Invites and Paper

Sending an invite after receiving a decline to the Save-the-Date

I sent out save-the-dates for our destination wedding a few months ago, and now it's coming time to send the invitations.  My college roomie (who lives about 1000 miles from me now) has let me know that she anticipates being 8 months pregnant at the time of the wedding and will not be in attendance.  I was of course super-excited for her and told her so, reassuring her not to worry about the wedding.  

I'm still planning on sending her an invite, but it seems weird to not include a note acknowledging that she's already declined.  If it were for any other reason, I would tuck in a note that said something like "Just in case your plans for the day change!" but clearly, under the circumstances that would not do.  Any other suggestions for a gracefully worded way to say "I can't wait to hear about her new baby, I understand she won't be there, but here's an invitation anyway!"
OurWildKingdom

Re: Sending an invite after receiving a decline to the Save-the-Date

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited June 2016
    No. Even if someone has indicated that they don't plan to accept your invitation after receiving a save-the-date, you send them an invitation without including any little notes acknowledging their earlier response.

    2 reasons:

    1) All save-the-dates need to be followed up with invitations, period. Not to do so sets up an open-ended expectation, and that's rude and hurtful.

    2) Even if it's not likely that an 8-months pregnant woman will attend your wedding, it could come across as hostile to include a note saying anything to the effect of, "Just to remind you, you told me you weren't coming." It sends the message that even though you're following through with an invitation, you don't really want that person to accept it.

    Just send the invitation as though your friend didn't tell you she didn't plan to accept it.
    CMGragainOurWildKingdom
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I sent out save-the-dates for our destination wedding a few months ago, and now it's coming time to send the invitations.  My college roomie (who lives about 1000 miles from me now) has let me know that she anticipates being 8 months pregnant at the time of the wedding and will not be in attendance.  I was of course super-excited for her and told her so, reassuring her not to worry about the wedding.  

    I'm still planning on sending her an invite, but it seems weird to not include a note acknowledging that she's already declined.  If it were for any other reason, I would tuck in a note that said something like "Just in case your plans for the day change!" but clearly, under the circumstances that would not do.  Any other suggestions for a gracefully worded way to say "I can't wait to hear about her new baby, I understand she won't be there, but here's an invitation anyway!"
    Even for DW, you shouldn't send invitations out more than 8 weeks in advance.  You said she anticipates being 8 months pregnant at the time of your wedding, which makes me wonder how early she is in the pregnancy and how early you're sending out your invitations. 
    image
    Knottie1452098987
  • Send the invitation.  Once you send an STD, you MUST follow it with an invitation unless the wedding is cancelled.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    ernursejOurWildKingdom
  • CMGragain said:
    Send the invitation.  Once you send an STD, you MUST follow it with an invitation unless the wedding is cancelled.
    I have an invitation all assembled and ready to go, other than being sealed.  I absolutely plan to send it, so no worries on that front.
    OurWildKingdom
  • Even for DW, you shouldn't send invitations out more than 8 weeks in advance.  You said she anticipates being 8 months pregnant at the time of your wedding, which makes me wonder how early she is in the pregnancy and how early you're sending out your invitations. 
    She let me know shortly after we sent the save-the-dates, but has since publicly announced her pregnancy.  It's been about 5 months now since save-the-dates went out, and we're anticipating sending the invites in the next week or two once I get the remainder ready to go out.  It will probably be 10 weeks out, but my understanding is that 8-12 weeks is a reasonable window to send invitations.
  • Even for DW, you shouldn't send invitations out more than 8 weeks in advance.  You said she anticipates being 8 months pregnant at the time of your wedding, which makes me wonder how early she is in the pregnancy and how early you're sending out your invitations. 
    She let me know shortly after we sent the save-the-dates, but has since publicly announced her pregnancy.  It's been about 5 months now since save-the-dates went out, and we're anticipating sending the invites in the next week or two once I get the remainder ready to go out.  It will probably be 10 weeks out, but my understanding is that 8-12 weeks is a reasonable window to send invitations.
    No.  The rule used to be four to six weeks.  That has been extended to six to eight weeks.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Eight to ten weeks is the norm for my group. Since you sent STDs, there's no need to send them more than eight weeks before the wedding.

    The RSVP date should be one week before the caterer needs a firm headcount - no more than three weeks before the wedding. 

    I vote for just sending your friend her invitation. There's no need to include a note. You can send a separate card, note, email or phone her before the wedding to wish her well.
                
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    ernursej said:

    I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with tucking in a note letting her know that you will be feeling her there in spirit and cannot wait to meet her little one.

    My sister's wedding had a similar guest decline and that guest told me that it was wonderful to get the invite as well as the note. She said it made her feel special and that she was genuinely wanted at the wedding but respected for the reason of the decline.

    I agree with this.



    OurWildKingdom
  • ernursej said:

    I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with tucking in a note letting her know that you will be feeling her there in spirit and cannot wait to meet her little one.

    My sister's wedding had a similar guest decline and that guest told me that it was wonderful to get the invite as well as the note. She said it made her feel special and that she was genuinely wanted at the wedding but respected for the reason of the decline.


    This is sort of what I was going for. 

    I think I'll say something like - "I'll be keeping you in my thoughts this fall, and I thought you'd still be interested in hearing about the details. I look forward to seeing all the pictures of your new baby girl! We will have to have a long chat and catch up soon!"  Our lives have taken pretty separate paths since we each moved out of our college town, but we still have a group chat that we occasionally update and I would still consider us close.  I didn't want her to feel like I forgot about her important life-event and was only focused on my own.

    lc07OurWildKingdom
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Eight to ten weeks is the norm for my group. Since you sent STDs, there's no need to send them more than eight weeks before the wedding.

    The RSVP date should be one week before the caterer needs a firm headcount - no more than three weeks before the wedding. 

    I vote for just sending your friend her invitation. There's no need to include a note. You can send a separate card, note, email or phone her before the wedding to wish her well.
    If you don't send STDs should you send out earlier than 8 weeks before?
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Eight to ten weeks is the norm for my group. Since you sent STDs, there's no need to send them more than eight weeks before the wedding.

    The RSVP date should be one week before the caterer needs a firm headcount - no more than three weeks before the wedding. 

    I vote for just sending your friend her invitation. There's no need to include a note. You can send a separate card, note, email or phone her before the wedding to wish her well.
    If you don't send STDs should you send out earlier than 8 weeks before?
    No. 8 weeks is still plenty of time. STDs are a relatively new arrival and the time for sending invitations have lengthened. As long as your VIPs know when the date is, I wouldn't worry about it.
     
    MairePoppyDrillSergeantCat
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