Wedding Party

Don't know how to resolve this issue with BMs

So my bachelorette was last weekend. Unfortunately one of my bridesmaid's grandmother passed away a few days before and she could no longer attend. We talked about getting together for dinner at some point before the wedding, possibly with the rest of the girls if they were free. When I asked them over the weekend, they all said yes. We were planning for this Friday. 

BM who couldn't make the Bachelorette wants to go to dinner at a place that'd be approx $100 a person. The rest of us don't want to spend that much on dinner, especially after the costs of last weekend and I was recently laid off from work. I asked if we could go somewhere cheaper because I'm currently not working and she initially said yes and she would think of something. She messaged my Maid of honour asking her if she could help cover my portion so we could go to this restaurant still. My Moh doesn't want to go to a dinner that expensive partly because she had to cover the costs of this BM not attending the bachelorette, let alone cover my portion too. I intend to pay for myself and would pay for a $100 dinner if everyone wanted to go, but figured we could do something on a smaller scale since that isn't the case. 

So BM messaged me saying its getting too complicated and asking if we could just have dinner with three of us (herself, myself and a mutual friend BM), cutting out my moh and another BM who also happens to be my roommate. She said she would cover my expenses for the dinner because we'd be going to this expensive restaurant still. 

I don't want to uninvite half my bridal party. I don't want to cause drama. I don't want anyone to pay for me. I also have this BMs dress and need to get it to her asap, the wedding is 3 weekends from now. 

I don't know what to do. I'm just looking for some advice. 

Re: Don't know how to resolve this issue with BMs

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    nirew16 said:
    So my bachelorette was last weekend. Unfortunately one of my bridesmaid's grandmother passed away a few days before and she could no longer attend. We talked about getting together for dinner at some point before the wedding, possibly with the rest of the girls if they were free. When I asked them over the weekend, they all said yes. We were planning for this Friday. 

    BM who couldn't make the Bachelorette wants to go to dinner at a place that'd be approx $100 a person. The rest of us don't want to spend that much on dinner, especially after the costs of last weekend and I was recently laid off from work. I asked if we could go somewhere cheaper because I'm currently not working and she initially said yes and she would think of something. She messaged my Maid of honour asking her if she could help cover my portion so we could go to this restaurant still. My Moh doesn't want to go to a dinner that expensive partly because she had to cover the costs of this BM not attending the bachelorette, let alone cover my portion too. I intend to pay for myself and would pay for a $100 dinner if everyone wanted to go, but figured we could do something on a smaller scale since that isn't the case. 

    So BM messaged me saying its getting too complicated and asking if we could just have dinner with three of us (herself, myself and a mutual friend BM), cutting out my moh and another BM who also happens to be my roommate. She said she would cover my expenses for the dinner because we'd be going to this expensive restaurant still. 

    I don't want to uninvite half my bridal party. I don't want to cause drama. I don't want anyone to pay for me. I also have this BMs dress and need to get it to her asap, the wedding is 3 weekends from now. 

    I don't know what to do. I'm just looking for some advice. 


    Ditto PP.  First, I would tell your MOH that she should feel free to tell BM that this restaurant is too expensive.  If I were MOH, I would also explain that since I covered her portion of the b-party (understandably why & with no expectation of repayment stated to BM), it is really putting me in a bad financial situation to have to pay for the bride again and go to this expensive restaurant.

    For you to tell your friend, "Friend, I know you really want to go to this restaurant, but it is not going to be feasible.  If you don't have time to pick out a cheaper option, I do.  I don't feel comfortable uninviting half of the BMs since they all know about this dinner plan already.  I also will not allow anyone to pay for my portion of this bill.  I am grateful for the b-party that was planned, but that is over now and I can't just sit back and let my BP cover every single meal prior to my wedding!"

    OurWildKingdomdb1984SP29STARMOON44
  • Just tell her the restaurant is too expensive. You don't need an explanation.

    Also, it's nice that you want everyone involved, but you just had a b-party and now there's another dinner? Just seems like a lot to me. Make plans with the BM who couldn't attend at a reasonably priced place when the two of you are available, then invite the others. If they make it, great, if not don't try to re-schedule and make it a wedding-related thing.
    OurWildKingdomKnottie1452098987eileenrob
  • nirew16nirew16
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    member
    Thank you for the feedback.

    I don't expect this to be a second bachelorette gathering, more just a casual opportunity to get together with my closest friends while simultaneously getting my one BM her dress. One of the girls can no longer attend but my roommate and MOH still want to get together as does this BM. So I'm going to call my friend and talk to her. I don't want to uninvite my friends to something they already know about and are excited for, so I'm hoping when I talk to her we can sort this out.

    I figure we can go to this more expensive restaurant another time, maybe just the two of us (or with our other close friend as she had suggested) or maybe for her own bachelorette as she is also engaged. 

    Thanks again! 
    SP29OliveOilsMom
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited May 2016

    Don't complicate it... "Hey - I did some calling around, we're meeting at (restaurant) on Friday!  See you then!"  Be decisive and offer an alternative that isn't going to break the bank yet reasonable alternative and offer to go to the restaurant she wants when you've got the employment situation resolved.  Also, is it a set price location or is it a place you can order something closer to your budget from?  Often many upper-end restaurants offer a "Budget Friendly Item" that can be ordered and the bill come closer to $40/pp after drinks/tip..  Check the menu (most upper end restaurants post this online) and if it's absolutely not an option, it is what it is, be decisive about where you're going...

    ETA: Back in January a "Foodie" friend of mine passed away, I wasn't able to make the funeral because of a business trip.  Instead I opted to go to a "Foodie" type dinner while on the trip that was SO worth it...  I'm wondering if this restaurant doesn't have some significance to her relationship with her GM and she wants to go do something like that but is afraid to go solo...

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  • lnixon8lnixon8
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    MesmrEwe said:

    Don't complicate it... "Hey - I did some calling around, we're meeting at (restaurant) on Friday!  See you then!"  Be decisive and offer an alternative that isn't going to break the bank yet reasonable alternative and offer to go to the restaurant she wants when you've got the employment situation resolved.  Also, is it a set price location or is it a place you can order something closer to your budget from?  Often many upper-end restaurants offer a "Budget Friendly Item" that can be ordered and the bill come closer to $40/pp after drinks/tip..  Check the menu (most upper end restaurants post this online) and if it's absolutely not an option, it is what it is, be decisive about where you're going...

    ETA: Back in January a "Foodie" friend of mine passed away, I wasn't able to make the funeral because of a business trip.  Instead I opted to go to a "Foodie" type dinner while on the trip that was SO worth it...  I'm wondering if this restaurant doesn't have some significance to her relationship with her GM and she wants to go do something like that but is afraid to go solo...



    SITB

    So then the women that said they don't want to go to an expensive place get to pay $40 for a plain ceaser salad and the cheapest drink on the menu?

    The granddaughter can go to the restaurant another time to celebrate her gm, not when the whole purpose is to celebrate OP as a bride



    Knottie1452098987OurWildKingdom
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