Invites and Paper

Parents on the inside envelope

I tried searching for this on the existing boards and didn't see it so forgive me if it's a repeat.

How do you address the inner envelope for parents and for step parents?

Is it inappropriate to say Dad and Mom?  If not, is Dad and FirstnameStepmom okay?
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Re: Parents on the inside envelope

  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited June 2016
    The correct way is Mr. and Mrs. Bridesparents and Mr. and Mrs. Stepparents, but this is not a big deal.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    poodledoodleooo
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    Traditionally it should be Mr. and Mrs. Dad'sname last name. I don't know if I would use Dad and Mom, or Dad and FirstnameStepmom. Since we hosted DD's wedding we just kept an invite for ourselves and mailed one to SIL's parents with Dr. and Mrs. Hisname Hislastname. Sorry I'm not much help unless you go the traditional route.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
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    Thanks, but now I'm confused.  I thought Mr. and Mrs. LastName was on the outside envelope and the inside was for FirstName and Firstname?

    image
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
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    edited June 2016
    Also, what about a divorced couple who is back together but not remarried?

    Ms. Firstname and Mr. Firstname LastName
    or 
    Ms. Firstname Lastname and Mr. Firstname Lastname
    image
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited June 2016
    Unless they are married, they go on separate lines.  Living together doesn't count.

    Ms. Jane Doe
    Mr. John Doe
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited June 2016
    Thanks, but now I'm confused.  I thought Mr. and Mrs. LastName was on the outside envelope and the inside was for FirstName and Firstname?

    No.  The outer envelope is for the postman.  Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.  The inner envelope is for the recipients.  Mr. and Mrs. Doe.  Only children get first names.  This is a very old custom, but for wedding invitations and very formal events it is still followed.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I'm sure that several people will disagree with me, but I have no problem with inner (or outer!) envelopes using my first name and last name without the Miss.

    We are only doing an outer envelope and we just used John Deer and Jane Doe or John and Jane Deer. We are having a casual wedding so having something more formal may warrant something formal. I also know that several of our guests hate being called Mr. Deer or Miss/Mrs. Deer. They prefer the use of their first name. "Mr. Deer was my father, I'm John."

    I'm also addressing my Grandfather's envelope as "Gramps Last Name" as that is how all the Grandkids address mail to him. He will get a hoot out of it. My sister did this for her wedding and he still has the envelope on his fridge.

    spockforprez
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited June 2016
    ernursej said:

    I'm sure that several people will disagree with me, but I have no problem with inner (or outer!) envelopes using my first name and last name without the Miss.

    We are only doing an outer envelope and we just used John Deer and Jane Doe or John and Jane Deer. We are having a casual wedding so having something more formal may warrant something formal. I also know that several of our guests hate being called Mr. Deer or Miss/Mrs. Deer. They prefer the use of their first name. "Mr. Deer was my father, I'm John."

    I'm also addressing my Grandfather's envelope as "Gramps Last Name" as that is how all the Grandkids address mail to him. He will get a hoot out of it. My sister did this for her wedding and he still has the envelope on his fridge.

    I hate being addressed without my title, Mrs. Doe.  This is a know your people thing.  If Gramps doesn't mind it, then it is not a big deal, but someone might prefer to be addressed correctly - like me.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    ernursej said:

    I'm sure that several people will disagree with me, but I have no problem with inner (or outer!) envelopes using my first name and last name without the Miss.

    We are only doing an outer envelope and we just used John Deer and Jane Doe or John and Jane Deer. We are having a casual wedding so having something more formal may warrant something formal. I also know that several of our guests hate being called Mr. Deer or Miss/Mrs. Deer. They prefer the use of their first name. "Mr. Deer was my father, I'm John."

    I'm also addressing my Grandfather's envelope as "Gramps Last Name" as that is how all the Grandkids address mail to him. He will get a hoot out of it. My sister did this for her wedding and he still has the envelope on his fridge.

    I hate being addressed without my title, Mrs. Doe.  This is a know your people thing.  If Gramps doesn't mind it, then it is not a big deal, but someone might prefer to be addressed correctly - like me.
















