Wedding Etiquette Forum

Restricting social media at wedding?

2

Re: Restricting social media at wedding?

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My biggest issues with phones/cameras at wedding are 1) people don't silence the ringer (bugs me at theaters and movies too) and 2) if the wedding is in a house of worship and cameras aren't allowed. In both these cases, the problem can be solved by the officiant making an announcement. No need for cutesy signs.
    OurWildKingdomJediElizabethJen4948cowgirl8238
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If the B&G did not want pictures posted of themselves on social media, absolutely I would not. I get that.

    I also get not posting a picture of the bride/groom before they have even seen each other walk down the aisle.

    But I do not get the unplugged ceremony- I think the reasoning behind it is silly. And I don't get the "professional photos only". In that case, the couple clearly has no issue with their photo being taken, nor it being posted online. They are saying they only want the "good" ones. Again, change your settings so you have to accept photos being tagged/posted, and realize your guest might have taken a great photo!
    OurWildKingdomPrettyGirlLostHeffalump
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ernursej said:
    I have a friend who posts a TON on social media and tends to tick off couples at weddings because she doesn't know boundaries. I think (and it seems like others in my circle feel the same way) that the bride and groom should get to post a photo first. Instead of trying to deal with her posting during the ceremony (which she did at the last 2 weddings), we are just going to get our photographer to take a fun of us on my iPhone and then I'll post before the ceremony has even started. My guests are adults and can decide how to behave. I can only control my own actions and so I am!
    I think it is rude to post a picture of the B&G before they do unless you have permission especially if is during the ceremony. I asked DD if I could post a picture but don't remember if I actually did (she said yes). The reason I think it is rude is that I feel it is their place to announce that they are married via a photo.
    We had a pair of guests post a photo of us, I believe it was our first married kiss, during the reception.

    Didn't bother me, but I can see how that might bother others.

    Usually when I do post pictures on FB (of anyone, at any time), it is days later once I've uploaded the pictures from my camera to my computer.
    OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2016
    I don't care if people take photos during the ceremony, and I think asking them not to is a lost cause.

    That said, I can totally understand not wanting photos of yourself posted and tagged on Facebook. My mother has posted photos of me and tagged me on Facebook when I wish she hadn't, as have some other people, and asking them not to has gone nowhere.

    But the best I can do is remove the tags. That's really the best anyone can do. So unless you have a safety issue with having photos of you posted on social media, I think you need to suck it up because it really is rude to ask for an "unplugged" wedding or that your guests "be in the moment" by not taking pictures - not to mention it's totally futile.
    PrettyGirlLostOurWildKingdomShesSoColdcowgirl8238
  • I have a lot of friends who don't social media or who rarely post personal things on social media.  Out of respect I would not post anything about these peoples' weddings, parties, dinners whatever because I know they would not appreciate it.  I also have a lot of friends who post everything all the time.  When my fiance proposed his sister was there and she is one of these people.  By the time I sat down I had 15-20 texts from people I hadn't spoken to in years congratulating me.  I was so confused until I figured out she had posted two pictures and the video of our proposal... immediately.  I was pretty annoyed and then I realized it didn't matter.  Most of the important people were either there or knew it was happening and so I just decided it was not worth the argument and moved on with life.  Now having that video accessible is a wonderful treat.  I just feel like it's not worth getting your panties in a bunch over.  You can remove tags or ask for a photo to be taken down or you can move on with life.
    OurWildKingdom
  • I have a lot of friends who don't social media or who rarely post personal things on social media.  Out of respect I would not post anything about these peoples' weddings, parties, dinners whatever because I know they would not appreciate it.  I also have a lot of friends who post everything all the time.  When my fiance proposed his sister was there and she is one of these people.  By the time I sat down I had 15-20 texts from people I hadn't spoken to in years congratulating me.  I was so confused until I figured out she had posted two pictures and the video of our proposal... immediately.  I was pretty annoyed and then I realized it didn't matter.  Most of the important people were either there or knew it was happening and so I just decided it was not worth the argument and moved on with life.  Now having that video accessible is a wonderful treat.  I just feel like it's not worth getting your panties in a bunch over.  You can remove tags or ask for a photo to be taken down or you can move on with life.
    I think this is a much bigger faux pas than wedding pics on social media. Even if most of the important people were there, there were probably a few you wanted to tell yourself, and she didn't even ask. 

