Wedding is a Disaster!

FutureMrsHern

Our wedding plans have been a disaster since the beginning. Our proposal was somewhat ruined due to the family members watching making inappropriate jokes and comments. We can't even show our proposal video due to this. We booked our wedding venue in Philly which is close to where we live but our families are all scattered throughout the country so everyone would have to travel. As soon as we informed our family that it was booked they complained and refused to go since it was so inconvenient for them. So, we lost our deposit and booked another venue in the state I used to live in where about 20 of our guests live near. BUT this was also not convenient enough because it was a 2 hour drive for some. We planned to keep this venue to not lose anymore money but I was laid off from my job in November so we had no choice but to cancel this venue as well. Finally we found a very reasonably price place that is literally 15 minutes from where these 20 people live (this includes my parents, siblings, grandparents, and aunt/uncles). I don't even like it but it will do. Now our issue is that no one is willing to help with recommendations for vendors or anything. My mom decided to throw my bridal shower but messed up the invitations, it doesn't even say it's for a bridal shower on them so no one knows what they're being invited to unless they're close to me and already know the date. I also have to drive 12+ hours to attend this because again no one wanted to travel to where I am. My bridal party hasn't offered any help to me and complains about the dresses being too expensive. I gave them 4 options of which 2 were clearance and the others were on sale. None of them were above $120. I had my matron of honor and another bridesmaid drop out. We've had to cut so much from our wedding that we wanted and all the money promised by our family they have since said they can no longer provide. The whole process has been disappointing. Should I even bother continuing with this? I'm not excited about it and neither is my fiancé. We just want to runaway and elope. My wedding is in July so I'm running out of time to make this decision.  

Greenjinjo

FutureMrsHern said:

Our wedding plans have been a disaster since the beginning. Our proposal was somewhat ruined due to the family members watching making inappropriate jokes and comments. We can't even show our proposal video due to this. We booked our wedding venue in Philly which is close to where we live but our families are all scattered throughout the country so everyone would have to travel. As soon as we informed our family that it was booked they complained and refused to go since it was so inconvenient for them. So, we lost our deposit and booked another venue in the state I used to live in where about 20 of our guests live near. BUT this was also not convenient enough because it was a 2 hour drive for some. We planned to keep this venue to not lose anymore money but I was laid off from my job in November so we had no choice but to cancel this venue as well. Finally we found a very reasonably price place that is literally 15 minutes from where these 20 people live (this includes my parents, siblings, grandparents, and aunt/uncles). I don't even like it but it will do. Now our issue is that no one is willing to help with recommendations for vendors or anything. My mom decided to throw my bridal shower but messed up the invitations, it doesn't even say it's for a bridal shower on them so no one knows what they're being invited to unless they're close to me and already know the date. I also have to drive 12+ hours to attend this because again no one wanted to travel to where I am. My bridal party hasn't offered any help to me and complains about the dresses being too expensive. I gave them 4 options of which 2 were clearance and the others were on sale. None of them were above $120. I had my matron of honor and another bridesmaid drop out. We've had to cut so much from our wedding that we wanted and all the money promised by our family they have since said they can no longer provide. The whole process has been disappointing. Should I even bother continuing with this? I'm not excited about it and neither is my fiancé. We just want to runaway and elope. My wedding is in July so I'm running out of time to make this decision.  

