Attire & Accessories Forum

FMIL and family attire worries....

I am having a formal outdoor ceremony and reception in late October. My BM are wearing floor length lace dresses and I've asked my mother and FMIL to wear long dresses as well. Now, my FMIL's style of clothing is skin tight and very revealing. I am very concerned about what she is going to show up in. I realize she is a grown woman and can pick out her own clothes, but I don't want my fiance to be embarrassed and I don't want my wedding pictures to forever have her in an inappropriate dress. I don't know how to ask her nicely to send me a picture of an outfit before she buys it. 
Also, my fiance's grandfather isn't one to go out of his way to dress up for any event.  His idea of getting dressed up is going out to get a clean version of a shirt he already owns. And I understand that he can't afford a new suit, but, again, my attire is semi-formal. I feel like he would feel out of place the whole wedding if everyone is in cocktail attire and he is in jeans and a shirt. What is a good way to hint at the fact that I would like him to get a suit even it is from Goodwill?
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Re: FMIL and family attire worries....

  • I am having a formal outdoor ceremony and reception in late October. My BM are wearing floor length lace dresses and I've asked my mother and FMIL to wear long dresses as well. Now, my FMIL's style of clothing is skin tight and very revealing. I am very concerned about what she is going to show up in. I realize she is a grown woman and can pick out her own clothes, but I don't want my fiance to be embarrassed and I don't want my wedding pictures to forever have her in an inappropriate dress. I don't know how to ask her nicely to send me a picture of an outfit before she buys it. 
    Also, my fiance's grandfather isn't one to go out of his way to dress up for any event.  His idea of getting dressed up is going out to get a clean version of a shirt he already owns. And I understand that he can't afford a new suit, but, again, my attire is semi-formal. I feel like he would feel out of place the whole wedding if everyone is in cocktail attire and he is in jeans and a shirt. What is a good way to hint at the fact that I would like him to get a suit even it is from Goodwill?
    You can't think of a good way to ask her that because there really isn't one. Like you said, she's a grown woman and can dress herself. You really shouldn't have asked her to wear a long dress, even. She's not in the WP. In my experience, the best wedding pictures have happy people in them. People look happy when they feel awesome. And people don't feel awesome when they're not comfortable with what they're wearing. If she shows up wearing something crazy, it will reflect only on her, not you. The same goes for your FI's grandfather. It honestly doesn't really sound like he's the type to give a shit if he's under dressed, and you can't spend his money for him. 

    I guess the only thing you could really do would be to offer to go shopping with them for their outfits, but even so, you should let them pick something they like, not something that fits your vision and turns them into photo props.

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    OurWildKingdomSP29ernursej
  • I agree with PP. Soneone could show up in Lady Gagas cage dress from Sunday's BBMAs and it will still have zero effect one your day (unless you allow it to, which is quite silly). 

    Let your soon to be in laws wear what makes them feel good so they can enjoy your wedding also. 
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    OurWildKingdomei34
  • I agree with PP. Soneone could show up in Lady Gagas cage dress from Sunday's BBMAs and it will still have zero effect one your day (unless you allow it to, which is quite silly). 

    Let your soon to be in laws wear what makes them feel good so they can enjoy your wedding also. 
    Ok, I can't post a pic from my phone, but I did a Google Images search, and holy crap! 
  • Here you go:  
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    OurWildKingdombohobrideCASP29
  • Wow, that might steal the show a tiny bit . . .
    ei34
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    "I am having a formal outdoor ceremony and reception in late October. My BM are wearing floor length lace dresses and I've asked my mother and FMIL to wear long dresses as well. Now, my FMIL's style of clothing is skin tight and very revealing. I am very concerned about what she is going to show up in. I realize she is a grown woman and can pick out her own clothes, but I don't want my fiance to be embarrassed and I don't want my wedding pictures to forever have her in an inappropriate dress. I don't know how to ask her nicely to send me a picture of an outfit before she buys it. 
    Also, my fiance's grandfather isn't one to go out of his way to dress up for any event.  His idea of getting dressed up is going out to get a clean version of a shirt he already owns. And I understand that he can't afford a new suit, but, again, my attire is semi-formal. I feel like he would feel out of place the whole wedding if everyone is in cocktail attire and he is in jeans and a shirt. What is a good way to hint at the fact that I would like him to get a suit even it is from Goodwill? "



