Wedding Woes

Regretful Bridezilla

Dear Prudence,
I was a bridezilla, and I’m sorry about it. I laughed at those women who wanted the “perfect fairy tale wedding” that was all about them. And then I got engaged and became one of them. I spent hours poring over bridal magazines, dragging friends to bridal shops, and telling them they were ignorant or worse when they disagreed with me over silly things like the exact shade of ivory I needed for napkins. I told one of my bridesmaids to cover her tattoos. I told another to lose weight. I drove my maid of honor to tears with my constant demands and emails. I made my fiancé drop his brother as best man when I heard him tell my fiancé to end our relationship because I was crazy.

I was crazy. I was wrong. But I don’t know what to do. When I look at the perfect pictures of our wedding, I just feel ashamed of myself. Only one of my bridesmaids will speak to me. My husband’s relationship with his brother is strained because of my behavior. And our marriage is not the greatest. I own it all. I did this terrible stuff. But how do I fix it?

—Bridezilla No More

Re: Regretful Bridezilla

  • edited June 2016

    Yikes.

    Has she tried talking to these people? I feel like a lot of these LWs don't need Prudie's advice at all if they would just say these things to people.


    ETA: I also don't get how people come to Prudie, or here and ask how to fix relationships. There is no "do XYZ at midnight, on the evening of a full moon" to fix this kind of thing. Your friends aren't cars.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    OliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLost
  • Read letter, add "I'm so sorry, can you please forgive me and help me repair our friendship."  
    MissKittyDangercharlotte989875lnixon8
  • Apologize. And everything @VarunaTT  said.

    Also, why didn't the wedding party say something to her - or her FI - that she was acting like a Bridezilla? Maybe if someone asked her to tone it down, she would have listened?

    @ShesSoCold my guess is people want a person who's not involved in their life to give advise?
  • She should just start the apology tour now.  She needs to own up to all of the terrible things she did.  If people won't talk to her, she should write letters to those people.  She should not expect anyone to reach back out to her after the letter, but it may help give her closure.  It may also provide the former friend with some closure too, knowing that bridezilla realized how her behavior impacted the friendship.

    As for her marriage, couples counseling may help.  I bet that her H blames her for the relationship problem with his brother, understandably.  So it may help for her to reach out to BIL and accept all blame for the situation and even accept why BIL told her H to reconsider the marriage.

    If she wants things to change, she needs to show everyone that the bridezilla behavior is in the past and will not be returning.

    MissKittyDangercharlotte989875
  • Apologize. And everything @VarunaTT  said.

    Also, why didn't the wedding party say something to her - or her FI - that she was acting like a Bridezilla? Maybe if someone asked her to tone it down, she would have listened?

    @ShesSoCold my guess is people want a person who's not involved in their life to give advise?
    I can't imagine she would have listened then! I was in a bridezillas wedding last summer and I did try to talk to her, it clearly didn't go anywhere and she just got worse saying we were trying to "ruining her wedding and take away all her fun". Yah. I'm pretty sure it was the same for LW. 

    Its time to hop on the apology train and realize some damage might never ever be able to repaired. And get to couples counseling stat before you lose your husband as well as all your friends. 
    MesmrEwe
  • Apologize. And everything @VarunaTT  said.

    Also, why didn't the wedding party say something to her - or her FI - that she was acting like a Bridezilla? Maybe if someone asked her to tone it down, she would have listened?

    @ShesSoCold my guess is people want a person who's not involved in their life to give advise?
    I was in a wedding with a bride like this. As MOH, I tried talking to the bride about her behaviour, another BM tried talking to her about her behaviour and I immediately got a phone call about how horrid and ungrateful this BM was. So, long story short, the Bride didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to own her behaviour. She had one member of the bridal party drop out, replaced them, and one of the other BMs and I haven't spoken to her since her wedding, that was in 2001. 

    I hear she's divorced now. Unfortunately, it seems that her Prima Donna behaviour and the fact that her husband found out that she had to be married to inherit her trust fund may have contributed to her divorce. 
    thisismynickname2
  • The LW was probably one of those Speshul Snowflakes that got their butt handed to them and deleted their account instantly when they didn't get the feedback they wanted instead of sticking around to learn that at the end of the day how you treat people is what everyone remembers (and vow to be the person who is a lighthouse to others in the future)..  Weddings, babies, and funerals bring out the best and worst in everyone...  She's seen a side of herself she never knew existed and didn't like, it's now up to her to move up from rock bottom, which starts with meeting people where they're at and rebuilding... 

    And really, this is where people have had such a disservice in never learning how to plan events in that leading up to the wedding there's the "people will help you out if you ask", "you don't need to do it all yourself", "this is why you have a WP", "it's the BM/MOH/MOB duty to..." and no one has ever said IRL "Your friends/family are not hired help and do not deserve to be treated as such", nor what details actually matter to guests (how many times have we posted "you only need three things to get married")...  Knowing what I know now, I'd plan an entirely different wedding than what we had...

  • This behavior and mentality perpetually blows my mind.  I can't even begin to imagine treating my friends and family this way for any reason, let alone for a wedding.  I can't wrap my head around the fact that there are brides (and grooms!) out there who have such total and complete disregard for the people they are closest to (like LW's BIL, and the friend she told to lose weight).  I just--what?  Does not compute.

    But I know it happens.  I've seen it happen.

    The damage that has been done here may never be repaired, and while it's nice (not the word I wanted) to see that LW is aware of the consequences of her actions (albeit who knows how belatedly), she obviously doesn't understand the full impact of them if she's asking a stranger for advice on what to do.  That makes me sad.

    And it makes me even sadder that this mentality won't change.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • This behavior and mentality perpetually blows my mind.  I can't even begin to imagine treating my friends and family this way for any reason, let alone for a wedding.  I can't wrap my head around the fact that there are brides (and grooms!) out there who have such total and complete disregard for the people they are closest to (like LW's BIL, and the friend she told to lose weight).  I just--what?  Does not compute.

    But I know it happens.  I've seen it happen.

    The damage that has been done here may never be repaired, and while it's nice (not the word I wanted) to see that LW is aware of the consequences of her actions (albeit who knows how belatedly), she obviously doesn't understand the full impact of them if she's asking a stranger for advice on what to do.  That makes me sad.

    And it makes me even sadder that this mentality won't change.
    I don't know, I think she understands quite well and is (understandably) anxious. But she needs to get past that and make her amends anyway, to her husband first, then her BIL, then her bridesmaids. No excuses, just "I was a bitch, I'm genuinely sorry, I know I can't change the past, but what can I do to make things right?" Even if her amends aren't accepted, she's doing the right thing. Some couples counseling wouldn't be amiss, and individual therapy might not hurt either. 
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