Wedding Woes

She's just not that into you

Dear Prudence,
I get together pretty regularly with a group of four friends for dinner. I value these friendships and am glad that we see each other and catch up regularly. However, there is one friend who will often agree to the plans that we’ve made and then bail at the last minute, usually offering a flimsy excuse. It’s disappointing, especially when we have made special plans so that she can make it. We also rely on each person to bring a part of the meal, so when she cancels we have to do without or the host has to provide what she was supposed to bring. I’m not sure how to handle this. Bring it up? Let it go?

—Unreliable Friend

Re: She's just not that into you

  • Don't invite her again or assign her a duplicate (extra appetizer, bottle of wine, etc.)  
  • Stop inviting her. She will (hopefully) get the hint eventually.
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  • Yah this one seems pretty easy, just stop inviting her. 
  • Why is it so hard to stop inviting her? This seems obvious.

    We had to do this with 2 ladies from our mom group. They were often no-call/no-shows or cancelled at the last minute, so we eventually stopped inviting them to stuff and started a new FB group without them. (We'd post invites or gtg ideas on the board, so didn't want them to feel left out or suddenly decide to show up.)
  • I had a similar issue. My friend and I would invite another friend. Very often she would not show up, or cancel, etc. We stopped inviting her. She finally came around after we tried to explain to her, we're not waiting to see if MAYBE she'll show. It's gotten better, but we don't hold our breath now.
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