    Your future in-laws' feelings are more important than your wedding pictures.  Get your priorities straight.
    It would be very rude of you to question what your future family members wear to your wedding.  Your post makes you sound very superficial and selfish.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    bohobrideCASP29
  • Adults can dress themselves how they see fit. If people ask for your input it's fine to tell them how you, the WP, your FI will be dressed but even then it's still not ok to tell people how to dress (unless there is a venue-imposed dress code; I.e, jackets and ties must be worn, shoulders covered in churches etc). Honestly, just try and let these things go. 
    OurWildKingdomSP29
  •  I really hope you came here to vent and you didn't express these "concerns" to your fiancé. These people are his family. If my FI told me he was scared that my mom would dress so badly it would embarrass me and ruin the photos and my grandfather was going to look like a slob I'd be crushed and I would really question his priorities and character. 
    I'm not trying to shame you, family is a very sensitive subject for most people. What you can say about your own family does not open the door for others. Even if your FI has brought up his mother's attire in the past, it can still really hurt hearing it from you. 
    OurWildKingdomSP29Greenjinjo db1984
  • I am having a formal outdoor ceremony and reception in late October. My BM are wearing floor length lace dresses and I've asked my mother and FMIL to wear long dresses as well. Now, my FMIL's style of clothing is skin tight and very revealing. I am very concerned about what she is going to show up in. I realize she is a grown woman and can pick out her own clothes, but I don't want my fiance to be embarrassed and I don't want my wedding pictures to forever have her in an inappropriate dress. I don't know how to ask her nicely to send me a picture of an outfit before she buys it. 
    Also, my fiance's grandfather isn't one to go out of his way to dress up for any event.  His idea of getting dressed up is going out to get a clean version of a shirt he already owns. And I understand that he can't afford a new suit, but, again, my attire is semi-formal. I feel like he would feel out of place the whole wedding if everyone is in cocktail attire and he is in jeans and a shirt. What is a good way to hint at the fact that I would like him to get a suit even it is from Goodwill?
    So you picked an event type that may not be best-suited towards some key family members of your FI and you're trying to force them to be people that they aren't so your pictures look pretty?  

    You're contradicting yourself in your attire as well.   Is it a formal or semi-formal?    Khakis and a shirt with buttons pass for a semi-formal (which isn't really a thing).   
    kmmssgcrowsgirl15
  • I agree with everything PPs have said, but I wanted to reiterate: It is not appropriate to dictate what your guests wear, and it is not okay to put a dress code on your invitations/wedding website/whatever, unless you are having a true black-tie affair (which you are not, I guarantee). Semi-formal is a made up term. 

    You can tell your bridal party what to wear, as long as you ask for their budgets ahead of time and work within the lowest budget. Beyond that, you do not dress adults or make them purchase special clothes for your wedding.

    FWIW, we had people in all kinds of attire at our wedding, from suits and long dresses, to cargo shorts and polo shirts. My preteen nephews changed out of their slacks and button downs right after the ceremony, and wore basketball shorts and hoodies during the reception. I did not notice during the reception - it was only afterwards, looking at the photos, that I noticed. And the photos were all great, because everyone looked happy and comfortable.
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    CMGragainOurWildKingdomernursej
  • We have a long gone poster here who had her FIL show up to their wedding in jean overalls.  Why?  Because that is what he wore everyday and she told him to wear whatever makes him feel comfortable.  She loved it because that was who her FIL was and she accepted him that way.  She even once posted a picture of herself, her H, and FIL at the wedding and all 3 looked happy!

    Forget about what your FMIL and FGFIL will wear.  They will look happy and that is all that matters.

    I expect my uncle (my Dad's older brother) to show up in a western shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. I'm totally cool with that. The only person whose attire I'm remotely worried about is my cousin who's one of my BMs, but if she shows up showered, with clean hair, wearing something other than her work uniform, I'll be grateful. (Even if she shows up in her work uniform, it'll be OK; her vest is blue.)
    madamerwinSP29Knottie1452098987OliveOilsMom
  • We have a long gone poster here who had her FIL show up to their wedding in jean overalls.  Why?  Because that is what he wore everyday and she told him to wear whatever makes him feel comfortable.  She loved it because that was who her FIL was and she accepted him that way.  She even once posted a picture of herself, her H, and FIL at the wedding and all 3 looked happy!

    Forget about what your FMIL and FGFIL will wear.  They will look happy and that is all that matters.

    I also remember that same bride - her FIL also wore jean overalls to his wife's wedding.  It was who he was and that was good enough for the bride.  she loved him.
    OliveOilsMomOurWildKingdom
  • you cant dictate what people wear, and the only dress code that can be dictated at weddings is when its a black tie affair then its tuxes and long gowns. 

    if you are so worried take your mil shopping spend the day looking at dresses let her pick out ones to try on and you can throw in a few as well

    just because fil wears shirts and jeans does not mean he will show up in shirts and jeans. my husband never dresses up he's always in polos, non button down shirts and jeans. as  for weddings or special occasions he will dress up in a nice button down or polo, dress pants or dressy khakis and dress shoes 
    Knottie1452098987OurWildKingdom
  • I was in a wedding several years ago now where the groom's mother wore a mini skirt and a crochet halter top.  She looked pretty ridiculous but it didn't change their wedding.  She was comfortable, the bride and groom got married and had a great day and didn't let it bother them. Other guests noticed and made comments about how it was inappropriate to each other - which fell only on her.  

