Just Engaged and Proposals

Long Engagement

I have really appreciated reading other couple's stories of their long engagement. We got engaged 2 months ago, still haven't posted it on Facebook...., and our wedding won't be until Spring 2018 so that we can both finish school and be able to pay for our own wedding. 

My question is how do you keep people excited about your wedding without being overwhelming? I have been thinking about spreading out the bridal showers (FMIL hosting one in New England, my mother hosting one in my hometown in Missouri and our bridal party hosting one in our current city) and engagement parties but I don't want the engagement to be too much. Also is it ok to have a bridal shower a year before your wedding? I have an extremely tight schedule and that's just works best for me...

We are getting married in Atlanta but I will be going to school in Missouri and working in the wilderness over the summers so most of our planning is happening early on. Also my bridesmaids are located all over the country. Some of my bridesmaids will be getting married before me and they are all very busy so I don't want to ask too much of them even though they are excited and willing. How do I manage the wedding of my dreams while not having people flying all over the place constantly?

I have soooo many questions and concerns so any advice is greatly accepted. 
Olivia Rowland

Re: Long Engagement

  • I have really appreciated reading other couple's stories of their long engagement. We got engaged 2 months ago, still haven't posted it on Facebook...., and our wedding won't be until Spring 2018 so that we can both finish school and be able to pay for our own wedding. 

    My question is how do you keep people excited about your wedding without being overwhelming? I have been thinking about spreading out the bridal showers (FMIL hosting one in New England, my mother hosting one in my hometown in Missouri and our bridal party hosting one in our current city) and engagement parties but I don't want the engagement to be too much. Also is it ok to have a bridal shower a year before your wedding? I have an extremely tight schedule and that's just works best for me...

    We are getting married in Atlanta but I will be going to school in Missouri and working in the wilderness over the summers so most of our planning is happening early on. Also my bridesmaids are located all over the country. Some of my bridesmaids will be getting married before me and they are all very busy so I don't want to ask too much of them even though they are excited and willing. How do I manage the wedding of my dreams while not having people flying all over the place constantly?

    I have soooo many questions and concerns so any advice is greatly accepted. 
    First off, congratulations on your engagement! 

    I know you're probably super excited about planning and all things wedding right now and that's great but a few things to keep in mind; regarding the first bolded, people will be happy that you're engage and excited to celebrate with you, but please don't expect them to be excited the entirety of your engagement. This is setting yourself up to be disappointed, no one will be as excited about your wedding as you are and there is no way to "keep people excited". 

    The second bolded; what are you planning to ask them to do? Really all they need to do is to show up on the wedding day in the appropriate attire and walk down the aisle and take pictures. Anything on top of that is extra, and only appropriate if they freely offer it. Please don't ask or expect more than that for them. 

    Finally, as for showers more than a year out? I'd advise against it. A year is a long time, a long time to store gifts, a time when you're tastes, house, financial situation may change. Wait until closer to the wedding. 

    Stick around and keep asking questions!
    OurWildKingdomfloridabride44ernursejSP29
  • I have really appreciated reading other couple's stories of their long engagement. We got engaged 2 months ago, still haven't posted it on Facebook...., and our wedding won't be until Spring 2018 so that we can both finish school and be able to pay for our own wedding. 

    My question is how do you keep people excited about your wedding without being overwhelming? I have been thinking about spreading out the bridal showers (FMIL hosting one in New England, my mother hosting one in my hometown in Missouri and our bridal party hosting one in our current city) and engagement parties but I don't want the engagement to be too much. Also is it ok to have a bridal shower a year before your wedding? I have an extremely tight schedule and that's just works best for me...

    We are getting married in Atlanta but I will be going to school in Missouri and working in the wilderness over the summers so most of our planning is happening early on. Also my bridesmaids are located all over the country. Some of my bridesmaids will be getting married before me and they are all very busy so I don't want to ask too much of them even though they are excited and willing. How do I manage the wedding of my dreams while not having people flying all over the place constantly?

    I have soooo many questions and concerns so any advice is greatly accepted. 
    1.  How do you keep people excited about your wedding?  You don't.  No one will be as excited about your wedding as you are.

    2.  Has anyone offered to give you a bridal shower?  Not everybody has one, much less three!

    3.  You have already chosen your wedding party two years before your wedding?  Whoa!  Slow down!  Most people find that choosing your wedding party this far in advance is a mistake.  Relationships do change over time.  Once you have asked someone to be in your wedding party, you cannot unask them.  I hope this works out for you, but we get so much drama about this topic.

    4.  Who has offered to host your engagement party?  You cannot host it yourself when it is in your own honor.

    5.  Miss Manners has this to say about "the wedding of your dreams":

    Miss Manners' top 5 gentle wedding reminders

    1. When you had that childhood wedding fantasy, you were a child. If you don't have better taste and a greater sense of social and fiscal responsibility now, you're too immature to get married.

    2. People are more important than menus. Figure out first whom you want to have there, and then what you can afford to serve them, not the other way around.

    3. A phrase you will be happier if you forget: "the perfect wedding." Perfection does not exist this side of heaven, especially when it involves complicated arrangements and all kinds of other people, and you'll drive yourself and others crazy if you think you can achieve it.

    4. Another phrase you will be happier forgetting: "It's your day." The joining of two people involves two (or more) families and other relatives and friends, and you ignore their feelings and comfort at your peril.

    5. Your guests are not your personal shoppers.



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    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I never saw a need to keep people excited. My friends and family were excited in general and certainly day of. No need to "keep" them excited for our 2-year engagement.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    OurWildKingdom
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2016
    Congratulations!

    We were engaged for 2 years and a month before we were married. Similar situation- both in school, we paid for 95% of the wedding ourselves (parents gifted us some things). I had a shower 6 months prior to the wedding that my MOH offered to host, in my hometown, because that is how it worked out best (I was visiting my family then and wouldn't be back until the wedding). It still felt "early" to me, but as our wedding required travel for a large majority of our guests, our guest list was finalized by this point. Had a bacchelorette party one month before the wedding where I was currently living, hosted by some friends there.

    I agree with the above that no one will ever be as excited as you are about your wedding. I really wouldn't push "keeping the excitement going". Your friends/family will be happy to attend showers/parties as well as your wedding when they happen, but otherwise, life goes on. People who are close to you will likely ask along the way how your planning is going. But beyond that, I'm not sure how exactly you would keep the excitement- you will be excited.

    As for any pre-wedding parties, any guest invited to one of these parties must be invited to the wedding. Most couples do not have their guest list figured out this early out (and why would you!) so I would advise against doing anything that puts you in a position where you are stuck. Showers and bacchelorette/bachelor parties usually happen after the guest list is near finalized, within a few months of the wedding. Invitations are not sent until 6-8 weeks before the wedding, so you do not need to commit to a guest list until much sooner.

    On the note of parties- parties are never expected, required, or asked for by the B&G, they are always offered. Anyone can offer to host one, it is not the responsibility of the wedding party, nor should the B or G be involved in the planning/hosting of the party. Likewise, you as the bride can always decline the offer of a party if you do not like the hosts' terms or if you think it's too much.

    Another way to keep the excitement going is to stick around here. Browse the boards, search any questions you have for previous posts, ask new questions. Everyone here (not yet engaged, engaged and planning, newlyweds, married for some time) enjoys weddings and wedding talk, so post away!

    P.S. Change your username to something more unique so we can get to know you (hard to keep track of Knottie#....).
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