photo with her on your special day.
I myself had a MOH and 2 BMs, and my H had a BM and 3 GM, and not a single person asked us about it. No one cared. It's FINE. I promise.
I won't remember any of it later, though. What I'll remember later is whether the food was good or bad, whether I was assigned to a table with cool or obnoxious people, and whether I liked the music and danced a lot, or wasn't so crazy about it.
only joking you're fine OP, no one will even notice xxx
If she attends your wedding as a guest, you can get her a corsage. You can still take a special professional photo with her.
If she is local, you still invite her to pre-wedding events, and you can still invite her to things like getting nails and hair done (if you're doing that).
If she is going to attend the wedding as a guest, you could always tell her when you talk to her again, "I want you to know, if you do attend the wedding, I would be thrilled to have you walk up the aisle with everyone in whatever you wish to wear and either stand up beside me or take a seat in the front row. I'll leave it up to you as a day-of decision to make. I just want you to know I value you, not a role".
Otherwise though, yes, people can count, but no one will care why DH has one more GM that you do BMs. As for the processional, you can have the WP sides walk in separate, 2 GMs escort a BM, or a GM walk in alone.
If cousin said, "Thanks for the offer, but I am unable to participate" then I'd leave it as case closed.
Is the cousin local to the wedding venue? Her concern may have also been "I might not be able to attend the wedding." Lots of things can happen at that stage of pregnancy, including early delivery, or doctor-prescribed bed rest. She probably didn't want you to count on her being there when she couldn't be 100% sure if she would be (and she probably didn't want to buy a dress that she may never use, either).
Sounds to me like she declined though...I would just leave it at that. The last bridesmaid to recess from the ceremony can just be escorted by two groomsmen instead of 1. No one really pays attention to the recession anyway, once the bride and groom are gone.
Taking it a step further, I disagree with the majority about the program/photos/corsage. This woman has been clear that she doesn't want to be a BM. Regardless of whether her reason is silly or valid, pushing all these honors on her might come off that OP isn't taking no for an answer.
Declining an invitation to be in a WP is rarely an easy choice or conversation. I would be really hesitant to put this woman in a position where she felt guilty about her choice to decline.
But I agree, if she's said she doesn't want to be a BM, it shouldn't be pushed too much. I suggested a corsage since that's very common to give to people who are extra honored guests, but who are not in the WP. We gave them to all of our parents, grandparents, readers, etc.
A side note, I highly doubt anyone will question the uneven number. I was looking at my cousins pro wedding pics on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and he had an uneven number -- this is a wedding I attended, and I had no idea until a bout of procrastination hit at work. Plus, there's so many posts on social media about mismatched dresses, uneven numbers and bridesmen/groomswomen that most people understand this happens and it's the new norm for bridal parties.