Wedding Woes

4 men or he's just not that into you?

Dear Prudence,
I am a college student who will be spending my summer interning in a major city. My long-distance boyfriend is studying for the LSAT. Our plan was to live together this summer, and we split a deposit on a nice apartment. However, my boyfriend discovered the best LSAT tutors are elsewhere and decided not to come. This was a tough pill to swallow, but getting into law school is extremely important for him—something I’ve known from the beginning of our relationship—and eventually I came around. Since then, we’ve planned three short trips for him to come visit me, and I’ve made arrangements for us to do things he enjoys. Two days before he was planning to visit, he canceled all of these plans. He says his tutoring schedule is going to be extremely demanding, he will be taking practice tests twice a week for two months, and missing even a single one in order to visit me is out of the question. I am hurt and feel he is being tremendously selfish—he won’t even visit for a weekend if it means missing a single practice test. He thinks he has done nothing wrong and scoffs at the notion he should somehow make it up to me. How do I get over this?

—Boyfriend Chose Test Prep Over Me

Re: 4 men or he's just not that into you?

  • He's focused which is great, but the timing is off for this relationship. So, my vote Conny is to hit the road, girl.
  • I'm usually the queen of "he's just not that into you", but I think this is really more a timing thing. This has been his dream a lot longer than he's known LW, and sometimes you have to put love on the back burner for other things in your life.

    That being said, she isn't ok with being on the back burner (and I wouldn't be either), so it's probably time to break it off. He's not ready to be with someone until he's achieved that goal.

  • Yup she needs to cut her losses now. H and I were in demanding grad programs and took our exams at different times. I spent summers away at research institutes and while there were some weekends I could make work, it definitely was not all of them. If the relationship is important you find time, of its not, you don't.

    Also, as a law school advisor I can tell you, yes there are some great LSAT prep programs that are better than others, but unless the major city is not in the US it's unlikely he couldn't have found a good one where she is. Time to move on. 
  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2016
    Yeah . . . FI has been working on the LSAT lately too. And it does take a ridiculous amount of effort and time if you're gunning for competitive scores. I know, because I did it too! However, that being said, he sounds like he's being pretty inflexible on this. I worked full time w over 100 miles of commute each day while I studied the LSAT, and still somehow made time for FI (then BF). FI has been finishing his grad program and searching for an interim job and helping plan the wedding while studying. Because both our profession and our relationship matter a lot to us and we are willing to balance those aspirations and fight to make both work. I agree w PPs that this BF's aspirations seem singly focused on professional and not on personal right now, and it is likely to stay that way for at least a while if he's set on law school. She needs to have a real heart-to-heart with him and consider moving on. 

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • His priorities are just not ok for a relationship. It's fine if that's what he wants to focus on but if he really cared about her, he'd make time for her too, maybe not a lot but more than he's making now. Time for LW to move on.
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  • Heffalump said:
    Y'all are so trusting.  When I read that, my first thought was "girl on the side."

    Who moves to another city for LSAT tutoring?  And who believes that story?  Maybe they really are MFEO.
    No, I thought this, too.  I kinda also thought catfishing, even though she never actually said or implied that they haven't met IRL and I know LDRs are a thing (DH and I might be long distance for a few months, if my job wants me to start sooner than he can transfer).  I just find it weird that he'd split a deposit and then just... what? Eat the money and leave her high and dry for rent?  Not the biggest issue here, but still.

    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • This has lots of weird written all over it.  While LSATs can be a demanding test, I took it 3 times - I know, I just can't imagine a tutoring course that is THAT strict and better in a different city over another.  

    If OP can't put up with BF's behavior while he prepares for the LSAT, she should just bail now. Life with him while in law school, studying for the bar, and working as a low level associate, will be even worse.

  • If he's like that now - imagine when he's a first-year law student!!! 

    She needs to decide where her "line in the sand" is...  I figured a girl in every city was the case with him though...

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