Jic

lovesclimbing

FutureMrsHern said:

Our wedding plans have been a disaster since the beginning. Our proposal was somewhat ruined due to the family members watching making inappropriate jokes and comments. We can't even show our proposal video due to this. I'm not a fan of proposing in front of other people for this reason among others. This is on your fiancé (or you if you proposed) for doing it in front of others. I understand it's disappointing but try to think about these things - you still got engaged, so no, it wasn't ruined. Many people (I'd even say most), myself included, do not have proposal videos, so it's ok if you can't show it. Maybe try setting it to music or  something and having the volume muted except for the actual popping the question moment so no one can hear the comments.   We booked our wedding venue in Philly which is close to where we live but our families are all scattered throughout the country so everyone would have to travel. As soon as we informed our family that it was booked they complained and refused to go since it was so inconvenient for them. This is something where you probably should have called their bluff. So, we lost our deposit and booked another venue in the state I used to live in where about 20 of our guests live near. BUT this was also not convenient enough because it was a 2 hour drive for some. You can't please everyone. At some point, you just have to make a decision and stick with it and ignore the naysayers. Most people have weddings where at least a few people are inconvenienced.  We planned to keep this venue to not lose anymore money but I was laid off from my job in November so we had no choice but to cancel this venue as well. Finally we found a very reasonably price place that is literally 15 minutes from where these 20 people live (this includes my parents, siblings, grandparents, and aunt/uncles). I don't even like it but it will do. Now our issue is that no one is willing to help with recommendations for vendors or anything. This is no one's job but yours. I honestly couldn't give anyone recommendations for vendors if they asked unless they live in a certain part of Alaska. Additionally, we didn't have catering and I honestly don't remember the name of the florist, cake baker, or place we rented a candelabra and arch. My mom decided to throw my bridal shower but messed up the invitations, it doesn't even say it's for a bridal shower on them so no one knows what they're being invited to unless they're close to me and already know the date. Have they been sent yet? If yes, send out an email or Facebook message letting them know it's a bridal shower. If not, either buy new ones (simple print yourself packs at Walmart or JoAnn won't cost more than $20-$30) or get a pretty stamp to put bridal shower across the top. You could even use a stencil or nice calligraphy. Maybe even stickers.   I also have to drive 12+ hours to attend this because again no one wanted to travel to where I am. You can always decline a shower if it's impossible or extraordinarily inconvenient to attend. Since you didn't, I'm afraid you'll just have to go.  My bridal party hasn't offered any help to me and complains about the dresses being too expensive. First, they aren't required to help. My two bridesmaids were nowhere close and didn't do any help prior to the wedding. My MOH attended my first dress fitting with me (I invited her and she accepted) and threw me a bachelorette, but didn't do really anything with planning or the DIY leading up to the wedding. For the dresses, did you ask for a budget first? If not, you really should have. If so, if they don't buy the dress, they're out of the wedding. You can also choose to go a different direction with dresses. Ask them to wear anything in a certain color scheme or wear something they already own.  I gave them 4 options of which 2 were clearance and the others were on sale. None of them were above $120. I had my matron of honor and another bridesmaid drop out. Do you know why? If they're worried about expense or needing to do all sorts of jobs for you, reassure them you only want them there the day of to stand beside you, nothing else. Make sure you've picked a dress they can afford (by asking for their budgets). If something else came up, well, that's really sad. You can be disappointed but just accept that you'll still get married without them and move on. We've had to cut so much from our wedding that we wanted and all the money promised by our family they have since said they can no longer provide. Unfortunately, this was a mistake by you of counting on funding before it was in your account. I understand it is incredibly frustrating to be promised something, especially by family!, and then someone not deliver, but that happens. Make a note to yourself to ignore any promises of funding from them until the check has cleared the bank or the contract is signed in the future.  The whole process has been disappointing. Should I even bother continuing with this? I'm not excited about it and neither is my fiancé. We just want to runaway and elope. My wedding is in July so I'm running out of time to make this decision.  If you truly you want to elope, you should. However, I think you should just take a step back for a day or two and relax and not think about the wedding. Then, take a look at what money you have and what you can do at your current venue with what you have. Look at the budget board for ideas. If you asked your bridesmaids for their budgets and picked a dress within the lowest budget and they're now complaining about the expense, either ignore it and if they don't get the dress, they're out of the wedding, or tell them any dress in x color and call it a day. If you didn't ask a budget beforehand, I'd definitely do the second option. Stop trying to please everyone with the venue. If people continue to complain, ignore them. If they say they won't come, say "You'll be missed." 

