Diet Restricted Bride

horselover2017

I am a picky eater myself. My father was going to put a pasta bar specially for the bridesmaids.  My mother doesn't even want me going to my own food tasting because there's only a limited amount of people going and I cannot eat most of the food at the tasting. 

Are there any brides out there that cannot eat many foods? How do you accommodate that during your wedding day without looking rude (even though most of my guests know about my dietary restrictions)?

DrillSergeantCat

I don't think having a pasta bar that no one can have except certain people is a good idea. What if I want pasta as a guest? Am I SOL? You should go to the tasting even if you can't sample everything. You don't say what your dietary restrictions are, but I would just make sure that your guests have all the food they need and then maybe you have a separate meal for yourself.

My son has Celiac's and my MOH is vegan so I'll make sure the caterer provides a special meal for them.

ei34

You'll only look rude if you don't properly host your guests.  Having a variety of foods, and enough of it, is what will matter to them.  I doubt they'd notice what you were eating (at least I don't pay attention to other people's plates), and if a lot of them know about your dietary restrictions, even if they noticed I doubt they'd think much of it.
You call yourself a picky eater (which is a choice) but then also say a few times that you "cannot" eat much food...could you clarify or be more specific? I may be more helpful then. 

horselover2017

The pasta bar would be in the bridal suite where the guests can't go to.  I have many health problems (gasteroparesis which is delayed stomach emptying, lactose/fructose intolerance, dysphagia which I cannot swallow dense foods, and IBS. My guests know I struggle with stomach issues.  My MOH also has crohns so she cannot eat a lot of foods. I wish it was something as simple as vegan as that would be easy for me....

kahluakoala

I feel like there are 2 separate issues here:

1.) You have strict dietary restrictions and require a special meal. Make sure you find a caterer that can accommodate you (like they would a GF or allergy for a guest)
2.) You want to have a pasta bar for your BP that the rest of your guests can't access

I think #1 is solvable with a good caterer. Issue #2 makes no sense to me. Why do you want to do this?

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree that a separate pasta bar would be rude - even if it is in the Bridal Suite. Just pick out a variety of food for your guests and have the caterer prepare something you and your MOH can eat. Most caterers can deal with such requests.

climbingsingle

You really shouldn't have a secret food option that only the bridal party is allowed to have. That's really rude. Why not make a pasta station available to everyone? 

Properly host your guests, and you'll be fine. 

debbeau

Make sure your guests are well taken care of and order a special meal for yourself.

JaxInBlue

Agree with PPs.  Some (many?) catering venues/vendors allow for a limited number of special plates at any event that can accommodate guests with dietary restrictions that would prevent them from partaking in the planned meal.  It sounds like, in this case, you and your MOH would be two of those plates. 

You need to attend your tasting and talk with your caterer about how these restrictions can be addressed.  Then, with your caterer, your FI and your parents, choose some items that you can enjoy for your cocktail hour and main meal, and make arrangements for the remainder of your/MOHs entree plates separately from what you pick for your guests.

I would not have separate, secret food for yourself and the bridal party.  It will be awkward if you have a group of people leaving the main reception to go eat and if guests hear you are serving something separate to a certain group.  But because your guests know you struggle with dietary restrictions, they would likely understand your entree being modified or different. 

Because the reception is a thank you to your guests for attending, I think in this case you need to blend what you can eat with what you know will best satisfy those you have invited.

Jen4948

I would not have secret food reserved only for yourself and the bridal party because that does come off as tiered hospitality. Even if the guests aren't supposed to know about this pasta bar, you're running the risk that somehow they'll find out anyway, and despite knowing about your dietary restrictions, they'll be rightfully angry.

I recommend instead making sure that there are extra-sized amounts available of the foods you can eat and serving them with your main menu, rather than trying to have anything separately and secretly provided to you.

glasgowtolondon

If you know the bridesmaids will be hungry enough to need a pasta bar why won't the rest of your guests get the same treatment? Is this for before the wedding itself or during?

Eta: pressed post too soon!

OliveOilsMom

Is the food in the bridal suite just for while you are getting ready?  Or is it available during the cocktail hour and reception too?  If its just for while you are getting ready prior to the ceremony, the pasta bar is fine (though maybe a bit excessive). 

But if its just for during any part of your reception, skip it.  What if a BM comes out of the bridal suite with a plate of pasta and a guest asks where she got it?

My sister's wedding had food available to the BP during cocktail hour in the bridal suite.  It was the exact same food as the guests in the cocktail hour were being served, we just had a smaller set up of the food for us.  That is also fine.  Rule of thumb is don't serve anything to yourself or BP that you would not have available to your other guests.

As for food restrictions, I think you should go to the tasting.  Talk with your caterer ahead of time to work on some dishes that you can be served.  It's fine if you have a different meal from your guests, that is on the same level as their meals due to your dietary restrictions.  For example, don't upgrade your meal to lobster, but only offer your guests salmon.  But its fine if you serve your guests steak, but have chicken for yourself.

photokitty

If the pasta bar in the bridal suite is for pre ceremony eating than that's perfectly fine. If you are going to sneak in and our of the reception to get pasta, that's not. Can't you just have plated pasta meals made specifically for you and your MOH?

levioosa

photokitty said:

If the pasta bar in the bridal suite is for pre ceremony eating than that's perfectly fine. If you are going to sneak in and our of the reception to get pasta, that's not. Can't you just have plated pasta meals made specifically for you and your MOH?