    For the wedding, anyone that important would probably be invited anyway, and would definitely already know about it happening. 
    Agreed. We had a chat about it absolutely. It was kind of a drag but still didn't "ruin" anything. Just like it wouldn't ruin a wedding day. 
    JediElizabethfloridabride44InLoveInQueenscowgirl8238
  • Posting pictures wouldn't ruin a wedding, but it would tick me off. I know that about myself so I'm taking the issue and making it work for me. By posting something before this friend can, I don't have to even think about what she might be doing and she can do whatever she wants. I think it is the most adult thing to do.
    bohobrideCA
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2016
    ernursej said:
    I have a friend who posts a TON on social media and tends to tick off couples at weddings because she doesn't know boundaries. I think (and it seems like others in my circle feel the same way) that the bride and groom should get to post a photo first. Instead of trying to deal with her posting during the ceremony (which she did at the last 2 weddings), we are just going to get our photographer to take a fun of us on my iPhone and then I'll post before the ceremony has even started. My guests are adults and can decide how to behave. I can only control my own actions and so I am!
    My ex has 2 sisters. When the younger sister had a baby, the older sister immediately posted a picture of the baby on facebook. His own mother didn't even get to announce the birth of her child and a huge fight ensued when the mom told her sister how wrong that was. I just don't get how some people don't get that not everything is their business to tell. 

    I think I'd somehow try to force her in a corner where she couldn't get pictures or not invite her. I mean...your idea is much nicer though. We're not doing first looks, though.

    ETA - i have my facebook settings so that if I'm tagged in anything I have to approve it first.
    ILoveBeachMusicSP29kimmiinthemittenThisShamanluvsaMage

  • levioosa said:
    It is rude because you are dictating how your guests act at the wedding.  There are also plenty of ways to avoid the picture being posted to your side of social media (i.e. changing your settings so that pictures must be approved before they are posted to your timeline/you are tagged in them).

    And, I'm sorry, but if SO and I take a cute picture together at the wedding, that is my property, and I'm going to post the picture.  

    Yes, in this age of me, me me, you do you boo. But if you posted my photo to social media after I asked that you not, we would no longer be friends. And FYI, social media goes beyond the scope of Facebook and includes many sites where you have no approval control over images.


    I assumed the pp was referring to posting pictures of herself and her SO at a wedding and not the bride and groom. Do people generally post lots of pictures of other people's events -- without themselves or their SO in the pictures-- on their own page? Maybe I'm the one who is caught up in the "age of me," but I generally post about my own stuff or things I find interesting and it would feel intrusive to post a bunch of pictures of a wedding that wasn't mine. Family would be different, but I have no siblings or close relatives that I have seen married.

    Of course, I don't want to usurp the couple and would not post anything before they did. And if I knew of safety concerns and the like, I certainly wouldn't post at all.

    OurWildKingdom
  • cgra40cgra40 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments
    I think it's perfectly reasonable to make reasonable requests of your guests. They are your guests. I do think saying you only want pics from the photographer will really limit your wedding pictures and also be hard for people to follow who want pictures for themselves. Either find a way for guests to unobtrusively be involved in photo taking or share all your professional pics with everyone (which could get pricey depending on how you do it). 

    As for posting online, I think it is completely reasonable to ask that people not publicly share photos with you in it. They can share pics of themselves online if they want to, but I would suggest asking them to private message any they take instead of posting them publicly if it's important to you. 
    mandypants90
  • I definitely side-eye "unplugged" requests (let me use my camera if I want to capture something!), but agree that if there is a one-off, legitimate safety concern, then it is OK to give guests a heads-up in advance.