    It won't affect you what they wear so don't let it bother you.  If she shows up wearing something scandalous it will reflect poorly on her and not on you even a little.  If your groom is worried about this, say the same thing to him.  
    OurWildKingdomernursejSP29
  • kmmssg said:

    We have a long gone poster here who had her FIL show up to their wedding in jean overalls.  Why?  Because that is what he wore everyday and she told him to wear whatever makes him feel comfortable.  She loved it because that was who her FIL was and she accepted him that way.  She even once posted a picture of herself, her H, and FIL at the wedding and all 3 looked happy!

    Forget about what your FMIL and FGFIL will wear.  They will look happy and that is all that matters.

    I also remember that same bride - her FIL also wore jean overalls to his wife's wedding.  It was who he was and that was good enough for the bride.  she loved him.
    Dammit I am an idiot.  he wore the jean overalls to his wife's FUNERAL
    MesmrEweOliveOilsMom
  • kmmssg said:
    kmmssg said:

    We have a long gone poster here who had her FIL show up to their wedding in jean overalls.  Why?  Because that is what he wore everyday and she told him to wear whatever makes him feel comfortable.  She loved it because that was who her FIL was and she accepted him that way.  She even once posted a picture of herself, her H, and FIL at the wedding and all 3 looked happy!

    Forget about what your FMIL and FGFIL will wear.  They will look happy and that is all that matters.

    I also remember that same bride - her FIL also wore jean overalls to his wife's wedding.  It was who he was and that was good enough for the bride.  she loved him.
    Dammit I am an idiot.  he wore the jean overalls to his wife's FUNERAL
    Remembering the outfit my MIL wore to my LFIL's funeral - it's a reminder - the more important detail is that they're THERE, not what the wear!
    OurWildKingdomkmmssg
  • edited May 2016
    Just chiming in on this one again to say that my GFIL wore a white dinner jacket tux to my afternoon garden wedding about a month ago. I thought it was odd (as did a few other people), but shrugged it off figuring it was just an attention seeking measure, as he's the type to do such things.  Well, I just found out this past weekend that he was upset that no one caught on that he had come dressed as Bruce Wayne, which he had done because we put Batman stamps on our invitation envelopes. He may be ridiculous, but again, his narcissism and attention seeking reflects poorly only on him, as it will only reflect poorly on your FMIL if she decides to wear something more 'off beat.'

    ETF: words

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    CMGragainOurWildKingdomSP29
  • If your guests notice your future in-laws' inappropriate attire and bother to comment on it to each other, they'll say things like "The groom's mother is too old for a dress like that" or "Couldn't he have dressed up more for his grandson's wedding?" Notice that neither of these is a criticism of you. It will be a point of interest for your guests and nothing more - certainly not anything that would detract from their enjoyment of the day. 

    This is one of those details that is ultimately beyond your control, and it will not reflect poorly on you if your FMIL wears something too tight or your FI's grandfather wears something too casual. Stop worrying about it.



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    OurWildKingdomMesmrEwe
  • Just chiming in on this one again to say that my GFIL wore a white dinner jacket tux to my afternoon garden wedding about a month ago. I thought it was odd (as did a few other people), but shrugged it off figuring it was just an attention seeking measure, as he's the type to do such things.  Well, I just found out this past weekend that he was upset that no one caught on that he had come dressed as Bruce Wayne, which he had done because we put Batman stamps on our invitation envelopes. He may be ridiculous, but again, his narcissism and attention seeking reflects poorly only on him, as it will only reflect poorly on your FMIL if she decides to wear something more 'off beat.'

    ETF: words
    Was he 'throwing a fit' type upset? There must be more to the story, because this sounds adorable and indulgent, not narcissistic. In my family, we probably wouldn't get the Bruce Wayne thing either, but we'd laugh and take it in stride if one of our parents or grandparents wanted to get into the theme like that.
    MesmrEweOurWildKingdomcharlotte989875SP29
  • I remember having brief thoughts about H's families' attire. More than three years post wedding, H occasionally says he feels a bit embarrassed about his family because they are kind of "redneck" (his word). His mom and sister don't really dress up that much and have old 80's and 90's-style hair (big curly bangs) and wear high-waisted loose jeans and such. 

    But I would never dream of saying anything about it. On our wedding day, his whole family showed up in perfectly appropriate attire. His mom wore a skirt and top and his sister wore a nice dress and his dad was even in a tie! But even if they had showed up in jeans or whatever (his mom and sister wore their hair down with those crazy bangs!!), it wouldn't have mattered. 

