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Hurt that friends who aren't bridesmaids aren't coming to wedding

edited April 2016 in Wedding Party
How do you deal with this drama?

Re: Hurt that friends who aren't bridesmaids aren't coming to wedding

  • How is this drama?

    For example: I have a good friend who set her date for a time I'm going to be at a family event.   I feel terrible that I can't make it but it has nothing to so with our friendship and everything to do with being previously scheduled to be out of state.

    Are the friends declining to create drama and cause friendship issues?  
    charlotte989875PrettyGirlLostMesmrEwe
  • Are they not coming because they were not asked to be bridesmaids? I'm just trying to figure out where the problem is coming from.

    It's ok to be disappointed that people you love can't be at your wedding. I was sad a few close friends couldn't make it to my wedding, but sometimes things just work out that way. Without more information it's hard to give you more concrete advice.
    OurWildKingdomMesmrEwe
  • Even if they were bridesmaids, you just say I'm sorry to hear that, I'll miss you (speaking from experience).


    OurWildKingdomMesmrEwe
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I, too, am confused what the drama is. People declining is generally not a personal affront, but a necessary fact of life.

    Anniversary

    MesmrEwe
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Some of your friends can't come to your wedding? That sucks. Be sad for a minute and then get over it. I don't understand what the drama is? One of my very best friends of 20 years couldn't come to my wedding. I was disappointed. And then I went on and had a really great, amazing day. 

    SP29
  • This board has some drama llamas today I guess. 
                 
    eileenrobPrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
  • OP could you elaborate?  The title of the post alone doesn't scream drama.

    The only drama I dealt with while wedding planning was a snowstorm knocked the power out at my venue two days before the wedding, and it didn't return until the morning of...during those 48 hours H and I drank lots of wine, comfort ate, and made unsuccessful attempts along with the venue to find an alternate location.  So those would be my dealing with drama tips.
    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I can understand the hurt feelings. One of my closest friends probably can't come because she lives in Canada (I'm in the U.S.) and she and her H already have a holiday planned this year. Another friend and her FH are going on one of their two annual retreats. Sure, I'm disappointed, but I'll be happy to see them any chance I get before or after the wedding. 

    Try not to take it personally. I know it's hard.
    ernursejeileenrob
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Friends who aren't bridesmaids- you mean guests? Or is that a typo and you mean someone you asked to be a bridesmaid can't come?

    This shouldn't cause drama. You invite a guest, their either accept or decline. Done. You ask someone to be in your WP, they accept or decline, done.

    I asked a friend to be in my WP- she told me she had to think about it, as we just finished school and the wedding would be OOT. She had to decline because of the time and money involved in travel. No biggie. I was sad she couldn't  be there, but oh well- that's life. We are still friends.

    We also had a few close friends who were unable to attend due to time/money involved with travel. Too bad they couldn't come- but no drama.

    Though one couple could not attend because my friend's sister was getting married two weeks later in Cuba, so they couldn't work the vacation time with work. At that I said, "Gawd! Who gets married in January!?!?!" ;)
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The only thing I can think of is the interpretation that PPs have come up with - i.e., non-bridesmaids are declining due to disappointment at not being asked to be a bridesmaid. The only solution is to that issues is to say, "I'm sorry you're disappointed, and I hope to see you at the wedding/we'll miss you." Any drama there is due to immaturity by the disappointed one, and it's best not to engage it.

    Anniversary

    OurWildKingdomSP29MesmrEwe
  • The only thing I can think of is the interpretation that PPs have come up with - i.e., non-bridesmaids are declining due to disappointment at not being asked to be a bridesmaid. The only solution is to that issues is to say, "I'm sorry you're disappointed, and I hope to see you at the wedding/we'll miss you." Any drama there is due to immaturity by the disappointed one, and it's best not to engage it.
    This is the only thing that would make sense to me.  If that's the case, OP, the only thing I can say is that these friends are very immature (and not very good friends) if they refuse to come to your wedding over not being asked to be bridesmaids. What @flantastic said above is really the only way to handle it. 
    If they still choose not to come, that's on them. 

    If they aren't coming because your wedding will be too expensive to travel to, they can't get the time off work, etc., that's not drama. That's just a reality of adult life.
    image
    missJeanLouise[Deleted User]OurWildKingdom
  • If you have friends who aren't coming to your wedding because you didn't ask them to be in the bridal party, they aren't true friends. A true friend would come to your wedding to support you and share in your happiness. So take a deep breath and be thankful that you got to see the real side of those individuals.

    Now if they declines due to other commitments or they live out of town & they don't have the funds to come, that's a different story. Then in that case, you need to just suck it up, that sometimes other commitments that were made before you announced your date & sent out your invites will come first and if they are declining due to cost of attending, you need to respect that. No one should spend money they don't have to attend a wedding.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You're going to have to provide more information, OP.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    MyNameIsNot
  • Guess what?  Your wedding isn't the most important event of the year in other people's lives.  They have other commitments and other things in their lives, too.  You are taking this way too personally.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • adk19 said:
    Erikan73 said:

    If you have friends who aren't coming to your wedding because you didn't ask them to be in the bridal party, they aren't true friends. A true friend would come to your wedding to support you and share in your happiness. So take a deep breath and be thankful that you got to see the real side of those individuals.

    Now if they declines due to other commitments or they live out of town & they don't have the funds to come, that's a different story. Then in that case, you need to just suck it up, that sometimes other commitments that were made before you announced your date & sent out your invites will come first and if they are declining due to cost of attending, you need to respect that. No one should spend money they don't have to attend a wedding.

    I'm going to modify one of your sentences above.

    "A true friend would WANT TO come to your wedding to support you and share in your happiness."

    You clarified in the second paragraph, but I don't want OP or others to think that "if someone really loves me, they'll come to my wedding."  Because sometimes people just can't.  But they should Want To, but other things are in the way of that want, and adults need to make and live with their decisions. 
    I agree completely with @adk19 here. True friends may still be unable to attend, for a variety of reasons. One's inability to make it to your wedding day does not make one any less "true" of a friend. 
                        


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    OurWildKingdom[Deleted User]
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