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Wedding Etiquette Forum
rebecca+m
member
Tacky to deposit checks the next day?
Eight more days to go, and I appreciate the feedback I've gotten on my pregnant attendants' comfort (looks like the MOH might make the ceremony, twins and all!), our food, and the seating. This may be my last question: would it be gauche to deposit any checks we get in the card box the day after the wedding?
In general, I'm in favor of cashing gift checks ASAP but /after/ a thank you note is sent - sure, in a perfect world, everyone would keep a perfectly balanced checkbook, but especially with online balances easily available, a lot don't. So if, for example, I receive a check in the mail Monday, I would usually send the thank you note out on Tuesday and deposit/ cash the check Wedneday. Maybe the deposit beats the thank you, but not by more than a day or two.
But we're leaving the day after the wedding for our honeymoon - I'm not likely to get thank you cards out before we leave (though I am taking some pre-stamped notes with me to do on the plane and drop in the mail Monday, partly just so my memories from the reception are fresh and I can be more specific). If we wait until we get back, it will have been a full ten days since the wedding, and right after the first of the month, too, when lots of people are balancing and checking accounts, etc. Also, there is a branch of our bank literally across the street from our venue. It's maybe forty steps from one front door to the other.
So: would having a check cashed the day after a wedding look grabby and tacky to you? Better to wait the ten days?
In general, I'm in favor of cashing gift checks ASAP but /after/ a thank you note is sent - sure, in a perfect world, everyone would keep a perfectly balanced checkbook, but especially with online balances easily available, a lot don't. So if, for example, I receive a check in the mail Monday, I would usually send the thank you note out on Tuesday and deposit/ cash the check Wedneday. Maybe the deposit beats the thank you, but not by more than a day or two.
But we're leaving the day after the wedding for our honeymoon - I'm not likely to get thank you cards out before we leave (though I am taking some pre-stamped notes with me to do on the plane and drop in the mail Monday, partly just so my memories from the reception are fresh and I can be more specific). If we wait until we get back, it will have been a full ten days since the wedding, and right after the first of the month, too, when lots of people are balancing and checking accounts, etc. Also, there is a branch of our bank literally across the street from our venue. It's maybe forty steps from one front door to the other.
So: would having a check cashed the day after a wedding look grabby and tacky to you? Better to wait the ten days?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Tacky to deposit checks the next day?
I usually deposit checks as soon as I receive them - that money is safer in the bank than it is sitting on my desk or kitchen counter at home where it could easily get lost/misplaced/etc.!
Etiquette-wise, I honestly think prompt check-cashing is helpful because not everyone keeps a balanced checkbook. Plus, then the guest knows you got the check and the card wasn't lost/stolen.
But. There was one time my check was cashed the morning after a wedding. As in, the wedding ended at 11pm Sunday night and the check was cashed Monday morning. That bride had exhibited a list of tacky behavior a mile long in regards to her wedding and in other behavior in the proceeding year, and I was just done. I had this image of them racing off to the bank to get their money from their guests ASAP (it's a long story to add context). So in that one case, I thought the immediate cashing was tacky.
My point is, I think cashing the next bank day is fine for the usual gracious couple. And OP, you sound like a nice normal person, haha. So I highly doubt anyone would side-eye you for cashing right away, particularly if it's right before a long honeymoon.
But for tacky couples, it adds on to an overall tacky impression, in my opinion. Sorry!
You've got at least 2-3 weeks to get the TY's written.
Unless we get a lot of comments in the other direction, for now I think we'll plan on opening them over a nice breakfast in bed the next day, then settling stuff with the hotel and going to lunch with family, handing off the actual cards to go back to our house with dress, etc., so they don't get lost, and making a deposit when we pick up our car and luggage from the hotel to head to the airport. Ours isn't a huge wedding - not small, but not huge - so maybe I can get all of the thank you cards sent out Monday from the hotel, which I would feel better about. Gives me something to do on the plane, anyway! And then we can come home and re-read cards when we open any other gifts.
But I guess there's no reason for it other than I personally think it seems kind of gift grabby. I fully expect when I go to wedding and write a check that it will probably take a couple weeks while you're writing thank you notes, honeymooning, etc.
The banks won't touch them till Monday morning anyway, so if any guests notice (and WERE to think it grabby to cash straight away) they would assume you went in on Monday anyway.
If you want to know something really grabby I heard of a wedding where the couple COUNTED THEIR CASH AT THE TOP TABLE during dinner!
I'm ok with the next day or a week later. We waited until after the honeymoon, mostly because we decided to set up a joint account and put them in there but we hadn't done it before the wedding. I suppose ours took 2 weeks to cash since we didn't go to the bank until the weekend after we got back.
While on honeymoon we did store them in the fireproof safe just in case although someone could have stolen that I suppose but it all worked out.
People over think etiquette. They wrote you the checks, deposit them.
I'd be annoyed as shit to have to sit on money for a check I wrote- because I never write them anymore- just because the couple didn't want to deposit it because they feared being judged.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Oh, which, maybe I can include this question without branching off too much - I know (I think?) that the usual rule is not to send a thank-you for a card only (as in just a note, not a card+check). But would it be ok to send an informal thank you through text or social media for guests who just leave a nice card or note? Something like "Hi Guest! We just wanted to thank you for the lovely message/beautiful card/etc. Groom had a great time catching up/ Bride loved dancing with you/etc. Thanks for sharing the evening with us and for your thoughtful well-wishes!"
Weird? I just...I really love cards, really. And if someone took the time to pick out a card, whether just as well-wishes or in addition to a gift they sent to the house beforehand, I'd like to acknowledge their thoughtfulness. (I'd honestly like to follow up with everyone to thank them for being there, but we are doing that in our toast, and I get why that can be a bad idea. I just wish it wasn't.)
Sheesh!
And why on Earth *wouldnt* you expect couples to deposit your gift so they could use it *on* their honeymoon?
ETA: Just throwing this out there, but couples who appear to be "running off to the bank" may be doing so because they're leaving for their honeymoon. Makes sense to use your cash gifts on your honeymoon!
Thisismynickname was traumatized by a tacky bride ;-)
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I really was! We're no longer friends and I observe her fuckery only from a distance on Facebook now ;-)