See answers in bold. 

downtondiva

OK, here comes a novel...

1. I am sorry that your proposal wasn't what you hoped it would be, but try not to let it continue to bother you so much. Forget about the proposal video; most people don't have them and won't know the difference if they don't see yours. (Side note to lurkers: if you are proposing to your SO, don't assume they're okay with everyone watching.  And if you think your SO is going to propose at some point, it's okay to let them know if there are things you wouldn't be comfortable with). 

2. Your relatives were jerks about the venue. You shouldn't have given in, though I understand why you did. The reality is, very few weddings are convenient for every single guest. At a certain point you have to make a decision and stick with it. If people don't want to be inconvenienced, nobody's making them attend. Invitation does not equal subpoena. 

3. It is your responsibility to plan your wedding. Nobody has to help you find vendors, and your bridesmaids do not have to help you with anything. It's nice if they do, but it's by no means required. Lower your expectations. 

4. Did you ask each of your bridesmaids for a budget? With the price of some bridesmaid dresses, even on clearance they can be pretty expensive. If you did this and kept it in mind, then you're in the clear here and they should shut up and stop complaining. 

5. I hope every future bride is listening here: Never, ever, EVER assume that you have money from relatives (or whoever else offers assistance) until it is in your hands. Promises and offers don't pay for things; until you actually have the money, assume you are paying for everything yourself and plan accordingly. It is generous for people to offer money, but unfortunately sometimes those things fall through for whatever reason, and you'll feel a lot better if you're ready for it.

6. If this is all really getting you down that much, eloping might be a good option for you guys. However, having gotten this far, I think you should take @lovesclimbing 's advice first and give it a little more thought. 

7. And finally, try to remember that no matter where or what the wedding is, you are getting married to the person you love. Wedding fatigue and frustration happen to almost all of us at some point (I did, and my wedding planning was almost entirely drama-free), but it's worth it in the end, and it's the the years after the wedding that will matter most.

FutureMrsHern

Thanks for the comments. To be a little more clear, yes the invitations for the shower were sent out already so there is no fixing them. They were also sent out a month late and my shower is in 2 weeks. I did send 5 different very cheap options for invitations and they still picked something totally opposite. My frustration with this is that no one has acted like they care about this and the shower was the first real event leading up to the wedding that I could be excited about. But the invitations don't even communicate what it's for. I may not even have anyone show and I'm driving all that way for it. Furthermore I think sending rhe invites so late looks rude to both sides of our family that live far away. Even if they wanted to attend they wouldn't have time to shop send a gift or travel. 

My family begged me to have it in this area and offered to look for vendors for me but when it came down to it they didn't. My youngest brother is the only one helping actually. He's been great the past few days. As far as the money we are in quite a bind because we can't afford our photographer much less paying the rest of these people. I think that's where most of my frustration is coming from. 

I did did ask my bridesmaids what their budget would be and everyone at the time said $150 was the max so I stayed below that. I'm gifting accessories and possibly paying for hair and makeup. They also said they'd "love" to help and were so excited but every time it comes down to it they're too busy. 

Also do the proposal itself was super sweet and I am thrilled to be marrying my fiancé. The video bothers my fiancé more because he had plans for it. 

AddieCake

Ditto PPs on everything, but you sound miserable. I would elope.

redwoodoriginal

FutureMrsHern said:

Thanks for the comments. To be a little more clear, yes the invitations for the shower were sent out already so there is no fixing them. They were also sent out a month late and my shower is in 2 weeks. I did send 5 different very cheap options for invitations and they still picked something totally opposite. My frustration with this is that no one has acted like they care about this and the shower was the first real event leading up to the wedding that I could be excited about. But the invitations don't even communicate what it's for. I may not even have anyone show and I'm driving all that way for it. Furthermore I think sending rhe invites so late looks rude to both sides of our family that live far away. Even if they wanted to attend they wouldn't have time to shop send a gift or travel. 