    I also think the recent trend of wedding hashtags gives a bit of a proxy to a couple's comfort with online posting, depending on whether or not they create/promote one - a couple that is encouraging live tweeting / instagramming of their wedding probably is a bit more comfortable with pictures being posted (though I still agree that posting anything pre-wedding of the bride & groom is still a faux pas). 

    This is one of the last things I'm worried about on my wedding day, but totally understand that some folks have unique circumstances.
    OurWildKingdom
  • I would seriously side-eye that request that NO pictures be posted. I can understand that some brides have unique situations and if I were invited to a wedding where there was the potential for bad things to happen (like the two above) I would definitely withhold. 

    I will say that I plan on asking my guests not to use their cell phones during the ceremony because I want to see their faces in the pictures not their phones and it blocks the photographer. Would y'all consider that rude too, though?
    A good photographer will be able to work around your guests. Nobody will "block" the photographer, and if they do, the photographer will adjust. I would 100% side-eye a couple for telling me not to take photos during the ceremony. I'm a grown up... please don't tell me how to behave. 

    Also - some of my favorite photos from my wedding were taken by my guests. And it was nice to not have to wait weeks and weeks after the wedding to see photos. I got to see the photos my guests took the very next day! 
    I respectfully disagree. Many many photographers have written about this issue. A lot of photographers, at least in the area I'm from, request that you ask for an unplugged ceremony, and I have seen some contracts that -require- it. I plan on asking my guests to keep their phones/cameras put away until our first kiss. (Now, if I see someone pull out their phone during the ceremony, I'm not going to rage, I probably won't even notice). But I'm paying a videographer and photographer a lot of money for those pictures, but I don't want them to work harder than necessary to get those shots. Also, the biggest reason I decided that I wanted that was because I was at a wedding of FI's family friend recently, and I watched my FMIL block photographers to get pictures, and I in fact didn't see most of the ceremony, because she held her phone up right where I couldn't see for most of it. I thought to myself that I don't want any of my guests to watch my ceremony through a lens. But after we are announced husband and wife, people can go crazy! I'd love to see those pictures!

    But a ban on social media? Cripes. There's a fine line between asking someone to respect your privacy (like if someone takes a photo of you and posts it before the wedding. Rude) and just being unreasonable. I can't wait until I see all the tags :D 
  • I would seriously side-eye that request that NO pictures be posted. I can understand that some brides have unique situations and if I were invited to a wedding where there was the potential for bad things to happen (like the two above) I would definitely withhold. 

    I will say that I plan on asking my guests not to use their cell phones during the ceremony because I want to see their faces in the pictures not their phones and it blocks the photographer. Would y'all consider that rude too, though?
    A good photographer will be able to work around your guests. Nobody will "block" the photographer, and if they do, the photographer will adjust. I would 100% side-eye a couple for telling me not to take photos during the ceremony. I'm a grown up... please don't tell me how to behave. 

    Also - some of my favorite photos from my wedding were taken by my guests. And it was nice to not have to wait weeks and weeks after the wedding to see photos. I got to see the photos my guests took the very next day! 
    I respectfully disagree. Many many photographers have written about this issue. A lot of photographers, at least in the area I'm from, request that you ask for an unplugged ceremony, and I have seen some contracts that -require- it. I plan on asking my guests to keep their phones/cameras put away until our first kiss. (Now, if I see someone pull out their phone during the ceremony, I'm not going to rage, I probably won't even notice). But I'm paying a videographer and photographer a lot of money for those pictures, but I don't want them to work harder than necessary to get those shots. Also, the biggest reason I decided that I wanted that was because I was at a wedding of FI's family friend recently, and I watched my FMIL block photographers to get pictures, and I in fact didn't see most of the ceremony, because she held her phone up right where I couldn't see for most of it. I thought to myself that I don't want any of my guests to watch my ceremony through a lens. But after we are announced husband and wife, people can go crazy! I'd love to see those pictures!

    But a ban on social media? Cripes. There's a fine line between asking someone to respect your privacy (like if someone takes a photo of you and posts it before the wedding. Rude) and just being unreasonable. I can't wait until I see all the tags :D 
    So you'd rather treat your grown ass adult guests like children and dictate how they can behave, rather than have your paid vendors put in a little extra effort to work around them?

