Wedding Etiquette Forum

Asking Friend to Be Officiant?

Is asking a (long time) family friend to officiate your wedding etiquette-okay? Is it considered having a guest serve as a vendor? 

I know traditionally, if guests offer to do vendor-type duties (i.e., set-up, crafting, etc.) it's considered etiquette-okay to accept. And to provide a thank you gift+note in return. But...it's not like people ordinarily jump around volunteering to be an officiant. It's not entirely a common friend contribution, but then there's so many people around here having friends officiate their wedding.

So...what is the etiquette around asking a friend to officiate the wedding?
This particular family friend occasionally officiates weddings in another state. For us, he would serve as our 'ceremony emcee' since the Pennsylvania self-uniting marriage license does not allow for an actual officiant.


k thnx bye

Re: Asking Friend to Be Officiant?

  • I asked one of my good friends to officiate. He was already ordained through the internet, and I ended up writing the ceremony, so he didn't really even have to worry about that. I view it as being on the same level of asking someone to be in your WP or to be a reader or something. They're a participant in the ceremony, and then after that, they get to have fun with all the other guests.

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ditto PP.  "Guests as vendors" tends to hurt guests when it keeps them from the fun of the reception.  The officiant's job is over after the ceremony.
  • Totally fine. One of my H's best friends of 30 years is allowed to perform ceremonies in our state. He's married about 6 different couples in my H's group of friends. We asked him to perform our ceremony, and he was very happy to. As a thank you, we gave him and his wife a GC to a restaurant in their area. 
  • I agree with the others.   The priest who officiated at our wedding is a good family friend.  He was honored. 
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree that I would put it in the same category as WP member or reader. OK to ask.
  • I agree. The officiant is different. We had our pastor conduct our ceremony. I consider it to be a position of honor, similar to a reader. 
  • My husband officiated for his best friend and her partner and didn't feel like a "vendor." Just ask.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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