Budget Weddings
Knottie1464356063
member
Venue in Chicago WITHOUT preferred catering list
Hi All, my fiancé and I are trying to find a venue in Chicago for our reception (possibly ceremony too) that allows outside catering. It seems that everywhere in the city has either an exclusive caterer or will only accept those off their list who charge $80-$100/ person, which is a little more than we wanted to spend. We are having about 150 for the ceremony/dinner and then 250 for the reception/after party... Any ideas?
Thank you!
Thank you!
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Re: Venue in Chicago WITHOUT preferred catering list
The members on the local boards should be able to help you out!
'Just a head's up on what you're in for.
Might I recommend editing your question and removing this bit about the tiered reception?
P.S. Bonus points if you respond with, "I wasn't asking for your judgment on my wedding choices, just looking for advice for a venue
You need a venue for 400 guests at the moment. You need to scour through the Chicago Park District to find a venue that meets your specifications.
You can't divide your guests into first and second string. No one will appreciate being on the second tier guest list and not being "good enough" to be served dinner. What will these guests do between the ceremony and the part of the reception they're invited to? What happens if dinner runs late and the second tier are standing around watching the preferred guests eating?
You figure out your budget and then decide how many people you can afford to invite to the WHOLE event. Then you can begin to look at venues and caterers.
OP, I would consider looking outside of Chicago proper, where everything tends to be less expensive. And a tiered reception is rude. A weeding is one event, everyone should be invited to all portions or it. Otherwise you will make someone of your guests feel like they are less important to you than others.
@MobKaz Not sure, but I think OP has 150 at her ceremony, and then an additional 100 for her reception, likely putting her total at 250. She needs a venue for 250, or to drop her 100 B-list guests. Of course, she could have 250 new B-listed guests who weren't invited to the ceremony (and 150 who were only invited to the ceremony) ! Sounds like a grand old time!
You have two choices:
1. Invite 250 to BOTH your ceremony and reception.
2. Invite 150 to both your wedding and reception - no additional 2nd class guests.
Cutting down on the guest list will help you find an affordable venue. It sounds as if you started planning the wedding without considering your budget and guest list. If you can't afford a venue for all of your guests (including dinner for everybody), then you should rethink your plans and cut out some things, like alcohol, dj, flowers, even the dinner. You could reschedule your wedding to a morning or afternoon event and be able to afford to treat your guests equally, as common courtesy demands. Brunch is cheaper than dinner. Cake and punch is also fine, maybe with little tea sandwiches.
What happens 90 percent of the time is they come on here asking a reasonable-ish question, but in passing they mention they're doing something that breaks etiquette. The community then focuses entirely on the etiquette break, and OP storms out of the forums incensed that everyone could be so mean (and not answer their actual question).
I was just looking to inspire a new behavioral pattern, before we beat a dead horse for the zillionth time.
We all want to help brides plan the best possible wedding. I am sorry if you are tired of posting about this, but it comes up all the time. Brides either learn from our comments, or they storm off in a hissy fit. Their choice, not ours.
You are definitely looking at $80-$100 per head at least for a Chicago wedding. Don't forget 10% tax and 18-22% service charges on top of that. To do this on a budget, you do pretty much have to severely cut everything else to feed people. We don't know what your overall budget is- $20k? $40k ? But to appropriately feed 250 people I recommend checking the suburbs.
I paid about $150+tax+service a head, but had fake flowers, handmade invites, no additional decor, and an off the rack, on sale dress. The high per head price can be afforded if you really want the city experience and are willing to trim elsewhere.
@CMGragain This is again false, as I just explained to @Viczaesar. I told OP "It sounds like you're going to have a tiered reception which is rude to guests. Posters on The Knot message boards do.not.approve. of this at all. Super against etiquette. Hands down. No doubts about it." How is this not telling her the plans she has are offending? Must I repeat word-for-word what ~5 other posters have already said?
Maybe me simply telling her it's rude would then encourage her to look at the rest of the threads on the topic, because she is now aware of the potential to offend. Then we wouldn't have to have this conversation for the zillionth time!
On the bright side, there's at least one or two PPs who tried to answer her actual question, and we're having a discussion that's both beating a dead horse, but also about how we're beating the dead horse. So that's a new behavioral pattern, I suppose.
Alright, so the 90% of the time was hyperbole. Maybe there's a post every other day like this, though. And in about 90% of those posts, the overview I provided was about accurate.