    Please don't tell them what to wear. 
    OurWildKingdomSP29OliveOilsMom
  • Just chiming in on this one again to say that my GFIL wore a white dinner jacket tux to my afternoon garden wedding about a month ago. I thought it was odd (as did a few other people), but shrugged it off figuring it was just an attention seeking measure, as he's the type to do such things.  Well, I just found out this past weekend that he was upset that no one caught on that he had come dressed as Bruce Wayne, which he had done because we put Batman stamps on our invitation envelopes. He may be ridiculous, but again, his narcissism and attention seeking reflects poorly only on him, as it will only reflect poorly on your FMIL if she decides to wear something more 'off beat.'

    ETF: words
    Was he 'throwing a fit' type upset? There must be more to the story, because this sounds adorable and indulgent, not narcissistic. In my family, we probably wouldn't get the Bruce Wayne thing either, but we'd laugh and take it in stride if one of our parents or grandparents wanted to get into the theme like that.
    There's definitely more to the story. You're right, honestly, if it were literally anyone else, it would have been cute and funny. But this guy's other habits include using racist and misogynistic language on a regular basis, bragging about illegally denying rental applications for property he owns because he doesn't want to rent to 'certain demographics' and then lying to the applicants and saying he legally can't discuss why it was denied, calling H sexist names, telling MIL that she's not smart enough for science (she has a microbiology degree and works in her field), and generally being a dick to children. Oh. And telling us we were ridiculous and immature for using said batman stamps.

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    JediElizabeth
  • Just chiming in on this one again to say that my GFIL wore a white dinner jacket tux to my afternoon garden wedding about a month ago. I thought it was odd (as did a few other people), but shrugged it off figuring it was just an attention seeking measure, as he's the type to do such things.  Well, I just found out this past weekend that he was upset that no one caught on that he had come dressed as Bruce Wayne, which he had done because we put Batman stamps on our invitation envelopes. He may be ridiculous, but again, his narcissism and attention seeking reflects poorly only on him, as it will only reflect poorly on your FMIL if she decides to wear something more 'off beat.'

    ETF: words
    Was he 'throwing a fit' type upset? There must be more to the story, because this sounds adorable and indulgent, not narcissistic. In my family, we probably wouldn't get the Bruce Wayne thing either, but we'd laugh and take it in stride if one of our parents or grandparents wanted to get into the theme like that.
    There's definitely more to the story. You're right, honestly, if it were literally anyone else, it would have been cute and funny. But this guy's other habits include using racist and misogynistic language on a regular basis, bragging about illegally denying rental applications for property he owns because he doesn't want to rent to 'certain demographics' and then lying to the applicants and saying he legally can't discuss why it was denied, calling H sexist names, telling MIL that she's not smart enough for science (she has a microbiology degree and works in her field), and generally being a dick to children. Oh. And telling us we were ridiculous and immature for using said batman stamps.
    Oi.

    I figured. He sounds like the reason people say you can't choose your family. Or your spouse's family.  o.O
    OurWildKingdompinupbride6189Knottie1452098987CMGragain
  • Just chiming in on this one again to say that my GFIL wore a white dinner jacket tux to my afternoon garden wedding about a month ago. I thought it was odd (as did a few other people), but shrugged it off figuring it was just an attention seeking measure, as he's the type to do such things.  Well, I just found out this past weekend that he was upset that no one caught on that he had come dressed as Bruce Wayne, which he had done because we put Batman stamps on our invitation envelopes. He may be ridiculous, but again, his narcissism and attention seeking reflects poorly only on him, as it will only reflect poorly on your FMIL if she decides to wear something more 'off beat.'

    ETF: words
    Was he 'throwing a fit' type upset? There must be more to the story, because this sounds adorable and indulgent, not narcissistic. In my family, we probably wouldn't get the Bruce Wayne thing either, but we'd laugh and take it in stride if one of our parents or grandparents wanted to get into the theme like that.
    There's definitely more to the story. You're right, honestly, if it were literally anyone else, it would have been cute and funny. But this guy's other habits include using racist and misogynistic language on a regular basis, bragging about illegally denying rental applications for property he owns because he doesn't want to rent to 'certain demographics' and then lying to the applicants and saying he legally can't discuss why it was denied, calling H sexist names, telling MIL that she's not smart enough for science (she has a microbiology degree and works in her field), and generally being a dick to children. Oh. And telling us we were ridiculous and immature for using said batman stamps.
    Oi.

    I figured. He sounds like the reason people say you can't choose your family. Or your spouse's family.  o.O
    He's exactly that guy. FIL (his son) claims that he's part of an abandoned government experiment, because there's no way they're actually related (FIL is a fantastic human being). 

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    Knottie1452098987MairePoppyOurWildKingdomOliveOilsMom
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