This.  And if I was a guest and I saw pasta floating around, I'd be super excited to get some, and then irritated when it was just for the BP.  One or two special meals for dietary reasons is okay.  Hosting a completely separate meal for the BP is not.  Make pasta a main entree dish. I promise people will like it.  

mimivac

I am assuming the pasta bar is for the pre-ceremony getting ready phase. Why would bridesmaids be running back and forth to the bridal suite during the reception for "secret" food?

levioosa

horselover2017 said:

I am a picky eater myself. My father was going to put a pasta bar specially for the bridesmaids.  My mother doesn't even want me going to my own food tasting because there's only a limited amount of people going and I cannot eat most of the food at the tasting. 

Are there any brides out there that cannot eat many foods? How do you accommodate that during your wedding day without looking rude (even though most of my guests know about my dietary restrictions)?

Also...JIC

horselover2017

We probably won't do the pasta bar. It was my father's idea. They suggest having food pre/post wedding in the BP as the wedding party might not be able to eat. Also I would be able to feed that food to my photographer(s) as I have to feed them (stated in contract).  The venue suggested Pizza for the BP but most of my bridesmaids cannot eat or do not like pizza.  I've been expanding my food options and now like sushi so I'll be able to eat some appetizers. I just have a lot of trouble eating certain foods these days due to health issues and most people at my wedding know that.  I guess I'll probably say no to the pasta bar if my father asks as I don't eat (I live on protein drinks and such) much anyway these days.

Heffalump

horselover2017 said:

We probably won't do the pasta bar. It was my father's idea. They suggest having food pre/post wedding in the BP as the wedding party might not be able to eat. Also I would be able to feed that food to my photographer(s) as I have to feed them (stated in contract).  The venue suggested Pizza for the BP but most of my bridesmaids cannot eat or do not like pizza.  I've been expanding my food options and now like sushi so I'll be able to eat some appetizers. I just have a lot of trouble eating certain foods these days due to health issues and most people at my wedding know that.  I guess I'll probably say no to the pasta bar if my father asks as I don't eat (I live on protein drinks and such) much anyway these days.

There is really no reason why the BP should not be able to eat during the designated mealtime.  They're not doing table visits, photos should be long since over with. 

The photographer can just have a plate of whatever your guests are eating, if you want to keep it simple.

ILoveBeachMusic

Heffalump said:

horselover2017 said:

We probably won't do the pasta bar. It was my father's idea. They suggest having food pre/post wedding in the BP as the wedding party might not be able to eat. Also I would be able to feed that food to my photographer(s) as I have to feed them (stated in contract).  The venue suggested Pizza for the BP but most of my bridesmaids cannot eat or do not like pizza.  I've been expanding my food options and now like sushi so I'll be able to eat some appetizers. I just have a lot of trouble eating certain foods these days due to health issues and most people at my wedding know that.  I guess I'll probably say no to the pasta bar if my father asks as I don't eat (I live on protein drinks and such) much anyway these days.

There is really no reason why the BP should not be able to eat during the designated mealtime.  They're not doing table visits, photos should be long since over with. 

The photographer can just have a plate of whatever your guests are eating, if you want to keep it simple.

Yeah, I've never heard of the BP not being able to eat the reception meal. Now you do need to provide breakfast and/or lunch if you are getting ready and having pictures taken during those meal times but not a dinner in addition to what is offered at the reception.

horselover2017

I think my parents rented out the place longer so that's why we will feed them - plus we are doing pictures before the wedding so that means we will have to serve lunch. I think the venue is used to the bridal party being hungry afterwards as it's a historic venue (they do thousands of weddings). It was their suggestion to begin with to have food in the bridal parlor.

ILoveBeachMusic

horselover2017 said:

I think my parents rented out the place longer so that's why we will feed them - plus we are doing pictures before the wedding so that means we will have to serve lunch. I think the venue is used to the bridal party being hungry afterwards as it's a historic venue (they do thousands of weddings). It was their suggestion to begin with to have food in the bridal parlor.

I don't understand what the venue being an historic venue has to do with the food. When you say it is rented out longer, is your BP staying after all the guests leave the reception. I really don't understand the necessity of having separate food available to the BP.

horselover2017

ILoveBeachMusic said:I don't understand what the venue being an historic venue has to do with the food. When you say it is rented out longer, is your BP staying after all the guests leave the reception. I really don't understand the necessity of having separate food available to the BP.

You don't have to attack me on everything I say. I was saying I have health issues and was wondering what other brides do if they have health issues. I can't eat normal foods. I wish I could, but I can't. Therefore, my parents are trying to help make sure I eat. I feel like I'm being attacked and am going to leave the knot if this keeps happening.