    Good point. I'm thinking that this may be a generational thing. Aside from my parents, FI's parents and my Grandfather, everyone is our age (early 30's). My Dad hates being called Mr. and my Mom told me she wants the invitation unmailed and unaddressed for scrapbooking. FI's Dad didn't want us to send the invitation (he said "I already know the details, why the hell do I need a piece of paper" and FI's Mom is only concerned that her middle initial was included (which it is being included). I think we are in the clear!
  • So you wouldn't put "Mom and Dad" on the inside envelope? 
  • No, I wouldn't, but that is me.  Remember, I didn't have a Dad, and I was living with my mother at the time.  I doubt that Mom even kept the invitation.
    For daughter's wedding, we didn't use inner envelopes. 

    If Mom and Dad are hosting your wedding, you only send them an invitation as a courtesy since they are the ones who are actually inviting your guests.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York
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    My understanding is that inner envelopes can be addressed informally unless the wedding is particularly formal.
  • LtPowers said:
    My understanding is that inner envelopes can be addressed informally unless the wedding is particularly formal.
    Where did you get this information?  I have never heard of it.  Inner envelopes are formal by their very nature.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York
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    CMGragain said:
    LtPowers said:
    My understanding is that inner envelopes can be addressed informally unless the wedding is particularly formal.
    Where did you get this information?  I have never heard of it.  Inner envelopes are formal by their very nature.
    Well I don't recall specifically.

    Here are some examples, though:
    http://www.lcipaper.com/pocket-addressing-ideas.html
    http://www.annsbridalbargains.com/blog/2008/11/envelope-addressing-etiquette-131.html
    http://lowcountrypaperco.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/LPCo_Stationery_Etiquette.pdf

    I realize these are not necessarily etiquette authorities (just what I found in a quick search). But I haven't encountered any authoritative word on the subject, either way. I'd appreciate some references if you have them.


  • edited June 2016
    ernursej said:

    I'm sure that several people will disagree with me, but I have no problem with inner (or outer!) envelopes using my first name and last name without the Miss.

    We are only doing an outer envelope and we just used John Deer and Jane Doe or John and Jane Deer. We are having a casual wedding so having something more formal may warrant something formal. I also know that several of our guests hate being called Mr. Deer or Miss/Mrs. Deer. They prefer the use of their first name. "Mr. Deer was my father, I'm John."

    I'm also addressing my Grandfather's envelope as "Gramps Last Name" as that is how all the Grandkids address mail to him. He will get a hoot out of it. My sister did this for her wedding and he still has the envelope on his fridge.

    To the bolded I weirdly prefer to be addressed without the Ms./Mrs. I think courtesy titles are weeeaaaakkk (but I'm not offended if someone uses one for me or anything). And that is definitely not the etiquette approved way to do things.

    If I were a doctor or something and had an earned title, I'd be much more of a stickler for using the correct title.
    OurWildKingdom
  • ernursej said:

    I'm sure that several people will disagree with me, but I have no problem with inner (or outer!) envelopes using my first name and last name without the Miss.

    We are only doing an outer envelope and we just used John Deer and Jane Doe or John and Jane Deer. We are having a casual wedding so having something more formal may warrant something formal. I also know that several of our guests hate being called Mr. Deer or Miss/Mrs. Deer. They prefer the use of their first name. "Mr. Deer was my father, I'm John."

    I'm also addressing my Grandfather's envelope as "Gramps Last Name" as that is how all the Grandkids address mail to him. He will get a hoot out of it. My sister did this for her wedding and he still has the envelope on his fridge.

    To the bolded I weirdly prefer to be addressed without the Ms./Mrs. I think courtesy titles are weeeaaaakkk (but I'm not offended if someone uses one for me or anything). And that is definitely not the etiquette approved way to do things.

    If I were a doctor or something and had an earned title, I'd be much more of a stickler for using the correct title.
    Yup. That is our one and only etiquette blunder but knowing our crowd, it would be more of an issue using the titles. There are several MDs and PhDs in our crowd and they hate titles more than me.
    poodledoodleooo
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