Help! Venue Searching Has Become My Nightmare

Knottie1471285740

I have visited 6 venues and contacted many more. I would be happy with 4 of them, but my parents/FH find faults in every one. They expect perfection (nice hotel rooms, within 30 minutes of their home, allowed to bring all our own stuff, no roads or freeways nearby), but we don't have the budget to get a venue like that.

We wanted a 1 year engagement. Now everywhere seems to be fully booked on Saturdays and I'm no closer to finding a venue after countless hours of research. I honestly feel like crying and giving up after they nixed this last place.

Did anyone else have trouble finding a venue or have overbearing parents/fiancé when it came to wedding planning? How did you deal with the frustration?

downtondiva

Your parents only get a say in the venue if they are paying. Are they, and is it worth the frustration? That's something you should think about, because then you'll just have one person whose expectations you have to handle...and frankly, your FI's may be easier to deal with than your parents'. 

What time of year are you aiming to get married? Would you consider getting married on a Friday or Sunday?

ernursej

If you and FI are paying, I would stop including the parents. If the parents are contributing, I would have a sit down and discuss your concerns and give everyone a firm deadline for research. I would also offer a reminder that the wedding is one day and a perfect location will be impossible to find.  

Knottie1471285740

Thanks for the responses, guys! It really helps. Also, the meme made me laugh out loud. We are going 50-50 with my parents as of now. I think creating a deadline is a really good idea as is doing a Friday wedding. Glad I found this board - I was losing it! haha

MobKaz

Knottie1452212733 said:

I have visited 6 venues and contacted many more. I would be happy with 4 of them, but my parents/FH find faults in every one. They expect perfection (nice hotel rooms, within 30 minutes of their home, allowed to bring all our own stuff, no roads or freeways nearby), but we don't have the budget to get a venue like that.

We wanted a 1 year engagement. Now everywhere seems to be fully booked on Saturdays and I'm no closer to finding a venue after countless hours of research. I honestly feel like crying and giving up after they nixed this last place.

Did anyone else have trouble finding a venue or have overbearing parents/fiancé when it came to wedding planning? How did you deal with the frustration?

Since perfection does not exist, it might be helpful for all those involved to prioritize their list of expectations.  Remind them that the reception is actually a "thanks" to the guests for attending your ceremony, so the priority list should start with the perspective of the guests hospitality.  Affordable hotels and ease of driving/transportation issues should trump what you might be able to bring to the venue.  If you need a "tie breaker" when it comes to making a final selection, use the perspective of your guests to help make the decision.

LD1970

Are your parents and fiance helping in the actual finding of venues?  Maybe sit back and let them take up the hunt, since their "requirements" are so much more specific than yours, and then you can be the one who sees the places after they're found and has veto power instead of the other way around.

thisismynickname2

You may want to try writing down the reasons some of the venues have been vetoed and revisit it all with fresh eyes, with them included. Splitting the costs 50-50 doesn't give any parent absolute veto power, unless the location was specifically listed as a string attached to the money. 

For example, my best friend ultimately had her reception at a brewery. Her in-laws clutched their pearls over the fact that one wall had a massive, and I'm talking massive, American flag hanging on the wall. "Because pictures." WTF? They made such a huge deal over our nation's flag on the wall. First of all, there are plenty of other vantage points of a photographer so the flag isn't going to be in every single picture. Also, they had a church wedding, and did other outdoor pictures, so again, plenty of opportunity to not have a flag in pictures. It was just ridiculous. Parking wasn't awesome in the area either, but 200 guests managed to make it there and have a grand ole time. The food was excellent, and I think that and the unique large space are ultimately the reasons that venue won out. 

So moral of my story, don't let ridiculous crap get in the way of you choosing a venue. 

lnixon8

What is YOUR budget? You need a hard number whether it's 2k or 50k before you start considering your parents. Have each person (you, FI, mom, dad) make a list of top 2 things they care about (huge guest list, photography, open bar etc.) 

Will your parents be okay if you want to skimp on decor so you can buy a more expensive dress? Or have plain invites so you can have a photobooth? 

I was really lucky that my parents said here's a check for 20k, invite our friends and that was that. I gave myself a budget for every line. If I wanted to spend more I had to take it out of something else (for me that meant simple wedding bands, davids bridal bundle invites, david's bridal dress) or my checking account (bye-bye starbucks before work and $10 cocktails on the weekends!)

I can't say much for overbearing parents or FI but MIL was really annoying with adding guests I'd never met, then when those guests didn't rsvp she said they were def coming.... 12 no-shows.

These boards are a great help OP, take advantage!

MesmrEwe

There is no such thing as a "Perfect Venue"...  Because they're paying, they get a say, but they also need to recognize that you don't have an unlimited budget nor do your guests.  Not everyone considers a $150/night hotel room affordable, and sometimes you need to expand your search a few minutes... 

ALSO, unless the money is in your bank account, assume it does not exist.  If tragedy struck tomorrow can you still afford said venues?  We've had SO many knotties come on here with "OMG - I booked a hall the parents wanted because parents were paying for the wedding (or %), and now their dog got sick and they can't help us pay for the wedding anymore - what do I do?!"... 

