Chit Chat

Quitting smoking

Does anyone have any advice on how to support someone while they try to quit smoking?

FH is trying to quit. He's having a hard time and he doesn't like to talk about it.

Every once in a while, I'll ask how it's going and he always answers, but sometimes I get one word and sometimes I get how it's actually going.

A couple of weeks ago I put a gift bag full of hard candy and gum (and vanilla tootsie rolls..gross) in his car with a card. I don't even remember now what the card said..something about how I believe that he can do anything. He liked that and said it was helpful.

I feel like anything I say or any advice I would offer would just be unhelpful, as I have no experience quitting and don't know how he feels.

Shutting up and letting him know I love him is probably the best way to go, but it's hard to watch someone you love struggle and not know how to fix it.
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Re: Quitting smoking

  • Being patient and understanding if he's snappish or touchy. If he slips up, don't berate him. 

    Also, one of the hardest habits to actually quit is the hand to mouth habit, and letting go of the sensation of smoke hitting the back of the throat (ick). I know a lot of people who use a nicotine free liquid in an e-cigarette, and they were able to quit because they still had the sensation, but no nicotine.  Seems much more effective than stepping down nicotine gradually or using the gum. 
  • edited May 2016
    An old friend swore that chewing on cinnamon sticks helped when she was quitting smoking. She said the strong flavor helped calm cravings.

    I've lost a few family members to smoking-related illnesses. I salute your FH for quitting now.
  • Being patient and understanding if he's snappish or touchy. If he slips up, don't berate him. 

    Also, one of the hardest habits to actually quit is the hand to mouth habit, and letting go of the sensation of smoke hitting the back of the throat (ick). I know a lot of people who use a nicotine free liquid in an e-cigarette, and they were able to quit because they still had the sensation, but no nicotine.  Seems much more effective than stepping down nicotine gradually or using the gum. 
    Before I met FW, I briefly dated a guy who had quit smoking using nicotine gum and was still chewing it several years later. 
  • edited May 2016
    I had many trial runs before I quit for good. I had to do it cold turkey - just picked a date and knew from past experience that 3 weeks out, I'd be over physical withdrawal. TBH, it was something I needed to do by myself. I would have resented my husband asking how I was doing and offering advice. I felt shaky, had a damn headache, constant craving and was cranky and wanted to be left alone. If your fi doesn't like to talk about it, he may be like me. So leave him alone. This is his battle.

    A month or two down the road, you can let him know that you're proud of him.
                       
  • The hardest part for me was breaking the association between walking to and from the train station and having a cigarette. To try and help I would always have a pack of nicotine free gum on me and would make sure my MP3 player fully charged. 
  • I have known someone who quit smoking with hypnosis.  I also knew someone who had a bit of an anger management problem, he is like a zen master compared to before after hypnosis for the anger.  If you FI believes it could work, which I believe is the key, hypnosis may help him.  But you really have to believe it will work or it will just be a waste of money.

    I applaud your FI for quitting!  While I have not had a cigarette before, I have seen others quit and know how difficult it can be.

  • Good for him! You are doing all the right things, and have gotten lots of great advice here as well.

    Understand that it will still be triggered years later. My H quit 3 years ago and sometimes when a smoking person walks by him on the sidewalk he will say "oh man, that smell, I want it". I never say NO what's wrong with you?! I am always quick to say "I am so proud of you for doing it!"

                                                                     

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  • Thank you everyone for your great advice and congrats to those of you that successfully quit!

    @MairePoppy when he first said he wanted to quit, I asked what he needed, and if it was ok for me to ask how it was going. He said that it might actually help him to be checked up on but he didn't want to dwell on it. So if I ask (I don't ask often) and he doesn't want to talk, we don't. It doesn't seem like it bothers him for me to check on him, but I can certainly double check and stop if necessary. Thank you for that advice. And congrats on quitting.
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  • @drglitter - sorry that I sounded cranky. 
                       
  • @drglitter - sorry that I sounded cranky. 
    You're fine. It was good advice.
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  • edited October 2016
    Congrats to your FH and to you @kimmiinthemitten! I have never smoked but my mom died from lung cancer after a life time of smoking. She tried many times to quit and was never successful. It is a powerful addiction. Every day should be celebrated.

    ETA:words
  • Sorry I missed this a month ago...congrats to your FH. 

    I quit in 2011.  The difference for me that time was I really, really wanted it. Don't get me wrong, I miss smoking. I loved smoking, if I could smoke with zero repercussions I totally would again. 

    Another thing I found interesting was that the 3's were the hardest; 3rd day, 3rd week, 3rd month and 3rd year. I'm type A so for me it helped to brag and celebrate every day I quit. A lot of people downplay the significance of the small anniversaries, I disagree. I say feel proud and celebrate every time you need to. 
    So true.  Although hard to find now, if I see someone smoking, I will sometimes pass close by just to take in a bit of that "whiff".  Addictions are powerful. 
  • MobKaz said:
    Sorry I missed this a month ago...congrats to your FH. 