    ....#priorities
    --

    InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLostcowgirl8238sparklepants41
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    200w.gif 791.2K


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    PrettyGirlLostcowgirl8238
  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    It's definitely rude for a guest to stand in the middle of the aisle, block the groom's and bridesmaids' view of the bride, block the photographer, and just generally get in the way.

    But, as always, it's rude to call someone out on their rudeness. And doubly rude to call someone out on their rudeness preemptively!
    kimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueensSP29
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ernursej said:
    I have a friend who posts a TON on social media and tends to tick off couples at weddings because she doesn't know boundaries. I think (and it seems like others in my circle feel the same way) that the bride and groom should get to post a photo first. Instead of trying to deal with her posting during the ceremony (which she did at the last 2 weddings), we are just going to get our photographer to take a fun of us on my iPhone and then I'll post before the ceremony has even started. My guests are adults and can decide how to behave. I can only control my own actions and so I am!
    My ex has 2 sisters. When the younger sister had a baby, the older sister immediately posted a picture of the baby on facebook. His own mother didn't even get to announce the birth of her child and a huge fight ensued when the mom told her sister how wrong that was. I just don't get how some people don't get that not everything is their business to tell. 

    I think I'd somehow try to force her in a corner where she couldn't get pictures or not invite her. I mean...your idea is much nicer though. We're not doing first looks, though.

    ETA - i have my facebook settings so that if I'm tagged in anything I have to approve it first.
    @DrillSergeantCat , I realize this is somewhat of an old response.  My personal philosophy is that this need to be first to post goes back to the "specialness, all-about-me" mentality.  When someone jumps to be the first to post something about someone else, I think the attempt is to put the focus on themselves.  "I'm the first to post because I am the closest to this person."  The comments on the post often go more toward the poster than the one who actually got married or had the baby.  "You will make a great aunt". 
    SP29
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    MobKaz said:
    ernursej said:
    I have a friend who posts a TON on social media and tends to tick off couples at weddings because she doesn't know boundaries. I think (and it seems like others in my circle feel the same way) that the bride and groom should get to post a photo first. Instead of trying to deal with her posting during the ceremony (which she did at the last 2 weddings), we are just going to get our photographer to take a fun of us on my iPhone and then I'll post before the ceremony has even started. My guests are adults and can decide how to behave. I can only control my own actions and so I am!
    My ex has 2 sisters. When the younger sister had a baby, the older sister immediately posted a picture of the baby on facebook. His own mother didn't even get to announce the birth of her child and a huge fight ensued when the mom told her sister how wrong that was. I just don't get how some people don't get that not everything is their business to tell. 

    I think I'd somehow try to force her in a corner where she couldn't get pictures or not invite her. I mean...your idea is much nicer though. We're not doing first looks, though.

    ETA - i have my facebook settings so that if I'm tagged in anything I have to approve it first.
    @DrillSergeantCat , I realize this is somewhat of an old response.  My personal philosophy is that this need to be first to post goes back to the "specialness, all-about-me" mentality.  When someone jumps to be the first to post something about someone else, I think the attempt is to put the focus on themselves.  "I'm the first to post because I am the closest to this person."  The comments on the post often go more toward the poster than the one who actually got married or had the baby.  "You will make a great aunt". 
    I didn't say this. 
  • MobKaz said:
    ernursej said:
    I have a friend who posts a TON on social media and tends to tick off couples at weddings because she doesn't know boundaries. I think (and it seems like others in my circle feel the same way) that the bride and groom should get to post a photo first. Instead of trying to deal with her posting during the ceremony (which she did at the last 2 weddings), we are just going to get our photographer to take a fun of us on my iPhone and then I'll post before the ceremony has even started. My guests are adults and can decide how to behave. I can only control my own actions and so I am!
    My ex has 2 sisters. When the younger sister had a baby, the older sister immediately posted a picture of the baby on facebook. His own mother didn't even get to announce the birth of her child and a huge fight ensued when the mom told her sister how wrong that was. I just don't get how some people don't get that not everything is their business to tell. 