My family begged me to have it in this area and offered to look for vendors for me but when it came down to it they didn't. My youngest brother is the only one helping actually. He's been great the past few days. As far as the money we are in quite a bind because we can't afford our photographer much less paying the rest of these people. I think that's where most of my frustration is coming from. 

I did did ask my bridesmaids what their budget would be and everyone at the time said $150 was the max so I stayed below that. I'm gifting accessories and possibly paying for hair and makeup. They also said they'd "love" to help and were so excited but every time it comes down to it they're too busy. 

Also do the proposal itself was super sweet and I am thrilled to be marrying my fiancé. The video bothers my fiancé more because he had plans for it. 


------------

You dont have money to pay for a photographer or "much less paying the rest of these people"? FULL STOP. you don't plan a wedding you can't afford. What are you going to do the day of when they ask for their payment? Say sorry I don't have money? STOP. you need to either figure out how to pay them or cancel your wedding and elope. 

And if you elope, cancel the bridal shower asap bc no one gets invited to buy you gifts if they're not invited to the wedding. 

If you find a way pay all the vendors, then for the shower invites issue- the invites have been sent out, so just call, text or email or fb message everyone and say I just want to let you know this is a bridal shower, since I saw the invites didn't mention that. 

Seriously. Just stop and think this through. It's a party. It shouldn't make you miserable FFS. 

OurWildKingdom

Breathe. Don't think about the wedding for a couple days, then make plans to scale back, postpone till you're in a better financial situation, or elope. Your wedding is a happy day; it shouldn't stress you out. 

Also, think about the stories you can tell on your anniversary. My parents were in college when they met; Dad was on the G.I. Bill, and Mom was following up her R.N. with a B.S. Both were also working nights. They got married right before finals and took a long weekend. They just celebrated their 42nd wedding anniversary.

Hang in there, it'll be all right.

lovesclimbing

FutureMrsHern said:

Thanks for the comments. To be a little more clear, yes the invitations for the shower were sent out already so there is no fixing them. In this case, send an email, text or Facebook message letting people know it is indeed a shower. They were also sent out a month late and my shower is in 2 weeks. I did send 5 different very cheap options for invitations and they still picked something totally opposite. Invitations are really up to the planners of the shower. So while yea, it'd be great if they took your taste into consideration, they really don't need to do what you said, and per etiquette rules, you really shouldn't be involved in the planning like that. I had no input on the invitations for my two showers, and of the two showers I have hosted, I did not ask for input on invitations and the brides did not give any.  My frustration with this is that no one has acted like they care about this and the shower was the first real event leading up to the wedding that I could be excited about. How are they not caring? People say this a lot on these boards - no one will care about your wedding as much as you do. It'd be great if people were always super excited about your wedding, but they have their own lives and things they're dealing with that can take their attention.  Try to let it go.  But the invitations don't even communicate what it's for. I may not even have anyone show and I'm driving all that way for it. Furthermore I think sending rhe invites so late looks rude to both sides of our family that live far away. Even if they wanted to attend they wouldn't have time to shop send a gift or travel. First, two weeks is plenty of time to shop and send a gift if someone chooses to. I live in Alaska and we get packages from Amazon and such within a week. Many people don't travel for showers, and while it's unfortunate if they may have wanted to, it'll be ok in the end.  

My family begged me to have it in this area and offered to look for vendors for me but when it came down to it they didn't. It sounds like your family has a problem with saying things and then not following through. This is something you just need to learn to accept. Stop counting on them. If they say something, assume they won't follow through and continue on with your own stuff. Then, if they actually do come through, it will be a nice surprise. My youngest brother is the only one helping actually. He's been great the past few days. As far as the money we are in quite a bind because we can't afford our photographer much less paying the rest of these people. I think that's where most of my frustration is coming from. Like a PP said, if you can't afford these people, you need to stop and start over from square one. Figure out what exactly you can afford and start from there. Again, I suggest the budget board for help on planning an inexpensive wedding. You will be in big legal trouble if it comes to the day of and you can't pay these people after they've provided services. 

