Wedding Woes

Reasons to not shit where you eat

Dear Prudence,
Two weeks ago, I went out with a guy from work (we don’t work in the same department). Two dates in, everything between us was dynamite, and then I think I came on a little too strong. He ghosted; I got the point and moved on. We haven’t spoken since. I’m not too upset about the disinterest but I am annoyed that he was not straightforward. Now there is a possibility that I am about to become one of his supervisors. I would like nothing more than to pretend none of this happened and hope he does the same. However, I have no idea how he feels, and it’s inevitable that I will have to speak with him again. I think it’s probably better to acknowledge what happened before I am promoted. I’d also love to tell him that this is exactly why it’s better to be straightforward, but that would probably be inappropriate and fall on deaf ears.

—Ghost at Work

Re: Reasons to not shit where you eat

  • The poster should schedule a meeting with him AT work to discuss taking over as his supervisor. That should happen no matter what. At that meeting, s/he should reiterate that s/he wants their relationship to be strictly professional, and has no problem putting the past in the past...

    S/he shouldn't, under any circumstances, say the last part of that post. If everything's cool and fine, and you want to pretend nothing happened, don't be critical of him. Just be professional.

  • She came on too strong AND she wants to teach him a lesson now?  I hope she does have the conversation, just so this guy knows exactly what he's dealing with and has fair warning that he needs to run, not walk.
  • Can't you just imagine how much this guy is squirming at the thought of her becoming his new supervisor? I'm cringing for him. Yeah, she doesnt need to acknowledge anything other that a simple 'lets keep this strictly professional'. No need to keep playing the martyr over 2 dates. 
  • I would be concerned about saying anything at all.  There could be a potential harassment issue here if she comes on "a little too strong" again.  It may be better to let sleeping dogs lie, especially since there's nothing going on anymore.  Two dates =/= a relationship.

    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • I think she should just act professional and not say anything.  If he was just hired in as a new-hire and this was happening, it'd be the same.  Be professional.
  • I wonder about their HR policy and if she would need to mention this as it could come across as a conflict of interest.
  • *Barbie* said:
    I wonder about their HR policy and if she would need to mention this as it could come across as a conflict of interest.
    That's what I'm thinking. I mean regardless of if she treats him fairly or not as his supervisor he could feel he's not and might think it's bc of the dates. If he then reports that it could be bad news...
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Once she is offered the position, I think she should tell HR about the few dates they went on.  She should have guidance from HR on how to deal.  Maybe there is no formal policy on dating co-workers.  Or maybe the policy is only related to within the same departments.  Either way, she needs to make sure she keeps everything strictly professional.

    This could be a good opportunity for the company to address and create a policy on workplace dating. 

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