I have a fairly common name, but with what a lot of people consider to be a different spelling. My FMIL has never once spelled my name right. We're friends on facebook and I always sign my full first name (no nickname) on Christmas cards and thank you notes, but she hasn't picked up on it. I think she knows it's "different" because it is always spelled uniquely, but never correct. I didn't say anything when FI and I first started dating because I didn't want to to be rude and I figured she'd figure it out, but she hasn't.
Three years later and we're getting married and she's still screwing up my name. I feel like it's awkward to say something about it now because she'll probably be embarrassed, but it really does bother me.
What at would you do?
Re: FMIL can't spell my name right...ever
ETA: I have a name that can be spelled at least four different ways, so I can relate.
But honestly, Starbucks is the worst of all when it comes to spelling my name. I don't have a difficult name
They throw in an extra 'i' ... my name is already majority vowels, I don't need another.
But if my full name was misspelled, I would speak up. I'd probably just say, "I notice that you've been spelling my name WrongSpelling, but it's actually spelled RightSpelling." I'd try having your FI tell his mother that first. If that doesn't work, I would tell her that yourself. And if she still doesn't get it, then just make sure she doesn't have anything engraved or printed with your name on it!
She completely overreacted and had a meltdown and sent some completely bitchy text back, so he got a call from his dad asking why he'd yelled at his mom and why we were so mad at her. Again, he realizes he should've just called her because you can't always determine tone from texts. I guess FI's brother's wife had mocked her for misspelling something, like, 4 years ago and asked if she was stupid because she couldn't spell something right. FI's polite request to have his future wife's name spelled right brought up all her insecurities....
So now I know her spelling has been poor for a while and she's an emotional wreck if you don't like something she does. Awesome.... I guess I know not to tell her that I won't be calling her "mom" like she keeps trying to force me to and try to just let the issue fade out. Smdh.
1. Its a big jump from Mr. and Mrs. to Mom and Dad, 2. My parents are alive and awesome and FIL I haven't had the best relationship.
Anyways, I kind of sheepishly told them I was uncomfortable but could easily go weeks without addressing them with any name lol.
Sorry that was how everything went down, texting was not the best choice. But if your FI doesn't have the best relationship with his mom, I can see why he chose that format to begin with. Did it at least get straightened out when FI talked to his dad? Also, your FSIL must be a peach if she called her own MIL stupid because she isn't a great speller.
Times are changing and I think less and less people are calling their ILs "mom" and "dad". When I first met MIL, I called her Mrs. Lastname. We were at Easter dinner and I kept saying her name over and over again and she wasn't acknowledging me. Finally, I said her first name and she turned and said "Yes?". From then on I called her by her first name. After we got engaged, I had my H broach MIL about if she wanted me to start calling her Mom. She said she didn't care either way, so I just continue to call her by her first name.
My mom and dad both approached my H and gave him choices as to what to call them. My H continues to call my mom Mrs. Lastname. Its more difficult for my H with my dad because he gave him the choice of his first name or his nickname. My H was uneasy with either (due mostly to his background in karate and the respect they learn/give to others), but he eventually eased into calling him by his first name. When my mom signs his birthday card, she does sign it "Mom & Dad Lastname" but its not ever expected he call them mom or dad.
I actually think it might be good to say something to FMIL about not wanting to call her mom. She might never get the hint and always continue. It could build up to resentment, which would be worse. Practice what you will say, so when she mentions "Call me mom" you have a response for her. "FMIL, I appreciate that you think of me as your daughter so much you would like for me to call you mom. However, that makes me a little uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with you and this is my hang up. Would it be ok if I call you X?" Putting some blame on yourself could help smooth it over when you finally say something.
FSIL is terrible, FI doesn't even refer to her a SIL, it's his brother's wife. His family is super paranoid because FSIL basically doesn't let his bother or their two kids, the only grandchildren, visit his family. It's not a great situation for many reasons.
I'm also used to referring to someone, such as a BF's parents, as Mr. Or Mrs. So and so, but was told not to do that when I started dating him. His mom is constantly introducing herself as her ful name or one of a few common nicknames, so I really don't know what she prefers. Most recently, she signed my shower card with a new nickname that she has never used before and also happens to be FSIL's name, which I don't get. (yes, his brother married a woman with the same name as their mother) I'm honestly starting to wonder, after everything I've heard abt FMIL (wayyyy more than shared here) and her emotional breakdowns if she doesn't have some sort of multiple personality thing going on... So I'm pretty hesitant to interact with her at all that this point.
@Knottie00267128 That might be best, only try to interact with her in person if FI can be around. If she texts or emails you something specific, respond back with a "I'll discuss it with FI and we will get back to you." Then always have your FI get back to her.
I'd probably refer to her with her actual first name or the most common nickname she gives herself. And if she ever does try to drop in the mom part, I would decline it with the script I provided above.
Sounds like you are marrying into an interesting family! Godspeed!
Thanks for the advice!