Pre-wedding Parties

Who pays for the bride at a destination bachelorette party?

I've seen posts about costs for things like flights and hotels, and in our case everyone's paying for their own, including the bride, which I think is fair (and standard). My question is about who should pay for her dinner and drinks while we're there. If it were a night out on the town locally I'd absolutely say we should all split her portion, but is that still expected since we're already paying a lot of money to fly out for a long weekend? I'm sure I'll get her a few drinks at the bars, but I'm thinking of things like brunch and dinner every day. Thanks!

Re: Who pays for the bride at a destination bachelorette party?

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If it were my crowd, I would treat the bride (meaning bridesmaids, family and friends present chip in) to one night out (dinner/drinks/dancing), maybe the day in addition to that (like chipping in for one spa treatment). I think it's beyond presumptuous to expect more than that. 

  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I think it depends on the group. Are you all friends? How do you normally do group dinners out (everyone looks at the bill and "does their best" at putting in how much they owe or does everyone throw in a card and split it equally?)

    It also depends on how many people are going.If there are only a couple friends going I would expect bride to pay her share (at least) so you're not paying for two entrees multiple meals throughout the weekend.

    I would see how things play out to... if you are host don't tell people to pull out their wallets esp after hotels and traveling costs.

    Rant: just got a venmo request from some dude's brother from a bachelor party 2 weeks ago "hey dudes, the bbq i got catered first night was $300, and I spent $120 on groceries so since Joe's not paying it everybody owes me another $84." Yes this person paid $300 for bbq for 5 people!!!!!!

  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I had what could be called a destination bachelorette party.  I hated calling it that, for a number of reasons.  But anyway.  That's what it was.

    All of my BMs lived an easy train ride or short drive away from the destination city--I was the only one who had to fly--but because everyone did have to travel, we did consider it a destination event.  My BMs planned everything, from where we all stayed, to what we did, to where we ate.  I had zero part in planning it, except giving them a list of dates that worked for me.  I did also suggest the city (and several also nearby), because I didn't want them to have to pay to come to me.

    I paid for my share of everything.  I think I let one friend pay for breakfast (only because she beat me to it and refused to accept repayment).  I didn't care if I was "the guest of honor," it just didn't feel right at all to me for my friends to have to pay for travel, hotel, AND cover my expenses for everything we did that day.  I felt like they were doing enough with the planning and the whole showing up at my wedding thing.

    I know this doesn't really answer your question.  If my friend were the bride, I'd probably chip in for dinner and a drink or two, but depending on how much I laid down to get there, I don't think I would be comfortable spending more than that.

    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'd buy a destination bachelorette party bride a drink and chip in for dinner.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think it depends- I've seen both sides (where the guests attending covered EVERYTHING for the bride, to only covering the "night out"). But it should be decided upon before the party- part of the conversation of what is everyone's budget. If the total cost of travel + hotel + festivities comes out to under budget, I think it would be OK for the host to ASK if guests would feel comfortable covering some of the brides costs.

    I agree I would be comfortable splitting the cost of drinks and dinner for the bride for one night, possibly splitting the cost of the hotel, depending on price. But I am also not a fan of destination B-parties for this reason. 

    I would do a weekend girls' trip somewhere, if I had the budget and vacation time, knowing that it is a choice we have all made and we are covering our own way (aka it is MY vacation with my friends). I am also more than OK celebrating at a bachelorette party (which to me is one event), covering the bride's costs for that event. But when that one event gets combined with a weekend vacation, it ceases to be either type of event and can get confusing. It also is no longer *my* vacation. Anyway- not that destination bachelorette parties are wrong, JMO. I think the host needs to be very clear and upfront with all parties, including the bride.

  • ei34ei34 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've never attended a destination BP (not my thing), but one of my sisters and her college friends love them.  They cover the bride's hotel (they've never flown anywhere as there are lots of good spots within a 2-hour drive), and one dinner the first night, written in stone.  Buying drinks here and there as the trip goes on (they seem to be long weekends) seem to be at individual guests' discretion.
    Ditto @lnixon8 I think it really depends on the group.
  • bohobrideCAbohobrideCA San Diego, CA member
    100 Love Its Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Generally, in my group, the bridesmaids and friends attending will cover their own hotel cost plus split the bride's. From then on we chip in for drinks and dinner here and there on an individual basis, nothing set in stone. If you're planning to treat the bride by everyone splitting something X amount of ways this needs to be discussed before the trip, IMO. Don't spring it on the group last second like "WE'VE all got it" at the end of dinner, you don't know who has budgeted for what and if they were buying the bride $15 cocktails all night and are financially maxed for treating her. 
  • I attended a destination bachelorette party where we all had to take a plane.  The bride paid for her plane ticket and her portion of the house we rented.  Everything else we paid for her portion- meals, drinks, limo ride.  There were also 10 people on this trip, so splitting her portion of lunch or dinner was a minimal extra cost for us.  I think it was fair to do it this way because we did want to treat her.  However, I would not have went had I been expected to pay for her airfare and/or lodging expenses because that's ridiculous.     
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    I'd chip in for dinner and drinks, begrudgingly if she was local and insisted on a destination party I hate when the bride insists on the out Of town deal...well actually I probably wouldn't go. I would not chip in on airfare and travel expenses.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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