    I think I'd somehow try to force her in a corner where she couldn't get pictures or not invite her. I mean...your idea is much nicer though. We're not doing first looks, though.

    ETA - i have my facebook settings so that if I'm tagged in anything I have to approve it first.
    @DrillSergeantCat , I realize this is somewhat of an old response.  My personal philosophy is that this need to be first to post goes back to the "specialness, all-about-me" mentality.  When someone jumps to be the first to post something about someone else, I think the attempt is to put the focus on themselves.  "I'm the first to post because I am the closest to this person."  The comments on the post often go more toward the poster than the one who actually got married or had the baby.  "You will make a great aunt". 
    I didn't say this. 
    Pretty sure she is just saying that the fact that your older sister posted about the baby before your younger sister had a chance is about wanting to appear to be the closest person to the one who has the news (i.e. your older sister felt special by being the first person to post a pic of the baby). 

    I actually think this makes a lot of sense... When my sister (sister 1) was in labor for over 30 hours (which no one outside of immediate family knew), one of my other sister (sister 2) posted something to FB about it. Sister 1 was pretty upset that other people were talking about her very personal situation on FB before she wanted the public to know. It did come across like sister 2 did it so she could feel like she was "in the know," if that makes sense.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    MobKazSP29drunkenwitch
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    ernursej said:
    I have a friend who posts a TON on social media and tends to tick off couples at weddings because she doesn't know boundaries. I think (and it seems like others in my circle feel the same way) that the bride and groom should get to post a photo first. Instead of trying to deal with her posting during the ceremony (which she did at the last 2 weddings), we are just going to get our photographer to take a fun of us on my iPhone and then I'll post before the ceremony has even started. My guests are adults and can decide how to behave. I can only control my own actions and so I am!
    My ex has 2 sisters. When the younger sister had a baby, the older sister immediately posted a picture of the baby on facebook. His own mother didn't even get to announce the birth of her child and a huge fight ensued when the mom told her sister how wrong that was. I just don't get how some people don't get that not everything is their business to tell. 

    I think I'd somehow try to force her in a corner where she couldn't get pictures or not invite her. I mean...your idea is much nicer though. We're not doing first looks, though.

    ETA - i have my facebook settings so that if I'm tagged in anything I have to approve it first.
    @DrillSergeantCat , I realize this is somewhat of an old response.  My personal philosophy is that this need to be first to post goes back to the "specialness, all-about-me" mentality.  When someone jumps to be the first to post something about someone else, I think the attempt is to put the focus on themselves.  "I'm the first to post because I am the closest to this person."  The comments on the post often go more toward the poster than the one who actually got married or had the baby.  "You will make a great aunt". 
    I didn't say this. 
    Pretty sure she is just saying that the fact that your older sister posted about the baby before your younger sister had a chance is about wanting to appear to be the closest person to the one who has the news (i.e. your older sister felt special by being the first person to post a pic of the baby). 

    I actually think this makes a lot of sense... When my sister (sister 1) was in labor for over 30 hours (which no one outside of immediate family knew), one of my other sister (sister 2) posted something to FB about it. Sister 1 was pretty upset that other people were talking about her very personal situation on FB before she wanted the public to know. It did come across like sister 2 did it so she could feel like she was "in the know," if that makes sense.
    Thank you, @madamerwin.  I did not mean to attribute a quote to you erroneously, @DrillSergeantCat . It was meant to be a fictitious example of a response.   My point was that often people will rush to post something about someone else, in an attempt to make it more about themselves then the event or "person of interest".  In my poorly stated example, ex sister #2 may have rushed to post about ex sister #1 in an attempt to hear accolades about herself ("You will make a great aunt"!) versus passing along information or hearing congratulations to ex sister #1. 

    I also did mean to imply that people often rush to post things to make some declarative statement about their relationship with that person, so at least that point came across clearly.
    madamerwin
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