It is My day?

RedneckBride2017

Everyone always says, "It is your day," but how do I do that? I am so used to everyone else (especially girls) being center of attention, while I just listen. My fiancé says it is our day and he will do whatever it takes to make me happy and feel special! (Seriously, Thank god for him.) Yet I wonder how do I do that for myself without being a bridezilla?

holyguacamole79

Knottie1454290511 said:

Everyone always says, "It is your day," but how do I do that? I am so used to everyone else (especially girls) being center of attention, while I just listen. My fiancé says it is our day and he will do whatever it takes to make me happy and feel special! (Seriously, Thank god for him.) Yet I wonder how do I do that for myself without being a bridezilla?

Yeah, I'd remove that phrase from now on .  Keep in mind that the wedding is about uniting you and your husband in marriage; however, you still have guests to properly host (unless you elope). You don't sound like you want to be a zilla, so I'm sure you'll keep things in check.

Change your username and stick around;we're happy to help!

justsie

Knottie1454290511 said:

Everyone always says, "It is your day," but how do I do that? I am so used to everyone else (especially girls) being center of attention, while I just listen. My fiancé says it is our day and he will do whatever it takes to make me happy and feel special! (Seriously, Thank god for him.) Yet I wonder how do I do that for myself without being a bridezilla?

A lot of people who say "its your day" over and over again do so to excuse bridezilla like behaviors. It is important that while this day is important to you, if you are choosing to share it with others it is their day too.

What are things that you feel like will help you feel special? Maybe knowing that we can help you decide on how to help you feel that way without coming off as rude to your guests.

charlotte989875

Knottie1454290511 said:

Everyone always says, "It is your day," but how do I do that? I am so used to everyone else (especially girls) being center of attention, while I just listen. My fiancé says it is our day and he will do whatever it takes to make me happy and feel special! (Seriously, Thank god for him.) Yet I wonder how do I do that for myself without being a bridezilla?

I really hate that phrase because it never was my day, it was ours. We did pre-marital counseling and the pastor told us (my H really) that everyone will defer to the bride, ask the bride what she wants, but that he has a big role to play in making decisions even if the details aren't things he necessarily cares about. 

I think the best thig to do is before you get too in to planning is to sit down with your FI and talk about what are the things that are most important to you about the ceremony and reception.  (For us it was top shelf open bar, first look, evening ceremony, a particular time of year). Keep that list so that when people start telling you "Oh you need this, or how come you don't have that" you can go back to the list that you two decided on and focus on that. 

Good luck, and stick around, the ladies here have planned all types of weddings and events so no matter what type of wedding you're planning someone will have had some experience with it. 

MCmeow

I've probably heard that phrase a million times since getting engaged too. People are definitely there to celebrate you and your new husband, they want to witness this milestone and have fun with you, but you are there to share that joy with your guests, otherwise you would just elope. That phrase is definitely used to excuse bridezillas, it's a day that goes both ways.

kimmiinthemitten

I felt the same way in the beginning. It's strange to have so much attention on you because of your relationship.

Just remember, all you need for a wedding is an officiant, partner and depending on your state, a witness or two. The rest is just trappings.  Sure plenty of us want the trappings, but champagne instead of ecru tablecloths isn't going to mean a thing so don't let those details become more than are. 

ETA:  you don't have to "do" anything.  When you and FI show up to your ceremony, it automatically becomes about the two of you. 

AddieCake

It's your day in the sense that you're the ones getting married and it's a big deal and very special for you (and possibly your loved ones). But it's a phrase that comes across as bratty and entitled b/c many brides use it as an excuse to do whatever they want, no matter how friends, family, vendors, and guests get treated in the process. 

It's easy to do it for yourself w/o being a 'Zilla. You just have to make decisions that are what you envision for your wedding day that will not offend, hurt, or make anyone in your life uncomfortable. 

Want chocolate candy bar favors with your new last name on them b/c you like that? Cool. Want peonies instead of roses in the bouquets and centerpieces? Awesome. Want your guests to all wear red or black so your photos look cool? Nope. Want to have a huge gap after your ceremony and before reception b/c your church is only available at noon that day and the reception space isn't available until 6?  Nope. 

OurWildKingdom

Nailed it, @AddieCake! 

jacques27

It's never YOUR day, because presumably you are marrying someone else.  So that person is just as much involved.

And the minute you invite other people to witness your wedding, then it ceases to be all about just the two of you.  As PPs pointed out, the only thing required to get married are two individuals legally allowed to wed and an officiant (and maybe a witness if your state requires it).  Once you invite people, then it becomes about you and your SO being good hosts to the people you invite.  As Addiecake pointed out - things that only affect you personally and haven no bearing on the people you invite...that can be all about you (color schemes, your dress, the vows you choose to say, flowers and decor, etc.)  Things that would affect being a good host to your guests and their enjoyment (having enough seating, being too hot/cold/wet, providing proper refreshments for the time of day) - that's not all about you and whatever you want.

Honestly, it's not that hard.  Just be a decent person, treat your friends and family as your friends and family and not as free wedding labor or props, and focus on being a good host, just like you would at any other party you would host (dinner, birthday, anniversary, etc.).

RedneckBride2017

charlotte989875 said: 

I think the best thig to do is before you get too in to planning is to sit down with your FI and talk about what are the things that are most important to you about the ceremony and reception.  (For us it was top shelf open bar, first look, evening ceremony, a particular time of year). Keep that list so that when people start telling you "Oh you need this, or how come you don't have that" you can go back to the list that you two decided on and focus on that. 

Thanks for all the advice. I do prefer the phrase "our day" because that is how we consider it. Even before I started officially planning, I talk to my FI about every detail for the wedding. Throughout our time together I have created a list of decisions, which some details he forgets about. My family and friends have disagreed with some of it, but we want it and they are trying to accept some of it. 

RedneckBride2017

Thank you to all the ladies for your advice!

southernbelle0915

It IS your special day. It's your FH's special day. And you can absolutely make it special and about y'all.

BUT that particular phrase can get used in a "fuck everyone else, I get to do whatever I want" type of way. Zillas use it as a free pass to justify playing princess and being straight up rude to family/friends/guests. As long as you aren't using it in that sense, I think you're generally in the clear. It's easy to get caught up in the wedding frenzy so just check yourself from time to time.

holyguacamole79

RedneckBride2017 said:

charlotte989875 said: 

I think the best thig to do is before you get too in to planning is to sit down with your FI and talk about what are the things that are most important to you about the ceremony and reception.  (For us it was top shelf open bar, first look, evening ceremony, a particular time of year). Keep that list so that when people start telling you "Oh you need this, or how come you don't have that" you can go back to the list that you two decided on and focus on that. 

Thanks for all the advice. I do prefer the phrase "our day" because that is how we consider it. Even before I started officially planning, I talk to my FI about every detail for the wedding. Throughout our time together I have created a list of decisions, which some details he forgets about. My family and friends have disagreed with some of it, but we want it and they are trying to accept some of it. 

Like what?