Guilty of Planning a PPD (Cross posted in Etiquette)

ABeautifulJourney

So...it looks as though my FH and I have a couple options at this point:

-civil ceremony here, convalidation at his parents' church in NM a year later

-quick Catholic ceremony here, unity celebration a few days later (including bridesmaids, etc)

-Catholic ceremony, big honking reception here (except not on Sunday, and the specific date FH wants is a Sunday. That's one of only two requests he's had this far and the only reason I'm even considering the PPD.).

Logically I know it's a gross thing to do. Emotionally I want to make FH happy because it's his day too. Is it ever forgivable, and is it less gauche if guests know up front? That is, if it bothers etiquette gurus but guests aren't offended or disgusted does it matter as much?

I tend to be thin-skinned so I'm hoping y'all take it a little easy on me!  

MesmrEwe

O.k. the only PPD that you'd get away with is if you have your civil ceremony here and go to the Vatican for your Sacramental or a country that doesn't recognize both being done at once (in the US basically Priests are deputized to perform both the civil and sacramental marriage all-in-one, which isn't the case in some other countries).. 

First - have you talked/had a formal meeting with your parish Priest/Deacon to discuss these issues in real time and in person?  That is the first step to find out your options.  Getting married in the Catholic church is a process not a magic wand for a reason.  Distinguish the Civil from the Sacramental, however, it's usually a good idea to begin the process. 

What about having your ceremony as part of Sunday Mass? jk - a little bit (never know unless you ask - and if the date is that important, and your FI might just say "not THAT important!"..)- The next question - is your FI also Catholic or is he of another denomination?  (the reason for asking this is that there are some special considerations for this by the church in regard to your wedding being "valid" in the eyes of the church)..  You may need to go through extra paperwork for having your ceremony on a Sunday, but the notion that "Catholic Weddings can only take place on Saturdays" is a rather modern notion as going back less than 50 years, weddings were performed any day of the week. 

Etiquette wise - it's all in how you approach it.  If you're going from the purely churchy-Catholic, the Sacramental marriage is more important than the Civil, hence why you should be meeting with your parish priest with FI to discuss some of these issues instead of the forums.  Focus on doing right in the eyes of the church.  Your wedding day will always be your wedding day, and you only get one, this really is something that is a bigger issue than just wanting to make your FI happy since he's marrying you.  The greatest gift you're giving him and he's giving you on your wedding day is eachother,

Also, just because you have your Catholic wedding doesn't mean you are forced to have a "Big Honk'n Reception" - you can shrink your guest list to the size you want if you were going to have a DW and limited on who you'd invite.  You can have a Big Catholic Wedding and host a Cake & Punch reception in the parish hall.  It all comes back to set up an in-person meeting to discuss the options with your parish priest...

MizLizz

Eastern-rite Catholic parishes are often flexible about Sunday weddings. I have attended Catholic weddings in Eastern Rite (in this case, Byzantine) churches that were held on Sunday

ABeautifulJourney

I kind of fell off the radar a little because there were several boards where people were vicious and I didn't really feel like dealing with the drama. We decided to do a small Catholic ceremony and then a reception with more people. Thank y'all for the advice!

Knottie50075951

I see that you already booked everything, but it's totally possible to have a Sunday, Catholic wedding. I am! 3pm Mass.