I did did ask my bridesmaids what their budget would be and everyone at the time said $150 was the max so I stayed below that. In this case, I'd ignore the comments. Either that or change direction and tell them a color scheme to stick in and get whatever they want.  I'm gifting accessories and possibly paying for hair and makeup.  If you are looking for places to cut money, here is a good spot! Tell them to wear whatever accessories they want and don't buy them any or return them if you already bought them. Accessories don't need to match. Ditto hair and makeup. Unless you are requiring them to get it professionally done, you don't need to pay for it. Tell them they can do their own hair and makeup and call it a day. They also said they'd "love" to help and were so excited but every time it comes down to it they're too busy. I give the same advice as above. Don't count on them, and if they show up it's a nice surprise.

Also do the proposal itself was super sweet and I am thrilled to be marrying my fiancé. The video bothers my fiancé more because he had plans for it. 

See comments in bold.

climbingsingle

Elope. 

CMGragain

The OP posted "We've had to cut so much from our wedding that we wanted and all the money promised by our family they have since said they can no longer provide."

Never count on any money promised by anyone until it is in your bank account.  This applies to real life, not just weddings.
Go back a plan a wedding that you can pay for by yourself.  Decline any money from your relatives.  Now you have complete control over your wedding.  Plan what you want, within your budget, and if anybody complains - too bad.  This might mean a simple ceremony followed by cake and punch in the afternoon, but it will be your wedding and your plans.
Do not expect anyone to "help" with your wedding.  It is your wedding - your job.
If a bridesmaid complains about the cost of the dress, you simply say "Oh, I am so sorry that this is a problem for you.  Do feel free to step down if you can't handle it."  Then shut up and let her decide.

indigo26

FutureMrsHern said:

My family begged me to have it in this area and offered to look for vendors for me but when it came down to it they didn't. My youngest brother is the only one helping actually. He's been great the past few days. As far as the money we are in quite a bind because we can't afford our photographer much less paying the rest of these people. I think that's where most of my frustration is coming from. 

I did did ask my bridesmaids what their budget would be and everyone at the time said $150 was the max so I stayed below that. I'm gifting accessories and possibly paying for hair and makeup. They also said they'd "love" to help and were so excited but every time it comes down to it they're too busy. 

If you can't afford to pay your vendors then you need to stop now. You said your wedding is in July - have you sent out invites yet? (I just sent mine for a July 9th wedding, hence why I ask) If you haven't, then don't send them just yet. Stop what you're doing and plan the wedding you two can afford. If that means you cancel the venue that's close to your demanding family and you have a small wedding near you, then that's what you do. If your family is not paying, then they get absolutely NO say in your wedding. Plan what you can afford even if its only cake and punch at a local hall. 

As for the bridesmaids - if you can't pay your vendors, then why are you worrying about buying them accessories and paying for hair/makeup? Use that money towards food, drinks, and a venue instead. 

If the wedding you're planning now is making you absolutely miserable, then change it. This should be a happy day for you, not something that you should dread. 

spockforprez

You're planning a wedding you don't like and that you can't afford... cancel that shit immediately! You are a perfect candidate for a courthouse wedding!

I would do one of the following:

1. Have a small Saturday afternoon/Sunday afternoon wedding with your immediate family and your original wedding party (either as a WP - in whatever clothes they prefer - or as guests). You only need (...well, "need" - you really don't need anything except the officiant, the license, and the two of you!) your wedding attire, a bouquet, a sandwich platter or nuts/cheese/veggies/fruit tray or both, and a cake or other dessert. You can literally do this for $300 or less. Go on Thumbtack and ask for an hour of photography so you can get the ceremony and wedding portraits, you can find that for $150-400. For $700 or less you get a lovely wedding on a small scale with a lot less stress.
2. Have the option above but with only your original WP (lowers cost and eliminates family guilt trips).
3. During the week, get dressed in your wedding clothes, have a florist make you a bouquet or make one yourself, drive to the courthouse, and get married! Go to an extravagant lunch or dinner afterward and toast to one another with champagne. $200 and nobody gets to say a word about it! That's peace of mind right there.

