Moms and Maids

Concerned for my bridesmaid

PiebarBridePiebarBride member
Second Anniversary First Comment
edited June 2016 in Moms and Maids
Hey everyone,
   I have a friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid but the past few months have been very difficult. She is having some health issues and the medicine she is on is making her uncontrollable. Her emotions are all over the place and she has been sort of unreliable. I have been asking her as a friend to go talk to someone but she is refuses because money is tight or she doesn't have time. My mom and I have talked and are going to buy her dress for her but I am still really worried for her health. How do I tell her that she really needs to go talk to someone without it making it seem like I am cornering her or adding more stress to her. I just don't know what to do!?

Re: Concerned for my bridesmaid

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hi there, 
    First, please change your username for internet privacy.

    My opinion is that if you've already been asking her to get help and she's refused, it's all you can really do. However, if she's using the "money is tight" excuse, ask her if her employer has an Employee Assistance Program. Some people aren't aware those exist or if their employer even has one. They can offer free or low-cost counseling. 
    ________________________________


    OliveOilsMomernursejOurWildKingdom
  • Thanks! I had changed my username but I guess it took forever to take effect! Should be better now!
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hey everyone,
       I have a friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid but the past few months have been very difficult. She is having some health issues and the medicine she is on is making her uncontrollable. Her emotions are all over the place and she has been sort of unreliable. I have been asking her as a friend to go talk to someone but she is refuses because money is tight or she doesn't have time. My mom and I have talked and are going to buy her dress for her but I am still really worried for her health. How do I tell her that she really needs to go talk to someone without it making it seem like I am cornering her or adding more stress to her. I just don't know what to do!?

    Ditto PP.  You have already said something to your friend.  Keep the wedding out of your friendship.  Remember to ask her about herself and see how she is doing.  Sometimes (and I'm not accusing you of this, but previous posters have done this) wedding blinders go on and all you can talk about is the wedding.  Its also very nice of your to purchase her dress for her.

    As PP said, see if she has access to EAP.  It can provide her with a few free sessions.  Or also suggest she find an online support group.  As gently as you can, keep suggesting that she make an appointment with her doctor.  There may be a better medication option out there for her.

    charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • Hey everyone,
       I have a friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid but the past few months have been very difficult. She is having some health issues and the medicine she is on is making her uncontrollable. Her emotions are all over the place and she has been sort of unreliable. I have been asking her as a friend to go talk to someone but she is refuses because money is tight or she doesn't have time. My mom and I have talked and are going to buy her dress for her but I am still really worried for her health. How do I tell her that she really needs to go talk to someone without it making it seem like I am cornering her or adding more stress to her. I just don't know what to do!?
    Depending on what her health issues are and the medicine she is prescribed this may be a side effect that she just has to learn to manage. Her doctors may (or may not) be aware of the impact on her behavior and they might not have alternatives at this point. It also may take her a while to adjust to the medicine regime and she just has to wait it out. There's really no way to know.

    You've reached out to her and expressed concern for health, you've generously offered to buy her dress. I agree with suggesting EAP. You can't force someone to talk to a doctor or counselor if they don't want to. Just try to be there for her and encourage her to be in touch with her health care team if her symptoms don't subside or she can no longer maintain her normal activities. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with PPs that you can recommend EAPs or other low-cost resources that might be available to your friend, such as through non-profits or public groups. It's also nice that you offered to purchase the dress for her.

    But it's up to her if she wants to avail herself of any help. All you can do is reach out to her as you have without mentioning your wedding 
    OurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with PPs that you can recommend EAPs or other low-cost resources that might be available to your friend, such as through non-profits or public groups. It's also nice that you offered to purchase the dress for her.

    But it's up to her if she wants to avail herself of any help. All you can do is reach out to her as you have without mentioning your wedding.
  • I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    *********************************************************************************

    image
    OurWildKingdomDrillSergeantCatshort+sassy
  • I have family like this. Unless you can refer her to a social worker or agency who can help her manage the system and get the care she needs at prices she can afford, there's nothing you can do but what you've already done. And even then, it's up to her to pick up the phone and call the person or agency.

    If she doesn't want help, she will keep making excuses not to get help. All you can do is be there for her.
  • Most universities with a Master's in Counseling program have a free clinic where students practice prior to internship. They are heavily supervised and this can be a great resource.  You may want to look into local universities as a free option.
    OurWildKingdom
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    Exactly what I was thinking too.
  • I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    Exactly what I was thinking too.
    Wow.  You have no clue what she is really thinking or feeling about this situation.  Perhaps she is just super concerned.  Way to make this into drama.
  • I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    Exactly what I was thinking too.
    Wow.  You have no clue what she is really thinking or feeling about this situation.  Perhaps she is just super concerned.  Way to make this into drama.
    I can see why you'd say that, but honestly 9/10 this statement is correct. I know you are new here, why don't you change your username and stick around. I promise you, you'll see why this was said.
                 
    JediElizabeth
  • I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    Exactly what I was thinking too.
    Wow.  You have no clue what she is really thinking or feeling about this situation.  Perhaps she is just super concerned.  Way to make this into drama.
    I can see why you'd say that, but honestly 9/10 this statement is correct. I know you are new here, why don't you change your username and stick around. I promise you, you'll see why this was said.
    How do I change my username?  Thanks for wanting me to stick around!

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