If someone told me I was being rude and that I should probably not flaunt my rudeness in public, I would infer that I should either (1) change my plans or (2) become comfortable with others thinking I'm rude. Must I really type out the identical responses to the every-other-day-rude posts, when I know plenty of other PPs will do the busy work instead?
If you are tired of posting about tiered receptions, then don't post.
Hi, OP. As a person in that area I'd highly suggest the suburbs as others have said. Downscaling is another option. But mostly I would recommend some extensive googling and creative thinking. Perhaps a place that isn't usually a wedding spot would be more amenable to your requests?
If if those people can only make it to half of the event, they should still be extended and invite to the entire thing and the couple should still plan for the ceremony as though they were coming to the whole thing. A wedding is one event, not two, and I find it really hard to believe that 100 people will miss the first hour of the event.
Welcome to The Knot. I noticed a few of your posts yesterday. Stick around, we are a good group with lots of advice, ideas and tips. It's hardly hoarde behavior. TK is known for being a wedding forum that places emphasis on proper etiquette so when someone shares their intentions to break etiquette, it will be something the majority of posters respond about. A lot of us had our hands slapped, so to speak, in the beginning. We sat back, considered the advice given, realized why what we were doing/saying was rude, edited our plans and stuck around to learn and share more.
I agree reed that it's rude, but also I think it's very unnecessary for so many people to point out her rudeness when many already have without trying to answer her actual question. Personally I think that's rude. I also don't think that she should have to do her wedding any one way.
I'm going to have cajole many people into coming to the ceremony who are happy to come to the reception for example because I feel like if I'm feeding them and giving them booze they should at least sit through the ceremony. They like the celebration part. Not the long part where a guy talks on and on about the meaning of marriage. Of course I also plan to have a relatively short ceremony.
My my point was more that people are different and want different things and know their guest list better than us. It really depends on who her b list is.
B. The ceremony is the event. Without the ceremony there is no reception. I'm a retired party girl getting married in my late thirties. I'm pretty sure many of my friends assumed I would have preferred to skip the ceremony but that's not true. Of themany, many weddings I've attended in the last 18 years of my adulthood I've never missed a ceremony. Invite your guests to everything and let them choose what to attend. Chances are if you chose to B list your invites and left your "seemingly ceremony uninterested friends" off the A list, you'd insult at least one person.
C. Again, this is an etiquette based board. So yes, there's many ways to host your ceremony, but if they're not guest centric and place your vision above your guests comfort, those ideas won't fly here. We're heard to tell you your ideas suck when your friends and family won't. You have two choices, hear the brutal truth from strangers who have no incentive to appease you, or continue on with the plans to B List at your PPD and standing room only reception and risk ruining your relationships. It's up to you. (Generic you).
Im not having a tiered wedding or a b list btw. If someone doesn't want to make the ceremony but says they are interested in the reception I'm going to politely let them know it's a package deal and since we want to keep the guest list low they should come to both or not attend.
But it also another scenario. Let's say it's really really important to you that you get married where your deceased mom did. It's always been your dream. However that venue is very small. It does provide dinner services, but only for a small amount. You've found another venue you can afford that can accommodate many more people but doesn't offer dinner services. Then do you a)not choose the venue you've always dreamed of because it can't accommodate all the people in your life who you'd like to incorporate in some way b) choose the venue of your dreams but not have any aunts or uncles or good friends-only the immediate family and the best of the best friends or c) have a tiered wedding?
you don't have to answer (but are welcome to of course). I'm not trying to be argumentative. Just saying that there are situations that exist where a tiered wedding might not be the end of the world.
Again, weddings don't give you a blank check to treat people differently than you otherwise would. Would you tier a dinner or party at your house? Would you *charge guests for the beers they drank? Would you invite more people than you have chairs? No. So you shouldn't do that at your wedding either.
Also, your hypothetical scenario is called being an adult and making hard choices. Yes, it's a tough decision (for some people, for me it's obvious what you should do) to decide between a perfect but small venue and a large guest list, but sometimes life has hard decisions. It's pretty rude to tell your guests "we like you, but not enough to come to dinner with us after the ceremony, but please show up later when we can afford/have room/whatever excuse to host you".
For the record, if I know in advance that I cannot attend a ceremony, I typically decline the reception because I do feel strongly that the ceremony is the important part of the day.
Regarding your hypothetical question, the simple and obvious answer is that the couple get ONE wedding. You need to decide if the venue or the guest list is more important to you. A tiered wedding is never the correct option.