Forget about the stress of your family complaints, requests, and promises. These people making demands are NOT getting married, you are! You've bent over backward to accommodate them and they are still flakey. Fuck 'em. Get married and continue building up your new life with your partner!


(I can't get this stupid #1 to disappear, sorry!)

MesmrEwe

You've got my "ELOPE ALREADY!" vote!!!  Good Heavens!!!

O.k. this is not going to end well...

For starters - the only things you need to get married are 1) Someone to marry you, 2) A license, and 3) Someone to witness/officiate.  The rest is window dressing and gravy!!!  The moment you invite a guest, they need to be hosted properly. 

You're now going back to square one.  Clearly this IS NOT the wedding you nor your FI want right now.  So - STOP IT!  This is your wedding, the money you have in your bank account is what you have to work with.  If people whine - oh well, they aren't paying, they don't get a say in A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!  While it would be nice of them to show up, an invitation is not a subpoena, if it's important to them, they'll be there regardless of where you decide to have it.  The fact that they screwed up the shower invitations works in your favor for reworking the wedding to the one you can afford.  No wedding is worth risking your financial future.  Nor your relationship with your FI!  It's your FI's day too!!!  You're putting an awful lot on the two of you to pull this DW for you off in a place you don't want to have it. 

Now, your options...

1) Host in the venue you currently have booked, but scale it back to a non-meal time (10:00AM, 2PM, 3PM, 7:30PM) ceremony and have a "Cake & Punch Reception" immediately and you'll save yourselves THOUSANDS.  Obviously, upgrade as your bank account allows. 

2) Elope - Heck - You could elope to one of Caesar's Resorts out in PA and not add excessive travel for you! (12 hours each way - don't get me started!)  Cove Haven and Pocono Palace are great all-inclusive venues and they'll do everything for you.. 

3) Option C - you move your wedding back to Philly, plan exactly how you want it with your FI, you invite your VIP's only, you have a hosted dinner gathering at a nice restaurant in a private room that you can afford, and Congratulations - you're married and had your dream wedding! 

At some point you NEED to take back your wedding, Ye who pays gets a say, but until that money is in your bank account or check handed to a vendor in front of you, it doesn't exist!!!  You are not the first bride to have that exact same situation happen to you, you won't be the last.  I won't go in to how you could have handled the BM dress situation better since hindsight is always 20/20... BUT, you've got to get this stuff nipped in the bud NOW!

ETA: Photography is one of the few areas we tell brides not to cut back too far on because at the end of the day those pictures are what you have to remember the day.  That's not to say you need a 12 hour package that starts at $2500, but for the photographer to arrive a half-hour before the ceremony to take some last second getting ready/posed pics and stay for a few posed group and individual pictures after is all you truly NEED... 

photokitty

redwoodoriginal said:

If you find a way pay all the vendors, then for the shower invites issue- the invites have been sent out, so just call, text or email or fb message everyone and say I just want to let you know this is a bridal shower, since I saw the invites didn't mention that. 

Under no circumstance should the OP contact the invitees and inform them it is a bridal shower. That it's totally inappropriate and rude. To do that would be calling up to solicit gifts...in case you didn't know, it's my shower so bring me something! Do not do this, op.

I vote - Just cancel the shower, wedding and elope.

redwoodoriginal

photokitty said:

redwoodoriginal said:

If you find a way pay all the vendors, then for the shower invites issue- the invites have been sent out, so just call, text or email or fb message everyone and say I just want to let you know this is a bridal shower, since I saw the invites didn't mention that. 

