Hope @ourwildkingdom is doing okay

debbeau · June 2016

Last night was pretty scary. Thank goodness for all of the wonderful knotties who tried to help. I have been praying she gets the help she needs and is surrounded by the people she loves.

missfrodo · June 2016

I didn't comment the other day because I'm not as close to her as some of the other Knotties and I didn't have anything to say that hadn't been said. I've worked in ERs before, and I've also been to the ER for what they call "psych evals," which will be similar to what she's going through. If her ER is anything like the ones in Maine, the process will be long and exhausting: You wait in the waiting room for hours, then you go back to a room (or a cot in the hall, if no room is available) and they take away all your stuff so you can't hurt yourself, then you wait for sometimes upwards of four hours for a mental health professional to evaluate you. After that, you may be held longer or transferred to a mental health facility. It's a scary process, because you're so upset to begin with and feel out of control going in, then they take away the rest of your control. Once you go in saying that you want to hurt or kill yourself, you literally CANNOT leave unless the doctor believes that you are no longer a threat to yourself. Normally, a patient can leave AMA (against medical advice), but if you are suicidal or self-harming, you will be tackled by a security guard if you try to leave on your own. They may want to keep you at the hospital or another facility for a few days, and you may have limited or no access to your family and friends, which is terrifying in that situation.

Ultimately, the goal is for you to be able to go home with a plan in place (ie, weekly therapist visits, updated medications, more positive coping strategies). I remember when they wanted to keep me, I was so terrified of staying there that I basically said what I knew I had to say in order for them to let me go home (so not necessarily how I was really feeling). I'm getting worked up just thinking about that experience now--I can't imagine how stressful this is for OWK right now, but I'm glad that she is alive. I hope that wherever she is right now, she has the support she needs, whether that is FW, friends/family, or an experienced professional that can help guide her through this difficult time. Things will not get better right away--she said she has a history of depression, so while this is nothing new for her, it's definitely a low point, and it took me months (almost a year, actually) to even get back on my feet from my low point. I know it's different for everyone, but it's usually easy for no one.

OWK, if you're reading this, I am one more internet stranger here to support you. I don't know how PMs work or how I'd even know I had one, but PM me if you want and I'll send you my number/email/whatever you want. I know that it can feel like you're all alone in this, or like you don't want to "burden" FW with what you're going through, but trust me: You are not alone. We are here for you. FW is here for you, and if she's anything like my H, she wants to be there to help you, and she can handle whatever you throw at her, because she loves you. No, it's not going to be easy for her either, but she must have known about your depression when she agreed to spend the rest of her life with you, and she won't stop loving you because you're having trouble with it. In time, when you pull through this, the two of you will be even closer because of the struggles you are facing now, as long as you face them together. You can do this.

Sorry for the essay.

missJeanLouise · June 2016

I have been thinking of her a lot too. I hope she is feeling better. I hope she knows there are people out there/here who care.

CMGragain · June 2016

I know that some depression medications can stop working after a number of years, and that is really scary. There is something known as "Prozac poop-out" which causes panic attacks. I experienced this and had to go to the emergency room. Once my medication was adjusted, the symptoms went away. I hope that this is the case for our Knottie friend!

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm home and I'm OK! I got my medications adjusted and connected with a therapist, and I decided to give mental health support groups another try. There's an arts and journaling-oriented group that meets tomorrow that I'll be checking out.

FW visited almost every day, even though she hates psych wards, and we discussed pushing the wedding back a few weeks later to give me some more time to recover and us more time to get the money we need.

I'm so grateful for everyone's support!

6fsn · June 2016

This is the best news in awhile. I'm so glad to hear you are doing well.

bleve0821 · June 2016

I'm so glad to hear you're home with FW and doing better!

MairePoppy · June 2016

((((( @OurWildKingdom ))))) I just want to hug you. Thank you for letting us know you're okay.

debbeau · June 2016

Thank you for letting us know you are okay. I think it is great that even though we all don't know each other outside of The Knot, we really come to care about each other.

missJeanLouise · June 2016

Glad to hear from you! ♡♡

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

Oh I'm so happy you checked back in and even happier you're feeling better. Good luck with your new resources. Don't stop trying new things until you find the best combination for you (that's my advice as someone who has been through similar feelings). Hugs!

missfrodo · June 2016

Glad to know you're okay! I agree with @kimmiinthemitten, keep trying new things! Reading my favorite books and writing helped me a lot, along with therapy, meds, and a puppy.

MNNEBride · June 2016

Thank you for checking back with us!

OliveOilsMom · June 2016

I'm glad that you took the steps to get help! So happy to hear that you are adjusting to the new medicine and working to get yourself better!

mrsconn23 · June 2016

Oh this is wonderful news! I'm so glad you got help and are continuing therapy. Thank you for checking in! Take care and I hope you keep posting.

sparklepants41 · June 2016

This is great news!! Thanks for the update - this news made my week!!!

SaintPaulGal · June 2016

Yes, thank you so much for the update! I don't know you, but after having read so many of your words I feel almost like I do. I legit teared up at work in your other thread when you said you were at the ER because I was so happy to hear you were taking steps to care for yourself. I think virtually everyone has been touched by depression in one way or another, either personally experiencing it or seeing friends or family members struggling. I am so very happy and thankful to hear that you you are doing better. Here's a long distance hug from a semi-stranger who understands. (( ))

tigerlily6 · June 2016

Also chiming in to say that I am very relieved and happy to hear you are back and doing better, @OurWildKingdom! And so proud of you for taking care of yourself -- the hardest thing to do, in my experience, when the deep lows really hit. Lots and lots of love and positive thoughts, well-wishes, prayers going out to you still as you continue!