Wedding Woes

This is just a shit sandwich

Dear Prudence,
After a lot of soul-searching, I’ve decided to divorce my wife of five years. All we did was fight, and we had little in the way of sexual intimacy. The problem is that my soon-to-be ex-wife just had a baby a few weeks ago. I was thinking about divorce when I found out she was pregnant but decided to stay for the sake of the baby. It’s four weeks after the birth, and things are worse. We fight constantly and we haven’t had sex for almost four months, so last week I finally got the courage to break ties and move into an apartment.

The problem? My friends and family say I’m horrible—that my wife just had a baby; that we’re in the miserable newborn stage and of course we’d fight; that she’s not even cleared by the doctor for sex yet, so of course we’re not sleeping together. Even my brother says I’m being selfish. What do I say to these people? My wife stopped being the woman I loved almost a year ago, but I only hung around because she got pregnant.

—Sympathy for the Devil

Re: This is just a shit sandwich

  • Yes, it is, and I'm sure her side of the story is A LOT different. I think marriage counseling before he kicks rocks.
  • GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Sometimes people think you're a lousy person because they don't have the whole story.
    SOmetimes, they think you're a lousy person because your a assy POS human being.
  • I hate when people say they hung around for the pregnancy. If it were me I'd rather you 9 (general) told me then because then I'd have 9 months to figure out how to raise a baby alone and not be sleep deprived with a 4 week old!

    4 months isn't long considering she probably isn't cleared to have sex yet anyways and I've never been pregnant so I don't know for sure but I imagine the huge pregnancy belly in the last trimester makes things in the bedroom a little more difficult.

    His friends and family are right. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I wonder if this was an "oops" pregnancy on her part to "trap" him. 

    I think that he's going to come off as the asshole no matter when he chooses to leave (whether it was 9 months ago or now) - so hopefully he can at least step it up and be a good father to the kid. 

    to answer his question, i think he tells people to mind their own damn business. 
  • This infuriates me.

    My dad left my mom 3 weeks after she had a hysterectomy  (she'd been really sick for a long time and had lots of complications post surgery), and I thought that was bad. But THIS takes the cake.

    What a freakin jerk. I can imagine having sex wasn't exactly at the top of her priority list in her 3rd trimester... not to mention that it's only been 4 WEEKS since she pushed a baby out of her V. Insensitive ass.

  • I'm with PPs.

    There's a 99.something% chance that wife was not on some form of BC when she got pregnant. If LW was considering divorce, he should have done something about that when he was having sex with her. Even if they are part of the .somethingelse that did get pregnant on BC, he should have said something to her when they found out she was pregnant. Better yet, when he first started thinking things weren't working.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • And even if the relationship isn't working, he now has an obligation to this kid.

    So tell the wife that you're done but that you're going to sleep somewhere else.   I don't care if it's an aero bed on the kitchen floor.   You have a kid and you made the baby together.   Get it together and start acting like a grown up.   Oh boo hoo you don't get sex.   She pushed something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon and may even have stitches.   And all of this is due to her allowing your penis inside her.   Kudos dude.

  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    The guy is a grade a jerk.  This is most likely a case where the wife will be better in the long run, but his timing couldn't be any worse.  He's already left in the emotional sense, but he needs to suck it up FOR HIS CHILD and stay to help with the physical demands of a newborn.  In a few months then he can sit with his wife and discuss a plan to leave the house. 
  • My uncle left my aunt 3.5 weeks after the birth of their 3rd child who was born 4 weeks early. In the long run it was clearly the right thing (he was an ass and a cheater). But seriosuly she had three kids under 5 and he walked out. Zero simpathy for him. 
  • if they weren't having regular sex even leading up to the pregnancy, can he be 100% sure that it's his baby? (maybe he isn't)

    I think he comes across as an ass, but there's a ton of variables at work here that we don't know, and the people that are getting on him need to mind their own business.
  • What!?! No sex right before she has his kid or while she's healing afterwards!?!? Poor, poor baby!

    I hope he gets and has to pass a bad kidney stone through his wiener.
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