Under no circumstance should the OP contact the invitees and inform them it is a bridal shower. That it's totally inappropriate and rude. To do that would be calling up to solicit gifts...in case you didn't know, it's my shower so bring me something! Do not do this, op.

I vote - Just cancel the shower, wedding and elope.

To clarify, I meant "you" should inform them it's a shower as the host informs the invitees. I think it would be rude to the invitees if they showed up and felt awful that was a shower and they didn't get the memo. Id feel embarrassed as a guest and would have preferred clarification from a text or email from the host. Not the OP herself. 

lovesclimbing

photokitty said:

redwoodoriginal said:

If you find a way pay all the vendors, then for the shower invites issue- the invites have been sent out, so just call, text or email or fb message everyone and say I just want to let you know this is a bridal shower, since I saw the invites didn't mention that. 

Under no circumstance should the OP contact the invitees and inform them it is a bridal shower. That it's totally inappropriate and rude. To do that would be calling up to solicit gifts...in case you didn't know, it's my shower so bring me something! Do not do this, op.

I vote - Just cancel the shower, wedding and elope.

True, I didn't think about that. However, I do think this is something the host should do. 

CMGragain

Planning a wedding:

1.  Determine how much money you will have to spend.  Oops!  You didn't do this.
2.  Make up your guest list.
3.  Now you can shop for venues, based on the two above items, but since you don't have a budget, you can't do this.

It sounds to me that you real problem is that you had a wedding vision, but you don't have enough money to pay for it, and now you are blaming it on other people.  You don't want to let go of your wedding vision.
If you haven't sent out the invitations, yet, it should be easy to cancel your wedding and make new plans.  How many people got STD's?  If you sent them, then you must plan an entirely new wedding on a different date if you are going to cut your guest list.
Eloping is one option, but there are several others.  An afternoon wedding with cake and punch is very traditional.
Showers are relatively unimportant.  Many brides do not have them at all because no one volunteers to host them.  Many people, who are traditional (like me), think the MOB should never host a shower for her own daughter.  Nevertheless, the host plans the shower and sends out the invitations.  This is not your business.  You are the guest of honor, not the host.  Let your Mom deal with the problem.
Determine what is in your control and stick to that.  You don't need a lot of bridesmaids - or any - to get married.  You don't need a big wedding to get married.  You don't need a bridal shower.  You need a license, a partner/fiance, an officiant,  and witnesses.

mollybarker11

At the risk of repeating others, please take a day to NOT think about the wedding at all and give your mind a rest, then take the next day to sit down with your fiancé and think REALLY HARD about the wedding.


Map everything out in black & white. Determine your budget based solely on what you and your FI have in your accounts this minute, forgetting any previous promises of money from relatives. Look at how much you would pay in fees if you cancel your venue, photographer, and any other vendors you've signed contracts with. Look at how much you would pay if you continue with their services + hire more vendors in that area. Look at how much you would pay on an alternate wedding or an elopement. Take the money, time, and emotional energy into consideration and choose a path forward.

It sucks that your bridal shower is far away and the invitations were unclear. Since it's too late for you to decline the party, you should suggest that the host call or email the guests to clarify that it is a shower. I do not think it is your place as the bride to do so, but I think it should be done. If you cancel your wedding this problem will cease to exist.

It sucks that your bridesmaids are complaining about the cost of dresses that are within the budget they provided. Your options are to pick a dress and leave it up to them to either buy it or drop out OR allow them to wear any dress they choose (specify a certain colour / length/ fabric if you want). Do not buy them accessories, you can't afford it. Let them do their own hair & makeup. If you cancel your wedding this problem will cease to exist.

It sucks that your relatives & bridesmaids offered to help out and are now unable or unwilling to do so. Nothing you can do but be thankful for your brother & FI & all the forum users who are here for you!