    I quit in 2011.  The difference for me that time was I really, really wanted it. Don't get me wrong, I miss smoking. I loved smoking, if I could smoke with zero repercussions I totally would again. 

    Another thing I found interesting was that the 3's were the hardest; 3rd day, 3rd week, 3rd month and 3rd year. I'm type A so for me it helped to brag and celebrate every day I quit. A lot of people downplay the significance of the small anniversaries, I disagree. I say feel proud and celebrate every time you need to. 
    So true.  Although hard to find now, if I see someone smoking, I will sometimes pass close by just to take in a bit of that "whiff".  Addictions are powerful. 


    My H quit years ago and he does that. He loves when people smoke around him.

    This resurrection came at a really good time. My sister is trying to quit. I never thought she would. She loves smoking but she had a totally unrelated health scare that made her think. I'm trying to help encourage her but don't want to make it worse.

    Unfortunately my dad and stepdad have both had big health scares directly related to smoking and neither one has even tried to quit.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Sorry I missed this a month ago...congrats to your FH. 

    I quit in 2011.  The difference for me that time was I really, really wanted it. Don't get me wrong, I miss smoking. I loved smoking, if I could smoke with zero repercussions I totally would again

    Another thing I found interesting was that the 3's were the hardest; 3rd day, 3rd week, 3rd month and 3rd year. I'm type A so for me it helped to brag and celebrate every day I quit. A lot of people downplay the significance of the small anniversaries, I disagree. I say feel proud and celebrate every time you need to. 
    This is my nana. She quit well over 30yrs ago and knows to this day if she had one puff, she'd go back smoking. So she doesn't mind when my mum goes to visit because she can get the scent without the smoking.
  • Thanks everybody. @kimmiinthemitten he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I was kind of disappointed.

    I took him to dinner, told him Happy Smokiversary and that I was proud of him, and let it go.

    So I came here to brag instead.
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  • edited October 2016
    MobKaz said:
    Sorry I missed this a month ago...congrats to your FH. 

    I quit in 2011.  The difference for me that time was I really, really wanted it. Don't get me wrong, I miss smoking. I loved smoking, if I could smoke with zero repercussions I totally would again. 

    Another thing I found interesting was that the 3's were the hardest; 3rd day, 3rd week, 3rd month and 3rd year. I'm type A so for me it helped to brag and celebrate every day I quit. A lot of people downplay the significance of the small anniversaries, I disagree. I say feel proud and celebrate every time you need to. 
    So true.  Although hard to find now, if I see someone smoking, I will sometimes pass close by just to take in a bit of that "whiff".  Addictions are powerful. 
    Me too. I love it when someone is smoking outside.  Indoor smoke or stale smoke odor on someones hair and clothes is gross.  It makes me feel terrible that I imposed my habit on other people. 

    @drglitter subdued congrats to your fi. 
                       
  • I don't know if you are still looking for advice on how to support him, but my dad quit several months ago after 50+ years of smoking and one thing he really responded to was me sending him a chart of like "This is your body after X weeks of not smoking"- I can't find the exact one but there are a bunch out there and it's all stuff like "After three weeks you will notice yourself being less out of breath when walking up stairs" or "After six months your lungs have healed themselves by 75%" (I'm completely making those figures up, but that's the gist). It's a great reminder that literally every day without smoking is improving your health and a reassurance that a lot of the damage can be undone. 
  • Sorry I missed this a month ago...congrats to your FH. 

    I quit in 2011.  The difference for me that time was I really, really wanted it. Don't get me wrong, I miss smoking. I loved smoking, if I could smoke with zero repercussions I totally would again

    Another thing I found interesting was that the 3's were the hardest; 3rd day, 3rd week, 3rd month and 3rd year. I'm type A so for me it helped to brag and celebrate every day I quit. A lot of people downplay the significance of the small anniversaries, I disagree. I say feel proud and celebrate every time you need to. 
    This is my nana. She quit well over 30yrs ago and knows to this day if she had one puff, she'd go back smoking. So she doesn't mind when my mum goes to visit because she can get the scent without the smoking.
    This is my mom, too! She quit smoking probably 10 or 15 years ago (she quit drinking a few years before that), and she says that when she turns 90, she is going to get a bottle of bourbon and a pack or Marlboro Lights to celebrate - because by then she can do whatever the hell she wants. 
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  • That's great for your H!  I hope he continues the good fight.

    I wish so much my H would stop.  He's not a heavy smoker, probably 1/2 a pack a day, but it's just an expensive and unhealthy habit.

    It really hit home when I was shopping for life insurance for him.  For putting in all the exact same information.  If he was a non-smoker, it would have been about $30/month for a $100K term.  But as a smoker, it was 5x as much.  FIVE TIMES.  And you know those life insurance actuary tables don't come out of nowhere :(.

    Every once in a great while he will give some lip service about wanting to quit, but he really doesn't.  He's never even tried.  Maybe he'll get there some day.  But, in the meantime, there's no point to nag him about it.  He has to at least have the desire to do it, first.

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