Also, you're making this far too complicated when it comes to looking at venues.  You need your budget, you need it set.  Your guest list, you need it set for each "level" of wedding you can afford (specific names, plus ones, kids, escorts, etc.).  It's not B-listing, it's budget/priorities, but "MUST Invite/VIP's" (if everything went to heck in a hand basket, who do you want there), then "Next to Grandma want to invite" (important to invite but not going to ask them to come to a Vegas wedding), then "If we find a venue that we can afford as many as we'd like to ask" (this is the coworkers, friends, family friends)..  Or, you choose all of them and have cake & punch during a non-meal time...  See the forest through the trees, you're looking for a perfect venue, but the key factors are being forgotten, hosting your guests on a budget you can afford without help from anyone else!  There will always be something wrong with every venue, it's what YOU bring to the day for energy that determines how much fun everyone has whether you're in the local Elk's Lodge or the Ritz...

scrunchythief

We thankfully didn't really deal with too many expectations from our parents, since we were pretty much entirely choosing based on price.  

When you say "allowed to bring in all your own stuff," do you mean decor or vendors, like catering/alcohol?  If the latter, price out both options.  Often it's cheaper to bring in your own vendors, but sometimes all inclusive works out cheaper.  So I think it's worth it to price it out.

Good luck!

Knottie1471285740

Thank you all so much! I feel much better now and more in control. I have decided that I am going to set a hard deadline for deciding on a place and refuse to see any venues that are out of budget from now on. If they want to schedule more tours or see venues that are out of budget before the deadline, they can do that themselves, but I can't be doing that all day. You guys are the best!  

MaggieF1990

thisismynickname said:

You may want to try writing down the reasons some of the venues have been vetoed and revisit it all with fresh eyes, with them included. Splitting the costs 50-50 doesn't give any parent absolute veto power, unless the location was specifically listed as a string attached to the money. 

For example, my best friend ultimately had her reception at a brewery. Her in-laws clutched their pearls over the fact that one wall had a massive, and I'm talking massive, American flag hanging on the wall. "Because pictures." WTF? They made such a huge deal over our nation's flag on the wall. First of all, there are plenty of other vantage points of a photographer so the flag isn't going to be in every single picture. Also, they had a church wedding, and did other outdoor pictures, so again, plenty of opportunity to not have a flag in pictures. It was just ridiculous. Parking wasn't awesome in the area either, but 200 guests managed to make it there and have a grand ole time. The food was excellent, and I think that and the unique large space are ultimately the reasons that venue won out. 

So moral of my story, don't let ridiculous crap get in the way of you choosing a venue. 

This sounds like my mom. We looked at a boathouse venue that was near a training facility for rowing, and my mom must have asked the event coordinator five times, "So there won't be people walking around with boats like right by the windows, will there?" As if that was the end of the world - at a rowing training facility. The venue ended up being not quite big enough anyway, but I did not understand.

Like others mentioned, there is no "perfect" venue. When we started looking at venues, I was steering clear of anything outdoors. I live in Oklahoma where the weather is totally unpredictable, so a spring wedding could be beautiful, anywhere from 50 - 90 degrees, with a possibility of rain, thunderstorms, humidity, tornadoes, you name it. We ended up deciding to have an outdoor ceremony (with a backup plan) because it worked out with the venue that worked best for the size of our guest list, budget and logistics of things like providing chairs and tables. We had to decide what was most important and base our decision off that.

MesmrEwe

MaggieF1990 said:

thisismynickname said:

You may want to try writing down the reasons some of the venues have been vetoed and revisit it all with fresh eyes, with them included. Splitting the costs 50-50 doesn't give any parent absolute veto power, unless the location was specifically listed as a string attached to the money. 

For example, my best friend ultimately had her reception at a brewery. Her in-laws clutched their pearls over the fact that one wall had a massive, and I'm talking massive, American flag hanging on the wall. "Because pictures." WTF? They made such a huge deal over our nation's flag on the wall. First of all, there are plenty of other vantage points of a photographer so the flag isn't going to be in every single picture. Also, they had a church wedding, and did other outdoor pictures, so again, plenty of opportunity to not have a flag in pictures. It was just ridiculous. Parking wasn't awesome in the area either, but 200 guests managed to make it there and have a grand ole time. The food was excellent, and I think that and the unique large space are ultimately the reasons that venue won out. 

So moral of my story, don't let ridiculous crap get in the way of you choosing a venue. 

This sounds like my mom. We looked at a boathouse venue that was near a training facility for rowing, and my mom must have asked the event coordinator five times, "So there won't be people walking around with boats like right by the windows, will there?" As if that was the end of the world - at a rowing training facility. The venue ended up being not quite big enough anyway, but I did not understand.

Like others mentioned, there is no "perfect" venue. When we started looking at venues, I was steering clear of anything outdoors. I live in Oklahoma where the weather is totally unpredictable, so a spring wedding could be beautiful, anywhere from 50 - 90 degrees, with a possibility of rain, thunderstorms, humidity, tornadoes, you name it. We ended up deciding to have an outdoor ceremony (with a backup plan) because it worked out with the venue that worked best for the size of our guest list, budget and logistics of things like providing chairs and tables. We had to decide what was most important and base our decision off that.

This is like the Mom who asked that there not be golfers on the golf course nor carts in sight when renting the hall area - of the GOLF CLUB HOUSE in the middle of summer...  It wasn't like it was a PGA level course - it was a "Commoners" type golf course, the cart parking was directly outside the clubhouse doors...

CMGragain

My daughter's wedding was at a lovely country club.  We had a morning church ceremony followed by brunch reception.  A dinner reception would have cost more than double, and we are still talking chicken.
If your church has any flexibility, think about a morning ceremony.