OurWildKingdom

horselover2017 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:I don't understand what the venue being an historic venue has to do with the food. When you say it is rented out longer, is your BP staying after all the guests leave the reception. I really don't understand the necessity of having separate food available to the BP.

You don't have to attack me on everything I say. I was saying I have health issues and was wondering what other brides do if they have health issues.  I feel like I'm being attacked and am going to leave the knot if this keeps happening.

No one is attacking you, just answering your questions and asking their own.

DrillSergeantCat

horselover2017 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:I don't understand what the venue being an historic venue has to do with the food. When you say it is rented out longer, is your BP staying after all the guests leave the reception. I really don't understand the necessity of having separate food available to the BP.

You don't have to attack me on everything I say. I was saying I have health issues and was wondering what other brides do if they have health issues. I can't eat normal foods. I wish I could, but I can't. Therefore, my parents are trying to help make sure I eat. I feel like I'm being attacked and am going to leave the knot if this keeps happening.

Trying to get clarification about what you mean isn't attacking. These women truly want to help and will do whatever they can to help you find a good solution for your problem. Mentioning that the venue is historic means nothing to us, but obviously does to you. So...is it a kitchen issue? What? You should feed your BP if they're going to be getting ready during a meal time, but you shouldn't have a separate meal just for the BP during the reception. 

crowsgirl15

horselover2017 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:I don't understand what the venue being an historic venue has to do with the food. When you say it is rented out longer, is your BP staying after all the guests leave the reception. I really don't understand the necessity of having separate food available to the BP.

You don't have to attack me on everything I say. I was saying I have health issues and was wondering what other brides do if they have health issues. I can't eat normal foods. I wish I could, but I can't. Therefore, my parents are trying to help make sure I eat. I feel like I'm being attacked and am going to leave the knot if this keeps happening.

No one is even close to attacking you...they're trying to clarify. I think part of the confusion is why your dietary concerns would affect the food available to the entire bridal party. An easy solution is to let the bridal party eat the dinner you're serving to everyone, and make sure that your caterer can make you a meal that you can eat!

No attacking intended - but I just think you're making this more complicated than it needs to be! No need for separate food in a separate area...just get a special meal for you, let your bridal party enjoy the dinner and reception, and let your caterer feed your photographer a vendor's meal. Easy!

ILoveBeachMusic

I was not attacking you. Much earlier in this thread I said you could have a separate meal since you have food issues. I was just trying to figure out why it was necessary for the BP to separate food, and really I just didn't understand the historic venue thing.

For what it's worth, DD's MOH has several food issues - life threatening. We just made sure the caterer had a meal she could eat and the baker fixed a different individual cake for her. NBD. I'm sure your venue, since they seem to have a lot of experienced with weddings, can accommodate a variety of food issues.

Heffalump

horselover2017 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:I don't understand what the venue being an historic venue has to do with the food. When you say it is rented out longer, is your BP staying after all the guests leave the reception. I really don't understand the necessity of having separate food available to the BP.

You don't have to attack me on everything I say. I was saying I have health issues and was wondering what other brides do if they have health issues. I can't eat normal foods. I wish I could, but I can't. Therefore, my parents are trying to help make sure I eat. I feel like I'm being attacked and am going to leave the knot if this keeps happening.

Look, I get that food issues are stressful.  I had gestational diabetes with both pregnancies, so I had to be really careful about what I ate.  And then when my oldest was born, I was breastfeeding and it turned out she was allergic to dairy (=/= lactose intolerant), so I went from one set of restrictions to another.  It's hard, I get it.  And when you feel like you can't eat, it's stressful.  It's stressful worrying about what/whether you can eat at gatherings, and I'm sure a wedding is all the more so.

But the thing is, your posts are confusing.  People (including, but not only, @ILoveBeachMusic) have questions.  No one said "We don't care about your dietary restrictions!" or "You're a horrible person!"  People asked about why there was separate food for the BP, why you thought they wouldn't have time to eat with the rest of the guests, etc.  It's hard to solve a problem when you don't have all the information. 

To the bolded, you sound like this:  

charlotte989875

1) You should go to the tasting so you can discuss directly with the caterer what you can eat. If there is nothing the caterer provides that you can eat talk to your venue immediately about bringing in your own food that you can eat. 

2) If you all are getting ready before make sure you bring/order food that you can eat and food that your BM can eat. 

3) Have a special meal made you, that you discussed with the caterer. Eat it. Venues typically serve the wedding couple first, so eat your food then do table visits/ whatever else you want to do. 

4) Have your BM's eat during dinner. 

5) If the reception is exceptionally long, have a late night snack, again with some things that fit your dietary needs. 

I get that this is tough. I didn't have food restrictions but my SIL (who was a BM) has celiac and diabetes, so we were really careful about what we served. We made sure there was enough that she could eat and available throughout the day. She's also an adult and takes responsibility for her health and had extra snacks/food on hand in case she had an emergency. Part of managing your health is being responsible for yourself and making sure you have what you need, not having your parents or anyone else make those choices for you.